“Okay, Jimmy, just one minute left.” Xander is standing behind me ready to catch me if I trip or lose my footing. I’ve never been a fan of running and running on this bloody treadmill makes me hate it even more, but it’s working, this physical therapy bollocks, so I’m trying my hardest not to complain.

We — I say we because Jenna hasn’t left my side — have been home for a month. Jenna’s in her last few weeks of pregnancy and I’m determined I’m going to be in the delivery room with her and without my need for oxygen. For the majority of the time, I can walk around the house without any complications. At night, I’m hooked up to a machine and I fucking despise it. Right now, I can’t be the husband that I want or need to be and it makes me feel like I’m less than adequate.

I look at the display on the treadmill and watch the seconds tick down. My lungs are burning, but thankfully I’m not gasping for air like I was when I first started this regimen. When I started, I didn’t last thirty seconds without Xander having to hold me up so he could slip my oxygen mask over my face. If I ever felt emasculated, it was in that moment. I’m just thankful that no one saw me but him. He works with complete professionalism and he didn’t molly-coddle me. He put me straight back on the treadmill and told me to start again. Because of Xander, I’ll be stronger and healthier when Little One arrives.

The red lights flash and indicate that my training is done. I go from a steady jog to a brisk walk to cool down and decrease my heart rate. My hands find the railings as my lungs start to protest at the amount of work they’re doing. I can see Xander as he moves behind me, waiting. The mirror that I’m staring at tells me everything I need to know: he’s waiting for me to collapse, but I’m not going to do it, not this time.

“How are you feeling?”

“On top of the world,” I lie. I’m okay, but not great and haven’t been since the shooting. “I’m getting better.” Not a lie, but not exactly the truth either. Yes, I feel better, but this is a painstakingly slow process. I want results instantly, like that miracle diet that you hear about on the radio. Instant results. If you starve yourself to death, that is.

I’m running myself to death and as much as I’d like to give up and wallow in a self-imposed pity party, I won’t. It’s not fair on Jenna to have half a husband just because her ex went psycho and tried to kill me. She was already dealt a shitty hand with him. I refuse to let it happen again with me. I’ll be whole again before Little One arrives if it kills me. And I will make my wife feel good again.

“You’re doing well, Jimmy.”

“Thanks,” I say as I step off the treadmill. My legs don’t protest as much as they did when I started and that’s a good thing. My lungs do enough complaining for the rest of my body. They scream for air and instead of giving in, I go through the breathing exercises that I learned with Jenna at her Lamaze classes.

“Do you have your breathing under control?” Xander asks.

I nod and inhale my next breath before exhaling and relaxing. Who knew her antenatal classes would help me like this? I never would have believed it and I’ve definitely kept that information to myself. There’s no way I’d share my knowledge with Liam or Harrison. Xander knows though, and I can trust him not to say anything to them.

Xander has quickly become part of the band and integrated well. We’ve taken to him too. At first I didn’t want to trust him, but he’s given me no reason not to. He’s honest and very upfront about his life. He recently graduated from university and took the first job he was offered which happened to be in Beaumont. Sadly for the rehab facility, Liam came along and hired him full-time to keep us all in shape. It might not be Xander’s dream job, but he’s being paid well and he gets to travel.

“What time’s your appointment?” he asks as he checks my pulse.

“In an hour,” I answer. I’m surprised my voice isn’t raspy from the extensive breathing. Jenna’s commented many times about my raspy voice, but other than whispering dirty words into her ear, I haven’t been able to take advantage of it to its full extent. Another kill-joy if you ask me.

“I think the outcome will be positive. I’ll send my report over after you leave so your doctor can see your latest results.”

“Thank you.”

“What are you hoping to achieve with this visit?”

“Sex,” I blurt out.

Xander’s mouth drops open as he tries to compose himself and not to have a reaction at my verbal diarrhea. I realise my mistake by the sheer look of horror spreading across his face.

“I mean with Jenna. I haven’t been able to have sex with her for months and the ache is killing me.”

“You had me there for a minute.”

“Liam would kill me… if I cheated on Jenna.”

Xander nods. “He’s protective.”

“Fiercely, but I admire him for it. I know if I step out of line, he’ll be there to give me an arse kicking.”

“Somehow I don’t think you’d do that to Jenna.”

He’s right, I wouldn’t. She deserves to be the happiest woman in the world and hell would freeze over before I disappoint her.

“No, I wouldn’t. Any woman who’s been through what she has deserves to be doted on. I need to be whole again so I can be that man for her. I miss being with her.”

“I miss you too.”

I turn around and see my wife standing at the door. Her hand, the one that has my ring on it, rests on her belly. Little One has run out of space and needs to get here already. Not only am I anxious to meet her, but Jenna is too. I feel like she’s been pregnant forever and I know she feels the same. She’s beautiful though. Everything about her shines like a diamond and when she smiles, it makes me go weak in the knees. I hope that feeling never goes away.

“Am I interrupting?”

My teeth bite my lower lip as she walks closer. Jesus, this doctor needs to tell me it’s okay to have sex with her. I need to feel her and be close to her. Holding her at night does not sate my desire. Her arm slides around my waist and I instantly bury my face in her hair. I kiss her neck lightly, enough so she knows I’ve been thinking about her, but not too much to embarrass her in front of Xander.

“We’re just about finished,” Xander says. He walks to his desk, thankfully leaving me with Jenna.

“I’m feeling optimistic.”

“Jimmy, it’s okay if we can’t. You know that.”

I shake my head. “No, it’s not. It’s been a month and I’m much better. Even Xander says so. He better have a damn good reason why I can’t have sex with my wife or I’m going to freak the fuck out on him.”

“Don’t be so dramatic.”

“I’m horny.”

“You’re insatiable. You know, I’ve bragged to Josie and Katelyn about that before.”

I cringe. Us guys don’t do the kiss ‘n’ tell thing. I don’t want to know about what they do with their women. “You talk about me to Josie and Katelyn?”

She nods as her hand grabs my waist. “I tell them everything like that little trick you do with your tongue. Or how you like to –”

I put my hand over her mouth to shut her up. I can’t listen to this, not right now. I step forward and grind into her. “If the doctor says yes, I’m shagging you in the car. No foreplay, no dipping my fingers for a taste of your sweet pussy. I’m going to drive us to a deserted road and fuck you senseless,” I whisper in her ear.

“Jimmy,” her voice is quiet, wanting. I don’t care what she says. She wants it. She wants me buried deep inside of her to ease the ache. That’s one very important factor in our relationship. We turn each other on and are both willing to give in to each other, and I plan to take full advantage.

* * *

“HI Jimmy, how are you feeling?” the doctor walks in and speaks without looking at me. His face is glued to his tablet. I know this office is using tablets for their charts, but for the love of God, make eye contact with me so you can see how well I’m doing.

“I’m good.”

He sits down and types. Jenna sits in the corner, reading a magazine. I find myself wishing it was Playboy or something to get her in the mood. I wasn’t kidding when I told her my plans. Today, foreplay is overrated. I have time to make up for it. Besides, the moment I touch her, I’m going to blow my load.

“Mr. Knight says everything’s looking good. Your oxygen level is about ninety percent. I still want to see it higher, but as long as you don’t over exert yourself I don’t see a need to carry the tank around anymore. I still want you to sleep with it though until your level increases.”

“Can I have sex?”

“Jimmy!” Jenna screeches.

The doctor starts laughing. “Yes, Jimmy, you’re clear to have sex as long as your tank is near in the event you start to hyperventilate, which I think might happen.”

“No kidding,” I say. “Are we done here?”

“Yes, Jimmy. We’ll see you in two weeks. Have fun you two,” he says, winking at me before leaving the room.

I wait for the door to shut before turning my attention to Jenna. She’s trying to ignore me, but it won’t work.

“Did you hear him?”

“Yes, he says you need an appointment in two weeks.”

“Jenna,” I whine.

“Jimmy,” she says as she stands up and walks over to me. “I’ll be waiting in the car.”

Before I can react she’s out of the door and I’m left with a raging hard on and a visit to the receptionist to get another appointment.

* * *

WHEN I get into the car I don’t say anything. I slide, for the first time in months, into the driver’s seat. Jenna’s looks out the window. There’s a smile on her face. Yeah, she knows what’s coming. I start the car and adjust the volume on the radio. Lyrics waft through the speakers easing the tension that I’m feeling. I haven’t had this feeling since I was a teenager.

My palms sweat against the steering wheel. I’m trying my hardest not to look over at Jenna until I get to our destination. It’s fucking tough though. I want to touch her now. I want to hold her hand, but I’m afraid that if I let go I’ll swerve off the road.

Why am I nervous? It’s something I can’t figure out. It’s not like we haven’t been together before. Looking at her belly is evidence enough. But it’s been months since we’ve been together and I’ve been out of commission.

I turn down a deserted road and drive into the woods. I’ve driven out here a few times to clear my head and try to find the courage to ask Jenna out. Thing is, I didn’t need courage, I just needed knowledge and it was Liam who supplied that to me one night in the studio. I park the car and turn off the engine. I plug my phone into the aux port and pick one of the many playlists I have for Jenna.

“How are we going to do this?”

I look at my wife whose eyes are wandering. “I think we’ve mastered the art of having sex, Sweet Lips.”

Jenna shakes her head. “I’m big, Jimmy. It’s not like I can lie down.”

I wish she’d listen to me when I tell her that I think she’s beautiful. That she’s the most gorgeous woman I’ve ever seen. I get out of the car and walk to her side, opening the door and holding out my hand for her. She tries to walk away from me, but I stop her. I spin her around and pin her against the car.

I bury my nose in her hair as my hands move up her sides. My fingers dance under her shirt, inching their way to her full tits.

“I don’t think you’re fat. I think you’re sexy as fuck and my dick wants to be buried in you.”

Jenna throws her head back when my fingers squeeze her nipples. I latch onto her neck, biting her gently. My cock aches, begging for release. I know I won’t last. I’m not expecting much. Pulling my hands away from her chest, I find the waistband of her shorts and slide them down her leg, taking her knickers with them.

“Step out,” I request. She steps out of her shorts, never turning to look at me. I place them on the hood of the car. I drop my shorts, and my cock springs against the swell of her arse. She moans when I touch her confirming what I already know – she wants this.

My leg pushes against hers, widening her stance.

“Put your foot on the tyre.” Never have I been so thankful for her small car. I’m going to buy her a new one before the baby is born but we might need to keep this one for some little excursions.

She does as I ask, allowing me plenty of space to step forward. I exhale loudly the second my dick comes in contact with her. She bends, arching her back. Begging me to fill her. I meet her request with no hesitation.

I grip her hips, steadying her. I move in and out, slowly. I need to last. I need to experience this as if it was our first time. With each thrust, she gets louder. My name falls from her lips in the most sensual way. It spurs me to increase my speed and as much as I want to prolong it, I can’t.

I slam into her as my hand snakes under her shirt. I pull down her bra and palm her breast. She pushes into me, rocking her hips. I’m so close, but I want her with me. I want to feel her clench as I pump into her. My fingers rub on her swollen clit. It’s hard and ready to explode.

“Oh fuck, Jenna. Oh fuck, fuck fuck,” I say with each thrust.

“I… I’m…”

“Fuck Sweet Lips I can feel you coming.”

Jenna moans loudly. Her head is resting against the car. I bite down on her shoulder the moment I feel my body tense. I pump into her faster, pounding my hips into hers.

My head rests against her back, my breathing laboured, but not out of control. “Fuck, Jenna I needed that. God, I’ve missed you so much.”

I’ve never craved sex the way I have these past few months. I guess what they say is true. Once you find your one, you know.