Twenty-two

The Blaze were down by three points with forty seconds to go in the first half, but Bridgett was having trouble concentrating on the game. The visitor’s box at Levi’s Stadium was filled with a crowd of obnoxious revelers who wanted to congratulate Jay on his role in outwitting the blogger. The Girlfriends’ Guide to the NFL had been a thorn in the side of the league for the past two seasons. The fact that he’d inadvertently had a hand in bringing down an Internet gambling ring only heightened the hero worship of the Blaze owner.

“I think you and the commissioner are the only two people in the stadium who aren’t enjoying my brother’s added celebrity,” Charlie said as she gingerly sat down in the chair next to her. “He’s the new hero of the NFL. And he’s never even touched the stupid ball.”

The crowd cheered when the football was knocked out of Brody’s hands just before time expired, ending the half. Jay threw his arms up in disgust as a collective groan sounded in the skybox.

“Ha,” Charlie laughed. “Maybe he’ll suit up for your brother in the second half.” When Bridgett didn’t respond, Charlie sobered up. “So what’s up with you two, anyway? You didn’t stay at the vineyard last night. Whatever my idiot brother has done, I hope you’ll give him a second chance.”

Give him a second chance. Charlie’s words made swallowing difficult for Bridgett as she worked hard to keep her composure. The suite was crowded with strangers and the last thing she wanted to do was break down. But she was strung out from a sleepless night, one she’d spent pondering second chances. What hurt the most was that he’d given someone like Delaney more than one, but not her. Their “second chance” was to be a sex-only relationship. And that wasn’t good enough.

“I know there’s something between you two.” Charlie continued to badger her. “It’s obvious in the way you look at one another. They’re smokin’ hot, those looks you give each other when you each think the other one’s not looking.” Charlie fanned herself with a cocktail napkin. “I’d love for a guy to look at me like that.”

Bridgett arched an eyebrow at the younger woman. “Men look at you like that all the time, Charlie.” She turned away from the crowded room in order to avoid being on the receiving end of a “smokin’-hot look” from Charlie’s brother. Bridgett had been avoiding him all day. When the limo had picked up her and Mimi this morning, she was actually relieved to find his mother, Linc, and Charlie already seated inside. The less one-on-one time she and Jay spent together today, the better. Her flight departed two hours after the game, which left little opportunity for him to persuade her to agree to his ridiculous proposal that they be enemies with benefits. Despite the protests from her body, she wouldn’t go through with it. She couldn’t. Because she still loved Jay.

The revelation wasn’t a shock to her. It had arrived in a flood of tears in the early hours of the morning. The only explanation for her being angry and hurt by his willingness to forgive Delaney was because she still loved Jay. But he’d never love her in return. Even if she hadn’t had his desertion in Italy as a demonstration, Jay had said as much with his own words. And while he made no secret of his desire for her, desire wasn’t the same thing as love. And as much as Bridgett desired him in return, she also wanted his love.

“Sure, men look at me like that all the time,” Charlie continued. “But they only see my money. This is a first for my brother. He actually looks like he’d die if he wasn’t near you.”

“I think you’re being overly dramatic, Charlie. Besides, you aren’t around him all the time. I’m sure he looks at plenty of women the same way.”

Charlie shook her head. “Nope. And I told you, he’s never brought a woman to the vineyard before you. That tells me a lot. He likes you.” She laughed. “Probably more than he wants to, if I had to guess. He hates not being in control of a situation. It’s got to be killing him not to have control over his emotions.”

She didn’t bother explaining to Jay’s sister that, where Bridgett was concerned, he kept his emotions under lock and key; that it was the reason she’d left the vineyard. His refusal to share his heart with her not only wounded her pride, but it was a devastating blow to her own heart. Tears were clogging her throat again at the thought. Bridgett was actually grateful to see Mimi standing next to her.

“I’m feeling a bit superfluous here,” Mimi said. “The commissioner’s statement last night supporting Jay really took the wind out of the protests the women’s groups planned. Not only that, but they actually misspelled the banner flying behind the plane.”

The three women looked up at a pink banner floating behind a small plane circling the stadium above the halftime show. The banner read: “Sexual Harasment Has No Place in the NFL.” Sure enough, they’d misspelled harassment on their sign.

“They give a bad name to women everywhere,” Mimi said in disgust. “I’m going for a walk through media alley just to make sure our message is on point.”

“A walk actually sounds good.” Bridgett quickly stood up to follow Mimi, who right now was the lesser of two evils. “How about you, Charlie?”

Charlie’s eyes quickly darted over to where her mother was in conversation with the CEO of a company that sold athletic apparel. The two were vigorously debating the appropriate level of wicking in running shoes. Seemingly satisfied that Melanie was occupied, she shook her head. “Nah. I’m going to sit here and let my lunch settle.” She discreetly cupped her belly.

Bridgett leaned down so no one overheard their conversation. “Are you all right?”

“Sure.” Charlie eyed her testily. “I just ate something that didn’t agree with me, that’s all.” But Bridgett saw a brief flash of panic in the young woman’s eyes. She wasn’t sure if it was due to Charlie’s concern that her pregnancy remain a secret or something else. “Go for your walk, Bridgett,” Charlie commanded.

“I’ll see if I can find some crackers,” Bridgett said quietly before turning to follow Mimi out of the suite.

They’d made it as far as the door before Jay stalled them.

“Mimi,” he said. “I haven’t had the chance to thank you for all your help with the media.” He extended his hand and Mimi took it with a sly grin. Obviously she thought Bridgett’s defection to the B and B meant there was an opportunity now for her. The thought made Bridgett’s stomach call for crackers of its own.

“It’s been a pleasure,” Mimi cooed. “You have a beautiful home. I hope we can work together again sometime.”

Jay laughed, nearly taking Mimi out at the knees with his damn dimple. “I’m hopeful that I won’t be targeted with any more erroneous sexual harassment cases, but I’ll definitely look you up if I am.”

“Feel free to look me up anytime.” Mimi was nothing if not brazen, patting Jay on the shoulder coyly.

“Bridgett, can I get a word with you? In private,” he said.

Mimi pouted as she made her way out of the suite, only to glare at Bridgett from behind Jay’s back. Sadly, Bridgett still would have rather gone with the media consultant than have a conversation with Jay. Much less a private one. Her emotions were too raw where he was concerned. They always had been. Suddenly the protective shell she’d erected around her heart seemed very penetrable.

“I’m going for a walk,” she said, hoping to discourage him. Surely he didn’t have a secret hiding place in every NFL stadium. Unfazed, he gestured for her to precede him out the door. The corridor was crowded during halftime and Bridgett’s stomach flipped again as his arm brushed against her shoulder. She tried to put some distance between them but his fingers were suddenly laced with hers. He tugged her to the side and down a corridor to a small balcony overlooking the field.

Bridgett yanked her hand free, wrapping her fingers around the steel railing. “God, you do have secret hideaways everywhere,” she mumbled.

He laughed out loud as he leaned a hip against the railing and stared down at her. Bridgett kept her eyes trained on the field. She didn’t trust him not to throw her a “smokin’-hot look” that would have her locking her lips with his.

Jay’s sigh sounded forlorn and Bridgett’s eyes involuntarily tracked to his face. Uncertainty flashed in his own eyes momentarily and his mouth had never looked so unsure. “We can work this out, Bridgett. See where this takes us while the chemistry is so intense.” He reached up a finger to trace her cheek but she took a step back. His hand hung in the air a moment before he reluctantly let it drop back to his side. “You said it yourself—it’s not this good with anyone else. Does it help to know I feel the same way?”

Finally, an admission of his feelings, but it was still not enough. She should just admit that she loved him. Those words would surely drive him away. Too bad her pride wouldn’t let her go all the way with that threat. She shook her head, not trusting her aching throat to let her speak with a steady voice.

Jay swore as he turned to the railing and leaned both forearms on it. A marching band was playing a familiar Neil Diamond tune and the crowd was singing along. “This is a onetime deal, Bridgett. I won’t make the same offer again,” he said tersely.

Bridgett rocked back on her heels as tears stung her eyes. A business deal. That was all she was to him. The band played on as Jay awaited her answer. Still not trusting her voice, she turned from the railing and made her way back to the crowded corridor, thankfully locating a women’s restroom. She locked herself in a stall and let the tears fall. Bridgett was angry at Jay for his ridiculous offer, but she was even angrier at her body for its knee-jerk reaction to accept his proposal. The sooner she got to the other side of the country, the better.

•   •   •

“Sweeeeet Caro-line,” the audience sang and Jay felt as if his chest was going to explode. His fingers were white-knuckled, he was holding the railing so tightly; all in an effort not to go chasing after Bridgett and beg her to stay with him. “So good, so good, so good,” the crowd yelled and Jay wanted to yell something else. Something that would probably land him back in the tabloids. He took a step back and hung his head. She’d left him again. And it hurt just as badly the second time around. Had he really said he’d only make her an offer one time? Man, what a jerk he was. Not to mention that his pride stung as much as his chest did right now.

“Boss?”

He tensed up at the sound of Linc’s voice, but he didn’t bother looking up. No reason for his all-knowing assistant to see the shadows Bridgett had left behind. “Yeah.”

“Um, the commissioner wants you to do a photo-op with some of the representatives from the women’s groups. He just had a private powwow with them.”

Jay unleashed another round of foul words. The damn man wasn’t about to let Jay get off scot-free.

“Should I find Mimi?” Linc said warily.

Hell, the last person he wanted hanging all over him right now was Mimi. But the only person he did want all over him had just walked away—for a freaking second time! Mimi would at least be useful navigating any landmines inherent in the photo-op. Jay took a deep breath and stood to his full height. He looked out over the field as the Blaze players trotted out of the tunnel for the second half.

Jay didn’t need Bridgett to complete his life. He had his family, his friends, and his team for that. Finding a willing woman wouldn’t be a problem, either. Next time, he’d find one who didn’t have the power to cut him so deeply.

“Sure,” he said to Linc. “Let’s get this over with before the second half starts.”

He pulled away from the railing and moved on to his own second half. One without Bridgett.

•   •   •

Bridgett rinsed her face in the sink in the now-quiet bathroom. Most of the crowd had made their way back to their seats. Spending the rest of the game in the women’s restroom was out of the question, not only because it was awkward, but it was also cowardly. She wouldn’t give Jay that much power over her. Bridgett shored up her composure and headed for the exit. The sound of muffled sobbing from the stall closest to the paper towel dispenser caught her attention. Peeking beneath the door, she took in a familiar pair of Steve Madden boots.

“Charlie?”

“Bridgett,” Charlie sobbed. “Oh, please, you have to help me.”

“What is it? Are you all right?”

“No,” Charlie cried. “I’m bleeding.”

It took less than five minutes for the stadium paramedics to arrive. Charlie was frantic that she not lose her baby. Bridgett just wanted the EMTs to be discreet. She’d texted Jay the moment she’d found his sister, but he’d yet to respond. Going to the suite was impossible because that would have meant prying her hand out of Charlie’s clammy death grip. And Bridgett wouldn’t do that.

“Please don’t let it be gone,” Charlie pleaded with her. Her blue eyes were round in her face, pale even against the white sheet of the gurney as they loaded her into the ambulance.

Bridgett brushed Charlie’s hair off her face. “Shh. Let’s get you to the hospital so the doctor can examine you and figure out what is going on.” Sadly, Bridgett knew what was going on. Her only prayer was that Charlie’s was just a simple miscarriage, that she’d be able to have children in the future.

“It’s because I didn’t love the baby’s father, isn’t it?” Charlie sobbed. “The baby knew it would only have one parent.”

“That’s just nonsense, Charlie.” Bridgett tried to soothe her while at the same time recounting the HIPAA regulations as they pertained to EMTs. Once they reached the hospital, she’d have a talk with the paramedics, telling them not to breathe a word of what they’d overhead. “That’s not the way these things work, sweetheart.” She smoothed her palm over Charlie’s brow.

“Did you love your baby’s father?” Charlie demanded.

Bridgett’s breath caught in her throat, but Charlie’s blue eyes didn’t waver as she waited for an answer. She answered the only way she could. “Madly.”

Charlie gulped a sob. “But you still lost your baby?”

“You see, I told you it didn’t work that way.”

“Then I did something wrong.” Charlie was wailing now and the EMT glared at Bridgett as he fiddled with the IV line Charlie was threatening to pull out with her violent cries.

“No!” Bridgett tried to reassure her. “You didn’t do anything, either. This is not your fault. You’ll see. The doctor will explain everything.” She continued to gently stroke the younger woman’s forehead in an attempt to calm her fears. Except Bridgett could relate to the emotions rolling through Charlie. She’d suffered from the same anxiety for months after losing her child.

“Why didn’t you ever have another baby?”

Charlie’s question caught her off guard and it was difficult to stay the tears that were threatening. She shook her head, unable to answer.

“Maybe it’s better that there’s no father involved,” Charlie said, clearly misinterpreting Bridgett’s answer. “He can’t hate me for losing our child.”

Fortunately for everyone involved, they’d reached the ER. Bridgett’s phone rang just as the EMTs lifted Charlie from the ambulance.

“I’ve been in a press conference. I just got your text. Where the hell are you?” Jay barked into the phone.

“We just arrived at the hospital.” She hesitated a moment. “You need to come right away. And bring your mother.”

“The baby?”

“I don’t think there is a baby any longer.” The words burned in Bridgett’s throat as Charlie cried out for her. “Hurry, Jay.”

By the time Jay and Melanie arrived, the nurse had confirmed Bridgett’s fears with a sad shake of her head. They’d given Charlie a sedative and she was staring off into space as tears slowly rolled out from the corners of her eyes onto her hair, which was haloed on the pillow.

“Mommy,” Charlie whispered as her mother sank down beside her on the bed and wrapped her arms around her daughter. Jay pulled his sister’s hand up to his mouth and nuzzled it. His eyes met Bridgett’s. The sorrow in them rattled her. She slipped behind the blue curtain cordoning off sections of the ER and made her way to the lobby on legs that were less than steady.

Linc reached for her elbow just as she nearly stumbled.

“Is she gonna be okay?” he asked.

“Physically, yes,” Bridgett replied. “It might take her a little longer emotionally. She might need to connect with others who’ve suffered a miscarriage.” She grabbed Linc’s forearm. “You’ll make sure Jay gets her the help she might need, won’t you? Please, Linc. Promise me.”

Linc nodded empathically as he steered her toward a chair. “I promise. Now, what can I get you? Something to eat or drink? The boss would kill me if he found out you were this upset.”

Bridgett hadn’t realized tears were streaming down her face until Linc handed her a tissue. She shook her head. “I should get to the airport. Charlie will be fine now that she has her family here.”

“I think you should sit a minute. You’ve got plenty of time before your flight.”

“No.” Bridgett stood too quickly and Linc had to steady her again. Being in the hospital with Charlie had brought back too many painful memories. She needed air. “I can’t go through this again,” she whispered.

“Let me get Mr. McManus.” Linc’s eyes were round with concern.

“No!” Bridgett said it more fervently this time. “My bag is in the limo. I just need to get it and I’ll grab a cab out front.”

Linc looked like he’d rather streak through a football stadium than let her go, but Bridgett couldn’t be around Jay any longer. Especially not after today. And she had to get out of this hospital. “The boss won’t like you taking a cab.”

“I’ll take her.”

They both looked up to see the FBI agent from the night before standing beside them. Linc looked at him with relief, and Bridgett remembered that Special Agent Kovaluk and Jay were friends from their boyhood days.

“Jay needs to be here with Charlie,” the agent said. He exchanged a look with Linc, who shook his head. “Besides, I have something I need to discuss with Ms. Janik.”

He placed a hand on Bridgett’s back and began to guide her toward the exit. Bridgett glanced over her shoulder at Linc, and then at the closed curtain at the end of the hall. “Remember what you promised,” she reminded him. Charlie would need lots of emotional support these next few months, and while Bridgett had come to care for Jay’s sister, she couldn’t afford to be that close to his family.

Linc nodded and Agent Kovaluk propelled them out into the sunny day. The world was going on normally, despite the fact that Charlie’s baby was no longer living. It had been the same way when Bridgett had lost her baby. The concept had taken her months to accept. It would likely be just as difficult for Charlie.

Agent Kovaluk retrieved her bag from the limousine and stowed it in the trunk of the nondescript Chrysler he drove. He opened the passenger door for Bridgett and she slid in. Then he was behind the wheel and starting the car’s engine. The sportscaster on the radio announced that the Blaze were still trailing by one point in the game.

“It looks like a missed extra point may be the difference in the game,” he said.

Bridgett glanced out the window at the afternoon sun as they made their way to the airport. She wasn’t in the mood to make small talk, but the agent was doing her a favor. The least she could do was be polite. “I always feel sorry for those guys. They have to have an extra helping of mental toughness to be a placekicker.”

“Don’t feel too sorry for them. They get paid a hell of a lot more than the rest of us for kicking a ball ten times a week, and they don’t even get tackled.”

He glanced over at her and his charming smile helped soothe her frayed nerves.

“You do have a point there.” She studied his handsome profile. With sandy blond hair, green eyes, and an easy smile, he was the light to Jay’s darker persona. Bridgett didn’t kid herself for one minute, though. Matt Kovaluk was also a federal agent, and an alpha male personality was practically a requirement to earn a badge. “You said you had something you wanted to discuss with me?”

His lips flattened from a smile to a more somber grin. “I did.” His eyes left the road for a brief moment to study her. “I have to ask you if you ever met Delaney Silverberg.”

The question surprised her and her legal training unconsciously kicked into gear. “Are you asking for personal reasons or professional ones?”

The corner of his mouth twitched. “Actually, this is just a friendly conversation. I was involved in the case investigating the gambling ring, but only tangentially with Delaney. But some things have surfaced that might come to light in her prosecution, so I’m trying to tie up loose ends.”

“What kinds of things?”

Agent Kovaluk paused for a moment, seeming to debate something with himself. “A letter.”

“I never sent Delaney a letter. I never met the woman. We had one and only one conversation on the phone thirteen years ago and that was it.”

He looked at her out of the corner of one eye before staring back at the highway again. “You seem pretty sure of your facts. And this isn’t a letter you wrote. It’s a letter Jay wrote to you.”

The air seized up in Bridgett’s lungs. “Jay never wrote me a letter.” She was sure of that fact, too.

“Well, it’s his handwriting on the letter and it’s addressed to you in Italy. My guess is Delaney intercepted it.”

Gray dots were floating in front of Bridgett’s eyes and her mouth felt fuzzy. Jay had written her a letter. What would Delaney have been doing with it? “Do you have it?” she whispered. “The letter.”

“It’s part of the evidence file.”

An embarrassing squeak escaped the back of her throat.

He sighed. “I have a copy of it on my iPad.”

“Please, let me see it.”

With another resigned sigh, he switched lanes to pull off at the exit, driving into the parking lot of a fast-food restaurant. He reached into the seat behind her and grabbed his tablet. Bridgett could hear her heart pounding as he powered it up. After punching in a code and opening the file, he handed it to her, pausing before he released it fully. “I have to remind you that you’re an officer of the court and what I’m about to show you can’t be discussed with anyone.”

She nodded, anxious to lay eyes on the letter. The page with the envelope came up first. It was addressed to her, care of the DiSantis villa. She’d have to take the agent’s word that it was Jay’s handwriting, because they’d never had a chance to exchange so much as a note. Bridgett scrolled down to the next page, gasping when she read the date: It was dated six days before she’d called Jay to tell him about the baby.

“Are you okay?” Agent Kovaluk offered her a bottled water, but she shook her head.

Jay’s handwriting was a lot like him—neat, bold, and dark. She bit back a smile at the sight of it. Her smile turned to tears as she read the letter. He wrote that he was going to New Zealand to sell the rights to the wine labels left from his grandfather’s winery. Jay explained that his stepfather had not left him any inheritance. Bridgett was surprised by the lack of bitterness in the letter. But he needed the money to buy the fermentation formula so that they could start their vineyard. His constant reference to them both as a couple robbed her of her breath. Agent Kovaluk seemed to understand and he pushed a button to roll down the window.

Jay asked her to wait for him, explaining that it might take weeks for the process to be completed, and Bridgett gulped down a sob. If only she had known. She would have waited forever.

The final page proved to be her undoing, and her body shook as she read it.

I love you. I should have told you that night you left me in the airport. You make me whole, Bridgett. My life is a little unsure right now but the one thing I am sure about is that you’re the woman I want to spend the rest of my life with. Please be patient and believe in me. Believe in us. For years, I’ve dreamed of carrying on my family legacy and passing it onto my children—our children—and I couldn’t imagine a more beautiful person to share that dream with. One day we’ll walk through our vineyards with them by our side and that dream will be a reality. All because of you. I love you. And I can’t wait to hold you in my arms again. Stay out of the mud until I get back. I don’t ever want to lose you.

“Oh my God,” she whispered. “He didn’t desert me. I just didn’t believe in us enough.” Her thoughts were scattered, and Bridgett couldn’t seem to stop shaking. “Delaney said he was at a Cubs game. But he was in New Zealand. He wouldn’t have known about the baby.”

Had Delaney ever told him about the baby? But Jay had been angry when he confronted her in Boston. So he’d known about the baby then. What must he have thought of her? Bridgett gulped another sob as she sank more fully into the seat. No wonder he hated her.

“Maybe I should take you back,” Agent Kovaluk said softly.

Bridgett shook her head. “It was a long time ago. It’s too late now.” It was too late for them. She could no longer blame Jay for not trusting her. She hadn’t believed in what they had. Worse still, she was no longer able to give him what he wanted most of all: children. “Please, take me to the airport.”

He hesitated a moment before solemnly putting the car into drive and entering the highway.