Chapter Twelve

Nadia

“BABY…” A DEEP VOICE called out to me, but my eyes felt too heavy to open. “Baby… Nadia?”

“Hmm.” I snuggled my face deeper into the soft makeshift pillow and heard the deep voice curse. Warm, minty air hit my face, as if whoever had a death wish trying to wake me up was leaning in closer.

“Nadia, honey, we’re home.” Home? My eyes fluttered open and I blinked a couple of times as my eyes focused on his green ones. “You fell asleep,” he said, stroking my cheek so softly I had to fight from closing my eyes and letting myself drift back to sleep.

“The girls,” my mind reminded me, and I jumped up and looked into the backseat of Owen’s car.

“I already took them in. They are getting dressed for bed,” he shared. I slowly processed what he had said, my eyes tearing up. This. This was what I had wanted from him for so long, and now he was doing it; on his own, without me having to nag him, he was helping with the girls. He was here. “What’s wrong, Nadia?”

“Nothing,” I quickly said, moving to open the door, but his big hand covered mine.

“Did the food not settle okay?”

“No, it’s not that…” I shook my head, feeling silly. It had been a great day. I should focus on that.

“You sure?” he asked, genuinely concerned.

“Are we going to be okay?” I blurted out, my mind still muddled with sleep. I felt like a complete idiot. Smooth, Nadia! “I’m sorry, that was—”

“Do you want us to be okay?” he cut me off, his eyes still concerned, and my breath caught in my throat.

Yes! I wanted to scream and throw myself in his arms, but I couldn’t. My mouth was suddenly too dry, and I pressed my lips together for a moment. I needed the moment to figure out what I needed.

I need to know.

“Nothing happened with Monique?” I asked out loud, sounding braver and more confident than I felt. Warmth fell over his eyes as he started to shake his head. I had asked him earlier and he had answered; I just needed to know the answer wouldn’t magically change.

“Nothing happened with her… or anyone,” he answered quietly in his steady voice.

“I just want the truth…”

“Truth is, the thought never crossed my mind,” he shared, and I could tell he was being honest. It was exactly what I had hoped for, but it confused me.

If he didn’t want anyone else, why didn’t he want me?

“Owen…” I swallowed hard, trying to calm my heart. Staring into his eyes, eyes I knew were nothing but honest, I exhaled slowly and prayed he wouldn’t start lying now. “You don’t have to—”

“I’m not lying.” He smiled gently. He wasn’t mad at my questions. Relief washed over me like a gentle wave. “I’ve never lied to you. I promised you that from the first day you agreed to be my girl,” he reminded me and suddenly became a blurry sight in front of me. Unshed tears burned; I tried to blink them away. However many faults Owen had, lying had never been one of them.

“I miss this,” I whispered into the dark silence of his car, breathing suddenly difficult, and I watched as his emerald stare narrowed.

“What?”

“Us. This. Talking.” A stubborn tear rolled down my face, and before I could even move my hand, his was there. His thumb gently brushed my tear away, and I leaned into his big warm palm. “I don’t want us to go back to how things were,” I whispered softly, but I felt each word like they had echoed in my chest.

“Not even if we go back to how we were in college?” he asked, his voice teasing. I knew he was trying to lighten the mood, but I didn’t want that. We didn’t need that. We needed to be real and serious.

“Not even that,” I answered honestly. Our start had been storybook beautiful; I loved how we had started, but if I was being honest with him and myself, as beautiful as it was, we weren’t those kids anymore.

“But you do want there to be an us?” he asked. Something about the way his voice rasped made me pay attention. Like a lightbulb being switched on, I realized my own mistake. I had been so busy feeling what I was feeling, I hadn’t bothered to tell him what I wanted.

I want him for always.

Without uttering a word, we were finally on the same wavelength. We both moved in the blink of an eye, his seat shifted all the way back, and I found myself straddling him. The steering wheel pressed against my back, but I didn’t care. Our chests pressed tightly against each other, and my hands went into his once inky hair that now had a smattering of salt in it. He held my head strongly and gently at the same time. God, I missed his touch.

“Nadia,” he groaned my name, and my lips touched his. I couldn’t help it. I missed him. Missed us. And I needed a taste of him. Just a small one, I promised myself. Leaning into his touch, I felt the hard bulge beneath me; it shot a thrill through me. Nipping his lower lip with my teeth, I swiped it with the tip of my tongue afterwards. His fingers dug into the flesh of my ass even deeper, driving me crazy.

“Owen,” I gasped when he shifted below me, making it impossible for me not to roll my hips into his hardness, seeking for more, the promise of a small taste out the window. I wanted more.

“Wait… babe… wait…” he breathed against my lips, breaking our kiss, and brushed the hair out of my face. I pressed my lips together. “Do you? I… fuck.” He shut his eyes when I teased him with another roll of my hips, his length lined perfectly with where I wanted him. I knew he could feel exactly how much I wanted him.

“Baby,” he repeated, and this time, I looked at him and stopped the slow rolling. Holding my body still, I licked my lips, trying to catch my breath as I listened to what he had to say. “Do you still want there to be an us?”

“I’ve only ever wanted us,” I whispered, feeling weirdly vulnerable and suddenly shy, which was silly, really. He was my husband. My partner for almost fifteen years. My person. I knew every inch of his body, and he knew mine.

“We might have lost our way, but we aren’t done,” he stated, his hands now holding the side of my head. I could tell this was important to him. Nodding, I also knew this was a turning point for us.

“Okay.”

“Not by a long shot,” he vowed. I didn’t know if I wanted to laugh with hope or cry in happiness. “I swear, Nadia. We will figure it out.” The words felt so good as they soaked into my mind, balming my soul as they warmly expanded in my chest.

“How?” I bravely asked. I wanted to find our way back; I was just lost as how the hell we could fix what was wrong.

“We find our way back to each other…”

“Owen—”

“We get to know one another again.” Could it be that easy?

“How are we going to do that, Owen?” I asked. Something about the glimmer in his gaze made me suspect he already had an idea of how to accomplish what almost felt close to impossible.

“Do you trust me?” he asked me, his hand stroking my cheek softly. Something about the strong tone in his voice made me melt and turn into a blubbering emotional mess all at the same time. My eyes welled up and I watched silently as his determined face transformed into one of worry.

“I do.” My voice might have cracked, but I didn’t miss the way his shoulders relaxed at the knowledge I trusted him.

“Why the tears?” he gently asked, and I closed my eyes. Leaning into his soft touch, I felt like a weight had been lifted off me. He saw it now. He got it. He understood something was wrong with us and was saying he wanted to fix it. No. He wanted to fight to fix things together, and so did I.

“I was scared you didn’t want an us anymore,” I admitted. His strong arms wrapped around me, while mine held tightly to him.

“You are the only one I want,” he muttered into my hair, and I nodded as my tears silently fell, my face hidden in the crook of his neck. “We got this. Okay? We got this. Together,” he spoke into my hair, stroking it as I calmed down.

With a deep breath and a stuttered sigh, I pulled away slightly, but he didn’t let me get far. Leaning toward me, he gave me a whispered, soft kiss that took my breath away. Completely in control, he kept the kiss slow and steady, never letting me take it up a notch, so I simply followed. Enjoying the taste and feel of his mouth, moaning when he slowly traced my lower lip with his tongue before taking a soft nip and pulling away.

“As much as I like you on my lap, baby, we should get inside, or we might give the neighbors a free show,” he rumbled. I couldn’t contain the giggle that bubbled up before finding my way back to the passenger seat. I slipped out and adjusted my dress. Looking up, I found him standing next to me, his hand extended out to me, and I took it thinking maybe this was possible.

The turning point we both needed.

Owen

They headed into the house, and he opened the door for her, not missing the extra sway she added with every step. Her sexy hips made his hands ache to touch her. But he couldn’t. Not yet.

Instead, they tucked their girls into bed and somehow, half-asleep, his princesses talked Owen into reading them a bedtime story. With Nadia lying next to Vivian and Owen with Becca, he started reading them The Giving Tree. He wasn’t even halfway done when he noticed the way the breathing in the room had slowed, and his eyes caught Nadia’s. She had a look on her face he hadn’t seen in a very long time. Content. It pulled at his heart strings. All he was doing was reading to his daughters, and she was happy.

Why had he been so stupid and not seen how easy it was to make her happy?

She nodded toward the door, and he took the hint. He carefully slipped out of the twin-sized bed and followed Nadia out of the girls’ room and into theirs.

Closing the door after them, he looked at the space and didn’t know if he wanted to smile or groan at the sight of their master bedroom.

A queen-sized mattress over the spring box on the floor. They had slept in worse spots together. During medical school, they had shared a full-sized lumpy mattress without a box spring that had been on the floor of a shoebox studio apartment. That was then and this was now. If they were going to be staying here for the month, they were going to need furniture in here.

“What is it?” she asked, and he looked away from the mattress to her.

“It’s on the floor,” he pointed out the obvious and didn’t miss the way her lips twitched.

“Aren’t you fancy now,” she mocked, playfully poking his sides. He winked and grabbed her hands, interweaving their fingers.

“We need furniture in here.”

“I promised Simone she could go with me to look for some, and this isn’t bad.” She shrugged like it was no big deal; he could feel his own knees aching every morning.

“For you, it might now be bad, Shorty. You don’t have to worry about lifting your body up much higher than where the bed is,” he joked with her, stretching his body, then heading to his suitcase and looking for the envelope he had in there for her. When he turned around, she was watching him with a funny look on her face. “What is it?”

“You haven’t called me that in…” She went quiet and pensive, silently trying to recall the last time, then she shook her head. He knew what she was trying to shrug off. He hadn’t called her that in years. He watched as she walked to her own suitcase to get out her pajamas.

Reaching into his suitcase, he took out what he had worked all week on and hoped, maybe, somehow, this would work. Hell, he would do anything she wanted to make sure they worked at making things better between them.

He went to her, wrapping his arms around her waist, pulling her back flush against his front, and let his head rest in the crook of her neck. “I love you,” he softly told her and watched the skin bared to him flush up with goose bumps. She didn’t respond, but that was okay. It was time to get the wheels in motion.

“Owen.” She looked up at him, her eyes conflicted, but he could see what she couldn’t say out loud, and he wasn’t going to ask her to give any more of herself she wasn’t ready to give.

“Here.” He handed her the red envelope he had in his hand and held on to her as she held it.

“What’s this?” she asked looking up at him. Her dark eyes were wide and curious.

“Open it and see.” His lips tipped upward.

“Owen…”

“Shh… trust me,” he whispered and felt her nod. Her delicate fingers carefully opened the envelope and took out the two pages, then she silently read.

She held her body stiffly in his arms, but as she read on, she softened and he thanked the stars above she hadn’t pushed him away. When she finished the first page, she switched to the next; he heard her soft gasp and a tiny giggle escape from her and wondered what she was thinking.

Turning her body so that she could look at him, she stared at him with wonder. “How did you even come up with that?”

“Claudia and I talked. I had asked for some time off before she gave me the month, and she shared with me what helped her and her husband when they had issues. I read it and looked up my own and came up with our version of a challenge I found online.”

“You did?”

“I did.” He nodded.

A thirty-day challenge, with simple little things each day. Most virtually cost-free things they could do to help solidify their marriage. Help them find their way back. Get to know one another again.

“You did this?” she asked in wonder and awe.

“Yeah.” He puffed his chest out a little with pride at how her eyes glittered back at him.

When Claudia said not to laugh, she had not been wrong. But as he read the file his boss had graciously gifted him, he saw why it would make sense. It was about being present. Being in the moment with your significant other and not letting outside factors—be it work or technology—distract them from one another. It was about reconnecting and strengthening the commitment they had made to one another.

“We’re really going to fix this?” she asked so softly he almost missed it.

“What do you mean, baby?” He bent his body lower so he could see her eye to eye.

“We’re going to figure this out?”

“We really are,” he assured her, and she gave him a nervous smile. “What’s going through your pretty head, Nadia?”

“What about when we go back? Right now, you’re on vacation, but—”

“We will cross that bridge when we get to it,” he told her confidently. If they could get through this month, get up and over the hole they had got themselves into, they could get through anything.

“Owen—”

“Nadia,” he sighed and started to explain, “I can tell you I won’t be pulling the long hours I was doing. But let’s be honest; you aren’t going to believe me.” The soft sadness behind her eyes reflected the truth in his words.

“You’re right,” she admitted, and he tried not to let her honesty sting.

“You won’t believe me until my actions start to change. And they will. I will prove that to you. Starting now.”

“What?”

“I need to explain about last night when we got into it about the demo and contractor, babe. It had nothing to do with my money, your money, or our money,” he shared and watched her process what he was saying.

“Then what was it about?” she asked. He pulled her to the bed and sat next to her, making sure to keep hold of her hand.

“It was about me realizing even more how much you really don’t need me,” he confessed. Her hand tightened around his.

“That’s not true, Owe—”

“It is.” He shrugged. “You’ve basically been doing this on your own, babe. The girls, the house, big decisions.”

“I do need you,” she told him, and his heart clenched. She had needed him and he had dropped the ball, but he was willing to try and pick it back up.

“That look okay to you?” he asked, pointing at the list, and she smiled at him before looking toward the paper in her hand, her head resting on his shoulder.

“A thirty-day challenge, huh?” she asked with a raised brow.

“What do you think?” he wondered, observing her nervously.

“You came up with these?” she asked, a smile clear in her voice.

“I looked at a couple different ones and got ideas from there.”

“And you think things like looking in each other’s eyes for ten minutes and daily walks are going to help?” Her voice was a mix of surprise and hesitation.

“I don’t think they’ll hurt,” he confessed. He didn’t know if it would work, but he would give anything a shot. “In every challenge I found, the tasks had one thing in common: spending time together and making that time count.” She didn’t say anything, so he continued, “Being present hasn’t been my strong suit. But I am going to work on it. I promise.”

“Okay.” Her face broke into a shy smile, and his heart flipped in his chest at the sight of it. “I guess it’s not as hard as it sounds,” she agreed, and he grinned.

“You really up for it?”

“Why wouldn’t I be?” she asked him; it was his turn to show his own vulnerabilities.

“I don’t know. I didn’t know if you wanted to go see a marriage counselor or…”

“Or what?” Her body was fully turned to him as he spoke.

“Or call it a day and have us go our own way.” The words left a bitter taste in his mouth.

“Owen.” She shook her head, and he couldn’t help it. He let go of her hand and wrapped his arm around her, pulling her over him as he lay on his back in bed. “I don’t want a divorce,“ she stated; he winced at the ‘D’ word.

“I was scared I had fucked this up beyond repair,” he admitted.

“This isn’t only on you, Owen. I have faults. I was just as responsible—”

“You don’t—”

“Baby.” She stilled in his arms, tucking her hair behind her ears. He looked at her. Her dark brown eyes filled with something that looked like fear, and he wanted to wash it away. “I got lost,” she uttered in a tone that told him that admission had been hard for her to voice, but before he could ask more, she kept talking. “Instead of asking you for help, I got even more lost. Like I was digging myself in deeper and deeper into a hole.”

“Maybe you did ask and I was just too fucking busy to listen?” he offered, but she shook her head.

“I wish I could blame it all on you,” she joked; he knew she was just trying to lighten the mood. “But this”—she pointed back and forth between them—”is on both of us. I’m…”

“You’re what, babe?” he pried hoping to get a deeper view into what she was feeling. That way, he could figure out how to help fix things.

“I feel lost.”

“How?” His fingers stroked her cheek, and she closed her eyes to his touch.

“I don’t know who I am anymore, Owen. I mean, I know it sounds stupid but—”

“It’s not stupid. You are going to feel however the hell you feel.”

“After the girls were born and your career took off, I just… I feel like I’ve been on hold. Does that make sense?” The vulnerability that shimmered back at him shocked him. He didn’t want to sound like an asshole, but he wasn’t about to lie either.

“A little,” he answered honestly. He might not completely understand, but he wanted to know. He wanted to know where her head was at more than his next breath.

“It’s not that I regret staying home. I love that I was there. I had the privilege to watch our girls grow. But they’re older now, and it’s not like we’re having any more.”

“We’re not?” he asked without thinking. Her eyes flashed slightly. Somehow the idea of not having any more kids made him sad.

“We never talked about it, and I mean, the girls are eight now. The idea of starting over with a baby…”

He shook his head. “It’s not the right time to even talk about this. It was a stupid question.”

“No such things as stupid questions,” she whispered, kissing him lightly on his lips. “I want to be more than what I’ve been,” she finally said, pulling away, her dark stare pinning him in place.

“I don’t know how that’s possible, Nadia,” he told her and pulled her now stiff body back into his arms. “You’re already everything to me,” he confessed and felt her sigh just before her body melted into his. She nestled into his embrace, and he stroked her back. “So, what do you want to do?” he asked, bracing for her response.

“I think I want to start my own thing,” she said into his chest. “I could do graphic design from home. Maybe do some freelancing, only pick up jobs I want to do. I was good at it before we had the girls.”

She had been better than good; she was an amazing graphic designer.

She had worked till the day she gave birth, her water breaking on the way home from her last day before maternity leave. He had talked her into staying home and not going back to work, selfishly thinking it was what she would want; and he had liked the idea of finally being the one who provided for his family. She had worked her ass off while he had been in medical school; he’d felt it was his time to make things easier for her.

“Okay,” he agreed. “Though, I have to be honest, you’re surprising the hell out of me, Nadi.”

“Why is that?” she asked, a smile in her voice as his hand moved into her thick, soft hair.

“I would have thought you would have wanted to go back to an office.” She rolled off him and stared at him.

“I thought about it. I even applied at a couple of places.” Her confession didn’t surprise him. That was his girl. When she had an idea, she went after it first and apologized later; even if she had nothing to apologize for.

“And?”

“And I remembered the long hours. And you were right. We would have to hire a nanny—”

“And that would be okay. Look, I was an ass before. Lots of people do that, and it works for them.”

“Yeah, it does. But I didn’t want that for our girls or for us. I like my life. I just want something for me. Does that make sense?”

“I get it.” And he did. She was social and liked to be challenged. The girls had been a huge challenge as babies, but now they didn’t need her as much as before. If he knew anything about Nadia, she loved to be needed. “I get it, and when we go back home, I will help however you need me to.”