Chapter Fifteen
Kaylee could barely keep her eyes open. Her lids weighed about a hundred pounds and her limbs were like lead. She was lying back on Reed’s chest staring at the crackling campfire while wrapped in a flannel blanket. She was cozy, warm, and her belly was full of s’mores. It was a recipe for deep sleep.
But she didn’t want to go to sleep. She wanted to keep lying here with her husband and stare up at the starry night sky. The temperature had dropped sharply when the sun went down but Reed – as usual – was like a portable heater, keeping her toasty and warm along with the fire only a few feet away.
The group was circled around the campfire after putting Colt and Brianna in bed. Inside the cabin. There had been more protests and whining, but Ava had put a quick stop to all of that and tucked them in with a kiss. The men were discussing plans for the next day and Mike and Amy were patrolling the perimeter. Kaylee didn’t know what had happened with the female marshal but she’d been acting rather pissed off since they’d arrived.
I hope Reed told her where to go.
“You’re falling asleep.”
Craning her head back, she looked up at her husband who was looking down at her. He was wearing a gentle smile and there was love in his soft golden eyes. It was moments like these that gave her hope that they could weather this horrible storm. She wanted to believe that Reed loved her more than he wanted a baby. She certainly loved him that much.
“Am not.”
“Are too.”
Giggling, she reached up and brushed her fingers softly across his stubbly jaw. “Maybe I am.”
“Honey, you were snoring.”
Uh oh. She was a snorer, thanks to a deviated septum and terrible allergies. Had everyone else heard?
Face warm, she struggled to sit up her body, not responding as quickly as it normally did. She really had been asleep. “I’m awake now.”
“But not for long. You should go to bed. In the cabin.”
They’d already discussed this.
“I’m fine in the tent with you. There really isn’t any room for me in the cabin anyway. Ava has one bedroom and the kids have the other. Amy has the couch.”
“She’s not supposed to be sleeping. She’s supposed to be protecting all of you.”
It had been decided that Amy would take the night watch over the cabin. As for the perimeter, Reed and Logan were taking the first half and Mike and Jared would be on after one in the morning. Tomorrow Amy could sleep the day away for all anyone cared.
Glancing at the others who were deep in conversation, Kaylee kept her voice low. “I’d rather be in the tent with you. Is that alright?”
They made so much progress in the last twenty-four hours. Kaylee didn’t want to lose that. It was silly because sleeping in the cabin wouldn’t make things worse between her and Reed. But it wouldn’t make it any better, either. Honestly, she wanted to lie beside her husband.
“It’s fine. I just want you to get a good night’s sleep. I know how you struggle with that.”
She did fight insomnia. Her brain was always thinking about new stories and characters and it made it hard to fall asleep. It had been extra hard without him next to her.
“I think I’ll sleep. I’m tired enough.”
“I’ll help you to bed.”
Kaylee was no lightweight but Reed lifted her to her feet as if she was a feather, tucking the blanket around her shoulders. She bid a sleepy goodnight to their friends and followed him to one of the small tents. “Actually, before I go to bed, I think I’ll run into the cabin to brush my teeth. I’ll change in the bathroom.”
“Ah, good idea. I’ll grab your bag for you.” Reed ducked into the tent and came out with her cosmetics case and her pajamas. “Here you go. Is there anything else you need?”
That was a loaded question. She needed so many things but this wasn’t the moment to discuss them.
“I’m good. What time will you come to bed?”
“Long after you’re asleep. Don’t worry about me. I don’t need as much sleep as you do, remember?”
She did. He worked some terrible hours as a sheriff. Not all the time, but enough.
After a quick trip into the cabin, Kaylee snuggled down into the sleeping bag, the flannel blanket spread out over the top. Tired and worn out, she had no trouble falling asleep, but her dreams had her tossing and turning finally waking when she heard Reed creep into the tent. He was trying hard not to wake her but the tent was so small it was a losing battle.
“You can turn the light on. I’m awake,” she whispered.
“I was trying not to wake you up.”
Instead of the lantern, Reed turned on a small flashlight and placed it on top of his suitcase so it wouldn’t shine in her eyes. Yawning, Kaylee stretched under the covers and turned onto her side. His cheeks were bright red from the cold and she had to ball her fists around the covers so she wouldn’t reach out and rub them. Things had been better between them but… She still wasn’t sure where they stood with each other. There was hope though, and for that she was grateful.
“I know but it’s no big deal. I was having some bad dreams so I’m glad I’m awake.”
Shrugging off his coat and boots, Reed frowned. “What about? Bryson?”
“I don’t know what they were about specifically. I just know that I woke up tense. Is everything out there okay?”
“All quiet.”
“You could sound happier about that.”
“I am happy. It’s just…”
His voice trailed off but Kaylee had an idea what was bothering him.
“It’s too quiet?”
“Bryson is toying with us. This is the calm before the storm.” Reed shucked off his pants and shirt before sliding under the covers. Immediately, she felt the warmth from his body just like the campfire earlier. “Logan is more determined than ever to send Ava and the kids down to Florida with Evan. That means you, too.”
“I don’t want to leave you.”
The thought of Reed getting hurt and her a couple thousand miles away was unthinkable.
“A few days ago you couldn’t wait to get away from me.”
He’d said it with an amused tone but his statement was dead serious. And true. So much had changed in a short period of time.
“I’m trying, Reed. I’m trying hard to reach out and trust you. This isn’t easy for me.”
“I know and I’ve been thinking about that. I truly don’t remember how I looked that day at the doctor’s office, but I admit that the news hit me hard. We’d been trying and I guess I just thought it was only a matter of time. Miracles of medicine and all that. But I do know that I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I don’t care if we ever have a child. I want to prove that to you so you can feel safe with me, honey.”
Kaylee was overwhelmed that he wanted to do that, but she couldn’t think of any way to make that happen overnight.
“I think it’s just going to take time.”
His arm slipped under her, pulling her close enough to feel his heartbeat under her ear. When they were cuddled together like this, it was as if the rest of the world didn’t even exist.
“I’ve been thinking about that, too. You know I’m not the most patient of men.”
She covered her laughter with a coughing fit. “I wouldn’t necessarily say that.”
“Because you’re too kind. But I know how I am. I want you to be okay now, not months from now.”
“I don’t think that’s how this works.”
There was silence and for a moment Kaylee thought her exhausted husband had fallen asleep.
“When we get back home I’m going to make an appointment with Doctor Wallace and get a vasectomy.”
If Kaylee hadn’t been awake before, she was wide awake now. Her heart had stopped in her chest but was now beating so fast it was like she’d run a marathon.
“I don’t think I heard you correctly.”
She congratulated herself on her calm, cool tone when inside she was freaking out. What was Reed saying?
“You did. I’m going to get a vasectomy.”
Sitting up, she tried to see her husband’s face but it was shrouded in darkness. Was this some sort of cruel joke? Because it wasn’t even remotely funny.
“A vasectomy? Whatever for?”
It didn’t make any sense. They weren’t going to have a baby so…why?
“To prove to you once and for all that I want you more than I want a baby. If I can’t father a child and stay with you, I think it might help you believe me.”
Her throat tight, she had to blink at the tears burning the backs of her eyes. This man. This crazy, wonderful man. He was willing to go under the knife just to prove a point to her. Something he shouldn’t have to do. Was their marriage this far off the tracks? And if it was, it was certainly her fault.
“Honey, you haven’t said anything for like five minutes.”
Tears she couldn’t hold back streamed down her cheeks. Her heart ached with love for this man.
“Because I don’t know what to say. I love you so much and you’re insane.”
“Insane but I love him anyway or insane and what the hell am I doing married to him?”
“You know I love you,” Kaylee said, her throat clogged with emotion. She could taste the salt of her tears on her lips. “I didn’t think I could love you more but now I do. Isn’t that crazy?”
“I think it’s supposed to work like that. It’s easy to be in love when everything is good. It’s a hell of a lot harder for love to survive when it has to fight to stay alive.”
Wrapping her arms around her torso, she shivered in the night air. “I’m so scared, and sometimes I’m not even sure what I’m frightened of.”
“I’m scared, too. We can do this but we have to stick together.” His hands gently pulled her back down on the air mattress so she was tucked into his side. “I love you, Kaylee Blue Mitchell. You brought me back from the dead and I can’t go back to living that way again.”
She understood now what Reed had gone through when they’d met. How much courage it had taken to put the past behind him and trust in a new future.
“And you returned the favor. I’ve only been half alive lately, too.” Scrubbing at her wet cheeks with her pajama top, she snuggled closer to Reed’s body heat. “We need to find a new dream. I don’t know what it is but I know that we need to redefine our lives in a brand-new way.”
“Whatever you want, that’s what we’ll do.”
“I don’t know what I want except for us to be together.”
“I never really went away.”
No, he never really had. Even when she’d ruthlessly pushed him out of her life he’d always been there. In her thoughts, and definitely in her heart.
A new dream. What would it be?