‘Leave me alone. It’s too early to get up.’ Jenna slapped her hand down on the snooze button of her alarm clock and hid back under the covers. If it had been up to her, she wouldn’t have got out of bed the last eight mornings, but Chloe had been around every day and made sure she was dressed and ready for work.

Which was fine. She’d managed not to frighten the customers and still found lots of love for Evie, but everything was harder when you felt like a part of you was missing.

Nick.

Nick was missing, and she hadn’t been prepared for how much that would hurt.

Stupid, really, because she’d been so scared she’d fall in love with him and then he’d go and die on her in the line of duty, she’d thought she’d never survive such dreadful pain again. But here she was with a shattered heart anyway and the man was still bloody alive.

If she ever saw him again, she’d kill him for not wanting to put up a fight. For making her feel like this. For stealing her happiness all over again just when it was starting to blossom.

She loved him, for God’s sake. He’d made her hope and dream and believe, and now all she had left was central chest pain, an impossibly large appetite and sleeping sickness.

Her phone buzzed. ‘Chloe? What the hell? It’s way too early. Go home and come back in two hours.’

‘And there was me thinking you’d put the fun into running. Come on, girlfriend, your daughter’s nursery won’t raise money if you don’t actually put the hard yards in. Literally. We said we’d meet at the corner, and here we all are except you and Mam and Evie. Mam, I can understand, because she prefers her bed to anywhere else, but you? I have to say, I’m surprised.’

The fun run. That was today. Training had gone out the window because she didn’t want to risk bumping into him. Jenna Cassidy-Pearce was a coward, but she just couldn’t bear the thought of seeing those lovely eyes with so much struggle in them. And she couldn’t be trusted not to run/walk/shuffle straight at him and demand one of his lifesaving kisses.

She flopped back onto the pillow. ‘Shit and double shit with chocolate on. I am so not ready.’

‘Well, we are and it’s freezing. So hurry the hell up.’

She met them at the corner and her heart lifted a little at their friendly, warm smiles even at silly o’clock in the morning. If there was one thing she could rely on—because she couldn’t rely on men, ever—it was her girl friends.

‘I have no idea why on earth we let you talk us into this, Jenna. For the record, I am not allowing you to have any ideas for the next year. Okay? One surprise wedding was enough to make me crazy, but running? Never again.’ But even so, Faith gave her a big hug. ‘Are you okay, hun?

‘Surviving. Thanks.’ She’d heard herself say that for so long and then, for a while, she’d been thriving. But she wasn’t going to lie and say she was okay. She wasn’t. She was back to existing and not living. ‘What is it they say, this too shall pass?’

‘He’s a bloody idiot if you ask me.’ Good old Faith, wore her heart on her sleeve and never held back.

‘No, he’s not. He just acted like one. I get it, I do. He’s been badly burnt, and he’s not an old romantic like me. He doesn’t believe in the whole fairy tale thing.’ Jenna pushed down the rising sadness. Or at least tried. Even though she understood his reasons, she just couldn’t forgive him and couldn’t forget him. ‘I just thought we’d make it, you know?’ Even make a family, in time.

‘You love him?’ Saskia fell into step as they neared the start line.

‘Of course she does.’ Now Anjini nudged her way into the middle of the group. ‘And you’ve got all those condoms… what a waste. A tragedy.’

What the hell? Jenna sought out her sister. ‘Chloe? Chloe? Have you been telling them about—’

‘Hush. Something’s happening.’ All around them people were stretching and laughing and chatting. Loud music suddenly blared from a speaker, and on a truck that had been converted into a stage, three extremely hyped and far too cheerful women started to do star jumps.

Jenna barely had the energy to breathe, never mind jump.

‘Mamma? Can I jump too?’ Evie climbed out of the buggy and started to join in, laughing and giggling with the others. She took hold of Jenna’s hand and swung it from side to side, and Jenna’s heart give another little jump. She had to hold herself together for this little one. Had to show her not to be afraid to take risks, to look darkness in the face. ‘Come on, dance, Mamma.’

‘Oh, okay then.’ And she did, because whatever else happened, she had her daughter, she had her friends and, in time, she’d find her happy again too.

But not right now, because they were being ushered to a big sign saying Start Line, and all too soon, they were off.

---

He’d thought getting over Jenna would be easy—after all, he’d faced other heartache and somehow got through. He’d thought deciding not to love her would actually work. He’d thought throwing himself into his new job, volunteering for extra shifts and running hard and fast every morning and night would push her out of his head.

It didn’t. It made him worse. It exhausted him, and when he closed his eyes, all he saw was her face. When he finally found sleep, she walked though his dreams.

His feet hit the pavement and he started to run, hard and fast, not knowing where the hell this morning’s route would take him. These days he just followed his feet with no plans and ran until he couldn’t run any more.

Simply, he was lost without her. And he knew now that the only way he’d survived all the other crap in his life was because she’d pulled him through it. With her emails and positivity and cheerfulness. With her unending faith that things would work out. With the love that he’d seen shining from every pore. Not just her love for life, but for him. She’d chosen him, and he’d thrown it back at her. He’d been too damned scared to allow Jenna’s love into his life, to open himself up to finally being happy.

He ran along Ladbroke Grove and into Portobello Road, avoiding her shop by staying on the other side of the street. He couldn’t bear to see her. To see her with someone else, another man. Because, at some point, she’d learn to love again and find someone who could do the same.

Shit. The thought of her with someone else gave him a sharp pain in his side. The thought of that sweet smile and that hot mouth being shared by another man had him coughing. The thought of her falling in love with someone who wasn’t him, someone who loved her…

He loved her.

The thought hit him like an armoured tank.

He stopped running. Dragged in air. And again. He loved her. He loved her and he’d let her go. Pushed her away. Broke both his heart and hers. For what? Just so he’d protect himself from hurting.

He hurt anyway.

And he missed her. Missed the feeling of wholeness he had when he was with her and Evie. The idea of family. Of being part of something. Something beautiful.

A family.

He could have had that. Could have grown something amazing, but fear and stupidity had lost him that chance. He’d blown it, and it had been his own fault. Yeah, his platoon would be looking down on him now and scratching their heads. As would Ollie. Because who the hell in their right mind would give up a chance with kind, sexy, loyal, surprising Jenna who had never hurt a single person and who definitely would never hurt him?

His ears picked up a sudden loud noise. There was music coming from somewhere. A deep beat and laughter. Lots of laughter. Nick turned a corner and suddenly hundreds of people were running towards him. Men, women, kids, strollers, dogs. All heading his way.

He stepped into a shop doorway and watched as the leaders ran by. A fun run?

Yes, his memory clicked over. Evie’s fun run.

She’d be here somewhere, with her mum. And the book group. Doing their run/shuffle/walk thing.

His heart started to pump at the thought. His stomach contracted. His head started to whirl. She was out here somewhere. And he’d see her. Maybe… maybe…

Maybe, he had a chance to make things right. One last chance. He just had to take that risk. Say the words. Reach out his hand.

Would she take it? After everything he’d done to her, leaving her high and dry at her sister’s wedding, watching her sob her way back, seeing her wipe her tears and fix a smile before she went upstairs.

He’d done that to her, and even if she ever forgave him, he’d never forgive himself. But he had to tell her how he felt.

He edged into the crowd, fell into step with a guy dressed as a gorilla and two of the Flintstones.

If he was quick, he’d get to the finish line before she did.

It was time to take action. He was done with being scared.

---

‘I’m going to die.’ Jenna grabbed Chloe’s hand and together they pushed the buggy over the finish line. Her thighs had never hurt so badly, her throat never been so dry, her chest had never felt as if her ribcage was about to explode. ‘I need urgent resuscitation. Bring wine. Chocolate. It’s an emergency.’

‘Here’s a banana. It’s the best I can do.’ Chloe stuffed one into her hand. ‘There’s water over there.’

They cleared the line, removed their timing tags, which Jenna wasn’t sure were any use to her. She’d hobbled most of it anyway and didn’t care how long it had taken. But she’d done it! She’d set a goal and achieved it. That was some good role-modelling to her daughter right there. The water was like nectar as it ran down her throat. ‘Five kilometres. Feels like five hundred.’

Within a few minutes, the rest of the gang waved and cheered as they crossed the line too. Bridget was beaming as she threw her timer into the box. ‘Well, I’m glad that’s out of the way. I’ll be off now.’

‘You’ll what? You’ve just cleared five kilometres and you’re not going to stop and rest?’ So unlike their mother. But then, she’d been in a strange mood for a while now. ‘There’s prize giving, you might win something?’

Her mother grinned as if she’d already won the jackpot. ‘I have to go home and get ready.’ Her chest puffed up and she smirked. Smirked. ‘I have a date.’

‘A what?’ Everyone turned to stare at her. Even Anjini. Even the Portobello seer hadn’t seen this coming. Evie, who was playing at Jenna’s feet, tugged on her mum’s leg. ‘Why’s Nana laughing?’

Their mum lowered her voice and turned away from the little girl. ‘Yer celebrant man has asked me out to brunch. So I said yes. Stop laughing. Close yer mouth. It’s not that surprising. I’m a woman in my prime.’

‘Andrew? A date? You? You haven’t had a date in nearly thirty years.’ It was unbelievable. And even though Jenna was delighted for her mother, she felt a twinge of envy. Because both her sister and her mum were happy. Not that they didn’t deserve it, because they really did. But… she felt so alone.

‘Well, I’m getting back on the horse. Just don’t go arranging any secret weddings for me yet. I don’t know if he’s any good in the sack.’ And with that, Bridget turned her tracksuit-clad backside towards home.

‘In the sack?’ Chloe shuddered. ‘I do not want to think—oh.’ She frowned and started to shake and point and suddenly the mood dipped. ‘Look. Quick. Over there by Evie’s buggy…’

‘What?’ Heart thumping, Jenna turned and looked towards the buggy and her handbag in the tray underneath. There was figure hunched over it. A stripy hat.

‘It’s that damned burglar. The bare-faced bloody—Oi!’ Adrenalin propelled her forward. Suddenly her exhausted muscles sprang back into action. She ran towards the buggy and hurled herself at the guy, flattening him to the floor with a crunch. He was a wee runt of a man and no match for her. She sat on him. ‘You! Bastard!’

‘Hmmpf!’

‘Stop moving.’ She felt the squeal and squirm of the guy, but she was not budging. ‘Serves you right to have me and not skinny Saskia on top of you.’ She grabbed her purse from his hand. ‘Thank you. That’s mine. And don’t think I’m not going to press charges this time, because I am. No one messes with me. Okay?’

‘Okay. Just get off me.’

‘Not a chance. We’ve been looking out for you for a while now. You don’t get to scare me. You don’t get to make me nervous in my own shop.’ She’d done it. She’d beaten the police to it. Beaten the infamous Anjini Singh. Stopped the guy who’d threatened her safety and her property. And it felt damned good. ‘Someone call the police! Now!’

‘Jenna! Jenna!’

Her heart stalled. That voice.

Nick.

Of course. Just when she was sprawled on top of a man in her sweaty Lycra and baggy T-shirt. Why couldn’t he have caught her winning a gold medal?

But she wasn’t ready to see him again. Wasn’t ready for the rush of elation at seeing his beautiful face, and the desperation at the thought of never kissing him again, never having him smile at her, never feeling his arms around her.

Her heart was pounding, and it was all about Nick and nothing about the attempted robbery or the last five kilometres of exercise.

He was here. He was hauling her up with one hand and dealing with the bad man with the other. Who, incidentally, he now had standing up with his arm twisted up his back.

God, he was good. Even in running gear, he looked strong and safe. But she knew differently. He wasn’t safe at all, at least not where her heart was concerned.

She was not going to show him any kind of emotion. He didn’t deserve it. He’d broken her. ‘Well, that was quick.’

‘I was trying to find you. Then I saw the stripy hat and you running.’ He turned to the crowd, a hundred eyes staring down at them and called out, ‘Tyler, phone 999.’

‘Sure thing, boss.’ Tyler appeared from the crowd and took out his phone. Before he tapped in the numbers he looked at stripy hat man and shrugged. ‘Look, mate, I told you thieving was a lousy idea. I’m real sorry I have to do this.’ He looked it too.

Stripy hat man tutted and shook his head. But Tyler continued, ‘I’ll come with you to the station, we can talk to them. We can help you out.’ He looked up at Nick with something akin to hero-worship. ‘Can’t we Nick? We can help him out like you’re helping me.’

Jenna looked from him to Nick. ‘Tyler? With you, Nick?’

Nick nodded. ‘Just training, you know…fitness, routine, presentation. Tyler’s hoping to follow in his dad’s footsteps and join the army. I’m just helping him out with some of the details. Now, call the police, mate.’

She should have left him to it, but she couldn’t seem to move. He was a good man with great intentions, most of the time. He was putting these kids on a straighter path.

But he’d walked away from her. ‘How… how are you?’

‘Without you?’ He shook his head. ‘Terrible.’

‘Good.’

‘Look, buddy, stop moving. This is the most important thing I’ve ever done, so don’t spoil it, okay?’ Stripy hat man was wriggling. Nick did something that made him stop. It involved a strange noise and a grunt and a little scream escaping stripy hat man’s throat. Nick looked at her. ‘I made a big mistake, Jenna.’

‘I know you did. Huge. Bloody huge.’

She caught his gaze. Another big mistake. Because she could see emotion in his dark eyes that made her legs weak. His mouth that had done so many wonderful things to her. Those hands. It could have been bloody wonderful, but he’d walked away.

She turned away, unable to cope with looking at him. ‘I have to go.’

‘Shit. Jenna.’ Another grunt from stripy hat man. ‘Hang on.’

‘No. I’ll leave you to your job.’ Her throat was like rough sandpaper. She summoned up all her courage and turned away. She couldn’t bear being near him and not having him in her life.

Nick breathed out heavily and raised his voice. ‘I had to go, Jenna. It wasn’t that I don’t love you, because I do. More than anything. It’s that you made me believe in impossible dreams. Made me want you so much. Too much.’

He loved her?

It was easy to say and not easy to prove. If he loved her, he wouldn’t have treated her like that.

But he was telling her this in front of a whole crowd of people who looked from one to the other, enthralled like rubberneckers at a car crash. She wanted to die. No, she wanted to run to him and kiss that ache she’d seen in his eyes away. But she doubted she’d be able to run anywhere, or even walk, after the unfun run.

‘You need a hand, sir?’

Thank God. Two burly security guys arrived. Stripy hat guy was hauled away with Tyler following. A lot of the crowd melted back to the stage truck and prize giving. But Nick was still there. Steady. He drew her away from the book group girls and Evie, and walked her to a quieter space in the nursery garden, under some maple trees. ‘Jenna, listen to me. The more time I spent with you, the harder I fell and the harder I knew you’d be to get over. So I cut lose to stop myself from wanting more.’ He ran a hand over his hair. ‘It didn’t work.’

‘You hurt me, Nick.’

‘I know. And, believe me, if I could rewind the clock, I would do things differently. I will never hurt you again, Jen. Never.’

‘Because I won’t let you.’ It was taking every ounce of strength she had left to tell him this, but her heart was not up for grabs. ‘I’m sorry, Nick. I can’t take that risk.’

He gave a small laugh. ‘Yeah, I know all about risk. I know all about protecting myself and not getting hurt. I know about closing myself off to people. I know about trying hard not to love someone. It doesn’t work. I love you, Jenna Cassidy-Pearce. I love every bit of you. I love you so damned much I think my chest will burst. And I want to spend the rest of my life proving that to you. And to Evie.’

‘Evie.’ That was another thing; she couldn’t expose her daughter to someone who wouldn’t cherish her. ‘She likes you. I don’t want to give you the chance to hurt her too.’

‘Never. Let me show you, Jenna. Let me prove to you that I love you.’

‘I don’t….’ He did love her. She could see it in his eyes; she’d always seen it there. She’d heard it in his voice. She knew he loved her. But… ‘I’m scared, Nick. I’m as scared as you are. More.’

‘But imagine how amazing it could be if we just forgot about risk and did it anyway. I want you so damned much. I want—’ He let go of her hand and started to bend down. On to his knee… He was…?

‘What are you doing?’

‘This.’ He grimaced. ‘I don’t have any stand-in rings. This is, let’s say I’m winging it, but that doesn’t mean it’s not heartfelt. I’ve wanted you in my life for years. Hell, you’ve been in my life for years. I just want you to stay there and let me love you the way you deserve to be loved.’

‘But—’

He took her hand and kissed it. ‘Jenna Cassidy-Pearce, I love you with all my heart. I promise I will never hurt you. I promise I will always be by your side. I will never leave you. Never doubt me. Please, be my wife.’

‘I don’t know. I just don’t know.’ Because what if…? What if…? What if…? ‘I’m sorry, Nick…’

Above them a bird flew from one branch to the next, its wings whirring as it stretched and soared. Taking a leap. Taking a risk that things would work out fine. As it landed, a feather fell, floating slowly down to the ground.

And her throat filled. It wasn’t a message from Ollie like she’d told herself for all these years. It was just what happened when you let go. Some things stay and some things fall away.

No, she knew it wasn’t a message from Ollie, but she felt, deep in her heart, that it was time to make that leap.

‘Jenna? I get it. I failed you. I’m so sorry.’ Nick looked utterly lost.

And she was completely lost without him. ‘Yes, oh yes. Yes. I will marry you, Nick. I love you so much.’

‘You will?’ He stood and clasped her to him, claiming her mouth, and kissed her until her legs gave out. She loved this man. Loved the way he held her, the way he kissed her, the way she felt when she was with him. Beautiful. And she wanted to spend the rest of her life making a beautiful life with him. ‘I love you.’

Eventually she tugged away from him. ‘We’ve got to get back to the girls and tell them the news, but my legs are seizing up.’

‘I’ll carry you.’

She laughed. ‘You’ll never lift me, you daft fool.’ But he did. He swept her into his arms as if she was as light as that feather. As he walked, she talked, ‘Did I ever tell you I hate running?’

‘Yep. So don’t do it.’

‘But I want to be healthy and get fit, and now all the others are running just for me.’

He shrugged, as best he could when carrying a decent-sized fully grown woman. ‘Tell them you hate it. Some will stop, others might not.’

‘I’ll never get rid of the wobble if I don’t do something. Maybe I could do something else? Salsa? Crossfit? Spin?’ The thought of sitting on a bike and pedalling but getting nowhere didn’t appeal at all, especially now that she had the promise of a man to keep her in bed long after the alarm went off.

He stopped and gazed at her, a tease in his eyes. ‘I know quite a few things that expend calories and are a lot more fun than running. Kissing burns ninety calories an hour, you know.’

‘Oh? I did not know.’ She tried it out. Kissing was an exercise she would definitely grow to love.

He hugged her to him. ‘I thought you knew everything there is to know about calories. You burn sixty-nine calories for sex.’

She tiptoed her hand under his T-shirt. ‘Sounds like a very appropriate number.’

‘Most certainly does. Two hundred if you’re on top.’

She couldn’t wait. ‘You’re talking my kind of exercise.’

‘See, you just need to find something you enjoy and stick with it.’

‘Like you?’

‘Me?’

‘I enjoy you, Detective Chief Inspector Constable Welsh. I think I’ll stick with you.’

He kissed her again. ‘Excellent, now let’s go do some serious calorie burning.’