Chapter Twenty-Two

Jesse’s stomach slid from somewhere in his belly all the way to the main floor. “What did you say?”

She folded her arms in front of her body, fingers rubbing softly on her upper arms. “Are you still in love with Vicki? Because if it’s a problem, then that’s our answer right there—”

Jesus fuck. “I’m not in love with Vicki. Who the hell told you that?”

It was Dare’s turn to look as confused as he felt. “No one told me, but every time you’re around her it’s as if…” Her eyes widened. “Oh my God, do you not know you’re in love with her? I mean, I hear that’s possible, to not know—”

“Stop it,” Jesse ordered. “I’m not in love with Vicki, and I never have been.”

Dare tilted her head. “So…she has nothing to do with why you left?”

There was the kicker.

He knew his mouth was opening and closing, but no sound was coming out, and sure enough, Dare’s jaw dropped open in shock as well.

Okay, this was the last conversation he’d wanted to have today, tomorrow or any fucking day. “She’s part of the reason why I left, but it has nothing to do with me being in love with her, and goddamn, never say that again. Joel would jerk my intestines out through my nose.”

Which was probably a fair description of reality, and something he should’ve thought of years ago before he’d acted like a stupid jackass.

Dare shook her head. “Okay, I’m not smart enough to make heads or tails of this unless you just pony up and tell me.”

Jesse shot to his feet and paced to the window, staring into the beautiful blue sky as he wondered at the irony. It was a perfect day and his world had to fall apart. “You know that moment when you want to kill me? It’s here.”

“You’re not telling me anything,” she pointed out.

He really didn’t want to do this, but he had to say something. “Because it’s history, and it’s stupid.”

“Try starting at the beginning,” she suggested.

The beginning. Fine. That he could do.

“I didn’t like it much when Joel started seeing Vicki. She had a bad reputation back then, although to be honest, Joel and I weren’t much better. It had only been a few months earlier that we stopped sharing girls. Joel didn’t want to anymore, but—” He broke off and dragged his gaze to meet hers. “God, I don’t want to tell you this.”

“Why?”

The honest truth spilled from his lips. “I don’t want you to hate me. I can’t stand to think of you kicking me out of your life.” The truth seared into his belly. When had Dare become this important? Although, it made sense. Buckaroo meant they had a connection that would tie them together for a long time. “I don’t want to tell you that I did something terrible.”

Her face had gone white, and she looked scared to death. “How long ago?”

“A couple of years.”

“Would you do it again? Right now?”

“My God, of course not.”

The tension in her shoulders relaxed and she sucked in a breath of air. “Okay. Is it terrible, or just moderately awful?”

What kind of question was that? “How the hell do I know? Bad enough I was willing to leave my family.”

The expression in her eyes softened again, and she spoke in a soothing voice that stroked him even across the distance of the room. “I can’t guarantee that I won’t be shocked, but I can say that I won’t hate you, or want to kill you. Jesse, we all make mistakes and I can tell from how you’ve been acting you honestly wish you’d never done whatever it is you did.”

Her face—she was as nervous as he was, and that gave him the courage to go on.

“I’ll start at the end. Nothing happened. Nothing bad.”

Her lips twisted. “I will come over there and put you in a sleeper hold if you don’t start talking.”

Jesse paced to the side of the bed, dropping into the chair hard enough that he groaned. “Turned out, Vicki’s nothing like her family, but at the time, none of us knew that. Or maybe Joel did, but when they started hanging out together, I just about flipped. I was sure she was using him to get herself out of a bad situation.”

“So you were worried about Joel. Did you warn him off?”

“Yeah.” Jesse had thought over those days so often it was if he was watching reruns of his most haunting dreams. “He told me she was fine, and to trust him. But I didn’t. I was so sure she was faking being good that I thought I would just hand her a chance to be bad on a silver platter.”

Dare had curled her legs up and wrapped her arms around them, and now her fingers tightened until they turned white. “Oh, Jesse.”

“It was stupid, and too far, but I was sure she was playing Joel. I picked a night I knew he’d be late, and I went to the place they were sharing.”

“And she turned you down.”

If he could walk out of the room right that moment, he would have. Hell, he’d run, but that would mean giving up on everything that he’d started to care about deeply.

“This is killing me, Dare,” he admitted.

“Me too. Can you just tell me? Because my imagination is working overtime, and I’m far too creative. I know you, Jesse. I know you didn’t do anything wrong to Vicki that night, but you’re scaring me.”

She was right. He had to get the words out quick, like pulling off a Band-Aid.

“She didn’t get a chance to turn down my proposal because she was in bed already, sound sleep. I had the brilliant idea to crawl in with her.”

“Oh, damn.”

He ignored Dare’s whisper and rushed on. “I thought the good-girl bullshit Vicki was pulling would fall away, and when Joel got home he could decide what to do about her lying ass. He wouldn’t have been happy, but I figured after he beat the crap out of me, we’d eventually get over it.”

“I think Joel would have killed you, but go on.”

She was probably right.

“Instead, I crawled in, and hell on earth happened.” He took a deep breath then rushed forward. “I didn’t touch her, I swear I didn’t, but then she rolled over and pressed her face to my chest. She even fucking said my name. Jesse. Straight up said it, and I thought she was picking door number one.”

He couldn’t meet Dare’s eyes. He stared at the clock on the wall beside the door to the hospital hallway and forced the words to come. “But then she started crying. Soft at first and then these body-shaking sobs. The whole time she’s apologizing to Joel for coming between us. Saying how she’ll go away, and things can go back to how they were before. How she hates that Jesse is miserable. That she loves Joel so much, but she wasn’t worth tearing his family apart.”

A soft rush of air escaped Dare from the bed, but she didn’t speak.

Jesse looked at her face, searching for a clue of what she was feeling, but it was unreadable. “It broke me, Dare. All thoughts of… Hell, I don’t know. Whatever childish ideas I arrived with vanished. I’d been so fucking jealous, and without even trying, that girl smacked me hard enough to beat some sense into my stupid brain.”

Dare sat in silence for long enough Jesse’s heart had time to crawl up into his throat. Her face went through a multitude of expressions until she nodded slowly then spoke quietly. “Vicki and Joel don’t know, do they?”

He shook his head. “I don’t think so. After she went off like that all I wanted to do was escape. I patted her on the back and whispered some nonsense to calm her down. The whole time it felt like boiling oil was dripping on my soul. She finally fell asleep, her fingers clutching my shirt.” A shirt that was soaking wet from her tears. The memory of that night refused to fade. “I got the hell out of there before Joel came home, and I swore I’d change things.”

“But things still aren’t right, are they?”

“No. Because every time I planned to make a move to fix things, I’d take one look at Vicki and guilt would gut me. She was so ready to give up her own happiness for Joel, for me, and I was so fucking selfish—”

“You’ve spent two years going out of your mind every time you saw her.”

Jesse shrugged. “I suppose. Last February I decided I couldn’t take it anymore, and there was no use in even trying. That’s when I left.”

For the next sixty seconds Dare examined him, her gaze drifting over his face. It didn’t feel as if she was judging him though, but as if she was truly trying to find the next step to take.

That’s what came out when she spoke. “I’ll ask the question again, since this whole conversation started when I brought up the idea of moving to Rocky. What do you want to do? Do you not want to come back? Because we don’t have to. Not if it’s going to hurt you to be around your family.”

This was too incredulous to believe. They were calmly discussing what he’d done. She was talking to him. She hadn’t thrown him out, she wasn’t looking at him with disgust.

He couldn’t speak above a whisper, too raw inside. “How can you do this? How can you take in what I told you and look at me without being sick?”

Dare actually rolled her eyes. “Jesse Coleman, put the drama queen away. I’m not an idiot, and I’m pretty sure you’re not one either. Or at least not most of the time. You did a shitty thing, and you shouldn’t have done it, but it’s in the past. Years in the past, and you’re still kicking yourself daily. It’s time to be done and move on.”

“But—”

She smacked a hand onto the mattress angrily before ordering him onto the bed next to her. Then she caught his fingers in hers and squeezed them tightly. “You’re wrong about one thing. You said nothing happened, but something did. You got changed by what happened. You learned something about Vicki and Joel that should have made you happy for them. What happened was you chose to focus on what you did wrong, instead of what they had that’s right. Move on, Jesse. It’s time to move on.”

Rafe had made some comment to that same effect, but it seemed impossible to believe. “Maybe I need to go talk to Joel.”

She sat up straight and fire came into her eyes. She dropped his fingers and grabbed hold of his chin so she could shake his head firmly. “No. That’s the one thing you can’t do.”

“But shouldn’t I?”

“Why? Will it make him feel better? Or will it hurt him even more? A confession that hurts other people isn’t you asking for forgiveness, it’s you being more interested in yourself and what you need. That’s not a confession, that’s masturbation.” She slapped his cheek lightly then let her hands fall back in her lap.

“Jeez, Dare.”

“I mean it,” she said sternly. “Don’t do that. Don’t be that guy.”

“What if he finds out? Wouldn’t it be even worse to find out from someone other than me?”

“Who else knows? I mean, I swear I’ll never tell.”

Jesse made a face. “Rafe knows.”

“Right.” Understanding dawned in her eyes. “That’s why he gave you the black eye—I like him, by the way.”

A tiny sliver of amusement managed to push past Jesse’s frustration. “Of course you do. You should like all my cousins and brothers then. I’m pretty sure every one of them has given me a black eye at some point in my life.”

Dare sighed in exasperation. “Here’s a clue, Jesse. That’s not something to boast about.”

“Sorry.”

Her lips twitched. “Regarding Rafe, he’s the only one you need to go talk to. Tell him how much it means to keep this quiet and let it go. Don’t let him dictate what comes next.” She lifted her fingers to stroke over his cheek and around his ear, caressing softly. “It’s up to you, but if I were Vicki, and what you’ve said she cared about? What I’d want most was for you and Joel to be tight again. I’d feel terrible if it seemed as if I was the one keeping you apart. You’ve got to put this behind you. Not only for your sake, but for theirs.”

It was an awful lot to take in. Jesse sat quietly, running through every single one of her comments, and the hard truths that she’d smacked him with. When she leaned forward and curled her arms around his waist, nestling their bodies together, a shot of pure adrenaline raced through him.

She wasn’t rejecting him. She totally should have, but she wasn’t, and he wasn’t going to be a fool and give that up.

“Still going to feel guilty,” he confessed.

“If you can feel guilty without acting like an ass then you go right ahead. Consider it your penance.” She spoke against his shoulder, her head twisted to the side. “I hope someday you’ll forgive yourself. Until then, keep your damn mouth shut.”

She fell quiet again, and the silence in the room deepened. Jesse concentrated on taking slow, controlled breaths. Her body moved gently against his, and it was like a warm blanket had been wrapped around them to form a cocoon.

He didn’t want to leave. Didn’t want to break the spell that she’d seemed to cast over him. He held her in his arms, fingers drifting up to stroke through her long hair. There was still so much to deal with, but right then, for the first time in a long time, that knot of pain he’d been carrying eased the slightest bit.

 

 

My God, her brain was near to exploding. Jesse had been dealing with the pain of this whole mess for years?

In her mind he’d already been suitably punished.

While it would take some time for the dust to settle, her opinion of Jesse hadn’t gone down. The fact he’d struggled with this, and known he made a mistake made it possible for her to want the best for him.

But Vicki? Had gone way up in Dare’s esteem. It was impossible not to admire that even in her unconscious state the woman had been willing to sacrifice her own happiness.

Dare didn’t think she could be that giving.

Jesse’s confession explained so many things on another entire level. She wasn’t going to hold this over Jesse’s head, but it was clear he had a lot of bridges to rebuild with his family. Admiration grew higher for the Colemans as a whole. She bet Jesse had been an absolute bear to deal with over the past years, but here they were. Still willing to accept him back, and accept her into their midst.

Jaxi’s comment about being family through thick and thin made much more sense now.

Dare stroked her fingers along the waistband of Jesse’s jeans, curling against him tighter. She wanted to bring the conversation back to what they were going to do, but figured maybe it was time she let him take a breather.

Besides, until the doctor gave her official word, it wasn’t as if they could make any decisions.

Jesse adjusted position and suddenly she found herself being lifted into his lap, one arm supporting her back as his other hand tucked under her chin and lifted her lips to his. He kissed her slowly. A tender connection as if he was afraid she was breakable.

No—as if he was afraid that they were breakable, and he had to be cautious.

Dare welcomed his caress. Turned it around and sent back as much sweet longing as she could into her touch. She lifted a hand to his face, stroking her palm past the rough growth on his chin as he deepened the connection. Taking control and reigniting the wick of desire inside her.

Of course, that’s when someone knocked on the door.

They broke apart, but Jesse gave her cheek one final brush with his knuckles. “We’re not done,” he warned her in a soft whisper.

“Mr. Coleman, if you would be so kind as to find a different place to sit,” Dr. Kincaid offered sternly as he marched forward, but there was amusement in his voice.

Dare wiggled back on the mattress as Jesse hopped off the bed and straightened himself. The doctor stepped closer, chart in hands as he came to stand near the foot of the bed. He looked extremely happy, and everything else they’d been talking about that had been distracting her from her main fears vanished.

Yes, her hands were on top of her belly again. “I didn’t expect you until later today,” Dare said.

He waggled the clipboard in the air. “I happened to be in early, and Calgary got back to us with results, so I figured I would let you know the good news as soon as possible. Test results—I’ll give you the specifics later, but to put it plainly, everything we wanted to come back negative, did. There are no ongoing concerns for the baby, or for you.”

“Thank God.”

Jesse caught her hand in his and squeezed. “Okay. That’s…good. Very good.”

Dr. Kincaid smiled. “It is good. I’m going to send a note to your doctor in Heart Falls. She’ll want to keep an eye on a couple things going forward, especially your blood pressure.”

“What if we ended up staying in the area?” Jesse asked.

Wow. Dare hadn’t expected that.

He wasn’t looking at her, instead focused on the doctor. “We’re not sure what we’re doing yet, but if we move into the area, can you take Dare as a full-time patient?”

Dr. Kincaid nodded immediately. “Of course. Not only do we already have a relationship because of this past weekend, I’m certainly not going to turn down the opportunity to deliver a Coleman baby.”

Dare listened to the rest of the doctor’s comments in a bit of a daze, pulling out her calendar to add his office number so she could set up an appointment in a month’s time.

Dr. Kincaid left a final prescription for a couple tests. As the door closed after him, she and Jesse stared at each other.

It was fast. Really fast. “Are we staying?” she asked.

Jesse dipped his head slowly. “Why not? We might have just come for a visit, but your point about having a good doctor makes this into a no-brainer for me. Rocky is the best place for you to have Buckaroo. I’m not messing with that, if you’re okay staying.”

Yes. Of course. Dare pulled her brain back into line. This was about Buckaroo. It always had been.

“So, what comes next?” she asked.

Jesse pointed to the paper Dr. Kincaid had left. “I’ll grab Tamara or whoever is on the nursing roster this morning and let them help you finish up that final test. While you’re busy, I’ll take care of the other details.”

Still buzzing from surprise and the emotion of the morning, Dare accepted Jesse’s quick kiss before he vanished. She moved in a happy daze, getting a few final bits of vital information along the way.

Jesse returned just as she’d finished dressing, packing her things into her bag.

“You ready for this?” he asked.

“Are you?”

He nodded. “I think staying in Rocky for now is a great idea.”

That sounded a lot more confident than not even an hour ago. Dare eyed him closely. “You sure? You’re not going to have troubles dealing with…anyone?”

He shook his head. “I’m a grownup, and you’re right—it’s my bullshit, not theirs. Time to keep my mouth shut and move on.”

Cautiously optimistic, Dare agreed. “This isn’t a commitment on either of our parts to stay for good, right? Just to be clear.”

“No, but we’ll stay for now. Until you have the baby for sure. We’ll take it from there, and see what’s best for Buckaroo.”

“You can work?”

Jesse offered a thumbs-up. “I got hold of Blake. He said no problem to putting me full-time on the schedule. I called Joel, and we’re welcome to stay at the trailer with him and Vicki until the rental is free. And before you ask again, it’s not going to be a problem for me. You might have to remind me every now and then to stop being an asshole, but I can do this.”

A strange sense of wonder slipped over Dare. “Okay. That sounds great.”

A familiar sound, one she hadn’t heard very much that day slipped from him. A soft chuckle, full of mischief and teasing. “I’m a little bit worried about putting you with Vicki, the way the two of you get along like a house on fire.”

“It’s good to have backup to counteract you and your brothers. As in, there’s an awful lot of testosterone around when the Six Pack clan gathers,” Dare pointed out.

He stepped toward her, slipping his arms around her. “I hope you don’t mind all of the testosterone.”

She slid her arms up his chest until she could link her fingers behind his neck. “By the way, I got to chat with Dr. Kincaid one more time while you were gone.”

His face folded into a frown. “Okaaaaay…”

“Just wanted to double-check that it was okay to enjoy some testosterone, if you know what I mean.”

A slow, seductive grin teased back. “Ahh, you asked the good doctor about sex.”

“I did. He said it was fine.” There was a whole lot more snickering going on than Dare had expected in response to what she thought was a brilliant bit of research. “What’s so funny?”

Jesse pulled her tightly against him. “I wondered why he was smirking when I tracked him down to ask him the same thing.”

She dropped her head against Jesse’s chest. “Great. So now my doctor knows that we’re sex fiends.”

A snort escaped him. “He’s the doctor to my entire family. I think he’s probably aware we’ve got healthy sex drives.”

Dare slapped Jesse’s chest lightly, but even as embarrassing as it was, she was glad.

They were doing the next thing, both she and Jesse. Like taking a step into the unknown. Buckaroo rolled, and she caught her breath at the sensation.

It was all pretty unknown, to be truthful. An adventure, Ginny had said.

Oh boy. Ginny…