Twenty-three

They’d taken Charlie into an exam room to do an ultrasound, and when the doctor came out, she confirmed their fears: His sister was no longer pregnant. Jay thought he should feel a tremendous sense of relief—after all, he didn’t want her having some deadbeat’s child. Instead he felt immense sadness. He hadn’t realized how much he was looking forward to having a child running around the vineyard, even if it wasn’t his own. The thought of being an uncle had secretly delighted him. And now it wasn’t going to happen.

He could hear Charlie’s soft sobs from inside her hospital room, but still he remained outside, grateful that his sister was willing to accept comfort from their mother. If their mother was shocked by Charlie’s condition, she didn’t show it. Instead, she’d quietly offered her daughter unyielding support. Jay was optimistic that if something positive could come out of this situation, it would be the reparation of the rift between the two women in his life.

The two women in his life.

His mother and Charlie. But not Bridgett. Never Bridgett. Jay was glad that she’d been the one to be there for his sister, but then she’d disappeared. Again.

“Linc, could you stop pacing, please,” Jay commanded. “I’m getting a sore neck.”

“We ended up losing by eight points,” Linc said as he slid into the chair next to him. “Today hasn’t been a good day all around. Mr. Osbourne wanted to come by the hospital but I told him it wasn’t necessary. I don’t think Charlie will be happy that it’s on the Internet already.”

Jay sighed as he closed his eyes and leaned his head against the wall. “Maybe you should call Mimi. She should be able to help spin this.”

Linc nodded. “At least Ms. Janik read the EMTs the riot act already.”

His eyes snapped open and he turned to face his assistant. “She did?”

“Oh, yeah. The nurses said it was something to behold. She threatened to sue them, the county, and the state if any of the conversation in the ambulance was leaked.”

Jay was suddenly very curious about what was said in that ambulance.

“I underestimated her,” Linc said.

“Who?”

“Ms. Janik. I didn’t think she was much of a ball buster, remember?” Linc asked. “But she was. She is. As my grandmother would say: She’s good people.”

Jay swallowed hard. There were so many sides to Bridgett Janik that he wasn’t sure which one was the real woman. But Linc was right, she’d been “good people” today when it came to helping out with Charlie.

His mother popped her head out of the door. “We’re all done in here.”

He was reluctant to go into the room, into the world so obviously female, but he wanted to help reassure Charlie. The doctor was pulling off her gloves when he entered.

“Well, if there’s any good news today, it’s that this wasn’t anything traumatic to your system. You’ll be able to conceive both via in vitro again or normally with no problem. Unfortunately, a spontaneous miscarriage happens in fifteen percent of all pregnancies and we don’t often know the cause. You’re in good health otherwise, but we’ll run some blood tests just to ensure nothing is amiss. I’d like to see you back here this week just to make sure you’re recovering fully.”

“We’ll have her back whenever you say, Doctor,” his mother said as she gave Charlie’s hand a squeeze.

“Good. I want to keep you on IV fluids for a little longer, so you just rest here until I’ve got the preliminary blood work back from the lab. I’ll be back to see you before you’re discharged.”

Jay waited for the doctor to close the door. “What did she mean ‘by in vitro again’?”

Both women in the room donned mulish masks. Great, now that the two had made amends, it seemed he was on the dark side of the estrogen triangle.

“Bridgett really didn’t tell you?” Charlie asked.

Jay ground his back teeth. “Obviously not.”

His sister’s face, still splotchy from her tears, softened a bit. “She’s a keeper. Whatever you’ve done to her you need to make up, because you’ll never find anyone as nice as Bridgett. She’s good for you. Where are you hiding her anyway?”

“She’s gone home to Boston,” Linc answered from somewhere behind him. He wasn’t even aware his assistant had followed him into the room, but he’d deal with Linc’s nosiness later. Right now he wanted to get to the bottom of Charlie’s pregnancy.

He reached up to knead the muscles squeezing at the back of the neck. “Charlie, are you saying you got pregnant in a lab!” His mother shushed him as his sister began to sob again. Jay didn’t care—he wanted answers. “Why in the hell would you do something like that?”

“Because,” Charlie cried, nearly launching herself off the bed at him. “I wanted something of my own. Someone to love me!”

Jay felt as if the wind had been knocked out of him. He didn’t understand his sister at all. Worse, his mother was looking at him as if he were the villain in this drama. “I love you, Charlie.” The words stuck in his dry throat. “I’ve loved you since the day you were born. I don’t know how you could have ever doubted that.”

Charlie sobbed even harder and Jay felt like he’d been kicked in the head. He seriously didn’t understand his sister’s rationale. Jay shot his mother a pleading look.

His mother sighed as she held Charlie’s head on her shoulder and gently stroked her hair. “It’s not about you and I loving her. Your sister was lonely and searching for something to do with her life. You and I both have careers. She chose motherhood for hers.” Their mother shrugged, as if it were the most logical answer in the world.

“And I failed at it miserably,” Charlie cried.

“Hush,” their mother said. “You heard what the doctor said. You’ll be able to have children in the future.”

“With the emphasis being on ‘in the future,’ Charlie.” Jay was having trouble keeping his tone neutral and his mother shot him a glare that very clearly said, Now is not the time. He threw up his hands in frustration.

“I stand corrected,” Charlie snapped. “Bridgett is too good for you. I wish that she’d stayed and you’d left!” She buried her face into their mother’s shoulder.

“It’s just the hormones talking,” his mother said quietly over Charlie’s head. “She doesn’t know what she’s saying.”

“Yes, I do.” Charlie’s voice was muffled but no less belligerent. “At least Bridgett could relate to what I’m going through. She lost a baby, too.”

Jay stiffened at his sister’s words. How the hell did Charlie know about the baby? He locked gazes with his mother, whose eyes were wide and confused. She shook her head at his unvoiced accusation. His mother hadn’t told Charlie.

“It’s not exactly the same thing, sweetheart,” his mother said. “Bridgett had an abortion. She didn’t lose her baby.”

Charlie pulled out of their mother’s arms, her face scrunched up with anger now. “Mother! How could you say such a thing? You don’t even know Bridgett. She lost her baby. She told me so. Bridgett didn’t have an abortion.” The monitors they had Charlie hooked to began to beep.

“Sweetheart, you need to calm down,” their mother said.

“I won’t! She was in love with the baby’s father. Madly in love. She told me. And then he deserted her and she was all alone.”

Jay seethed at the revisionist history Bridgett had given his sister. “That’s not exactly how it went down.”

Realization began to dawn on Charlie slowly and Jay watched her face begin to crumble just as the nurse charged in.

“There are too many people in this room.” She pointed at Jay and Linc. “You two—out!”

“I don’t believe you, Jay,” Charlie whispered. “She loved you and she mourned your child. Damn it, she was still mourning it today. Something isn’t right with all this. I know it isn’t.”

The nurse pinned Jay with an evil look, gesturing for him to leave as their mother settled Charlie back into the bed. Jay woodenly exited the room, Linc at his heels. He stopped inches from the wall and banged his forehead against it. It didn’t help.

“Is there anything I can do, boss?”

Jay kept his head pressed to the wall. “Just take my advice and become a monk. Life would be a hell of a lot easier.”

The sound of a resigned sigh had Jay turning away from the wall and staring at Matt Kovaluk’s familiar mug.

“Not all women are evil, Linc.” Matt was talking to Linc, but his eyes never left Jay’s face. “And not everything is always as it seems.”

A chill ran up Jay’s spine at this friend’s words. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Remember last night when I told you they’d found some papers with your name on them at Delaney’s?”

Jay’s body stiffened in defense of the figurative blow he felt was coming. “Yeah. You said you’d show them to me today.”

Matt’s eyes darted to his shoes and Jay knew whatever was coming he wouldn’t like. His friend fumbled with his tablet. “They found a letter written by you in Delaney’s stuff.”

“I don’t remember ever writing her a letter. Maybe a postcard or two.”

“The letter wasn’t addressed to Delaney,” Matt said, but Jay didn’t hear the rest because suddenly there was a loud roaring sound in his ears.

He slumped down into one of the chairs lining the wall and tried to breathe normally, but that was proving difficult. “She never mailed the fucking letter to Bridgett,” he murmured. “Bridgett never saw it.”

Matt shifted his stance. “Well, no, not until an hour ago.”

Jay’s head shot up and he stared mutely at his friend.

“It’s in evidence,” Matt said sheepishly. “I had to ask her about it. Jay, I’m sorry. Delaney really screwed you both over. I never knew about the baby.”

Jay dropped his head into his hands and squeezed tightly. He wanted to block out the doubts and the anguish swirling around inside his mind.

“For what it’s worth,” Matt continued, “she was genuinely broken up. I got the impression she thought you’d gone off the grid and weren’t coming back for her.”

His emotions were in the same tailspin as his sister’s, and Jay couldn’t make heads or tails of what he was feeling. Could it all have been a simple misunderstanding? One facilitated by Delaney?

“Where is she now?” he asked through his hands.

“Boarding her plane, I imagine.”

Of course she was. She may have been genuinely broken up but not enough to stay with him. She was in love with the baby’s father. Madly in love. Charlie’s words tumbled around in his head. Was his sister telling the truth? Or just something she wanted to believe?

Matt sighed again. “I need to be on a plane back to DC here soon, too. I just wanted to drop off this note she left for Charlie. Bridgett was really concerned about her.” Matt dropped a folded-up square of yellow legal paper into the chair next to him before clapping him on the shoulder. “Text me when you’re back in Baltimore and we’ll grab a beer, okay?”

Jay nodded. Reaching over, he picked up the note Bridgett had written for Charlie. His eyes scanned the handwriting. Something wasn’t right.

“Matt!”

His friend stopped and turned around. “This note is from Bridgett?”

“Yeah.” Matt took a step back toward him. “Why?”

“You physically saw her write this?” Jay demanded, his voice echoing loudly in the hallway.

“I did, Jay. What gives?”

Jay unfolded the note, not seeing the words, just the smart, neat handwriting that was slanted in the direction of a left-handed author. Bridgett was left-handed. How could he have not recognized that in the Dear John letter? The letter Bridgett obviously didn’t write. Rage suddenly blinded Jay and he swore violently. And loudly.

His mother stood at the doorway of Charlie’s room admonishing him. “Jay!”

But Jay had Matt shoved against the wall, his arm braced against his chest. “You go to wherever the hell they’re holding that bitch and tell her I hope she rots in prison! Because if she ever gets out, she’ll spend the rest of her life looking over her shoulder, wondering when I’m going to pay her back for this stunt. And I will pay her back, Matt. Count on it.”

Matt was relaxed against Jay’s hold. “Don’t worry. I’ve got your back on this one, my friend.”

He released Matt and took a step back as he struggled to get air through his lungs. Jay saw a security guard out of the corner of his eye and held his hands up at chest level. “We’re good,” he said despite the fact Jay wasn’t good at all. Thirteen years he’d lost with Bridgett. His chest ached at the thought.

Jay reached down and picked up the note he’d dropped on the floor. His mother stared at him wide-eyed and he kissed her on the cheek before going back into Charlie’s room. She was quiet on the bed, her eyes red rimmed and swollen. Jay leaned down and pressed his lips to her forehead. “You were right,” he whispered. “I’ve messed this all up. But I’m going to find Bridgett and work it out.” He gently wrapped her fingers around the note.

“Jay,” her soft voice called after him just before he passed through the door. “Don’t screw it up.”

•   •   •

It was seven thirty in the morning by the time the cab pulled up outside Bridgett’s condo. She was exhausted from flying cross-country all night and it was hard for her to believe she’d only been gone two weeks. As she trudged up the stairs to the third floor, she wondered how she’d live through the next two weeks. And the weeks after that. She’d been a fool to think she wouldn’t fall in love with Jay again. Hell, she’d been a fool to think she’d ever fallen out of love with him in the first place.

But she couldn’t stay with him. Not when she couldn’t give him what he really wanted. He’d promised to give her everything she ever wanted. The problem was the only thing she wanted was his heart. And, thanks to Delaney, he’d never trust her enough to give her his love again. Bridgett’s only hope now was that she could survive walking away from Jay a second time.

“You did it once and you didn’t shrivel up and die,” she reminded herself as she dragged her suitcase down the hall toward her door. She’d just have to erect that protective shell again, reestablishing herself at work and settling for being the dotty old aunt to her nieces and nephews. Bridgett unlocked the door and wheeled her bag into her foyer. The sound of the kettle whistling made her freeze in terror. Her heart squeezed in her chest when Jay stepped out of her galley kitchen.

“Just in time,” he said as though it were perfectly normal for him to be standing in her living room, looking weary and rumpled in charcoal slacks and a black Blaze golf shirt. “Your tea is ready.”

She stood and gaped at him as he reached behind her and pushed the door—her door—closed. “What—? How—?’ Bridgett glanced around her apartment. “How did you get in here?”

Jay dragged his fingers through his already mussed hair. The lines fanning out from his eyes were a little deeper this morning. “Simple. Gwen let me in.”

“Gwen?”

“Mmm,” he said. “I’m on the hook for providing an exotic locale for her fortieth, but that shouldn’t be too hard.” Jay smiled and his dimple nearly did her in before panic gripped Bridgett yet again. “Charlie?” Surely his sister hadn’t suffered another emergency.

“She’s going to be just fine, thanks to you.”

Bridgett released a breath she didn’t know she’d been holding. His smile never wavered, and those eyes of his were hypnotizing her. She shook herself. It was just exhaustion from a four-hour layover in Chicago. Damn it, how was she going to get over him if he kept showing up when her defenses were down?

“You shouldn’t be here,” she snapped. “You wasted a trip.” She stomped into the kitchen and snatched the screaming kettle off the stove, wanting to scream herself. After reading his letter, Bridgett had barely been able to get on that plane last night, and now she was going to be forced to kick him out of her home. She wasn’t sure she could do that. Her hand shook as she poured, splashing hot water on her finger. “Ouch!”

Jay was beside her instantly, taking the kettle from her hand and turning on the cold water before he placed her finger under the stream. Moving behind her, he took a half step forward so that her body was cocooned in the warmth of his. The familiar scent that was uniquely Jay teased her nostrils, making Bridgett’s breath catch in her chest. She desperately wanted to lean into him and make him forget that he hated her. Maybe she could survive a loveless relationship after all.

His lips found the sweet spot beneath her ear. “I’m sorry.”

Bridgett let her shoulders relax but nothing more as she turned off the water. Jay’s embrace didn’t waver, though, and she was left with her back pressed to his chest.

“I’m sorry for what Delaney did to you. To us,” he whispered. “I swear she’ll be paying for it by spending the rest of her life in prison.”

She slumped back against him and his arms wrapped around her more fully as he nuzzled her neck. “I won’t be sending her any fan mail,” she said.

Bridgett felt his chest rumble before his lips pushed beneath her blouse to trail along her collarbone. “Not unless it’s laced with something noxious.”

They stood like that for several long moments, each one soaking up the familiar feel of the other’s body, and Bridgett thought that maybe—just maybe—everything would be okay. Until Jay ruined it.

His breath fanned her ear. “I meant what I said in the letter.”

Of course he had. Only Bridgett could no longer give him the children he’d written to her about. She tugged his hands away and stepped out of his embrace. Slowly, she turned to face the man she loved so much. Who, it turned out, returned her love. At least until she told him the truth. He’d run back to his beautiful vineyard then. Her gaze locked with his and she watched as the hope there faded into wariness.

Bridgett sucked in a steadying breath. “I can’t give you what you want.”

Confusion replaced wariness. “And what is it that you think I want?” Jay gripped her elbows, pulling her in closer. “Besides you.”

Getting the words out was harder than she thought. It was a secret she’d never shared with another soul. Bridgett blew out a breath. “I can’t—I can’t give you children.”

The room was silent for a long moment as both their breathing stilled. “And why is that?” he asked eventually.

“I know you think I—I got rid of our baby, but believe me, I would never throw away a part of you.” The tears she’d been shedding for days began to flow again, and Bridgett couldn’t seem to make them stop.

Jay placed two fingers beneath her chin so his eyes met hers. “I was fed a bunch of misinformation, Bridgett. I know now that most of it was wrong. Tell me what happened.”

The profound calm with which he spoke to her spurred her to continue.

“I was afraid to tell anyone I was pregnant, so I didn’t go to the doctor right away. I don’t know if they would have been able to tell that early anyway, but I always wondered . . .” She thought of Charlie blaming herself earlier and Bridgett cringed. It was so easy to make the fault her own. “The pregnancy was ectopic. By the time I realized it, it was too late. The rupture caused scarring on my uterus. I’ll never be able to carry a baby to term.”

His arms were around her before she finished her explanation. She shed more quiet tears while Jay hugged her fiercely. His lips brushed the top of her head as he spoke. “You shouldn’t have had to go through that alone. I’m so sorry that I wasn’t there with you. Jesus, Bridgett, I’m sorry that you’ve had to live with this alone for all these years.”

Jay kissed her then. It was a tender kiss—one filled with remorse. “I love you, Bridgett,” he said when his lips finally left hers. “I fell in love with you that first day when I found you stuck in the mud. My appointment wasn’t with Vincenzo DiSantis. It was at another vineyard. But I brazened my way in there because I didn’t want to have to say good-bye to you yet.”

She gasped in surprise as a tenuous happiness began to build inside her.

He remained somber, his unwavering eyes practically boring a hole in her. “Now you listen to me, because this is finally the truth. I don’t care if your uterus is scarred or if you’re missing a limb or you have some wasting disease. I love you just the way you are. I always have. And I want to spend my life with you, for however long that is. You fill me up and make me whole, Bridgett, and I’ve spent the last thirteen years trying to feel whole again.” He kissed her again soundly and Bridgett’s body began to grow warm. “I lied yesterday when I said this was a business deal. I was just fooling myself. I don’t want to live without you. Please, tell me you feel the same.” The last part came out as a whisper and Bridgett’s tenuous happiness exploded into the real thing.

She wrapped her arms around his neck, managing nothing more than a nod before his lips found hers again. Before she knew it, they were a tangle of naked limbs in her bed. The autumn sun streamed in the window as they slowly and reverently made love to each other. Afterward, they lay intertwined—whole, as Jay put it—and Bridgett couldn’t hold back the question that nagged at her.

“Why do you think she did it?” she asked as her fingers traced a pattern on Jay’s chest.

He sighed wearily. “I wish I knew. Blake and I were never unkind to Delaney. I think some people are just inherently mean. I don’t think I wanted to see it in her.” Jay squeezed his arm around her. “You have no idea how sorry I am.”

Bridgett rolled onto his chest and placed a finger on his lips. “Don’t apologize for wanting to believe the best about someone. It’s a very noble trait to have.” She nuzzled his chin.

But Jay remained still beneath her. “Except I didn’t believe the best in you.”

She peered into his blue eyes, which were damp with apology. “I never understood why you thought I would abort our child,” she admitted.

Jay reached over to the nightstand and pulled out a worn letter from his wallet. Bridgett sat up against the pillows when he handed it to her. Her hands began to shake and her body grew cold as she read the words.

“I didn’t write this.”

He kissed her shoulder and then her cheek before letting his lips hover next to her own. “I know that. Now.”

Bridgett couldn’t help the sadness that seeped into her body. “We lost all those years because of one messed-up woman.”

Jay rolled on top of her. “In business it’s called cutting your losses and making up for lost revenue. That’s what we’re going to do.” The look he gave her was nothing short of toe curling. Bridgett gave him a wily smile of her own as the heat of his gaze melted away the sadness.

He was leaning down to kiss her when a loud pounding sounded at the door.

“Yoohoo! Bridge, it’s me, Gwen.”

Bridgett groaned. “Oh my God, she really knows no boundaries.”

Jay nibbled at her lower lip. “Ignore her. I have her key, remember?”

“Clearly, you don’t know my sister that well. She’ll stand out there all day until we let her in. She’s taking the divorce pity a little too far if you ask me.”

He reached back over to the table, this time to grab his cell phone. Jay punched in a text and then tossed the phone back on the table.

“What are you doing?”

Jay grinned slyly. “Wait for it.”

“Italy!” Gwen screeched from outside the door. “That’s a perfect birthday spot! See you two later. Much later.” And then she was gone.

“Now, where were we?” he asked before his lips found her breast.

“We were about to kiss and make up. Again.”

“Oh yes, I remember now. We’ve got thirteen years to make up for, Bridgett,” Jay promised as he slid into her. “I hope you’re ready for some serious long-term negotiations, counselor.”