Chapter Twenty-Three

Needless to say, the meeting with the union representative was a bit of a mess. I had expected it to be all week, but I had hoped that at least I could be clear and concise and perform in a way that I could be proud of when I thought about it later.

Instead, I was scatterbrained and I hardly understood the words coming out of my own mouth when the union representative confronted me with her objections to the proposal even though it didn’t violate the explicit outlines of the guidebook her organization had set forth.

All the questions and confusion regarding the situation with Jerry and all the things Elijah had told me before the meeting kept rearing their unwanted and distracting heads, like a small, obnoxious child screaming and waving his hands right behind you while you’re trying to defuse a bomb.

In the end, the union representative told me that, while she could not officially oppose me or take action, she would not stand by me when I put the initiative into play. If the employees reacted badly, I was on my own.

To a certain extent, I could understand this. Like all the other high-ranking employees for the Fresh Face Co-Op, this woman didn’t have any particular investment in the company failing or succeeding beyond the fact that it provided her with a relatively easy job for the benefits and the paycheck. As things stood, it was more than likely that the business was going to fail (from her perspective), so why would she do anything to spoil her reputation among these people who had elected her into such a cushy position?

Empirically speaking, this was the best outcome I could have reasonably expected. Personally speaking, though, I had fallen short of my own admittedly high standards.

I was pretty dejected by the time I sat in the company car in the parking lot of the diner we had met at. Worst of all, I had scheduled the rest of the day off. Normally, I would have looked forward to spending the rest of the day in solitude in my, admittedly, sparse temporary housing, but it would give me too much opportunity to fall prey to the self-loathing that was creeping in the back of my mind. If everything were quiet and devoid of any stimulation, it would be difficult to distract myself from it all.

I suppose I could go into the flagship co-op just to check in on things, I thought to myself.

But that seemed just as unappealing as going back to my empty apartment.

I swear to God, the employees at the diner must have started to debate knocking on my car window or even calling the police as I just sat there dejected and devoid of any purpose for a solid thirty minutes.

Without even thinking about it, I put the car into gear. I had an inkling of where I was going, but I wasn’t going to admit it to myself until I was standing right there on Jerry’s doorstep.

Why am I doing this? I thought. This is crazy; I outright rejected him the last time we met. I should at least hold off on seeing him until some time has passed.

I kept driving in the same direction anyway.

Okay, I thought. At the next opportunity, I will take the turn into a different direction.

The opportunity came and I continued driving in the direction of Jerry’s home.

That was stupid, I thought, though I wasn’t particularly surprised at my own stupidity. But at the next turn, though, that’s when I will end this farce.

This went on for quite a while longer than it should have with me being in denial of where I was going for nearly the entire time. It wasn’t until I was parked out in front of his house that I realized that I had actually done what I had done. By that time, I really did feel like a lost cause.

I stared out the window. Jerry’s house was no less beautiful this time of year, but it had a different feeling to it. The trees were almost completely naked and the sky had a somber gray feeling to it. The air was fizzy, as if it would snow at any moment.

You’ve had a hard day, I justified to myself. And it’s because he’s been on your mind. It’s only natural that you would come here, but stop. This is a bad idea. Just start the engine and go home.

And as much as I knew that was probably the wisest thing to do under the circumstances, I still just sat there in the parked car. I sat there so long, that the outside air mingled with the heated inside air and the interior of my car became very cold.

Finally, I became resolved to get out of this situation once and for all. I turned the key in the ignition when I heard a knock on the driver’s side window.

I turned to see Jerry with a grocery bag in his arm, standing right next to my car door. I rolled down the window.

“Did you want to come inside?” he asked.

No, I told myself.

“Yes,” I said.