Sara
EVERYTHING I DID, every move I made, seemed to be in slow motion. I was trapped in my own tortured version of The Matrix. Drew still texted and called all the time, but although it killed me, I wouldn’t answer. Why make the inevitable even worse?
After a long two hours of practice at the restaurant, staying later than I intended to on purpose, my broken heart and I headed back to the dorms. Loretta stayed behind, pretending to only be around if I needed help, but putting a much-needed barrier between Aaron and me. If he hit on me tonight, I was afraid I’d punch his lights out in frustration. I didn’t want anyone but Drew, and I had the sinking feeling I never would. After being alone for so many years and never giving the solitude a second thought, now it felt like a death sentence.
I promised Lisa I’d call her the moment I left the restaurant at ten o’clock or else she’d call to check. She didn’t trust Aaron alone with me, but as luck would have it, I’d only seen him when I arrived and when I left. Maybe he’d gotten the message or was deterred by Loretta’s presence. Either way, I was happy the awkwardness of my internship would soon be coming to a close.
My phone rang at exactly 10:01; Lisa was nothing if not punctual. She’d been pressing me to open up about Drew, but I couldn’t do it. I’d only be able to pull off stoic if I didn’t mention his name, no matter how many times his face ran through my tortured brain.
“Hello . . .” I sang after I reached into my bag and grabbed my phone, answering without looking at the screen. “Sorry, I’m fifty seconds late, I’m on my way home n—”
“Did he touch you?” Drew growled in my ear, an unusual menace in his tone.
Shit. My eyes squeezed shut at the sound of his voice. He’d been calling and texting nonstop for days and I’d managed to avoid him, until now. He sounded furious, and as devastated as I was, the love I had for him hadn’t changed and probably wouldn’t in my lifetime, but I couldn’t give in. I loved him enough to do what was best, even if he didn’t see it that way.
“What are you talking about?”
“You won’t speak to me or even come anywhere near me. You go to McQuaid’s, after hours, to be with that fucker who can’t take a hint. Emma slipped and told me where you were, and I’ve been climbing the fucking walls ever since.”
“Drew, I’ve handled a lot worse than Aaron alone. I don’t need you to take care of me—”
“But I need you! That’s the part you don’t get. That you never understood. I’m an adult, not a kid that doesn’t know what the fuck he wants, no matter how you blow off how I feel about you because of my age. I want you, Sara. I want Victoria. This job could pay seven figures for all I care, but if it takes me away from you, I don’t want it. What the hell do I have to do to get through to you?”
I winced as his words grew louder and more desperate.
“I don’t blame you for what you said. We are a lot to take on, and you don’t need us to—”
“You don’t have the first fucking clue what I need, Caldwell. If you did, you’d be right here with me and not in that asshole’s kitchen.” My chest pinched as his voice cracked on the last word.
I sank my teeth into my quivering bottom lip, willing the cascading tears down my cheeks back into my eyes. I missed my best friend. I missed his pure heart and fierce love. He deserved the best in life and should feel free to take it without obligation. It was all raw and fresh, but eventually the wound would heal, and he’d move on. I wouldn’t, but I was tough. I’d survive knowing he was better off.
“You need to take the offer.” A long, heavy silence washed over us. I was about to hang up when his heavy sigh made me freeze.
“Sara, please don’t do this.” Pissed off Drew I could handle, but heartbroken Drew gutted me right in half. “I love you . . . more than you’ll ever know. What I have with you, it’s everything to me. You’re everything to me. I’ll come over and we’ll talk this out. I miss you so damn much. I can’t—”
“No, I can’t. You need to take that offer and you need to go. Goodbye, Drew.”
I hung up and threw the phone on the passenger seat, crying into my hands until I calmed down enough to start the car. I punched out a text to Lisa and headed back to the dorm, white-knuckling the steering wheel as I fought against the overwhelming urge to drive to Drew’s apartment and take it all back.
Being the strong one was destroying me.
“Oh my God!” Lisa yelled as she rushed over to me. I felt like hell, and I supposed I looked like it. I cried the entire drive home. My eyes were irritated and sore, impairing my vision the last couple of miles. If I were honest with myself, I always expected Drew and me to end. It was as if I was working on telling him goodbye before we even said hello. What I didn’t expect was the grief and sorrow over losing him to be this excruciating.
“Did that jerk do something?” She grabbed my shoulders and shook. I let out a real laugh for the first time in days.
“I can handle Aaron. He’s harmless, especially now that the internship is almost over.” I sniffled and moped to my bed. “Drew called me. I picked up without looking, thinking it was you checking up on me. I’m guessing that one of you told him I practiced at the restaurant tonight.”
She pulled me to sit and gave me a slow nod. “Emma slipped. He freaked out that you were going to be alone with Aaron and was angry as to why you couldn’t be in the same room with him.” She swallowed and cringed. “Then, he broke a lead pencil with one hand.”
My head fell into my hands with a groan. “This is so awful.”
“I know it,” Lisa agreed. “He’s in bad shape, Sara. And so are you. This is dumb. Why can’t you talk this out?”
I shrugged, at a loss as to how to answer. “He basically said he was making a sacrifice to be with me and Victoria and didn’t mind settling for something else. If he thinks that now, what about years down the road?”
“Maybe he put his foot in his mouth a little, but isn’t love about sacrifice? All you had to do to take care of Victoria. Do you regret any of that?”
My head jerked up. “No, of course not. I wished things were different sometimes, or easier, but I never regret having her. She’s my biggest joy.” I smiled despite my misery. She took to Drew so well and so fast, I dreaded breaking this to her. We’d been texting back and forth over the last few days. I was out of excuses why we couldn’t FaceTime, but I wasn’t ready to face her yet.
“Exactly! You love her, so you did what you had to do. Did you ever stop to think maybe that’s what Drew meant?”
“Maybe.” I cupped my forehead and rubbed at my temples. “But it’s too late now. I can’t go back.”
“Babe, take it from me. He’s miserable without you. You don’t break pencils over just anyone. I doubt it’s too late.”
A laugh escaped me before I pulled my phone out of my purse. I had twelve missed calls and ten voice mails. My heart fell into my stomach when I read my sister’s number, not Drew’s, on the screen.
I hadn’t heard from Denise since Christmas. My mother refusing to speak to me wasn’t her fault and I appreciated her trying. She was too young to realize what a lost cause it was. I still wanted to see her, but I was done with any hope I may’ve had to make amends with my parents.
As I tried to figure out why she was in such an urgent rush to speak to me, the phone buzzed in my hand. A bad feeling washed over me as I hit accept.
“Denise?”
“Sara, thank God. I’ve been trying to get through for the past half hour.” Her voice was shrill, filled with panic. My chest pinched, bracing for whatever bad news she had to tell me.
“I’m here, what’s wrong?” My throat tightened as my hands shook. Was she in trouble? How was I supposed to help her from so far away? Even after all these years, she was still my baby sister and I wouldn’t leave her like my parents deserted me.
“Mom and Dad . . .” She sobbed into the receiver, the rest of her words were muffled with tears.
“Denise, you need to stop trying. They don’t want to speak to me—”
“They were in a car accident, Sara. Mom and Dad are gone.”