Chapter Four

 

 

Nate couldn’t remember ever being this content in his entire life. After years of personal turmoil, complicated by survivor’s guilt and PTSD, the universe had decided to give him a break. Now it was like the stars had finally aligned for him and Taya, and everything had fallen into place.

Incredible as it seemed, every last one of his dreams had come true, professional and personal. All thanks to the woman currently about to nod off beside him in the passenger seat of his truck.

Shifting his grip on the wheel, he glanced over just in time to see Taya attempting to smother another giant yawn. The fourth over the past ten minutes. He reached for her hand, laced their fingers together. “Tired?” he said dryly. They’d stayed later than he’d anticipated, visiting with Tuck, Celida, DeLuca and Briar. Now he felt bad. Maybe he should have made their excuses and left an hour ago.

“A little.”

Yeah right, a little. “You fell asleep in the middle of eating dinner. One minute I was telling the guys a story, and the next there you were, asleep with your half-full plate in your lap, fork in one hand and a drumstick in your other. And your mouth was open, too.” Only a little. He couldn’t resist giving her a hard time though.

She cranked her head around to stare at him, her steel gray eyes widening in alarm. “It was not.”

“Totally was. I think I even saw a little trail of drool running down the side of your chin.”

She playfully swatted his shoulder. “Oh, stop.”

Well the first part was true. When she’d woken up a few minutes later she’d made a valiant effort at pretending she hadn’t been asleep at all by continuing to eat as she fought to stay awake. The jet lag must still be hitting her, as she’d just come off another cross-country speaking tour with talks in three cities on the West Coast over the past week. Taya was in huge demand as a speaker on women’s rights and her horrific experiences in Afghanistan.

Nate had never met anyone as strong as his wife, and he was damn proud of all she’d accomplished. Including how well she’d dealt with all the trauma she’d suffered. Somehow, she’d found a source of inner zen that always radiated her inner beauty and calm. Knowing how tired she was, he should have bundled her into the truck right after they’d eaten. “That trip really took it out of you, huh?”

Her smile was a little drowsy, and full of a quiet joy he could practically touch. That air of serenity she always carried with her was one of the most attractive things about her. It seemed like no matter what life threw at her, Taya just absorbed it and kept moving forward, always choosing to look at the bright side of things. “Sorry. I just couldn’t keep my eyes open a second longer.”

“Don’t worry about it, no one minded.” He squeezed her hand, still in awe of all the miracles she’d brought into his life. “You need to start getting more rest. Slow down more.” He’d tried to get her to stay home today to catch up on her sleep, but she’d insisted she come to the barbecue to see everyone.

She sighed. “I know I do. It’s just hard. I’ve got so many requests for speaking engagements I want to do.”

“Well you won’t be able to do any of them if you get exhausted and make yourself sick.”

She aimed a tender smile at him. “I’m not fragile, Nathan.”

“I know that.” He knew it better than anyone, having seen her actions under fire, and while wounded. And then again, in the aftermath of that disastrous day at the courthouse when she’d gone to testify against Qureshi. And in a million other little ways since. “But I’m your husband, so I’m still allowed to worry about you.” He couldn’t help it. She was his world.

“I love that you worry about me. But just try to remember I’m only six years older than you. Not sixty.” She raised a dark eyebrow. “I’m not on my last leg yet.”

He laughed. “I never think about our age difference until you bring it up. Cradle robber.”

Taya pulled her hand free and jabbed her fingers in his ribs, making him chuckle. “Watch it.”

He caught her hand again, raised it to his lips for a kiss. “What was it you wanted to tell me, by the way? Before, on the way over there.” She’d started to mention something on the way to DeLuca and Briar’s place, but he’d received a phone call and they hadn’t resumed the conversation.

She was quiet for a minute. So quiet he looked over at her in surprise. Then she cast him a sidelong glance, and her hesitation in answering made him frown. Taya never withheld anything from him. “What?” he asked.

She turned a little in her seat to look at him. “So…your sister contacted me.”

The quiet admission blindsided him, bursting the warm, happy bubble he’d been floating in since Taya had arrived at the airport last night. Anger and denial punched through him, an instinctive and unstoppable reaction to the news.

He clenched his left hand around the steering wheel, suspicion coiling in the pit of his stomach. “When?” he demanded, jaw tight. Maybe he’d heard wrong.

Her expression turned worried. “Yesterday morning, just before checkout. She emailed me.”

She’d looked up Taya’s email address? “What? How the hell did she even find out about you?” They’d only been married a couple months, and he sure as shit hadn’t told Dara.

“She said she saw an interview of mine on TV and looked me up. She contacted me through my website.”

His jaw flexed. He didn’t like the feel of this. “What did she want?” There had to be an angle. With his sister, there always was, and always would be. Three years older than him, she’d been raised from the cradle to be a master liar, manipulator and user. A carefully trained carbon copy of their mother.

“Nathan,” Taya chided at his harsh tone.

“No.” He didn’t care if he sounded like an asshole. Taya didn’t get it. Always the peacemaker, wanting to smooth everything over, fix it all. Well, some things couldn’t be fixed. Or forgiven. And never forgotten. He pulled in a steadying breath and fought to hold onto his patience. “What did she want?”

“She wanted to verify that I really was your wife, and then she asked about you.”

“What about me?”

She shrugged. “Just general things. How you were doing, where we were living.”

He shot her a look, rattled at the news. “Tell me you didn’t answer that last one.”

“I just said we were in the D.C. area. Okay, I shouldn’t have told her even that much, but I didn’t think it was that big a deal since it’s vague, and she knows you must be close to here anyway because of your job.”

Nate sucked in a deep breath through his nose and tried to calm down, but it was no use. The last time he’d heard from Dara was when their mother had died last year. Because she’d had no way to contact him she’d reached out to the FBI to pass along the message that she was looking for him.

He hadn’t answered. Hadn’t even attended the funeral, no matter how much Taya had tried to reason with him, saying it would bring him a sense of peace and closure. Always trying to see the best in people and give them a second chance. But why would he go, when the woman who’d given birth to him had been dead to him for years now?

“She wants money,” he said flatly. That was usually Dara’s prime motivation.

“You don’t know that.”

“I do know that.” And it pissed him off that Taya would question his judgment on this. She didn’t know Dara, hadn’t grown up with her. He’d purposely cut his mother and sister out of his life a long time ago, back when he’d left and joined the Air Force, and it was the best thing he’d ever done, other than marrying Taya.

A week after the funeral, Dara’s lawyer had sent him paperwork about his half of the inheritance, less than two thousand bucks that Nate hadn’t collected. Dara wanted it, and she wouldn’t stop until she got what she wanted. And even then she’d keep going, keep searching, see what else she could get from Nate or anyone else she might be able to collect from. It made him sick.

At his angry tone Taya went quiet and turned away to look out her window. Nate reined in his temper with effort. He wasn’t mad at Taya. But the news had taken him off guard and hit a raw spot inside him. It infuriated him that his sister would stoop to try and weasel her way back into his life now through Taya, who didn’t realize she was being taken advantage of. Dara smelled that kind of opening a mile away and seized on it like the predator she was.

“If she contacts you again, ignore her.” It was important Taya understand how toxic his sister was. “Dara is selfish and a user, on top of being an expert manipulator.” She’d learned it all from the best, after all. No one played people or the system like Janet Schroder had. “I don’t want her in my life, period, and especially not now. I don’t want her to touch us. Ever.”

“I was just being polite. It’s not like I asked her to come up and visit us.”

He didn’t care. “Swear you won’t talk to her again.”

Taya gazed at him a long moment, studying him, then relented with a nod. “All right,” she said, her voice soft. “I promise. And I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to stir up trouble.”

He knew that. But her promise to avoid contact with Dara only mollified him a little. He was still stewing about his useless and calculating relative when they got home. Taya met him around the front of the truck, her gray eyes searching his.

If she was waiting for an apology for his reaction or stance on the issue, she was in for a disappointment. The shit he’d gone through with his family for all those years ran too deep and he wasn’t going to change his mind about this, not even for his wife.

But instead of pressing him for answers, Taya slipped her arms around his neck and hugged him, pressing her sweet body into his. And just like that, Nate calmed, a long exhalation rushing from him as he wrapped his arms around her. After a few moments, the worst of the anger drained away. He held her to him, breathing in her cinnamon-vanilla scent, drinking in that uncanny sense of peace she always had about her.

This was honest and real. The past couldn’t touch them anymore, unless he allowed it to.

“I hit a nerve there, huh?” she murmured against his shoulder.

“Yeah.” A big one.

He wasn’t proud of it. Most of his issues he’d dealt with. But some were too ingrained and he didn’t feel like wasting energy on them.

He searched for the right words. “It’s just…you don’t know how toxic things were when I was growing up.” The constant shame when landlords had come to evict them from yet another place, knowing his mother had used up all her lies and they had to move on again. Or when the creditors had come after them and repossessed their stuff.

His mother had been a pro at working the welfare system, but even her maneuvering had its limits. He’d told Taya about most of it, but hearing about it wasn’t the same as living it. He’d sworn to himself that the moment he was old enough, he’d leave and never look back. And he hadn’t.

The words kept coming. “I did everything in my power to escape all that, and I’m not going to let anything jeopardize what we have now.”

She nodded, easing back to meet and hold his gaze. “I understand.”

No, she didn’t, not really. How could she, when she’d grown up in a loving, supportive home, and was still close to her father and brother? And he didn’t want her to. But he appreciated that she was trying to see where he was coming from. That she had his back. It calmed him.

He ran a hand through her long brown curls, the strands wrapping around his fingers. Clinging, as if they didn’t want to let go. He knew the feeling. “You’re wiped. Let’s get you to bed.”

“Okay, Doc.”

“Hey.” He swatted her butt gently, loving the way her eyes sparkled with humor. “Only the guys get to call me that. Not you.” With a grin, he dropped a light kiss on her lips and tugged her toward the door.

The mention of his past had stirred up a lot of memories best left buried. He resented that even more considering he was leaving tomorrow for a training op, and had only a few hours left to spend with Taya.

To clear his head, he hopped in the shower, stood there letting the hot water beat down on him. The past was the past. He and Taya had a bright future to look forward to. They were what mattered. Thinking about his sister for one second longer was pointless.

Toweling off his hair, he walked back into the master bedroom and stopped in the doorway, his heart turning over when he saw his wife. Taya was stretched out on her side on top of the covers still wearing all her clothes, and fast asleep. She looked like an angel lying there, her hair spilling over the pillow, the thin, silvery scars on the side of her face revealed in the soft light from the bedside lamp.

He rarely noticed her scars anymore, but not a day went by when he didn’t think about how she’d gotten them, and he’d always wonder why he’d come through their ordeal in Afghanistan unscathed when she’d suffered so much and he’s lost the man who’d been like his brother.

Well, physically Nate had been unscathed, anyway. He still had some residual survivor’s guilt about O’Neil, but Taya had helped with a lot of it, and he still journaled whenever the issue reared its head again.

God, he owed her everything. Could never in ten lifetimes give her back as much as she’d given him. But he’d sure as hell try.

As gently as he could, he turned her onto her back, smiling down into her face when she stirred and blinked up at him with dazed, gray eyes. “You’re still dressed,” he whispered, hoping to not wake her up completely as he removed her socks. He’d planned to make love to her, had been thinking about it all afternoon, but if she was this tired he would let her sleep.

Taya gave a drowsy sigh, didn’t respond as she allowed him to help her undress and get her under the covers. He thought she was asleep again when he crawled in beside her naked and pulled her to his chest, then switched off the bedside lamp, a faint amount of light filtering in through the open door from the bathroom window.

“Nathan?”

He stilled. “Yeah?”

“I have something else to tell you.”

He tensed, suddenly wary, his mind automatically bracing for more about Dara. He didn’t want to hear it, but he also needed to let Taya say her piece. “Okay.”

“I hope it’s better news than the last bit.”

Me too. He ran a hand over her hair. “So? What is it?”

She shifted until she was lying on her side facing him, her head on his pillow, her gaze on his. “I’m pregnant.”

Nate stopped breathing. He stared at his wife’s face in the faint light, his mind wiped blank. “What?”

Gentle fingers trailed over his cheek, down to stroke his lips, and there was a smile in her voice as she answered. “We’re going to have a baby.”

Joy burst inside him. “Oh, my God, Taya…” He locked his arms around her and dragged her to him, cradling her as close as he could. Was this real? He wasn’t dreaming? “You’re sure?”

Her curls brushed the bottom of his chin as she nodded. “Positive. I took two tests yesterday morning before checking out of my hotel. I think I’m around five weeks or so.”

Unexpected tears burned his eyes. “Oh, my God,” he repeated with a little laugh. He was going to be a father? It had happened so fast.

She snuggled into him. “So you’re happy?”

She had to ask? “God, yes. I’m freaking thrilled. What about you?”

“I’m so excited,” she gushed, the tremor of excitement in her voice contagious. “I was dying to tell you, but I thought I’d better tell you the other thing first, and then it just didn’t seem like the right time…”

Because he’d been so angry she’d worried that he wouldn’t have given her this reaction. Guilt hit him. She’d been waiting to tell him since yesterday morning, and he’d spoiled the big moment for her with his reaction to the news about Dara.

He buried his face in her hair. “I’m sorry I was a dick when you told me about her. But this is even more reason to cut my sister out of our lives once and for all.”

Taya kissed his neck, sending an instant rush of heat to his groin. He loved the feel of her mouth on him, even the G-rated parts. Of course, he loved the feel of it on his X-rated parts more. “It’s okay, I get it.”

He did his best to ignore the blast of arousal she’d triggered, and focus on the happy news. Pregnant. Damn, had he been too rough with her last night? He’d been so worked up after being apart for two weeks, and she’d seemed just as hungry for him. Gliding his hand down her ribs, he splayed his palm protectively over the slight curve of her abdomen.

Their baby. Tucked safely inside her. It was too incredible. “Are you feeling okay? You’re not sick or anything?”

“Not really, only a little if I get too hungry. Mostly just tired. And my boobs are a little sore.”

No wonder she was so exhausted. “When’s the due date, do you know?” Man, under a year from now they were going to be parents. Unreal.

“Mid-summer, I think. Probably in the first half of July. I’m going to see my doctor on Monday, so I’ll know more then.”

“I’ll go with you.”

“You’ll be out of town.”

Ah, hell. “Then call me from the office as soon as you find out.”

“I will.”

He drew her back into his arms, overwhelmed with love and gratitude. “God, I love you so much.”

“I love you so much too.” The words ended with another huge yawn.

Chuckling, Nate kissed the top of her head. “Go to sleep, baby.” He held her close while she melted into his body and drifted off in his arms.

Savoring the peace washing over him, he nuzzled her curls and lay there staring into the darkness, enjoying the feel of his wife’s warm, curvy body snuggled into him. His incredible little warrior. The mother of his child.

He didn’t remember falling asleep. One minute he was holding Taya, the next his head jerked up from the pillow when his phone went off from the bathroom. He jumped up and hurried to check it, saw the message there from Tuck.

911. Training op canceled. Report to base at 04:00.

Nate rubbed a hand over his eyes, fighting a groan. It was already 02:50 now. Just enough time to get dressed, grab his gear and get to base. What was going on? Something pretty big must have come up to call them in now and cancel the training op. He’d listen to the news on his way in.

Taya stirred when he sat beside her on the bed, blinked up at him sleepily in the light coming from the open bathroom door. “What’s wrong?” she murmured, coming up on one elbow, squinting in the faint light.

“Training’s been canceled. We’ve been called in to HQ for something. Not sure what.”

Her eyes cleared and she sat up, but he stopped her, pressing her shoulders back down onto the mattress. “No, you stay here and get some more sleep.”

“You sure? I can help you pack.”

“I’m sure.” He leaned over her, kissed her forehead and the bridge of her nose before finally capturing her lips with his.

She softened, her mouth warm and inviting as she curled a hand around the back of his neck. God, he loved this woman. She was without a doubt the kindest, most courageous person he’d ever known. No way he deserved her, but he hoped he never gave her reason to figure that out.

“I’ll call you with details when I can,” he whispered. “Not sure when I’ll be back, but it could be a few days if they’re sending us out.”

“Okay. Love you.”

“Love you too.” He slid a hand into her curls, hating to go so soon. “You’ll be okay?” A ridiculous question, but he couldn’t help asking.

She shook her head at him slightly, amusement brimming in her eyes. “Really?”

He grinned. “Yeah, that was stupid. Pretend I never said it.”

Cupping her chin in his hand, he kissed her once more, then pulled the covers aside, somehow mustered up the willpower to merely graze his lips over the curves of her breasts and pass by her hardening nipples on his way to her abdomen. He nuzzled her velvety soft skin there, pressed a kiss to the spot just below her belly button where their child slept, and tucked her back in to avoid the sweet temptation her naked body presented. “See you soon.”

She nodded. “Be safe.”

“I will.”

He went to the closet to put on his tactical uniform and grab his gear. When he looked back from the bathroom a few minutes later, where he’d paused to shut the light off, Taya was fast asleep again. Nate smiled, drinking in the sight of her for one moment longer before hitting the switch. In the darkness, he hesitated, the image of her curled up in their bed burned into his mind.

He always hated leaving her, but this time the urge to stay was so strong he had to force himself to walk away and out the door.