Chapter Fifteen
Mrs. Clairborne fussed over me while helping me unpack in the same guest room I’d vacated yesterday. Was it only yesterday? It felt like forever.
“Sit, sit, I can put your clothes away.”
There wasn’t much in my small suitcase. Some shorts, t-shirts, and cutoffs made up the bulk of it. I’d haphazardly thrown things in while Porter stood and watched me. I’d noticed him trying not to cringe at my living situation.
“You don’t have to do that.” I rested my crutches against the bed, determined to at least fold the clothes before she had a chance.
She swatted my hand away. “I mean it, get off that foot.”
“Mrs. Clairborne.”
“Natalie, please.” She beamed at me.
“Okay, Natalie. Thank you.” It was inadequate, but all I could think of to say.
She dropped my geeky, Never Trust an Atom; They Make Up Everything, t-shirt. “You don’t know how happy I am that you’re here.”
I think I had an inkling. When we pulled into the garage, she came out running and opened my door for me, smiling like all her dreams had come true. Only Porter had ever given me such a smile.
“Please let me know what I can help with. I’m a decent cook and—”
“You stop right there. You are here to heal and relax. And . . .” she gave me a strained smile, “help Charlotte with her science project if you still can.”
“Of course. I would be happy to.” I shimmied up on the bed, careful not to bang or move my ankle too much. It felt awkward watching Natalie wait on me, but what else could I do?
“So,” Natalie took some folded shirts to the dresser, “you and Porter have been spending a lot of time together. How’s it going between you two?”
I had to think about what to say. “He’s been more than nice to me and I keep telling him I don’t like him.”
She laughed hard enough her shoulders shook. “Good for you.” She shut the drawer and headed back my way to fold more of my clothes. She folded slowly and deliberately. “Is that how you really feel?”
I pulled up my uninjured leg and tucked it under me. “I don’t know how to feel. Sometimes I wonder if I’m capable.” Why I admitted that to her, I don’t know. Something about her invited confidences.
She dropped the cutoffs she was folding and gave me her full attention. “What do you mean, honey?”
I ran my hand over the tufted white comforter. It lent no comfort whatsoever or any idea how to get into words what I meant. I wondered if I should say anything, but then I remembered the look on Sharon’s face. I didn’t want to be that person. The woman with no one.
“As you know,” I started and paused. Opening up wasn’t my strong suit. “I didn’t grow up under ideal circumstances.” I dared a glance at her.
Her eyes said to continue.
“There were no hugs or kisses or I love yous. At least not that I remember. I had a picture of my grandma once when I was a baby and the way she held me and looked at me, I could tell she loved me, but she died when I was three.” I choked on my words. I longed for that photo, but it was lost in the fire.
Natalie placed her hand on my leg, lending me some courage to continue.
“When I came to work here I knew very little about affection. I’d had some nice teachers along the way and a friend here and there, but that was the extent of it. Then came Porter.”
Natalie squeezed my leg as if she was bracing herself.
I swallowed and did my best to make eye contact. Her brown eyes asked me to go on.
“He,” my eyes misted, “he showed me something very different. It was like another world to me, and why I justified breaking your rules. Never had anyone been as kind as he was to me.”
Pride radiated from her.
“I was always determined to grow up and live a different kind of life than the one I had been dealt, but Porter made me believe I could.” Tears spilled down my cheeks. “He loved me when no one ever had. I believed him, and . . . I loved him, though I could never tell him because I was so afraid. I’d never felt that way before.” Never once had I said those words out loud.
“Oh, honey.” She wrapped me up in her arms whispering how sorry she was, letting me cry on her shoulder.
“When he left like he did, it hurt in unimaginable ways,” I sobbed. “Ways I never wanted to feel again. And it only confirmed what I was suspicious of all along, I am unlovable.”
She rubbed my back and held me tight. “That’s not true.”
“Despite what Porter did, I tried dating other men.” Not a lot, but it had happened. “And I’ve never felt the same way and they didn’t either.”
She pulled away and wiped my cheeks. “Did you ever think that maybe they were the wrong men or that . . . you were still in love with Porter?”
I leaned away with the widest of eyes.
A smile grew on her lovely face. “It never crossed your mind?”
I shook my head. “I couldn’t be,” I stuttered. “I saw him kiss another woman and he never contacted me again.”
Her smile faded. “Yes, well, we all know how insensitive he was. He acted like a foolish boy for many years. But we still love him, and regardless of his actions, we knew he still loved us, though he’s done a poor job of showing it. Not that I entirely blame him.”
I tilted my head. “What do you mean?”
“Men,” she sighed. “Beau was too hard on him. Porter needed to find his own way and had tried to talk to his dad, but Beau was set on him doing it the ‘right’ way. And I knew Porter resented his dad for remarrying. He thought we loved Charlotte more than him. It wasn’t and isn’t true.” Her voice cracked. “And if Beau had swallowed his pride and gone after him, he wouldn’t have stayed away so long. Beau only proved to him what Porter falsely believed all along.”
“I thought you were the perfect family.”
She touched my cheek and laughed. “There is no such thing. Just like there is no perfect path to love. Every couple has bumps in their road.” She gave me a sly grin. “Sometimes even long absences.”
I couldn’t help but smile at her not-so-subtle hint.
She dropped her hand and went back to folding clothes. “Take it from a woman who knows a thing or two about Clairborne men, they are as pigheaded as they come, but the fiercest of lovers. You can’t go wrong with one. They need reminders every now and then, but eventually they listen.” Her eyes bore into mine. “And once they know what they want, they’ll do everything they can to secure it.”
“Are you trying to warn me?”
“I’m telling you that whether it’s Porter or some other lucky man, you deserve the best kind of love. The kind I know my son can give you. You are a remarkable young woman. You only have to believe it regardless of whether anyone else does or not.”
I tucked some errant strands of hair behind my ear. “Honestly, I thought I was okay until today.”
She gave me the tenderest of looks. “You are more than okay, but sometimes we need course corrections. I have found they are always difficult, but I come out happier when I take the harder road.”
“Was Mr. Clairborne one of those roads?”
“The hardest, bumpiest, best road yet.”
I was about to ask her how she knew he was the right road when Porter knocked on the door before letting himself in. “Hey, I was . . .” He paused and zeroed in on my tear-stained cheeks. “Everything okay?”
I nodded.
Natalie turned around to address her son. “Just having some girl talk. What are you up to?”
“I was heading over to the hotel to talk to Dad and I was wondering if Holland wanted to come with me.” His smile implored me to say yes.
Not sure why, but I looked at Natalie for guidance as to how I should respond.
“Put a seatbelt on and hold on tight.” She gave me a wink of encouragement.
Porter cocked his head, confused by her advice.
I took a deep breath and looked down at the hoodie and jeans I was still wearing. “Let me change and freshen up.”
“Great.” He sounded surprised I agreed.
He wasn’t the only one.