Chapter Twenty-Three
I stared at myself in the dressing room mirror. I hadn’t worn a swimsuit since who knows when. This particular swimsuit was a blouson top tankini with tiny swim shorts in pale blue. Natalie said the blue was perfect for someone with strawberry blonde hair. And apparently blouson tops were all the rage this year. I took her word for it. I never kept up on fashion trends and I never had anyone to teach me about which colors worked best with my hair and eye color.
“Come out and show me,” Natalie eagerly called out.
I did another full glance of myself. The wrapped foot didn’t add much to it. My skin was as pale as it ever was, but at least I was toned. I owed that to my lifestyle and the fact that I was cheap and walked everywhere I could. This suit was my favorite so far. Natalie had convinced me to try on a couple bikinis. She thought I looked great in them, but I felt a little too self-conscious. I was taking baby steps here.
I opened the dressing room door and stepped out, albeit unsteadily. I left the crutches in the dressing room.
Natalie put her hands to her mouth. “It’s perfect.” She approached me and got a little hands-on. She checked to see how tight the strapless top was around my bust. “It has the right amount of snugness. The color is absolutely stunning on you. I say we have a winner. What do you think?”
My shoulders twitched. “I . . . like it.”
She tilted her head. “You don’t sound so sure.”
“Really I do. It’s just this is so . . . not me.”
“Which part?”
I looked around the cozy dressing room with plush seating and warm lighting. Although this store at the Eastern Shore Centre was considered a “bargain” shop, it was a nicer place than I was used to. And Natalie was nicer than anyone I knew, except maybe Porter. This kind of life, with people who cared about my well-being and doing things not because they had to be done, but because I wanted to do them, was foreign to me.
“All of it.”
She took my hand. “Change is hard, but for the most part, even when it’s difficult, it’s good. It helps us grow in ways we need to but maybe have been resistant to. I think we’re all going through some growing pains right now. But I have hope that we’ll all come out better for it in the end.”
Maybe it was time for me to take a different approach to life. All I had done for the last several years was live to earn my doctorate. I lived as if my life wasn’t going to start until that goal was accomplished. I felt that if I didn’t put every ounce of effort I had into it, my life would fall apart. I would be a failure. I’d been trying so desperately not to have the life of my biological relations that I forfeited having one at all. The worst part was I couldn’t see it and there was no one there, until very recently, to tell me I was wrong. That was mainly my fault for keeping everyone at arm’s length.
With all these thoughts, one person deluged my mind. Porter. I thought about all the plans he had for us this week. At least, those he was willing to share with me. I still wasn’t sure why he needed me to have a swimsuit, other than the Clairborne’s had a pool, but I knew it went beyond that. One thing I knew for sure was that he planned to take me out on proper dates. Which got me to thinking.
“Speaking of change, do you know a good place where I could buy a sundress that wouldn’t be too expensive?”
Natalie’s eyes lit up like a flashing sale sign. “Oh honey, now you’re speaking my language. Get dressed and I’ll show you what I like to refer to as my secret haven.”
~*~
We sat at a table for two with shopping bags at our feet at a quaint bistro that Natalie referred to as carb heaven. We had both ordered a grilled salmon Caesar salad and were waiting on our meals to arrive. I was grateful to be off the crutches. Even more grateful for the woman who sat across from me. She let me in on one of her little secrets: she was a bargain shopper. Her secret haven was a warehouse off the beaten path filled with discounted clothes and shoes. I walked out with not one sundress but two, and some leather huaraches—all for under sixty dollars. The swimsuit had cost that much. I tried not to feel guilty about spending the money. I reminded myself it was okay to do something that wasn’t necessary. Or maybe this was exactly what I needed.
Natalie set her sweet tea down and gave me a conspiratorial grin. “Do you know why Porter is meeting with his dad this afternoon?”
“Yes,” I said uneasily.
Her grin went from conspiratorial to Cheshire. “No need for you to feel guilty. These men need all the help we can give them. So spill your guts, honey.”
How could I refuse her? “Well . . .” I leaned in like I was exposing a patented formula. “Porter came up with a new marketing idea. He’s calling it, Fall in Love at the Clairborne. He wants me to help him. It’s why I needed the bathing suit. I have no idea what he wants me to do. And that’s assuming Mr. Clairborne even likes the idea.”
“Oh, he better. I think it’s lovely and genius, and Beau will too if I have anything to say about it. Which I do.” She wasn’t kidding at all. “It’s so fitting, considering all the weddings we have there, not to mention his dad and I fell in love there. And . . .,” she gave me one of those warm-you-from-the-inside-out smiles, “it’s where the two of you fell in love. And hopefully will again, or perhaps recognize that you’re already there.”
I blushed and became awfully interested in the white linen napkin on my lap.
“No need to be embarrassed. Beau and I see the way you two look at each other. It’s apparent, despite your separation, that both of your feelings run deep. You have every right to be afraid of those feelings, but don’t act out of fear. Beau and I did that for too long.”
That caught my attention. My head tilted up, catching her gaze.
“Believe me, it’s no smooth sailing when you fall for the boss’ son and he comes with a child and ex-wife. We were afraid of what his parents would think, his friends and business associates. I worried that everyone would think I was a gold digger. I’m pretty sure Beau’s parents thought I was for a while. I didn’t completely win them over until we had Charlotte. God rest their souls.” She crossed herself. “Don’t even get me going on Genevieve, Porter’s mom, though I use the term lightly. I try not to badmouth her, but for all intents and purposes, she abandoned her son. Though she somehow managed to blame it all on Beau and me.”
“Does Porter still have contact with his biological mom?” I braved asking.
Natalie sat up straight and stiff. “As far as I know, it is about as infrequent as it ever was. She’s remarried a few times over the years. I think a couple of them have lived out of the country. But,” emotion crept into her voice, “to Porter, that’s his mom. I’m only the woman who has loved him more than life itself and done everything I can think of to show him that. Even letting him go when I knew it was the right thing, though it broke my heart.”
I found myself reaching out to her like a normal human being would. Believe me, I knew I was anything but normal.
“Porter loves you. And I have to believe that he knows the difference between his mom and the woman who gave birth to him.”
She took my hand. I knew I had reached out to give her comfort, yet her hand lent me more. “It is my hope and prayer that someday he’ll know how much I love him. How much I’ve always loved him.” She wiped the trickle of tears off her cheeks with her free hand.
We broke apart when our server arrived with our lunch.
“Thank you for lunch and spending the day with me.”
“No thanks are necessary. I can’t tell you how much I love getting to know you better.”
I picked up my fork, ready to dive into the fanciest looking salad I’d ever had. “I feel the same way.”
“Let’s hope those men of ours are feeling the love today.”
A small laugh escaped. “Can I ask a question?”
“Anything, honey.”
“How did you get over your fears and worries about being with Mr. Clairborne?”
She took a moment to think. “I don’t want to make this sound too simplistic or that it boiled down to one event, because it took a lot of time and effort on both our parts. But there was one night after a particularly long, hard day. We’d both been a little snippy with each other. His dad had ordered a background check on me, and Genevieve called to remind me that I would never be Porter’s mother. Not to mention she’d made sure to tell all her friends here that we’d been sleeping together while they were still married. I was tired of the lies and the pressure and ready to give back his ring and call off the wedding. Beau didn’t know what to do or say. He wanted to make it all better, but he was in a hard spot too. Our relationship caused tension between him and his parents. They questioned his ability to run the Clairborne because of me.”
I sat back, astonished by the news.
She continued on. “That night Beau had a business meeting, so I had Porter. We played on the beach building sand castles that night, and then once it was dark we went crab hunting. With a full bucket of crabs near us, we lay under a blanket of stars on a large beach towel. Porter snuggled right up next to me and I told him stories of all the constellations. He especially loved the story of Aquila, The Eagle, keeper of Zeus’ lightning bolts.”
She smiled at the memory, making me smile too. Porter had told me the same stories. I never knew it was Natalie that had taught him.
“I didn’t know, but Beau had been watching us for some time. Once Porter fell asleep Beau made himself known. He sat next to us in the sand, suit and all. At first, he said nothing. He wore a tranquil gaze while he brushed his hand through my hair and then his son’s.”
In my head, I imagined what a sweet scene that was. So much so my eyes mirrored Natalie’s and stung with tears.
Natalie sniffled. “When he finally spoke, he said, ‘I don’t care what anyone around us says or does. All I know is, if I let you walk away it would be the biggest mistake of my and Porter’s life. I know I probably don’t deserve you, but my son does. You are the best thing that has ever happened to either one of us. I know it won’t always be easy being married to me, but I promise you I’ll do everything I can to make sure you never regret it.’”
Her eyes met mine with such force I knew she was telling the truth when she said, “And I never have.”