CHAPTER TEN
A sharp cry had Elizabeth flailing, arms and legs jerking beneath the covers. Her heart beat like pistons in an engine as her mind grappled with where the cry came from. Another cry had her out of bed and scrambling into Madeline’s room.
The little girl had tossed the covers off and lay shivering in the middle of her bed. Her forehead was beaded with drops of perspiration, her features twisted, brow scrunched. She cried again, thrashing one way, then the other.
Elizabeth dashed over to her bed, placing her palm on Madeline’s forehead; it was warm, but not hot. Not a fever. A nightmare, then. She stroked her fingers through Madeline’s hair, with what she hoped was a quiet, soothing, shushing sound. Madeline whimpered and then settled, her breath becoming deeper.
Elizabeth settled the doona over the sleeping child, carefully tucking the soft covering around her body. She tiptoed to the door and had her hand on the handle when Madeline cried out again.
“Help!”
Elizabeth padded over and knelt by the bed, her fingers stroking her damp blonde hair again. “Hush, Madeline. It’s all right. I’m here.”
“Liz’beth?” Madeline opened her eyes, but they were still cloudy with bad dreams.
“I’m here, sweetie. Close your eyes and go back to sleep,” Elizabeth whispered.
Madeline whimpered, clinging to Elizabeth. She was so frightened. Still traumatised. The child needed comfort, otherwise the nightmare would catch her again. She knew about recurring nightmares. At least she could offer this small comfort to the child while she was here.
Elizabeth slipped beneath the covers. She’d just stay until Madeline went past the nightmares into a deep sleep, then she’d go back to her own bed. She gathered Madeline in her arms. The little girl snuggled tightly against her, her little body warm and soft and innocent.
Another chunk of the wall around Elizabeth’s heart squeezed and dissolved. She wound her arm around Madeline’s shoulder, pressing her close. This was what it meant to be a mum. Sleep-disturbed but wanting to offer comfort above and beyond your own needs. Elizabeth rested more fully against the pillow, giving in to the daydream that Madeline was her own little girl and James was her own very sexy husband.
She closed her eyes. Yes, that was a good daydream. A very good daydream. They’d all share a bed, of course, and both comfort Madeline at night if she needed it. Then, those nights when Madeline slept well and they had the entire night to themselves, it would be totally different. There would be comfort of a very different sort.
First, they’d kiss. His mouth firm and unyielding. His tongue commanding. His hands roaming over her body, seeking and finding. She’d let him touch wherever he wanted. However he wanted. Elizabeth could almost feel his fingers tracing every dip and curve of her body. Breasts, stomach, lower. She’d open herself to his fingers, hands, tongue.
Elizabeth sighed, relaxing further into her thoughts. She dreamed on, each new thought nearly as tangible as the real thing, until her body prickled and heated and throbbed and yearned for physical touch.
A private dream was as far as she would go. They were safe. They didn’t have horrible repercussions. It was the real life she had to remain on guard against. If she wasn’t careful and guard every action she had around James, there was a very real possibility she’d be too weak to say no to him. Or to herself.
It was better to remain in her dreams. Better than the reality of life. There was no way she’d subject a beautiful little girl and her father to the nightmare of her life. Better to live in dreams. Dreams were good. It was only the waking hours where the nightmares were real.
* * *
“Liz’beth. Liz’beth! Wake up.”
Mussed blonde hair and a cherub’s face were the first things she saw when she opened her eyes.
“Hey, honey. How are you today? Did you sleep all right?” Sometime in the night, Elizabeth had made her way back to her own bed, but only after making sure Madeline’s nightmares were hopefully over.
Madeline nodded, clutching her teddy bear. “Uh huh. Can we go to the park today?”
Elizabeth glanced through the gap in the curtains. Heavy rain pounded against the glass in a torrential downpour. It seemed as though the weather wasn’t abating anytime soon.
“I don’t think it'll be very pleasant there at the moment. How about we make damper instead?”
Madeline pressed her nose into the teddy bear. “What’s damper?”
“It’s a yummy bread we made at the Homestead. You usually roast it on fire, but because it’s raining, we can cook it in the oven. Do you think Mrs. D’llessio will mind us taking over her kitchen?”
Madeline giggled. “What else did you do at the ‘stead?”
“Oh, lots of things,” Elizabeth answered. “Roping cows, feeding the animals, repairing fences.” Losing your heart and fortune to a lying, thieving bastard.
“What animals did they have there?”
“Cattle. Horses. Dogs. Cats.” They were all working animals. Everything had a job to do.
“What were the dogs' names?”
“There was Blue, Frankie, Jack and Buzz.”
“Did you play with them?”
“They think their work time is the play time. They love to round up cattle and take them where they’re meant to be going,” Elizabeth said.
“Did they fight with the cats?”
“Only in a good way.”
The more rambunctious Buzz would try and take on the resident tabby, but the others knew better and stayed away. A wave of homesickness went through her. She would have been up two hours ago by now, probably sweating in the hot sun, brushing down one of the horses. It had been dirty work, but she’d loved it.
“What about..?”
“How about I tell you all about it while we’re eating breakfast? I’m starving, what about you?”
A little blonde head nodded and jiggled up and down. “Can we make damper for breakfast?”
Elizabeth couldn’t stop her chuckle. “Maybe we can make it for afternoon tea. Let’s see what there is in the kitchen, shall we?”
She tentatively poked her head through the kitchen door. At the sight of Mrs. D’llessio and only Mrs. D’llessio, Elizabeth didn’t know whether to be relieved or disappointed. A part of her had hoped James might also be here having breakfast, while another part of her warred with that hope.
Mrs. D’llessio caught Madeline in a big bear hug. “Hello, my little bambino. Did you sleep well?”
“Si. I did. Elizabeth made the ‘mares go away,” Madeline said.
“You are so good for my bambino. I’m so glad you came here. You have no idea what change you’ve brought with you,” Mrs. D’llessio said.
Elizabeth didn’t know whether or not it was just Italian exuberance or if there was another meaning underneath, but she only detected sincerity.
“I see you don’t believe me, but that is OK. It is to be expected. You don’t know what it was like before. So, who is ready for their breakfast?”
“Me!” Madeline jumped on the spot, raising her hand in the air. Elizabeth ruffled the little girl’s hair, chuckling at her early morning enthusiasm.
“What would you like, bambina? Your usual?”
Madeline nodded. “Yes, please. Come and sit next to me, Liz’beth. We’re going to make damper for after the noon tea.”
Elizabeth chuckled. “Afternoon tea. That’s if it’s all right with you, Mrs. D’llessio?”
The elder woman made a shooshing sound. “Why wouldn’t that be all right? You make damper, I make biscuits, we have a feast. Isn’t that right, Bambina?
Madeline giggled and nodded.
“Now you sit, I get your breakfast,” Mrs. D’llessio said.
“I can get it,” Elizabeth said.
The Italian grandmother eyed Elizabeth with a penetrating gaze. “I think you are not used to people taking care of you, are you, Cara? Sometimes it is time to take care of others, and other times you let people take care of you. That is life,” The Italian clasped Elizabeth’s shoulders and steered her into a chair. “Let me get you breakfast. It is no trouble. You want toast? I make the best toast in the business.”
“Daddy will take care of you too, Liz’beth,” Madeline said.
Elizabeth’s cheeks heated at the type of ‘care’ she’d daydreamed about receiving from Madeline’s daddy, and it wasn’t strictly professional – or innocent.
She cleared her throat. “That would be very nice. Thank you, Mrs. D’llessio.”
It was nice, if not a little uncomfortable, letting Maria bustle about the kitchen and make her breakfast. At the homestead, everyone got their own. Even as a kid, she’d had to make her own breakfast. Most days, she just skipped it.
“Now James. He’s a man who needs someone to take care of him. Not just the cooking and the cleaning. He needs more. You know what I mean?”
“Doesn’t James have a girlfriend?” she blurted. Mrs. D’llessio sent her a sharp sideways glance Elizabeth didn’t miss. Damn, she didn’t mean to sound so… interested. “I mean, surely a man like him would have lots of interest.” She should stop now before this line of questioning became a train wreck.
Still, there was a part of her that wanted to know and was prepared to be jealous. It was bad enough lusting after a single dad, but what if she’d been lusting over a man who was already taken?
“Since Hanna died, James hasn’t been the same.”
Not the answer she sought, but, “How?” She glanced at Madeline, hoping this wasn’t going to upset her, but the child was engrossed in her cereal and setting her teddy bear up to share.
Mrs. D’llessio sighed. “James loved his wife. It was a beautiful thing to see. Their biggest happiness was when Hanna become pregnant. Big smiles. Big hearts. But she got so sick. James tried everything he could to help her. Doctors. Specialists. But nothing helped. His heart, it was ripped out when she passed. He didn’t smile anymore. And now he work. Work, work, work.”
“Work, work, work,” Madeline repeated. “Daddy never comes to the kitchen to eat. He’s always up in his office. Working.”
Her chest constricted as heat engulfed her. “That’s…” Her voice cracked.
“Si. It is sad.”
“But surely, after all this time, he… he’s found someone?” Elizabeth asked.
She didn’t miss the little secret smile that appeared on Maria’s lips before she whispered. “Maybe he has.”
So there was someone. She should have known. Someone like James would definitely have a woman interested in him. He was tall, handsome, sexy as sin with that thick, wavy hair, dimple and soulful eyes. He was caring, thoughtful and obviously loved his daughter more than life itself. Who wouldn’t want a man like that?
She couldn’t help the little stab of jealousy that jabbed into her gut. Jealous? What did she have to be jealous about? As if a man like James would be interested in someone like her. He employed her for the sake of his daughter. That was all, and at not one time had he made her think he was interested in her in any other way.
Her imagination had gotten out of control.
There was a little side of her that was disappointed. Had put far too much emphasis on the flash of attraction she felt for him, but she’d just have to live with that. Besides, she wasn’t going to be here long enough for anything to happen between them in any case. As soon as that road was open, she was out of here. That was all there was to it. End of story.
Elizabeth pushed her half-eaten piece of toast away, wishing her heart and mind weren’t at such odds. She needed to focus on something else. “So, Mrs. D’llessio. Tell me what brought you to work for James?”
* * *
Madeline had shown her every teddy, doll and toy in her room, and Elizabeth had loved every minute of it. Due to the weather, which didn’t seem to be clearing at all, they were contained inside. They’d played doll houses, done doll’s hair, read books and sung songs. The child seemed to thrive on music, and Elizabeth was only too glad to share it with her. She had to wonder if music was also Madeline’s way of coping with the sadness of not having a mother.
She had a father though. And although almost a day had passed, and she hadn’t seen hide nor hair of him. She guessed Mrs. D’llessio wasn’t joking when she said all he did was work, work, work. It wasn’t good. Not for him, or for Madeline. The child must be starved for attention.
They’d just finished lunch and were on the way to watch a movie in the living room when Madeline tugged Elizabeth’s hand towards a closed room. “Can I show you something, Liz’beth?”
In her experience, closed doors were meant to stay closed. “I don’t think we’re allowed in here, honey.”
“It’s okay. This is Mummy’s room.”
Elizabeth stopped Madeline from opening the door. “Then I really don’t think we should go in here.”
Madeline frowned, puckering her smooth skin. “But you’ll like it. Promise.”
Elizabeth hesitated, but Madeline’s downcast expression weakened her reserve. Besides, James had told her she was free to explore the entire house. Maybe she could just open the door a crack and peek inside. It seemed harmless enough. Besides, it would make Madeline happy.
“Well, just quickly, then.”
A quick smile replaced the little girl’s frown, and then Elizabeth was staring at the most beautiful room she’d ever seen. “Daddy built this for Mummy.”
A weak winter sun filtered in through floor to ceiling windows, so high and wide, there didn’t seem to be a wall at all. Beyond, the ocean stretched endlessly into the horizon. She saw every frothy white peak, every swell and dip of the sea. The stretch of pale sand contoured the road, then disappeared behind the craggy side of the mountain, where houses were partly hidden between a canopy of greens.
The view was magnificent, but the room was breathtaking. A glorious grand piano was situated on a small stage at one end of the room. Its ebony paint shone with glints of sunlight that drifted in from the windows. A huge chandelier of cascading crystals hung over the piano. Even without the globes lit, light glinted in rainbow hued colour, cascading about the room like fairy lights.
The rest of the room was furnished with luxury couches that framed an extra large coffee table. Exquisite lamps were placed on side tables, and accessories dotted the surfaces on wall tables and matching cabinets.
Beautifully crafted chairs were set up side by side, all facing the piano, in preparation for a mini concert. The room was luxurious, daunting and overwhelming all at once. She’d never seen a room so magnificent.
“Come on. Let’s play the piano.” Madeline tugged Elizabeth into the room.
“Oh no. I’m not going to touch a thing like that.” Her mind spun with all the things that could go wrong. “What if I scratch it?”
“This was Mummy’s. She’d let you play it.”
Elizabeth stared at the piano, dumfounded. “What do you mean? This was your mother's?”
“She used to play it. She was good. She had concerts and everything.”
“Really?”
Judging by the quality of the instrument, Madeline’s mother had been a serious musician. Not just serious – talented. No one would purchase something like this unless they really knew how to use it. She wandered, spellbound, towards the piano, as though an invisible cord tugged at her core. Wanting – needing – to see it more closely.
She touched the keys. Just lightly. They were smooth and cool to the touch. Alabaster white and shining black. This was nothing like the pianos she’d ever played. They were usually old, out of tune sticks of wood. This – this - was the true meaning of an instrument.
The superb craftsmanship was apparent just by looking at it. Breath held, she pressed a key. The note echoed throughout the space, the quality of the tone nothing short of pure. An instrument of this magnitude called for skill and talent. A complicated classical piece. Chopin, or Bach perhaps.
Before she could stop her, Madeline plonked down on the seat and hit several keys. The sound could probably be heard throughout the house. Although she was horrified, she was also astounded the clashing tones didn’t mask the quality of the instrument. It was amazing. She’d never had the chance even to come close to an instrument like this.
She couldn’t resist. She just had to touch it. She had to play. It was always this way with music. With an instrument. Her fingers itched with a mind of their own. Awed at playing such a fine instrument, she sat next to Madeline, and despite the fact that this was going to get her in trouble, she surrendered to the temptation to play.