CHAPTER SIXTEEN
“Elizabeth. Stop! That wasn’t a mistake, and you know it.”
She paused on the stairs, shoulders rigid, back towards him. These weren’t the actions of a woman who’d just been kissed and acted as though she’d liked it. He’d been aroused beyond recognition, and it had taken a second to pull himself together after she’d bolted away. All he’d seen on her face after their mind-blowing kiss was—fear.
He knew without hesitation she’d been abused by some man. Probably recently if the bruises on her wrists were anything to go by. If he could, he’d take it all away from her. Make it that she’d never suffered, but all he could do was tell her all men weren’t like that.
He wasn’t like that.
It mattered that she trust him. Not just because of Madeline.
But because of him.
He hastened down the stairs to where she balanced precariously on a step. He stopped just out of reach, feeling, rather than knowing that if he came too close, she’d run again. She was like a frightened wild animal, sensing if she was about to become dinner or not.
Because he wanted her for dinner was not the point.
She firmed her shoulders. “I’ll understand if you want me out of the house now.”
“What the hell?” He raked his fingers through his hair, then stilled when she blanched at his explosion. He reined in emotional control. “I didn’t mean to yell at you, and I don’t want you to leave. Quite the opposite. First I kiss you like I’m a starved man and you respond like nothing else, then you tell me it was a mistake. I just want to know what’s going on.”
She flushed. “You’re my employer. You barely know me, then I’m in your arms kissing you like I have every right to. I’m meant to be your daughter’s nanny. Nothing more.”
She was bending the truth. He suspected it was only a part of the reason. A small part. She was strong. A woman didn’t just run into a winter ocean to save a drowning child without some sort of inner strength. She hadn’t even thought twice about that. There was something else, and he’d bet it had something to do with that bastard who had eroded what self-confidence she’d had.
“I want you to know, I’m not in the habit of kissing Madeline’s nannies.”
Moments passed before she glanced up at him. “I thought I was her first nanny?”
“True. But if there were, I wouldn’t be kissing any of them. I’d still be kissing you.”
“Don’t say that.”
She shook her head, and the bush worked its way over her face and stained her throat. He itched to twine his fingers through her hair, just to touch her in any way she’d accept. Instead, he ignored the urge.
“I’m telling you that because I liked kissing you, Elizabeth. I want to kiss you again if you’d let me, but if you don’t want to, that’s OK. It’s not what I want, but I’ll go about my business and never mention it again if that’s what you want.”
Moments stretched, and she didn’t answer. She fidgeted, unsure, but at least she was listening to him. He edged close enough to touch her. A tremor ran through her body, and he stilled, waiting.
“Elizabeth. I’m not him.”
She gasped, and the stricken look she speared him lanced his soul. A tumult of emotion passed through her eyes. She was hurting. Anger rose from a deep place within him, so strong he wanted to crush the bastard who had damaged her.
“You’re not… he’s not… I know he’s not you. It’s just that…”
He raised his hand, so slowly, to her face. Slow enough so as not to frighten her, as though any sudden movement might cause her to run. She was the first woman since Hanna’s death – the only woman – who made him want to live again. His soul was stirring to life after lying dormant, slowly repairing after dying alongside Hanna.
The hiding from her, the insistence that he’d somehow tarnish Hanna’s memory simply didn’t feel so important. It was imperative she understand how important she’d become to him.
Maybe they could both heal together. It was a chance worth taking.
“I’m not him, Elizabeth.”
He cupped her neck, just below the succulent ear he’d nibbled on only moments ago. His fingers slotted just as though they were made to along the slender curve of her neck. He traced the line of her jaw with the pad of his thumb.
“I’m not him.”
Her eyelids flickered closed, her face a mask of internal pain he wanted to wipe away. He watched while she waged an internal battle. One he was going to win if he had anything to do about it.
“I’ll stop if you want me to, Elizabeth. But I want you to know this isn’t a mistake. I meant to kiss you. I enjoyed it.”
She blinked open heavy eyes. “I don’t…”
How could she even doubt that? “And I want to do it again. Me. James Rhyder. The man who wants to kiss you more than anything else.”
“You do?”
His thumb traced her cheek, so very slowly. “Would you like me to do that?”
She looked into his eyes, searching, seeking, raw pain etched in every pore. She nodded, only a small movement, but he felt he’d won a war.
“Say my name, Elizabeth.”
A slight frown marred her forehead. “What?”
“I’m not him. I’ll never be him. I’ll never hit you. Hurt you. Abuse you. Real men don’t do that. All I want to do is kiss you. Just say my name, and I’ll kiss you, Elizabeth.”
He stepped to her, gathering her in his arms, intensely, insanely grateful that she drifted toward him. She trembled, her head tucked against his chest. He held her waist steady while his other hand cupped the back of her head, playing with her gorgeous, soft hair. Slowly, she wrapped her arms around him, strengthening her embrace. She fit so right against him, just like they were made to embrace.
He was stunned at how deeply her decision of acceptance affected him, so much so that he found he had to wait to speak. “God, Elizabeth. What has happened to you?”
She sighed and shrugged. “Life.” She sounded burdened. Defeated.
He frowned at the simple gesture. Shrugging implied she deserved what had been dished out to her, had accepted it as her due. “Not everything is bad.”
“I know.”
She said that a little too quickly, a little too lightly. He gently tipped her head, held her cheeks in his palms so she looked at him. “You don’t have to expect bad things to happen to you.”
Genuine confusion clouded her eyes. “How can you say that? You lost your wife. You know bad things happen.”
All those things were true, and he’d lived them like a faith. Until only moments before. “Losing Hanna was the worst thing that ever happened to me. But having Madeline was one of the best. Now you’ve come into my life. That’s a good thing, too.”
He really wanted to know the details of what that bastard had done, but she was too fragile. That time would come, and he’d exorcise that demon out of her.
“I’m a good thing?”
His heart cracked at the vulnerability in her voice. He rubbed her cheeks with the pads of his thumbs. “Of course. I wouldn’t be standing here holding you like this if I felt differently.”
Beyond the confusion, he saw a spark blink into life. Her hands folded over his, her soft skin warm over his hands. “But you’ve stayed away from me. I thought I’d done something wrong. I thought you didn’t like me.”
He grimaced, briefly closing his eyes. “I know I have. I’m a coward. Especially around you. I was fighting myself. But now…now I can’t bring myself to be away from you.”
She licked her lips, nervous. “You’re James. James Rhyder.”
He hesitated, wondering why she’d said those words.
“You said you’d kiss me. If I said your name, you said you…”
He didn’t let her finish the sentence, capturing her mouth and swallowing her words. He was gentle with this kiss, but he also wanted it to brand her. Wanted to make her feel he was that good thing for her. That through him, she could expect good things can happen to her.
Niggling doubt about Madeline and what she might think of all this surfaced, but he would deal with that when the time was right. Right now, he didn’t want to think too much of the future, or of anyone else but himself and his needs. And Elizabeth.
If he was being greedy, then good. He might be greedy, but he wasn’t stupid. If he had five minutes of this with Elizabeth, it was five minutes of living he hadn’t had before.
And he’d relish every second of it.
* * *
“Wine?”
James smiled as he handed her a glass of red, his dimple teasing his face and her heart. Her skin tingled when he brushed her fingers handing her the glass. She took a quick sip. How was she supposed to rein in any sense of control when she reacted so swiftly to a simple touch?
She caught an unguarded look from him as he settled the bottle on the table. A shudder worked from her belly to her spine as she recognised the light in his eyes. It was a purely male predatory look. She’d seen that same look on David’s face many times, but it had never set her insides to liquid as James’ just had. She considered. No, it wasn’t exactly the same look. James’ look didn’t have any of the cunning and slyness behind it. When David looked at her, her belly would fill with dread. The way James looked at her was enough to set her blood on fire.
A part of her panicked. She was in deep. Too deep. She wasn’t going to come out of this unscathed, but now wanting the dream, even if it was only going to be for a few more days, was more irresistible than the reality of the loneliness ahead. She’d deal with it then. For now, she was going to pretend there was no David Logan and she wasn’t a criminal on the run. She was just a woman who had the good fortune to attract a man who was totally out of her league. For the next few days, she could pretend she had a daughter, was a mother, and had a gorgeous man she'd fallen for who treated her like a princess. Just for now, she wanted the dream.
Even if it was only an illusion.
“Maria, any news about the roads?” James asked.
“Si. The roadblock has started to be cleared away,” Mrs. D’llessio said.
Elizabeth jerked her head up. “It has?” But that would mean she’d only have days left. It wasn’t enough.
It would never be enough.
Mrs. D’llessio laughed. “We have been cut off for days! Now they work hard. Make more walls. Widen the road. Stop the rocks from falling for many years. They say maybe tomorrow if the weather holds out, definitely for Saturday, the cars came come through.”
“Tomorrow?” Elizabeth’s stomach lurched. She mentally calculated the days. Monday. There’d be a bus coming through then. She’d have to leave on Monday. Only three more days.
“Are you all right, Liz’beth?”
Elizabeth blinked back tears that threatened to fall.
“Sure, honey. I’m great. Just got some onion juice in my eyes.” Elizabeth made a point of dabbing her eyes with the edge of the tea towel. At least cutting onions gave her the perfect excuse.
“Maria, that means we can have everyone over for Saturday?”
“Si. I’ll be ready,” Mrs. D’llessio said.
James turned to Elizabeth. “I’ve had to set up a meeting with my client for Saturday night. We need to go over some plans on the project we’re working on.”
He looked so apologetic, it made her smile, despite her heart tearing in half. “I’ll be here to look after Madeline.”
“Is everybody coming?” Mrs. D’llessio asked.
There was something in her tone of voice that had Elizabeth looking at the housekeeper.
“You know who will be there,” James said.
Maria clicked her tongue, muttering in Italian. Even with a few words, she knew what Maria said wasn’t complimentary.
“Maria,” James grumbled.
“It is just she make it so hard for you,” Mrs. D’llessio said.
“But she is our client, and we have to work together to please her. You know what this project means,” James said.
“I know, but she test the patience of a saint,” Mrs. D’llessio said, crossing herself and rolling her eyes skywards.
“I’ll pray to St. Peter to help us,” James said, chuckling.
The sound slid through Elizabeth like warm whiskey, leaving her in as much of the same state. Heated, and a little bit intoxicated.
“You will need to, Mr. James,” Mrs. D’llessio said.
James spoke to her. “I should explain. My guests will be Anastasia Highland, my client of the moment, and a few of my colleagues. This is more of a social night than a formal business meeting. I’d like you to be there and meet the team. I’m interested in what you think about the hotels we’re going to build.”
She was taken aback for a moment. “Okay. If you think you’d like my thoughts.”
“I want to hear your thoughts. But enough about Highland Hotels. Tonight I need a reprieve, and to prove my point, I’m going to amaze you with my culinary skills.” James diced the lettuce into tiny pieces and tossed them into the salad bowl.
Mrs. D’llessio watched him dubiously. “Mr. Rhyder, this is my job. I will finish the salad.”
“Tonight, we all help.” James came behind Madeline, holding the plastic lettuce knife in her hand and placing a cucumber on a cutting board in front of her. “Do you think you can cut this, Madeline?”
Elizabeth was entranced by this new, light-hearted James. She couldn’t keep her eyes off him. His movements. His expressions. His smile. It was completely spell-binding.
Madeline’s face contorted as she regarded the vegetable. James helped her slice off a section. “Like this.”
“Okay, Daddy.”
James held her hand, and they sliced a chunk off the cucumber together. Elizabeth’s heart constricted at the tender sight of father helping daughter at the task. She quickly turned to the tomatoes and started to cut them.
“What made you become a jackaroo, Elizabeth?”
“I’m not really sure.” She’d wandered into town and had been at the right place at the right time. “I helped round up some cattle that had wandered onto a road that day. They broke through a part of a fence. They must have been impressed with me because they offered me a week’s worth of work. Six months later, I was still there.”
“You sound as though you enjoyed it.”
Elizabeth finished the tomato and reached for another, considering her answer. She paused, her knife resting on the board. “I actually did. It was hard work, and we had to do everything from making our own bread to fixing the machines if they broke down, cleaning out the chook cage to tending to the newborn calves, but it was good.” She loved the fresh air, the sense of peace the animals brought, the open land without anything around her but grass, cattle and trees.
“Did you see a cow being borned?”
Elizabeth laughed. “I saw cows giving birth to calves in calving season. You had to watch out for the mothers when they were due. Make sure they didn’t wander off in the wrong direction. They needed lots of help when they had their little babies. But luckily, we were around. The newborns are very cute. Do you know the first thing they try to do is walk? Imagine a human baby trying to do that.”
“Babies can’t walk for five years after they’re borned.” Madeline blinked at Elizabeth, wide-eyed.
Elizabeth chuckled. “Not five years, but at least one year. Someone has to carry them around for all that time before they walk. Could you imagine a cow carrying a calf on their backs?”
Madeline giggled. “That’s silly.”
“Not so silly. Did you know humans are the only animals who don’t need to walk straight after they’re born?”
“Did my Mum have to carry me around everywhere?” Madeline tilted her head to ask her father.
“Yes. And when she was tired, I had to take over and carry you,” James said.
“That’s okay. I’m light.”
“No. You were a big baby. I got a backache carrying you around everywhere.”
Madeline giggled. “You did not.”
“I did so.” James bent over and put his hand on his lower back, imitating an elderly person. “That’s why I have to walk around like this all the time.”
“You do not.” Madeline giggled louder. Her laughter was infectious, and Elizabeth found herself smiling.
James stooped lower, bending his knees as though he was carrying a very heavy weight. “Most of the time, I walked like this.”
“No, you didn’t.” Madeline cracked up laughing.
Elizabeth seized the broom that rested against a wall and thrust it into James’ hand. “Here, old man. You might need this.”
“Thank you. Just what I need.” His arm wobbled on the broom handle, and he staggered around the table as though on crooked, stiff legs.
“Daddy, you did not have to walk that way.”
Elizabeth grabbed a long handled wooden spoon. “No, he had to walk like this.” Elizabeth bent low over the spoon and followed James around the table, giggling as much as Madeline.
“You two are horrible teases,” Mrs. D’llessio said, collecting Madeline in her arms. “Do not listen to them, Bambina.”
“Are you going to walk like that, Maria? You’re older than Daddy is. Ancient,” Madeline said.
Elizabeth had to put her hand over her mouth to stop laughing out loud.
“Not quite yet, Bambina.” Mrs. D’llessio did a good job of keeping a straight face, but Elizabeth didn’t miss the twinkle in her eye.
“How old are you, Liz’beth?” Madeline asked.
Elizabeth straightened and placed the spoon on the table. Most days, she felt ancient. Emotionally, she guessed she was.
“A lady never tells anyone her age.”
“Can’t you tell me? Daddy wants to know.”
Elizabeth’s gaze flew to James. He sipped his wine as he studied the ceiling. Elizabeth crossed her arms and regarded him. “He does, does he? My answer is still the same. A lady never tells her age.”
“You’re not a lady. You’re a princess,” Madeline said.
“I think you’re the princess.” Elizabeth picked up the child and hugged her, enjoying the way she threw her arms and cuddled her back.
“I think she’s a princess, too,” Mrs. D’llessio said.
Elizabeth’s cheeks flushed as she looked at the housekeeper. She really wasn’t used to compliments, and she didn’t know how to reply. The look Maria gave Elizabeth was the type of look she would dream her own mother might have given her. If she’d loved her enough not to give her away when she’d been a baby, that was.
“Here’s to Princess Elizabeth.” James held his glass in salute.
“And to Princess Madeline,” Elizabeth said.
“To my two beautiful princesses.”
Madeline squirmed from Elizabeth’s arms, and she let the child down. Madeline flew into her father’s arms. James swung her through the air, and Madeline squealed in delight.
“Let’s give you a bath before dinner, shall we?”
“Do I have to, Daddy?” Madeline said.
“The quicker you have a bath, the quicker we can come back. Last one to the bath is a rotten egg!” James said, dashing from the room. With a squeal, Madeline followed him through the door.
His princesses. Elizabeth’s cheeks heated so much, it felt like they glowed. She pressed her cool fingertips to her skin, imagining them sizzle. Self-consciousness and embarrassment fused, leaving her with nowhere to look, nowhere to turn. She sat back at the table, picked up another tomato and started slicing it, wondering where the hell that emotion had come from. It was so foreign, she didn’t know what to do with it.
A warm hand pressed into her shoulder. “You blush, Cara.”
Elizabeth was surprised to find Mrs. D’llessio hunched next to her. She shook her head, “I…I’m not.”
“Mr. James. He is a good man. He says what he means.”
“He was just having fun.”
“You are a beautiful woman. If Mr. James says you are a princess, then you are a princess. Lift your head high, let people see your beauty.”
“I appreciate the compliment, Maria, but I wouldn’t go so far as to say I’m a princess or really that beautiful. He was just being nice. I’m realistic.”
“Let me tell you, there is beauty on the inside and on the outside. It is not very common to have both, most people do not, but you…you are beautiful both ways. And Mr. James, he can see that. Do not doubt yourself, and do not doubt that he says what he means. He can see what most people do not. He knows what is on the inside. If he says you are a princess, believe that. Always remember this. No matter what.”
Mrs. D’llessio patted her shoulder, then went back to her pot on the stove. Elizabeth stared at her back, gripping both the knife and the tomato as though they were a lifeline. Her mind swarmed with the things she’d done, the lives she’d ruined through David Logan. She’d been a part of what he’d done, and she’d done nothing to stop him. If James really knew what was on the inside, he wouldn’t be telling her she was a princess. He’d be putting her in a dungeon instead.