All I could think of was how much I wanted to…

Six days later and she still had his words going round and round and round in her brain. He’d wanted to kiss her.

Hell.

Heaven.

But the excruciating confusion was purgatory, even now as she sat down on one of the rose-gold high-backed chairs in Mrs Singh’s front room. She didn’t want to be here. She wanted to be with him, reliving that kiss.

Even though that was the dumbest thing in the world to do. They’d pushed through the awkwardness and the tension and scratched the itch, and now she was left wanting more and no doubt losing a friend in the process.

Faith was taking books out of a large plastic box by her side and putting them into wobbly piles on the floor. ‘So, Jen, how far have you got with the secret squirrel wedding?’

‘Shhhh,’ Jenna told her as their eyes simultaneously darted to the front door. It was Book Group night, and Chloe had texted to say she’d been held up at the corporate launch but was on her way.

Keeping everything secret—Nick popping round last Thursday, the kiss, the wedding—was becoming increasingly stressful, mainly because wherever Jenna was, Chloe was bound to be also. ‘Things aren’t going well, to be honest. I can’t get much opportunity to arrange anything during office hours, and everything’s closed by the time I get home and Evie sorted and in bed.’ And then she was far too busy welcoming unexpected guests bearing a multitude of takeaways. ‘No one wants to perform a ceremony for people who don’t know they’re getting married. I have a cake organised, though, and had a word with Jacques at Vaughn’s restaurant to make sure they give Vaughn the day off on the day. I just need to keep Chloe’s diary empty and find a celebrant. Oh, and the venue.’

‘I thought you were going to go casual and have it in Holland Park?’ Kat stopped pouring out water into glasses for everyone. ‘But what if it rains? We can’t dance in the park in the rain.’

‘We can dance in the park, Kat. We can dance anywhere we want.’ Jenna lowered her voice in case Chloe came in. ‘But you’re right, it could rain. It’s going to be London in October; it could snow, or be a heatwave. I was just keeping my fingers crossed, and it’s a free venue. Maybe I should hire somewhere? But where? Where’s cheap these days? And at very short notice?’

Nobody said anything. What she needed was someone with inside knowledge, like a wedding planner. Go figure. ‘As for food, I wondered whether you wouldn’t all mind bringing something? I can’t afford a big spread, and if we all chip in, it’ll make the day special.’

Judging by the looks on their faces, everyone felt this was a rubbish idea. But surprisingly, Bridget chirped up, ‘I can do my famous colcannon if you like?’

‘Thanks, Mum. I’m not sure potato and cabbage work for a wedding breakfast.’ And it was only famous because it was inedible, but she didn’t want to break her mum’s heart by telling her this. Jenna caught the annoyed look on her mum’s face. She needed to get her on side. ‘But your lovely fancy sandwiches would go down a treat, and you make a fabulous lemon meringue pie.’

‘I think you’re walking on thin ice, Jen.’ Faith still looked doubtful. ‘What if she refuses to marry him?’

She wasn’t going to even think about that possibility. ‘Look, Chloe has spent her life trying to organise my life. You remember she set me up on a date with Nick? And I set up her online dating profile. This is the kind of thing we Cassidy sisters do. We step in when things need doing.’

‘Wasn’t the online dating thing a complete shambles? Didn’t she meet some real no hopers?’

‘That poor man with the dog in the rucksack. She was so rude to him and never apologised, just left him in the cafe high and dry.’ Bridget shook her head and tutted. ‘She’s lucky Vaughn’s taken her on at all. She should be thrilled to marry him.’

‘I think you’ll find he’s very lucky to have her. They’re perfect together.’ Jenna smothered a smile. Yes, the online dating had been an utter disaster, but at least now they could forget all that and focus on better things. ‘The last wedding where she was the bride, she turned complete Bridezilla and became this… thing. This control freak wild thing. Then she had the embarrassment of being jilted and having to stand there and explain it all to friends and family. So, if I do this for her, she’ll understand. She’ll have none of the stress of organising her own wedding. She’ll have nothing to prove, no one to face, no anxiety. She’ll marry him. And if she does refuse, then all I’ll have wasted is my hard-earned cash, and we’ll still get to eat yummy food.’

‘I’m still not convinced.’ Kat shook her head.

Thanks a bunch. ‘Look, plenty of brides have planned surprise weddings for grooms and the other way round. It’s not on the outside of normal; it’s just on the spectrum.’

Bridget pointed at Jenna, nodding. ‘I think you’re on to something, our Jenna. I really do. Sometimes that big girl of mine needs a boot up the—’

‘Thanks, Mum,’ Jenna interjected. This was the first inclination of support she’d received about the wedding, and it was coming from a surprising source. ‘I think we all know what you mean.’

‘You can use the yoga studio if you like.’ Saskia stretched out her long, slender legs and reached her hands to the ceiling. Upward facing stretchy thing. Yoga had never been Jenna’s exercise of choice. To be honest, nothing had. ‘We don’t have any classes on Saturday afternoons. Only, no stilettos on my floor.’

Two positives in less than a minute. Things were looking up. ‘Oh, thank you! Yes, that’s amazing. And I promise no heels. Maybe we could convince Chloe we’re having a private lesson or something, to get her there? Should we do that? Work on some kind of ruse about a yoga class?’

‘Okay. But would she want to get married in Lycra?’ Kat shivered and put on a posh accent. ‘The bride wore active wear…’

‘Good point. No one would want to get married in Lycra. I’ll think of something.’

Jenna shuddered. She kept saying that. She’d think of the answers to all these pertinent questions. A celebrant. Food. Transport. A photographer. Unfortunately, all she was thinking about was how good Nick had tasted and how good it had felt to be in his arms. And then how empty she’d felt when he’d left. She had no answers for any of that. ‘Right, one of us can drop off some clothes earlier in the day, or the night before. All you’ll have to do is help with decorations.’

‘And food?’

‘Yes. I know it’s a big ask, but she deserves it to be right, doesn’t she?’

Saskia sat up straight in her chair. ‘We have silk scarves as curtains and buddhas and candles and chimes. I love it. You could match decorations with them. And I could borrow some chairs and a big table from the cafe downstairs if you like?’

‘Perfect.’ Jenna mentally checked those items off her list. ‘Mum, could you make some ribbons for the chair backs? What colour are the scarves? We could blend in with them. Oh, this is exciting.’

If only everyone else looked as enthused as she felt.

Mrs Singh bustled in, looking uncharacteristically flustered, bearing a tray of pakoras and a jug of rum-laced punch, which she put on the coffee table in front of them. ‘Sorry I’m running late. I had to wait for someone to change the locks. We had a break-in yesterday at the shop.’

‘Oh? Oh my God, how scary. Is everything okay? Did you have anything stolen?’

Mrs Singh shook her head. ‘No, we have an alarm and it must have scared them— oh, hello, Chloe. Come in, sit down.’

‘Hey, everyone, sorry I’m late.’ Chloe climbed over the teetering piles of books no one had read and squeezed next to Saskia on the sofa. ‘What did I miss? Please don’t tell me you’re talking about books? I haven’t read anything.’

‘No one has, don’t worry. Anjini’s had a break-in at the shop. Actually, Nick said there’s been a spate of them targeting this area recently. We need to double-check those locks. I’m sorry, Anjini, I should have told you.’

‘Nick?’ Chloe said in a stage whisper. ‘Ooooh. When did you see him?’

Seeing as Jenna had learnt a lot from Nick about dodging, she dodged this spotlight. ‘How scary, Mrs Singh. It makes you feel so unsafe, doesn’t it?’

Bridget helped her old friend bring through more nibbles. This time some gulab jaman and other bright-coloured Indian sweets cut into squares. ‘Anjini takes these things seriously. You need to get an alarm, girls, or you’ll lose all your wares. I’ll be betting it’s the boys from the shop opening. Dodgy pair.’

Chloe spoke through a mouth of warm pakora. ‘These are so yummy. No. No, pretty sure Tyler was working at the restaurant last night.’

All eyes turned to Chloe as Bridget asked, ‘Working? At Vaughn’s place?’

Chloe looked a little taken aback at the attention and surprised reaction. ‘Yes, he does the washing up.’

‘He stole Jenna’s things and he’s rewarded with a job.’ Their mother huffed. ‘That doesn’t make any sense to me.’

‘It’s nothing major, Mum. It’s not like he’s running the place or in charge of cash. He’s up to his elbows in dishwasher suds. Vaughn says he’s a good worker and, even though he hasn’t got a permanent address, he turns up for work every day neat and clean. Vaughn said he could sleep in the office, but I had to put my foot down. It’s busy enough in there without turning it into someone’s bedroom too.’

‘It was good of Vaughn to give him a job.’

Chloe nodded. ‘It was Nick’s idea, actually. Apparently he suggested it to Vaughn at football on Sunday.’

What? So they did talk about other things at football on Sundays, just not what Jenna wanted them to talk about. Typical. Men. ‘Hmmph.’

‘Jenna?’

Jenna glared at her sister. Shut up.

‘Jenna? Is there something you’re trying to tell us?’ This time it was an I know what you got up to kind of grin.

Thankfully their mother didn’t seem to notice. ‘Maybe it’s the other one then. You know, the one that got away, with that stripy hat. That man of yours should have done a bit more of a thorough search of the area at the shop opening and found him.’

Jenna’s whole body bristled. ‘One, he wasn’t on duty as it was, so he did a kindness to us all by hefting Tyler away when he did. Two, they have been investigating, actually. And three….’ She could feel her voice rising but couldn’t stop it. Because one, two and bloody three, she felt very protective of him. He’d had a hard time and didn’t need slandering by her mother. ‘Three, he’s not my man.’

‘He was seen leaving your house in the dark on Thursday night. That makes him your… something.’ Mrs Singh had that irrepressible look in her eyes. She knew everything. She certainly could see right through Jenna.

Anjini passed round a plate of delicious smelling samosas. Three hundred calories of potato and peas and spices, all wrapped up in a crispy pastry. Jenna refused, as she had all the other delicious food, because she was going to prove to herself how much self-control she had—at least where food was concerned, if not her wayward hormones and random kissing of handsome men in her hallway. A shudder of embarrassment and lust shivered through her at the memory. ‘Ah, yes, well—’

‘Jenna? Really?’ Bridget was frowning and suddenly animated. ‘He was at our house on Thursday? Did you sneak him in when I was at my ghost group? Is that where we’re at now? Hiding things—men—from your mother? Is he going to be throwing stones at your window and climbing up the drain pipe to get to your bedroom? Because he’d better not. Copper guttering’s expensive, and I’m just after getting some replaced.’

‘Mum! I’m way too old and tired for those kinds of shenanigans. Of course I didn’t sneak him in. He came to the front door and knocked like any sensible person. He brought round a flyer about a running club. I think we should all sign up.’ If she kept on talking, she could swiftly move the conversation on from Nick. ‘It’s a great idea. There’s a five-kilometre fun run in a few weeks, and we want to raise cash for Evie’s nursery. Why don’t we do it, set a goal?’

‘Running? In this?’ Anjini swished her beautiful emerald green sari skirts.

‘No. You can wear a track suit. Mum, you too. Saskia can lead because she’s the healthy one.’

‘Honey,’ Saskia purred in her lilting, soft zen voice. ‘I know yoga but not running. I’m the person you’ll all have to come to after the run because your hamstrings have locked and you can’t move.’

Jenna knew exactly how that felt. But more, this was the in she needed with Chloe. ‘Right, yes. Yoga definitely helps post exercise. At your studio. Yes, yoga classes at your studio. Running and yoga? A new fitness regime. Chloe, sound good?’

Chloe shrugged, looking a little scared at the prospect of exercise. It was something they talked about often but never did. One day, when we run the London Marathon…. One day, when we play netball for England…. It was about time one day became this day.

Jenna continued undeterred, finding her shiny happy and smiling, ‘We can start with walking. Everyone knows how to walk, right? I can put Evie in her buggy and we can all go, nice and early in the morning, before the day starts.’

‘I think I’d rather we just did it on our own, instead of in that group.’ Faith seemed reluctantly enthusiastic, which was a start. ‘There might be someone who can actually, you know, run. And then we’d all look stupid.’

But Chloe was not listening. ‘He was at your house? Nick came round? Did you invite him in after he’d given you the flyer?’

Shut up.

But sisterly telepathy wasn’t working today as Chloe leaned forward and stared at her, like something from the Spanish Inquisition. ‘Jenna?’

‘Yes, of course she invited him in.’ Mrs Singh again. One day they’d all find out how she knew their inner most secrets. But not today.

‘How do you know I invited him in?’ Oh, God, please don’t say she saw us kissing.

‘Because he wouldn’t have been leaving if he hadn’t been inside in the first place.’ Anjini tapped her temple and smiled. ‘Logic, my dear Jenna.’

Oh, yes. Right.

‘And you’re all red faced, so what happened?’ Bridget was smiling. It clearly mattered to her that her daughter spent her days dreaming about a man she couldn’t have and a kiss she should be regretting, but didn’t.

‘Nothing happened.’

I can see it in your eyes.

Nick had seen right through her. Ugh. She hoped her eyes were a big mass of mirk right now. Had he seen how much she’d wanted him too? God, how embarrassing. No wonder he wanted to get out of her house so quickly.

Bridget tutted. ‘If Saskia had popped round, you’d have said and we had a right laugh about XYZ and a wine or three and watched Bake Off. But this Nick boy? Why can’t you tell us about that?’

Boy? Oh, dear God, no. He definitely was no boy. ‘Wow, you’re worse than that Marnie journalist with your questions. Do you want me to sit in the middle of the room, under the lightbulb, and you can all take it in turns to interrogate me?’

‘Yes.’ They all answered together. Traitors.

‘Well, tough. I can’t tell you about something that didn’t happen.’

‘But you wanted something to happen? Didn’t you? That’s why you’re blushing.’ This time it was Faith; she was tapping her fingers together and looking all Poirot at her. Beady eyes narrowed in scrutiny. Any minute now she’d be talking about her little grey cells or something. But she didn’t. She smiled and actually looked quite excited. ‘Oh, that’s so good to hear, Jen. We’ve all been so worried that you’re destined to be on your own forever. Now you just might not be. You don’t deserve to be lonely.’

‘I’m not lonely. I have you guys. And Evie. I have enough memories to keep me warm at night.’ Although the memories of the kiss were fanning a heat threatening to burn out of control.

Faith’s eyes twinkled and she grinned. ‘Memories don’t give you stubble rash on your cheeks and your… thighs.’

‘I beg your pardon? I didn’t… We didn’t…’ But she’d wanted to. God, how she’d wanted to. Jenna put her cool palm to her hot cheek. ‘We’re friends. That’s all.’

‘You’re blushing again.’ Faith put her hand on Jenna’s shoulder. ‘We all just want you to have a happy ever after. Yay. At least someone’s getting some action.’

Jenna shrugged away from her friend’s hand. ‘I am not getting any action. Okay? Chloe is. Ask her about that.’

‘No chance. All I’m prepared to say is that I’m satisfied. Very. Satisfied.’ Chloe had one of those smug looks that said she was going to stay very happy and very tight-lipped about everything.

But they’d all been worried about her? Jenna’s heart bloomed a little. They’d kept her going when she’d barely had the energy to breathe. They’d stood with her, holding her up, as Ollie had been buried, and visited her with gifts and care when Evie had been born, supporting her through the long struggle of learning how to be a mother, when all she’d wanted to do was curl up in a ball and cry. They were good people, underneath it all. She loved them dearly.

She just wished they didn’t want to talk about things she didn’t want to talk about.

Now she was sounding like Nick.

Jenna picked up the book on top of one of the piles. It had a picture of a woman looking out of a train window. She was on her own. Nice. How lovely that would be right now—on a train, staring out of the window with nothing and no one to bother her. ‘Okay, let’s talk about books. Anyone read this one?’

Silence.

Anjini sighed, sat back in her chair and clasped her hands in her lap. ‘Jenna, please don’t make us talk about books. We never talk about books. We always talk about food or Married At First Sight or everyone’s love lives.’

‘Well, we’re not talking about my non-existent one.’

‘Spoilsport.’ Chloe stuck her tongue out, then added another pakora to her plate.

‘Why don’t we talk about Faith’s love life then?’ Again, Jenna refused the offer of food. She was getting grumpy, she knew that. Lack of food and interrogation made her tetchy. ‘Or Kat’s? Saskia, help me out here?’

‘I’m in between relationships. Just temporarily.’ Kat beamed. She had an unerring faith in a happy ever after with Mr Right, whenever the hell he decided to show up. Unfortunately for Kat, he was proving to be elusive.

‘And I’m over men completely.’ Saskia’s voice turned a little less soft. Her track record with men was poor. She always went for the academic types who treated her badly and scorned what they called her pseudo-intellectualism. The last one to break her heart had been her lecturer. Married—but she hadn’t known until it had been too late. A father—she hadn’t known that either. Untangling herself from that had torn her apart, not least because she’d unwittingly undermined her own values.

Faith winced. As a child of a mother who was a serial husband chaser, she’d always kept quiet on the dating front. ‘Don’t even go there. No chance.’

Chloe’s eyes widened as they all turned to her. ‘Hey, back off. Vaughn and I are, well, very happy. And we intend to stay that way, thank you. Telling you all our bedroom secrets isn’t going to help.’

‘Not getting married any time soon, then?’ Faith couldn’t help herself, clearly. ‘You and Vaughn?’

They all whipped round to look at Jenna and then her sister. It was like being at a tennis match, with the ball—Jenna’s secret wedding idea— being batted from one side to the other.

Chloe visibly shuddered. ‘No, thank you. You know we agreed to stay un-married forever. That way I think we’ll actually last as a couple.’ She pointed her finger first at Faith, then at each of them in turn. ‘Never say the M word to me again.’

For a moment, the room went completely silent. Jenna’s stomach contracted into a tight knot. Okay, so the secret squirrel wedding idea was probably the worst idea ever.

But it was going to happen. Because whatever she said, Chloe was a wedding planner. She believed in happy ever afters; she believed in commitment and promises. She believed in the whole kit and caboodle. Otherwise, why the hell was she even doing the job she was doing? And loving it?

Because she was scared that Vaughn would leave her at the altar. If there was no altar and no preconceived ideas, no pre-wedding nerves, no Bridezilla… how bad could it get?

The silence was broken by Bridget. ‘I wouldn’t mind a man. If he was house trained. Don’t look at me like that, girls. We all have itches we need to scratch every now and then.’

‘Ugh. I so do not want to think about that, Mother.’ Jenna winced.

‘Well, don’t think about it. Think about how you’re going to be on your own and lonely forever.’

Jenna folded her arms and harrumphed. ‘Good, because that’s exactly how I like it.’

But she could tell by the way they were all looking at her that they didn’t believe her either.