Chapter Fourteen
“Quit following me.” I hobbled across the campus courtyard on my sticks of hinder. I almost tossed them and took my chances walking on the sprained ankle. I was in such an emotional state; the pain probably wouldn’t have even registered. Or maybe I should take one of the crutches and whack Porter with it.
“Why are you so upset? We always wanted to spend spring break together and now we get to.”
I slammed on the brakes—figuratively speaking—and glowered at him. “Are you insane? That was eight years ago!”
He pressed his lips together in a thoughtful stare, thinking about how to answer. “I am crazy.” He reached up and wiped away a lingering tear on my cheek. “Crazy for you.”
I ignored how warm his touch felt. “How can you possibly know that?”
“I’ve known it from the first time I laid eyes on you. That’s never changed.”
I rolled my eyes at him. “What do you expect to happen after all this time?”
He stepped closer as people passing walked around us, staring at what probably looked like a lover’s quarrel. I had seen plenty in the courtyard. What made it more fun, was that if it was empty enough and the couple was loud enough, it would echo. Porter and I spoke in hushed tones.
“I don’t expect anything from you.”
“Then why all this?”
He thought for a moment. “Because for almost eight years, I’ve wondered what if? What if I’d stayed? Or told you the truth? Begged you to come with me? Hell, even friended you on Facebook.” He drew closer. I could smell the mint gum he recently chewed. “You don’t how many nights I’ve lain awake asking myself, if I’d done any of those things, would you be lying next to me?”
A rush of blood caused each blood vessel in my face to dilate.
“Come to Paradise, Holland.” He stroked my wet cheek. “I swear, as hard as it will be, I’ll do my best to stay away from you if that’s what you want. Just come be with people that care about you.”
I sniffled, not so cutely. “Thanks to you, I don’t have a choice. Sharon will kick me out of the program if I don’t.”
He couldn’t hide his grin. “Might as well enjoy it then, right?”
“Honestly, I don’t know if I remember how.”
“Let me show you.”
This would be one of those moments where I should be biting my lip and acting coy. Instead my face scrunched in what I was sure was the most unflattering way possible. And all I could think of to say was, “But I don’t like you.”
Then, against my will, I smiled at the man who gazed at me like he would be happy if that’s all he could do all day.
“Maybe not yet, but you will.”
That’s what I was afraid of.
~*~
The drive to Paradise was pretty much a silent affair. Porter had even turned off the radio. I wouldn’t say it was uncomfortable. We had spent plenty of time together where little needed to be said. Those were some of the best times with him. At those times, I felt at one with him. In those moments, there was no need to talk because we knew exactly what the other was thinking. The same could be said for today. Though I couldn’t believe what he was thinking—that he had been thinking about me. It’s not like I hadn’t thought about him, obviously. But never did I think about a moment like this. One where he still had feelings for me.
I didn’t know what my feelings were. I tried not to have feelings. Which was probably why Sharon was worried about me. Her words were an awakening of sorts. Honestly, I thought people saw me the way I saw myself. A hardworking, introverted, quirky scientist. I thought perhaps my colleagues and counterparts respected me and admired my dedication. Now I feared they thought I was clinically certifiable.
The look Sharon gave me would be forever etched in my memory. I had seen the look before from the social worker who placed me with my aunt and uncle, and the emergency crew that tried to salvage the house of nightmares I’d been forced to call home so long ago. The look was beyond feeling sorry for me. They longed to rescue me but knew they couldn’t and it killed them to know my hell would continue. I’d vowed after I left for college I would never be in a position for anyone to ever show me such pity. I failed.
I leaned my head against the cool glass of the truck window, trying to hold back the tears. I wasn’t that girl. I’d done everything I could to assure I wasn’t. So I didn’t have friends or a love life; I was productive and making my way. I never took, even gave when I could. There were at least a dozen undergrads who could thank me for helping them pass organic chemistry. Not to mention all the roommates I’d saved from failing everything from calculus to American history. And it was because of me that the project grant I worked under was awarded.
And I could have dated if I’d wanted to, but I had better things to do than go to frat parties and drink my weight in alcohol. Or date my professors. I’d had a few suggest we should see each other once I was no longer in their classes, even a married one. I thought it was inappropriate, especially the latter one. And Tyson had asked me out, but like I said, he smelled odd. The times I did go out on a date only showed me why it was a waste of time. College boys were interested in two things as far as I could tell: free tutoring and casual sex. I was available for neither.
When we hit Paradise’s city limits I sat up and wiped my traitorous eyes.
Porter glanced my way and caught the emotion leaking out of me. “Is it so bad you have to spend two weeks in Paradise?”
Bad hardly covered it. “I feel as though I could ask you the same question.”
He gripped his steering wheel. He did that a lot. “I know I should have come home before now. It’s complicated. But I’m happy we’re here together.”
“And how long are you staying?”
“That’s more complicated.”
I turned back toward the window. Everyone looked so happy under the Paradise sun. Spring breakers abounded in bikini tops with chiseled, shirtless men wagging after them. There were families, too, strolling through the shops, eating ice cream, and looking as though they had not a care in the world. I wondered what that felt like.
“Holland.” Porter reached across and stroked my cheek. “I’m not exactly sure what the future holds, but I don’t believe it was an accident that we both came back to Paradise at the same time.”
I continued to stare out the window. “I don’t believe in fate.”
“This isn’t fate. It’s a second chance.”
I wasn’t sure I believed in those either.