Chapter Twenty
Tanner and Seth rushed into the hospital waiting area, breathless and asking a million questions. Reed didn’t even budge or turn around from his spot in the hallway right next to a set of double doors. He hadn’t moved for over an hour, although Ava had tried to get him to sit down and rest several times.
Kaylee was behind those doors in emergency surgery.
Standing to greet the newcomers, she hugged both men and wiped a stray tear from her cheek. For some reason seeing Tanner and Seth here had the waterworks going again. She’d been trying to be strong for Reed but it wasn’t easy. Kaylee was like a sister and if anything happened to her…
Ava couldn’t even allow herself to think that way. Kaylee was going to be fine, Reed and Kaylee’s marriage was going to be fine, Colt and Brianna were going to be fine, and Logan was going to be fine, although she had no idea where he even was right now. She only knew he and Jared had gone after Wade while she, Griffin, and Reed had rushed Kaylee to the hospital.
Everything was fine. Just dandy. Life was a bowl of cherries. Rainbows and fucking unicorns.
Griffin left his post standing next to Reed to welcome Tanner and Seth to their vigil. They were all supposed to meet at the old airfield and thank goodness they’d been delayed by a traffic accident on the road or they might have been hurt as well.
“How is she?” Tanner asked in a hushed tone, his gaze on Reed although he was speaking to Ava and Griffin. “Have you heard anything?”
Reed was going to hear whatever was said because this hallway was so freakin’ quiet Ava could hear a pin drop. For some reason, there was no one bustling around. The lone nurse at the desk had been head down over a stack of files the entire time and hadn’t said a single word.
Ava shook her head, the acid from her stomach in the back of her throat. “No, we haven’t heard anything. They did say that the surgery could take awhile.”
Images of Kaylee in the back of the van, white as a ghost, as Reed had ripped off his jacket and held it over the wound raced back. The blood. There had been so much blood. The men around Ava had been in combat but even they had been affected by what they’d seen. The sheer terror in Reed’s expression and the fear in Kaylee’s would haunt Ava for the rest of her life.
“If we’d been there–” Seth growled but Ava shook her head and placed her hand on his arm.
“Then you might have been hurt, too.”
“Did you get off any shots?” Tanner asked Griffin but he was still looking at Reed, who stood like a marble statue. Waiting. “Did you see Bryson?”
“We got off a few but it wasn’t easy to ascertain where the gunfire was coming from. By the time we did, Bryson was pretty much done. Logan thinks that he didn’t really want to kill anyone. This was just more of his games.”
“Logan has a point,” Tanner conceded. “If Bryson wanted all of you dead, he had a good chance of doing it but he let it go by.”
Ava bit her lip and tasted blood. She couldn’t say out loud what she was thinking…that Bryson might have actually killed one of them whether he intended to or not. Frankly, she didn’t give a fuck what he’d intended. Results were what mattered and if Kaylee–
No, she couldn’t think about it because it was making her crazy.
Walking over to Reed, Tanner placed his hand carefully on his friend’s shoulder so as not to spook him. “Hey, how about we get you some coffee or maybe a sandwich? You haven’t eaten since breakfast, I bet.”
Reed simply shook his head slightly, not bothering to verbally answer. His gaze was still trained on those metal double doors.
“She’s going to be okay,” Tanner finally said when Reed didn’t reply or look at him. “Kaylee’s a fighter. She always has been. Remember when you first met her and she told you that she didn’t need you? She could handle her own stalker? She’s a badass and she’s going to pull through. You guys got her here really fast and they took her to surgery immediately. She’s going to be okay.”
Still not moving or speaking, Reed didn’t acknowledge his friend. His focus was solely on what lay beyond those doors.
Seth stepped forward, rubbing the back of his neck. “Tanner, why don’t you take Ava for coffee and a bite to eat? I’ll stay here with Reed and Griffin.”
“I don’t need–”
“Yes, you do,” Tanner interrupted. “It’s been hours since you ate. You won’t be any good to Kaylee or Logan if you make yourself sick in the process. You have to take care of yourself so that you can take care of them when the time comes. We’ll get you a bite to eat and we’ll also get coffee for everybody.”
She didn’t have an argument other than she was afraid that if she left something terrible would happen like Kaylee dying, but she couldn’t put that fear into words so she simply nodded and followed Tanner down the hall.
For all of her bravado, Ava was tempted to let Tanner take charge. She was exhausted and she wanted to sleep for a week. Not now though. If she closed her eyes, she’d be tortured with the images of Kaylee fighting for life and it would only make her scream out loud.
Screaming. That’s what she wanted to do. Scream as loudly as she possibly could. Would it help?
“Ava.”
How long had Tanner been speaking to her? She’d been far away back at the airfield.
“What?”
Tanner looked concerned, his brows pinched together in a frown. “I don’t want to be an asshole here, honey, but you look terrible.”
She tried to laugh but she couldn’t carry it off. It came out choked, half-cough, half-cry for help.
“You’re a sweet talker.”
“Seriously, you look awful.” His fingers brushed her hand. “Ava, did you know you have blood on your hoodie? We can go down to the gift shop and get you another.”
Looking down at herself, she realized he was right. She’d been in the back of the van holding Kaylee’s hand and some of the blood must have transferred onto her.
So much blood. Everywhere.
“Kaylee was bleeding.”
“I know, honey.” Tanner grabbed a couple of ready-made sandwiches and an apple along with two sodas. “Let me pay for these and we’ll go outside. I saw a few tables. The fresh air will do us good.”
After paying, he guided Ava outside to a picnic table in the shade. There wasn’t anyone around, the other patrons having chosen to sit inside, and she was glad of the privacy. She didn’t need people looking at her wondering what had happened. Heaven forbid a stranger should speak to her. She wasn’t equipped for that right now.
He opened her soda can and placed it in front of her along with the apple and sandwich. She wasn’t hungry but Tanner was a stubborn cuss. She needed to make it look like she’d eaten or drank something so she took a sip of the sweet beverage, enjoying the cool liquid on her tight throat.
“Have you heard from Evan or Josie yet?” she managed to get out.
“They’re still in the air.”
With my babies.
But my babies are safe. Safer. But not with me.
They’re not with me.
“They’re safe as kittens, honey,” Tanner said gently, pushing the sandwich closer to Ava. “Try and eat a little for me. We can’t have you passing out from hunger. Kaylee’s going to need you when she wakes up.”
What if she doesn’t wake up? It’s all my fault. She came here to help me.
Instead of saying all that was running through her head, Ava took a bite of the sandwich. Some sort of grilled chicken. Or turkey. It didn’t matter. It mostly tasted like cardboard.
“Seth and I are going to stay here as long as you need us to.”
Swallowing another bite, Ava shook her head. “No, you need to go help Logan.”
“Until he gets a hold of one of us, we don’t know where he and Jared are.”
Which meant Ava didn’t know, either. She only knew that he’d gone after Wade. Her husband was a great lawman but even he could make mistakes every now and then. Today was one of those days. They’d let their guard down for only a moment…
Mayhem. Chaos. And maybe death.
Two bites of the sandwich had gone okay but the third simply wasn’t going to happen. Gagging on the food in her mouth, Ava stumbled toward the tree, the bark cool and rough under her palm, and let the meager contents of her stomach come back the other way.
At some point as she purged food, drink, acid, and the lining of her stomach and intestines, Tanner had rounded the table and come over to hold her upright. His hand held back her hair as he murmured soft words of encouragement and comfort, none of which she could understand but it was the tone that was the most important. He was speaking to her as if she was about four years old and had found out Santa wasn’t real.
Eventually her body had nothing left to give, and her knees collapsed under her. She would have crumpled to the grass, but Tanner simply lifted her up and placed her on the bench again. The smell of the sandwich hit her nostrils and she gagged again until he swept it up and tossed it in a nearby trash can. The soda, however, tasted good and she greedily gulped it even as he cautioned her to slow down, take it easy. She might make herself sick again.
The sticky liquid sloshed down her chin and onto her shirt, and Tanner took it from her trembling hands. Her entire body was shaking, and she had to fold her knees against her chest and wrap her arms around her legs as the sobs really took over.
She’d tried to be strong but it was all too much.
Logan in danger and Kaylee in surgery and her babies on an airplane. How much was Ava supposed to endure? She’d been married to a man who did dangerous things and she hadn’t liked it much. He was supposed to be taking a desk job and staying home all the time.
If he lived long enough to do that.
Tanner patted her shoulder as she rocked back and forth trying to soothe herself at least a little.
“Let it out, Ava. Let it all out. You’ve been through it and then some. No one would blame you for having a good cry today.”
A good cry? She was looking at a good cry in the rearview mirror. She was sobbing, and she couldn’t seem to stop. The tears went on and on until she was amazed that she had any fluids left in her body after throwing up, too. By the time she was spent her head hurt, her stomach hurt, and every muscle and bone in her body hurt as well.
“I’m scared.”
Her words were soft but the plain truth. She was terrified, and no one seemed to understand.
“What are you scared of?”
Her mouth fell open and she stared at Tanner. How could he be this stupid? Was he fucking blind? Or was everyone else in some weird state of denial?
“Because Kaylee could die.” She pushed Tanner away and tried to stand up, but the world began to spin and tilt. Unceremoniously, she plopped down on the grass, wiping at her snotty nose and tearstained cheeks. “Because my husband might be walking into a goddamn trap. And because my babies aren’t with me. They’re not with me, Tanner. How am I supposed to keep them safe when they’re not with me?”
Her voice had gone up at the end and the last was delivered as an almost scream. She still wanted to do that. Scream until she’d lost her voice. There was no one around. Did she dare give in and just do it?
Coming down onto the ground with her, Tanner pulled a handkerchief out of his pocket and pressed it into her hand. “I know you’re upset–”
“Upset,” Ava echoed. “That’s a weak word for what I feel.”
“Okay, I know you’re feeling like the world is spiraling out of control–”
“That’s a little closer.”
“And that everything is dark right now.” Ava would have spoken again but Tanner placed his finger over her lips. “Listen to me, because this shit is important. Your husband is one of the best – hell, maybe the best – cop I’ve seen in my life. Ever, Ava. He knows what the hell he’s doing and he knows Bryson. He’s going to be fine. We’re all going to back him up and I’m not about to let anything happen to him.”
“You’re here with me.”
“As long as you need me to be.”
“You should be with him.”
“I will be once I’m sure that you’re okay.”
“I’m okay.”
A smile played on his lips and he shook his head. “I’m not so sure about that. Five minutes ago you weren’t fine.”
She wasn’t but she would be.
“I just need some rest and good news.”
“You’ll get it. Kaylee’s going to be fine.”
He looked so confident. But he hadn’t been there. He hadn’t seen what she’d seen.
“You don’t know that.”
“I know Kaylee and you do, too. Can you imagine a scenario where she just gives up? I can’t.”
Ava couldn’t but…
“You didn’t see her. She looked…already gone.”
“She’d lost a lot of blood. Doesn’t mean she isn’t going to make it. I called Maddie about it on the way here. She said that medicine has come a long way with gunshot wounds. Over eighty percent of people shot survive. The odds are good, Ava. Remember Maddie worked in an emergency room, so she’s seen the worst of the worst.”
That did help a little. It gave Ava hope, although anyone could lie with statistics.
“And your children are safe,” Tanner went on. “Evan and Josie are going to take good care of them and they’re in the best place they could be. Far away from here.”
Logically Ava knew that Colt and Brianna were safe, safer than if they were with her, but emotionally she was a mess.
“But I’m not there. What if they’re scared? What if they have a nightmare? Are they going to be scarred for life because they heard gunfire? What are Logan and I doing to our children?”
“Kids are resilient and strong. You’ll be talking to them very soon and you’ll be able to see that for yourself. Colt and Brianna are lucky to have you and Logan for parents.”
She was beginning to think that was bullshit.
“I’m not sure about that. We’re terrible parents, dragging them along with us through all of this.” Because as much as she wanted to keep her children close, she’d been selfish not sending them away first thing. “What if my babies had been shot?”
Finally. She’d voiced her real fear that had been twisting its way through her gut for hours.
“They weren’t. You protected them. You put them on that plane.”
“By accident. They wanted to see the inside. They could have been–”
“But they weren’t.” Tanner leaned closer and tipped her chin up so she had to look at him. His expression was somber, his own eyes bright with tears. “Don’t torture yourself with might-have-beens. The reality is serious enough without any of us making it worse by imagining scenarios that could have happened but didn’t. You’re probably traumatized by what happened so I’m going to give you some advice until you talk to a professional about what you’ve been through. Live in the moment, Ava. Don’t go backward. It will only make this harder. For right now, live in the present.”
Tanner was a wise man and it sounded like decent advice. Except that the here and now sucked pretty badly, too.
But she’d try. That’s all she could promise. Trying.