CHAPTER FIFTEEN
Elizabeth switched on one of the computers in the small office that was situated right next to the front door. It had obviously been designed to be used for business and was conveniently located so visitors could be ushered in without the need to traipse throughout the rest of the house.
It was a well thought out space, accommodating several workstations, a table and chairs and two facing couches with a low table in-between. She fleetingly wondered why James would choose to hole himself in a small office on the top floor instead of down here. This one was open and pleasant.
Madeline was on one of the computers next to hers, playing an Internet game, while she looked up news about the landslide. Looking at the aerial footage, it was no wonder nothing could get though. An entire section of road was simply missing, buried under tons of rocks and mud right through the middle of the mountain pass that was the only way in and out of the town. There was no hope of clearing it anytime soon. It was clear she’d be stuck here with Madeline and James for several more days at least.
Not for the first time, thoughts of James filtered into her mind. He probably thought she was an absolute mess after the ‘beach incident’ yesterday. He was going to kiss her, and she was going to let him, then all reasoning broke through and she’d reacted in the worst possible way.
He was probably holed up in that little office on the top floor again to keep his distance from her. She couldn’t blame him. She only hoped she wasn’t keeping him away from Madeline.
The child needed her father, and he always seemed to be caught up with work. He was largely pre-occupied with it, and it did affect Madeline. To a child, his huge work hours would seem like rejection.
“Shall we ask Daddy to eat dinner with us tonight?” Elizabeth asked and was rewarded with a huge smile.
“Yes. He’s always working, and I want to see him. He only comes down when you’re there.”
Remorse pinged in her chest. She hoped he wouldn’t continue to overlook his daughter when she was gone. She didn’t think it was intentional; she’d seen the light escaping beneath his office door when she’d gone to bed and still on again when she woke. It wasn’t good to work so many hours. Not for him, and not for Madeline either.
She had to wonder what drove him. She knew he had a very large business. Maria had filled her in on the details. He had a lot of staff, and the phone calls she’d heard him take were filled with answering an enormous amount of tasks.
He’d certainly made his money. Was on the top of his game. He already seemed to be at the top of his industry, so that couldn’t be driving him. The owner at the Homsestead had always been busy, and he was rich too. Henry had been driven to be successful for his family, and the need to see the next generation take over a very healthy business.
James was driven for a different reason than financial rewards. No amount of driving himself into the ground was going to change the fact that Hanna had died. He would have to stop sometimes, and in those times thoughts of his wife would still crowd back in. He was fighting the inevitable and distancing his daughter in the process.
She knew all about distancing, and rejection, and hurt, and parents who were never there.
One thing she could do before she left was help to rectify that situation. For Madeline’s sake. She’d have to set aside her unease and face him after that near kiss, but she’d have to face him eventually anyway. Helping Madeline was worth more than a little discomfort.
“Okay, then. Leave it with me.”
She listened to Madeline chat happily away about what they should have for dinner and wondered if you could actually have a meal where every course was dessert without suffering from a stomach ache.
After settling Madeline in the kitchen with Maria, she made her way back upstairs, even if it felt like the last thing she wanted to do. She stood at the closed door for a moment, fists clenching and unclenching.
Get a grip, Elizabeth. You’ve been through worse. Get over it. It isn’t about you. It’s about a little girl who needs her father.
She took a deep, steeling breath and knocked. After several moments, James opened the door. She wasn’t quite ready for the way her heart tugged, or the way her gut tightened, or the way her attention became so riveted on him, as though there were nothing else to see, know, or hear.
His chin was dusted with stubble. Darkening the line of his jaw, the angle of his cheeks. Delineating the perfect line of his mouth. His dark brows rose a fraction, surprise crinkling his forehead in subtle creases.
Warmth swallowed her in his eyes. Simmering heat lurking beneath. Temptation. Goosebumps ran over her skin. She rubbed her forearms, easing them away before he might notice them.
There were dark smudges beneath his eyes. His hair was haphazardly spiked, as though he’d run his fingers continuously through it. She felt a pull of guilt, thinking he might be hiding away because he wanted to. No one wanted to work like he did because they had a choice.
“Elizabeth.” His gravelly voice caressed her frayed nerves.
She ran her tongue over her bottom lip, nervous. His gaze traced her tongue, caressing nearly as much as a physical touch.
He was watching her, waiting for her to speak. She tucked a strand of hair behind her ear, mentally pulling herself together. She was here for Madeline. Right. Priorities.
“I’ve come to ask you to come to the kitchen and eat a meal with us. Madeline’s been asking for you.” Her pounding heart made her sound sterner than she’d meant.
He ran his fingers through his hair, spiking it in new directions. “For lunch? It's morning already?”
“It’s afternoon.”
He glanced at his wrist watch, surprised etched on his tired face. “Oh hell.”
He clearly had no idea of the time. Had he really worked through the night – and most of the day? He was going to make himself sick if he continued to do that. “Have you even eaten breakfast or lunch?”
He gestured to the uneaten plates on the desk. “Maria brought food up, but I haven’t had a chance to eat it yet.” He looked exhausted. Old and world-weary. She wanted to see him as he was yesterday. Fresh and light. He sighed, and the sound punched her in the middle of her chest. “Time gets away from me.”
“Come down and have something to eat. Just for a little while. Eat a meal with your daughter.” He looked stressed. Unhappy.
“That would be nice, but…” He stopped mid-sentence, studying her. “I’ve been neglecting her.”
Her heart lurched. He wasn’t neglecting Madeline intentionally. “It’s just that Madeline likes to eat her meals with you. She looks forward to it. It’s her way of spending time with you.”
James grimaced. “I know she does. It’s just that…never mind.”
“What is it, James?” She shouldn’t ask. To ask invites an answer, and hearing an answer, learning more about him, would make it harder to harden her heart when the time came to leave.
But at the same time, a part of her that couldn’t be rationalised needed to know. It was the part that had her looking up at him as though time stood still, noticing every little thing about him.
“Tell me.”
He was looking at her in that way again that made her forget about everything - including her self-control. Even more, she liked him looking at her that way.
As though she was a gift.
She stayed where she was. Unable to move. A mistake. He stepped towards her. She was assaulted by his body heat. His height, the width of his strong shoulders, the lean power of his body. She breathed him in deeply. An automatic reaction. A sharpening of his gaze. Returned response.
He reached out to her, so slowly. She was held immobile, caught in a bubble where thoughts didn’t function. Only existing in a spellbinding moment. His fingertip traced her cheek, trapping a strand of hair and tucking it behind her ear. Heat shimmered where he’d touched her, scattering electric tingles throughout her body.
She belatedly realised he was going slowly. Measuring her response. Right now, she didn’t want to be anywhere else. Couldn’t think of why she shouldn’t be here right now, under a hypnotising spell, desperately seeking his touch.
“The day you rescued Madeline. When I asked you to be Madeline’s nanny. I wanted you to stay. Not just because you were wet and cold or that you’d rescued her. I’m eternally grateful for that, but…hell, I want you to know. I didn’t ask you to stay just because it was convenient.”
Her eyes refused to leave his face, and every cell in her body attuned to him. The insane level, the part of her that needed anything he would give her, touch, words, attention – desire - held her in place.
“Why?” Her question was asked on a breath. A sigh.
“Because I…”
His fingers slipped to her nape, entwined through her hair, and cupped her head. His gaze roamed her face, then to her mouth. Her lips fell open, anticipating. Imagining him kissing her wasn’t enough anymore.
“Because I…”
She stepped towards him. His shirt brushed her T-shirt, slid over her breasts. His fingers firmed at the back of her head. His other hand caught her waist. He held her firmly, but so gently. He dipped his head, stopped, his eyes dragged from her mouth to her eyes.
“I want to kiss you, Elizabeth.”
He’d made it clear. This was her decision. Physically, she didn’t have to consider. Her whole body was attuned to him. She couldn’t deny that any longer. She couldn’t think of a damn reason why she shouldn’t kiss him at the moment. In answer, she laid her hands over his forearms and tilted her face.
He dipped his head, moulding his mouth to hers for the longest moment. A sigh swept through her. She pressed more against him, closed her fingers around his biceps. He held her close, solid, firm, warm, tender. She was so safe in his arms. He’d catch her if she fell. A part of her surrendered a little more.
Her body melted against his, a perfect fit, his body heat searing through her clothes. Her breasts crushed against his hard chest. His fingers splayed over the back of her head, toying with the long strands of her hair.
He changed the tilt of his head, licking between her lips. She opened her mouth, inviting him in, giving way to the helpless desire that compelled her to kiss him. His tongue swept inside her mouth in one long, commanding glide. The taste of him made her giddy, the feel of his soft lips pressing against hers overwhelming.
A gentle sigh escaped her mouth. This felt so good. It was a kiss that went right through her. She breathed him in. Spice and male. Her heart rate escalated, making her blood fly through her veins.
The kiss deepened. He manipulated his mouth, sucking, pressing, urging. She returned his movements, letting his tongue and lips slip on her mouth, inside her mouth, silken and hot, enjoying the sensual way he explored with slow sweeps of his tongue.
Her nipples puckered. Her abdomen tightened as delicious languid swirls caressed her insides. She wanted to press herself that much more against him. She moved her hands to his shoulders, her fingertips brushing the skin where the collar of his shirt finished. So hot. His lips were magic, tongue exquisite, wrapped all together, the kiss undefinable.
He kissed the corner of her mouth, his lips sweeping heated wetness to her jaw. His hand held her as she tipped her head back. His tongue swirled over the sensitive skin beneath her jaw before he nuzzled her earlobe. He took it between his lips, playing with his tongue. A deep shudder rode her body.
She thought that this kiss would relieve her. That having one taste, one kiss would cure her from wanting more. How wrong she was.
One kiss could never be enough.
The world dissolved into his body heat, his hands, the wet heat of his tongue, his mouth, the press of his toned chest and solid arms. She wanted James like no one else she’d ever desired. Had never known yearning this compelling. This absorbing. Pulling her so swiftly to places she subconsciously hungered for.
James tugged the hem of her T-shirt free from her jeans, his palm flattened over her bare skin. A moan escaped her mouth. Searing heat lanced her skin, shooting a path straight to the juncture of her thighs, pooling, melting, aching. She wanted to feel him, his skin against hers, the silken heat. She was entering a world that didn’t allow thought or reason.
Reason.
Stop. Had to…stop.
The bare fragments of something urgent, something forbidden hammered at the back of her mind.
What was it again?
Thoughts spun inside her mind. One finally snagged into a semblance of meaning.
She was going to leave. She had to hide. She was a criminal. No good for Madeline or James.
It was enough for her mind to cool, thoughts to still, some logic to return. She needed to stop kissing him.
Right. Now.
She flattened her palms, pushing against solid muscle. She didn’t manage a lot of strength or conviction, but it was enough for James to open glazed eyes.
As hard as it was, she stepped back, cool air brushing against her flushed skin. Her mouth tingled from his kiss, and she could taste him on her lips. Her heart pounded, and blood roared in her veins. She struggled against her instinct to melt against him again.
She forced her hands from his shoulders and dropped her gaze to the floor. “I’m…I’m sorry.” Her voice was still husky from need. “I shouldn’t have done that. I should have thought…” What—thought better about the way she so desperately just wanted him to kiss her?
“I’m not sorry. Elizabeth, I wanted to kiss you. I wouldn’t have kissed you...at all…especially like that…if I didn’t.” He regarded her, a frown pulling at his forehead.
All she wanted to do was fall back in his arms and keep kissing him, but good, logical reason made her arms drop to her sides and keep her feet in place. “I wanted to kiss you too, James. But I can’t kiss you again." She held up her hand when he want to speak, settling for honesty. “I will be leaving, and it'll be hard enough to leave Madeline and… and you, too. When the time comes. There are reasons I have to leave. Reasons I can’t explain to you, but if you knew them, you’d thank me for keeping them to myself.” She licked suddenly dry lips, her heart heavy as lead. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid.
“I said I would help you, Elizabeth.”
And how easy it would be to let him. But he didn’t deserve that mess. “You’re better off, James. I’m sorry, I really am. I came here to ask you to have dinner with us, but I think it might be best if you just had dinner with Madeline. Things are just getting a little out of hand. It was a mistake.”
She turned and fled down the stairs, knowing if he insisted, she couldn’t trust herself to buy in to the fantasy that little bit more. Pretend they had a future. That that one kiss would turn into something more. Something lifelong.
But there would be no more kisses. There would be no more anything. As soon as the road was cleared, she would be gone.