I’ve come home a day early to surprise Chelsea. It’s our three-year anniversary. She thinks I’m going to be on tour until the end of the week, but that was a little white lie I told her. It’s all part of my master plan. We’re leaving tonight for a holiday in Jamaica. I’ve been planning this for months now. I want our anniversary to be special.

Liam drops me off outside our house. I get out and stare at the brick building. I love this place. The lights are on so I know that she’s still awake. When I spoke to her earlier today, she said she was staying home because the thought of going out without me was pure agony. She likes to exaggerate every now and again. She’s never had a problem going out on her own before, but I get it, especially today. We want to be together.

I unlock the door and put my bags down in the hall. The house is quiet. I’m hoping she’s not asleep, although if she is, I can’t understand why she’s left the lights on.

As I walk down the hall, the sound of skin slapping and moaning seeps from our bedroom. I rub my hands together. My bird is watching porn and is probably getting really turned on by it. She’s missed me. I love this side of her. She likes to get kinky and I’m a very obliging partner. My early arrival is bound to break the record for best ‘surprise I’m-back, did-you-miss-me?’ ever.

I turn the handle and open the door a little. The sounds seem very lifelike and a lot louder. She has the TV switched on with the volume turned up on full-blast, but I can still hear her moans. I know the sounds she makes and can tell she’s nearly coming. I bend over and unlace my boots, slipping them off my feet. My belt buckle is undone. The buttons pulled away from my jeans. My hand rubs my cock, it’s hardening the closer I get.

Everything moves in slow motion as I walk around the corner. My fiancée is on her knees being fucked from behind. My eyes travel from his nakedness over her body to her face. I can’t see her though because the face that I love so much is buried in another bastard’s crotch.

“What the fucking hell?” I shout loudly. The three of them stop suddenly and look at me. Chelsea’s eyes widen in horror as she realises she’s been caught with her pants down. Literally. I do up my jeans and stare at the three of them. My eyes begin to fully assess the scene, taking it in bit by bit. She’s fucking cheating on me. And in my fucking house, no less.

“Jimmy,” she says and her voice is laced with both exhaustion and nerves.

“Don’t say a fucking word. You don’t need to explain.” I turn and walk out, picking up my boots as I go. I don’t stop to put them on before grabbing my suitcase and leaving. I fish my keys out of my bag and head to my car.

“Jimmy,” she screams. I look up to find her outside in a t-shirt, one that is barely covering her backside. Her two friends follow out behind her and leave without saying anything.

I open the door and throw my bag in. I don’t know where I’ll go, probably to my dad’s or even a hotel. I can’t go to Liam’s place and Harrison lives too far away.

“Jimmy wait!” I don’t acknowledge her and she doesn’t take that as a sign. She runs over to me and grabs my arm. I shake her off. “I can explain.”

I close my eyes. Those are the words I don’t want to hear. “Really? You can explain why I just walked into my house and found my fiancée being fucked by not one, but two men? What happened, Chelsea, did they just happen to fall into your mouth and cunt?”

“Jimmy,” she whines.

When I look at her again, she’s not Chelsea. Her blonde hair has been changed to red. Her brown eyes are now green. Blood drips down her face like tears. She opens her mouth to speak, but nothing comes out. I look at this strange woman and my worst fears come to life.

I awake suddenly. My shirt is soaked with sweat. I look around, taking in my surroundings. The walls feel like they’re closing in. I reach for Jenna, feeling for her body so I can hold her and realise that I’m on the bus and I’m still on tour. I sit up and swing my legs over the side, hoping to regulate my breathing.

It was a nightmare. Why I was dreaming about Chelsea, I don’t know, but seeing Jenna at the end – that fucking scared the shit out of me. I know she’d never cheat on me, but this dream means something. I look at the clock and calculate the time difference. It’s three a.m. in Beaumont, but I don’t care. I need to hear her voice. I need to know that her and Little One are okay.

I dial her number and wait. It rings five, six and seven times before she finally picks up. “Hello,” she says, groggily. I know I’ve woken her, but I need this for my sanity.

“Hi, wifey.” I close my eyes and wait.

“What’s wrong, Jimmy?”

“Nothing, I had… had a dream and I needed to hear your voice and make sure that you and the bub are okay.”

“We’re fine, but now you have me worried. Are you okay?”

I lie back in bed and cover my eyes with my arm. “I am now that I’ve heard your voice. I miss you, Jenna. I didn’t think this tour would be so hard, but it is. I don’t know how Liam and Harrison are handling it, but I’m falling apart.”

“Do you want me to come see you?”

The thought of having Jenna here with me, even if it’s for a weekend, is enticing. She didn’t come on tour with us last summer and part of me is grateful about that. I wouldn’t have been able to control myself around her, but I also wouldn’t want to embarrass her in front of Josie.

“I’d love that. I want you here, even if it’s for a few days.”

“Okay, Jimmy.”

I tell her where we are going to be and help her book her ticket online. This time tomorrow she’ll be in my arms and won’t have to leave unless I’m on stage. When we hang up, I dial the number of the other woman who has been on my mind.

“Morning, Mum.”

“Jimmy? How lovely to hear your voice. How are you?”

Hearing the excitement in my mum’s voice makes me happy. Since I was eight and realised how poorly my dad treated her, how uninterested he was in having a family, she’s not only been my mum, but my best friend.

“I’m okay.”

“Are you sure? You don’t sound okay, what’s wrong?” This is exactly why I called her. She knows when something is bothering me. Blame it on motherly instinct or just being an amazing person. Either way, my mum can fix anything.

“I miss Jenna and I miss touching her belly every day.”

“It’s amazing, isn’t?”

“What is?”

“Watching your wife grow and look after your child inside of her.”

I look at the photo of Jenna that I have stuck to the wall. This room is so small and I’ve had to forfeit the bedside table to display photos on. This picture was taken of us on the beach in Bora Bora. My hand rests on her belly. Her hand is cupping my cheek. We didn’t pose for this. A passerby caught us in a moment with their camera and asked if they could send us the image. I’m grateful that they did because it’s a reminder of why I’m turning my life around.

“It’s not just that, mum. I sing to Little One and she calms down. She kicks Jenna terribly in the morning and my singing was helping that. I feel like I’m failing them both by not being there.”

“Little One?”

I can’t help but smile. I’ve always used nicknames, but they’re never normally special or meaningful. Not until I met Jenna, that is. She brings out the best in me.

“That’s what I call her… the baby. I think she likes it.”

“I’m sure she does, you’re her daddy.” My mum sighs. “I can’t believe you’re going to be a father, Jimmy.”

“I know, mum, but this is a good thing. I love Jenna. She’s makes me a better person and I really can’t see myself without her, even if we weren’t having a baby. I was always trying to find ways to talk to her and be around her.”

“And what about how you felt about Chelsea?”

I close my eyes and my nightmare flashes before me. It’s not so much that I’m reliving that day, but more the ending, seeing Jenna with blood on her face that freaks me out. I know her ex is out there, lurking. I can feel it, but I’m afraid to say anything to her. I don’t want to put the fear of God in her if he’s not around. But my instincts are telling me he’s not done yet. He’ll be back.

“Chelsea was a distraction. I never saw myself having kids, more like living this rock star lifestyle. I saw her more like a trophy wife. I knew that she’d be the wife that spends all day at the spa getting pampered and making sure she looked perfect.”

“Are you saying Jenna’s not like that?”

I rub my hand over my face and through my hair. It’s due for a cut so I can make my Mohawk stand up again or maybe I’ll surprise her and get it done before I see her. Maybe I can talk Jenna into cutting my hair when she’s here. I knew my comments about Chelsea would be taken out of context, but I also know my mum won’t repeat what I’ve told her.

“It’s not like that mum. When I look at Jenna, I see a future with her. I see home and warmth. Jenna’s nothing like Chelsea. She doesn’t care about the fame and fortune. She just wants to be loved and I want to love her until she tells me that I’m not worthy of her.”

“Oh, Jimmy, I don’t think she’ll do that.”

I hope not, I want to say.

“I really miss her. I rang her before I rang you and woke her up. I need to see her so she’s going to fly out and come and see me tomorrow. I’m not going to be able to last three more months without being with her and holding her. God, mum, I need to touch her tummy and talk to Little One so she knows I haven’t abandoned her.” My voice breaks. I bite my lip to keep my emotions in check.

“Jimmy, you’re not your father. I brought you up to be better than him.”

“I know.”

“Just love her and I’m sure she’ll love you back. I know that I can’t wait to meet her and hold my granddaughter.”

“Little One is going to be beautiful. I’m hoping she has red hair like Jenna.”

“She’ll be beautiful. You’re going to have a beautiful family and you should be proud of that.”

“I am.”

As soon as I hang up, I start counting the minutes until Jenna’s here. I don’t know if it’s safe for pregnant women to fly, but I think she’d tell me if it wasn’t. If she can’t come here, I’ll just fly to her. Not seeing her isn’t going to work for me.