Chapter 30
Sabrina
Upstate New York was beautiful this time of year. The serene feel of the suburbs had a calming effect on me. Mikey loved his grandparents’ yard and I knew he missed being able to run around on grass anytime he wanted to. But, for the next week, that was just what he would be able to do.
“Don’t forget to call me.” I pulled him into a tight squeeze. “I’m going to miss my baby.”
“Mommy, I’m not a baby anymore.” He squirmed out of my hold. “I’m going to be six years old in two weeks.”
I huffed at my brave little trooper. “You’ll always be my baby… even when you’re fifty. Now, give me a kiss goodbye and promise you’ll be good this week.”
His little lips met my cheek with a smack. “I will be. I’ll send you pictures of the fireworks tomorrow.”
After one last hug and a quick impersonal wave to my in-laws, I started my way back to the city.
Driving down one of the two-lane roads, I decided to visit a place I hadn’t been to since the funeral. Once I parked my car, I took a deep breath and knew I had to take care of unfinished business.
The granite stones, with names and years etched on them, greeted me as I made my way to the one with my last name on it. Dillon’s grave was easy to locate because it was marked with an American flag. Flowers that couldn’t have been more than a day or so old sat on the marble base. Tucked in between the colorful petals was a small paper heart with two names written in a feminine script. Bile rose in my throat, until I tamped it down with determination. Seeing she visited him recently, and probably did so often, served me well and reminded me of the purpose for my visit.
Blades of grass prickled my knees as I knelt down. The summer breeze lifted the skirt of my sundress as I stared at the gray letters and traced the carving with my fingers.
“Hi, Dillon. I bet you’re surprised to see me here—I’m surprised myself. Our son graduated Kindergarten a few weeks ago. He still misses you.” I cleared my throat. “He’s doing well though. We moved to Manhattan and he loves it there. He has a lot of friends and even joined a soccer team. You should have seen him in his last game, he scored the winning goal.
“I’ve been thinking about you a lot lately. My thoughts haven’t all been pleasant.” I shrugged. “I’m sorry about that, but you left me with unanswered questions. I met your mistress, and all I want to know is why, Dillon? Why did you cheat on me… on us? I’m so angry with you and with myself for not seeing it coming.” I swiped a tear away. “I met someone and he loves me. He adores our son and Mikey feels the same way about him. But because of you being a deceitful coward and not loving us back, I let him go. When you are the one I should have let go of.”
Words lodged in my throat. A wave of understanding coursed through my veins and straight into my heart. I looked down at his name, brushed my legs off and said the words, I had yet to say to him. “Goodbye, Dillon.”
Four hours later, I was greeted by tall buildings and traffic. Rather than get off at my exit, my car continued toward the Long Island Expressway.
I pulled my car behind his black Jaguar in the circular stone-paved driveway. The beating in my chest went from a quick trot to a full on gallop. I stared at the gray clapboard-sided house in awe.
Voices carried from the back of the home to where I stood in the driveway. Not having the nerve to walk around the large house, I grabbed my phone and sent a text.
Me: Hi. I need to see you.
Three dots danced.
Luca: I’m in the Hamptons with friends. Is everything okay?
Me: No, everything is far from okay.
My phone started vibrating, his name appeared. In a swift motion, I answered. “Hi.”
“Sabrina, what’s the matter?”
I heard his voice in stereo and when I pivoted to my right, Luca’s concerned face came into view. My heart stilled at the sight of him. Black board shorts hung low on his hips accentuating his muscular torso. On each inhale and exhale, my eyes watched his bare chest rise and fall. My hesitance to respond caused him to stop, shock replaced concern when he saw me.
Realizing he was no longer moving toward me, my arm went slack. Before I could chicken out, run back to my car and drive off, I took strong strides toward him until I was about a foot away. The salty ocean air suddenly felt heavy and thick.
“Hi, Luca.” Every part of me wanted to hug him, but his stiff posture scared me into thinking I was too late. All the damage my words had done were too much.
“Why are you here?”
Dread, coupled with remorse flooded me before I said, “I needed to talk to you and didn’t want to wait or say it over the phone. I’m sorry to interrupt your time with your friends, but if you can give me five minutes, then I can go.” He nodded once. “Can we sit?”
Luca sat next to me on the porch step leaving a gap between us. “What’s on your mind, Sabrina?”
“You are.” I angled my body toward his. “I’ve come to a few realizations over the past couple of weeks. What I said to you in my apartment wasn’t the entire truth. At the time, I thought it was. But, I’ve come to realize that you were right. What happened wasn’t all because of Mikey, it was because of me too.” Looking into his soulful eyes gave me the courage to go on. “Before I came here today, I went to the cemetery. Not to leave flowers, not to cry, but to say goodbye.”
“I’m sorry.”
I shook my head. “Don’t be. I’m the one who is so very sorry.” Reaching forward, I placed my hand on his arm. “I love you, Luca. I hope one day, you can forgive me for pushing you out of our lives because I was scared.”
My heart pounded as a few long painful seconds passed without a response. He raked a hand through his hair while shaking his head. “You love me?” he asked, not bothering to hide his bitterness.
With determination, I nodded. “Completely and irrevocably.”
At my admission, he stood and began pacing back and forth. The way he held his hips, the stiffness in his spine, and the tenseness in his muscles could only mean I was too late. Insecurities kept me immobile, but I needed to know his thoughts. “Please say something.”
Fury altered the lines on his face. “Are you kidding me right now?” I watched his body language alter between anger to frustration. He gripped the back of his head, my eyes catching the way his abs flexed from the motion. “Sabrina, you weren’t the only one that put your heart on the line. You were scared, well now, I’m scared. It was so easy for you to walk away and not give me the opportunity to make things right with you… and with Mikey. I know he’s your son, but I love him too and it wasn’t fair to either of us. You told me he hated me and that hurt me more than you can imagine. How would you feel if you were in my shoes?”
“Lost.”
“Exactly!” he exclaimed, throwing his hands in the air. “I understand what you were feeling that night, but weeks went by. I kept thinking, believing that you would call me. But you didn’t.”
On shaky legs, I stood and walked over to him. “You’re right. Everything you just said I deserve to hear. I did think of you every day, but my heart refused to let me move on and my mind refused to let me believe I could have what I always dreamt of.”
“I never once gave you the impression that I wasn’t capable to give you what you wanted. It turned into my dream, too. You took it upon yourself to halt what we could have been.”
“I’m sorry. I came to tell you what I couldn’t before. If you don’t think you can pick up where we left off and try again, I understand. Please know, anytime you want to see or speak to Mikey you have my blessing. I’m sorry I interrupted.” The stretch of pavement that I had to travel to get back to my car seemed a mile long. A slow tear trickled before a few more followed.
“Sabrina?” Cassie’s voice sounded behind me. With a quick swipe over my cheeks, I turned and smiled as best I could. As Cassie walked toward me, it was then she saw Luca standing near the porch where I left him. “What’s going on?” she asked, placing a comforting hand on my arm.
“I came to talk to him, and now that I have, I’m leaving.”
“Why?”
Luca finally moved, and as he approached said, “Cassie, please can you give us a minute?”
Cassie nodded at him robotically. “Sure, but it’s getting late and Sabrina shouldn’t be driving all that way alone. Luca don’t let her leave.”
Luca
One step later, Cassie turned back and said, “Remember what you told me. Don’t be a fool.” She then retreated to where our friends were at the back of the house.
The words I had admitted to Cassie rumbled through my mind. At the time, I did feel I would take her back in a heartbeat. Things were different for me now. Each day that passed caused the hurt she left me with to fester, making it harder to understand why we were apart, making me more resentful.
And absence hadn’t helped my resentment, but with her standing before me, beautiful as ever while handing me her heart, made it impossible for me to resist going to her, wanting her. The bottom line was I found two people who completed me. Sabrina and Mikey changed my life, and how could I go back to what I was before them? Basically, as I stood there fighting with myself, it came down to a life with or without them.
The thought of being without them triggered terror to tremble through me. Sabrina taking one step backward, one step further away prompted me to react. “Don’t go,” I said just above a whisper.
Sadness became obvious in her shimmering eyes. “I think you need time, Luca.”
“I’ve had time… and I think I need you.” She stood stone still, staring straight through to my soul. I closed the distance between us until our bodies practically touched. “I’m still trying to move past the hurt I felt these past few weeks. Yet, I know watching you drive away right now would hurt so much more.”
“Luca, I never meant to hurt you.”
I placed my hands on her face. “I know.” In that moment I knew nothing could stop my lips from lowering to touch hers. As our kiss progressed, I also knew that now that she came to me on her own accord I wouldn’t let anything come between us again.
I gripped the back of her neck, turning our tender kiss into a searing one. Our lips met with such urgency, as if they hadn’t touched in years rather than weeks. The familiarity of the softness of her mouth on mine solidified we were meant to be together.
“I love you so much, Sabrina. These past few weeks have been hell for me, but I knew you needed space. It killed me to stay away, and I only did because I’d do anything for you.”
Tears leaked from the corners of her eyes as mine misted over. “I’m so sorry.”
“No more apologies. I’m going to make mistakes, we both are. From here on out, we will work through them together.” I rested my forehead against hers. “Thank you for coming back to me.”
“Thank you for waiting.”
“Deep down, I know I would’ve waited forever for you.”
Sabrina and I took a walk, talked some more, and reconnected like no time had passed. Almost an hour later, we strolled into the backyard of the home, hand in hand. When we came into view, all eyes were on us. Cassie sprung up out of her chaise lounge with a huge ass smile on her face. Meanwhile, Jude and Kyle tipped their beer bottles in our direction.
“Everyone, look who showed up.” I squeezed her hand.
She lifted her free one. “Hi, I’m sorry to intrude.”
Cassie ran over and engulfed my girl in a hug, forcing me to release my hold on her. “I’m so glad you stayed.”
That’s when it dawned on me… how did Sabrina know where to find me? “Did you do this?” I asked my bikini-clad friend.
Cassie nodded. “Possibly.” She swatted my arm. “All I did was inform her where you’d be, the rest was Sabrina.” Her eyes shifted between us, joy evident on her sweet face. “You two are perfect for each other.”
I took her back into my arms and nodded in agreement. “We are.” Her smile was electric, and back was the spark I missed in her eyes. Brae followed by Vanessa were next to embrace us. As they chatted with Sabrina, I pulled Cassie into a hug. “Thank you for everything.”
“Come see the house,” Brae said, taking Sabrina’s free hand.
I reached out and gently gripped Sabrina’s arm. “No way. I just got her back. Go play with your man.”
“He’s right, Brae. They need to get it on.” Vanessa turned her attention to Sabrina. “I’m glad you’re here. This one…” She jabbed me in the arm with her finger. “Has been moping around. Kyle had to throw him in the pool earlier just to wake his ass up.”
Sabrina laughed, “That had to be a sight to see.”
“Hey!” I nudged her with my shoulder. “Be careful, you could be next.”
Fear flashed in her beautiful eyes. “No can do. I don’t have my suit.”
“We should get your bag out of your car. Give me the keys, I’ll grab it.” I stuck my hand out but she didn’t move.
“I don’t have a bag. After I dropped Mikey off at his grandparents’ house, my car just sort of drove itself here.”
“That’s right. Mikey is there all week.”
“She curled her bottom lip between her teeth before adding, “Yes… all week.”
Our eyes connected and held. “We’ll be back,” I announced. Leaving everyone behind us, I tugged Sabrina toward the house, and it was a miracle I didn’t give her whiplash. Her feet scurried to keep up with my pace, and once we hit the staircase, I scooped her up into my arms and ran up the stairs, taking two at a time until we made it to my bedroom.
No sooner did the door close behind us that I had her pinned up against it. I yanked her dress over her head, exposing her bare chest and a scrap of lace between her legs.
“Jesus Christ.” A fierce growl rumbled up my throat. “God, you’re gorgeous.”
I sucked on the pulse in her neck before lowering my greedy mouth to her breasts. One by one I licked each nipple, then gave each a gentle bite before trailing my tongue between them and up the slender column on her neck.
“I’ll make this up to you later, but first I need to bury myself in you.”
Her hands tugged at the white drawstring of my bathing suit before shoving it down my legs. I kicked them to the side, reached forward and snapped the lace covering what I wanted until they came apart in my hand. Without delay, my hand cupped her intimately before I slid a finger inside of her and then removed it to lick it clean.
“I don’t have any other panties with me,” she said between heavy breaths.
“I don’t care.” I took her mouth, plunging my tongue in to tangle with hers.
She gripped my wrist and pleaded, “Luca, please. I want you.”
“Fuck.” In one swift motion, I hoisted her up, forcing her legs to wrap around my waist. Burying my hand in her hair, I eased into her and moved my hips without pause. “You feel incredible. I’ve missed you so much.”
The sound of our bodies coming together, combined with her tight heat encasing me, ensured I wasn’t going to last. “Kiss me,” she panted and I obliged. Our mouths fused just like our bodies—fast, hot and unbridled. Passion flowed between us, with each grunt, groan, and cry.
“I’m so close, Luca.” I increased my pace because I was right there with her. “I’m going to…”
Her legs tightened around my waist, her body shook, and I came like I never had before. She dropped her head to my shoulder. “I love you, Sabrina.”
“I love you, too.”
Five minutes later, when our breathing returned to a normal pace, I carried her to the bathroom so we could shower before returning to our friends. It took every ounce of restraint not to make love to her once more, but if we didn’t get a move on, I was afraid Kyle would be pounding on the door.
I towel dried her hair, and went to get her dress where we left it. Handing it to her, she said, “Besides not having underwear, I don’t have any other clothes here either.” She pointed to her ripped thong that still remained where it fell earlier. “I suppose I’ll be going commando.”
“Shit.” I reached into my suitcase and pulled out a pair of my boxer briefs. “Wear these. We can run to the store in the morning.”
She stared at me as if I had two heads. “You want me to wear these… under my floral sundress?”
“That’s right, you’re not going without. I lost my head before. It gets breezy by the water and no one is seeing what’s mine.”
A pink hue tinged her cheeks. Without argument, she slid on my boxers, folded the waist down and cuffed them on her thighs. She caught her reflection in the full-length mirror and checked herself out. “Hmm… these are kind of cute. What do you think?”
“I think you’re fucking stunning and you could be wearing a sack and look like a beauty queen. Put your dress on before we don’t make it back downstairs.”
“Would that be so bad?” she asked coyly.
“What’s gotten into you?” I laughed and watched her body disappear under the cotton fabric.
“You. You’ve gotten into me.”
I looped my arms around her, linking my fingers on the small of her back. “And I plan on staying there.”
“Good, I wouldn’t want it any other way.”
Our lips met in a tender kiss. “Neither would I.”