Chapter Six

NADIA

OUR BAGS WERE PACKED and ready to go. I looked around the house and could still see it.

Younger versions of Owen and me. Walking around the house, filled with anxiety and excitement as the realtor told us about crown molding and square footage. The sheer massive size of the property was something we had only daydreamed the year before.

We had been so different then. Full of excitement and hope. So damn naïve. Shaking off the cynicism that bubbled to the forefront of my mind, I walked into his study.

“Hey.”

“Hey,” he said without looking up from his laptop, but that wasn’t new. I was used to him not seeing me. The anger that filled the air between us was new.

“The van is packed,” I shared. I didn’t want to leave him like this. I knew I had messed up the night before, sleeping in the guest room. I had missed him. We hadn’t spent a night apart in years.

“Hmm.”

“I’ll probably stop at the grocery store with the girls for some staples before we get to the house.”

“Okay,” he muttered, still not sparing a glance in my direction. I took a deep breath praying for patience. He was pouting. He did that when he didn’t get his way. Though this time, I wasn’t going to be the one to bend. I couldn’t anymore.

“You could head up with us,” I offered. I kind of hated myself for doing it. On the cusp of leaving, I still held hope he would get it. He would get how much trouble we were in, and he would decide to go with us.

“Maybe Sunday.” He shrugged, still not looking at me. I was standing in front of him, vulnerable and open, holding out a life raft to help save us, and he couldn’t care less.

It was Friday.

Why did he need to be alone this weekend? It made my mind run wild with horrible scenarios, but I wasn’t going to ask. If I did, I wasn’t sure I could handle the truth. I would have to deal with whatever he could confess, and I didn’t have that in me. Not yet. I needed these couple of weeks for myself and the girls.

Focusing on fixing the house and making sure the girls had a fun summer would be my top priority. It felt slightly selfish, but I needed the time to find myself again. I needed to figure out my purpose in life other than being Owen’s wife and the girls’ mom.

“Sunday?” I still found myself asking.

“Yeah. My car needs an oil change, and I need to get some rest.”

“You could do that—”

“If I go up there, all you’re going to do is ride my ass about shit I have to do to the house,” he snapped. I straightened my back. My own temper flared. He didn’t need to talk to me like that. I knew what he was doing. He wanted to pick a fight, but I wasn’t going to give it to him. I didn’t have the time I’d need. Instead of yelling like I was dying to, I was going to walk away.

“Fine.” I somehow faked a calmness I didn’t feel. “See you… whenever you have time.” I turned and stepped out of his space. Having the last word didn’t feel as good as I would have thought.

Walking straight to the kitchen, I grabbed a couple of juice boxes and water bottles for the trip. I felt him before I heard him. For being a tall, strong man, he was stealthy.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered, his lips on the shell of my ear, and I exhaled the breath I had been holding. Resting my forehead on the side of the refrigerator door, I stared at the inside of the fridge. His hands wrapped around my waist; open palmed, they cupped my belly before he pulled me into him. “I’m an ass.”

“You are,” I easily agreed. His arms tightened around my waist.

“I’m an asshole, Nadia. How about I head over with you and we come back Sunday?” he suggested against my face, and I turned. Still in his arms, I had to look up at him.

“Owen…“ I started, but I didn’t know what to say.

“I promise you, baby, we will go up every weekend this summer,“ he vowed, and even knowing how much his promises actually held, I was still tempted. Tempted to let myself believe in him. In us.

“What if you take some time off work?” I suggested, the hope in my voice evident and crystal clear. I needed this trip. We could fix the house together. I just needed him to show some kind of interest he wanted to fix this.

Fix us.

“I—” he started to say, but deep down I knew his answer. It would sound sweet and real, but at the end of the day, it would be filled with excuses.

“I need to go up there, Owen. I need some time away,” I confided, interrupting him and catching the way his eyes looked disheartened. With a nod, he let go of me and walked to the other side of the island. Only a couple feet of space separated us, but it felt like an ocean stood between us. His green eyes stared at me from the distance, cloudy with something obviously painful.

“Is this it for us?” he asked. I noticed how he held the edge of the island so tightly, his knuckles were white. My stomach twisted up inside. Does he want it to be? Was he hoping I would call it quits so he wouldn’t have to?

“No.” I hoped to God I wasn’t lying. “I just need to try to figure some stuff out.”

“Baby…”

“Come up today.” I was begging now. Pleading for him to show me he cared. It’s like I enjoy being disappointed.

“I’ll try,” he sighed. I knew his ‘I’ll try’ really meant no.

And even though it shouldn’t have, my heart cracked further, leaving a ragged edge that built aching but dull pain from my chest to my toes and back up again. With a nod, I took a couple of steps to close the space between us. I wasn’t sure why I did. I was tired of being the one throwing lifesavers and watching him let them float past him. The need to kiss him hit, in case it would be the last time.

I rose to the tips of my toes; my hands came up and rested gently on his strong chest. I could feel the way his heart furiously raced beneath my palm; it confused me. Does he care? Does he want us to end? Instead of asking questions I wasn’t sure I could handle the answers to, I leaned forward until my lips touched his. I kissed him slowly. Sweetly. He was obviously surprised, and it took him a minute to realize what I was doing before he took over and kissed me back.

But he did. He kissed me back.

His free hand cupped the back of my head, moving us backward, my back against the counter. In a swift move, he picked me up, setting my ass on top of the island. He kissed me passionately and beautifully. I couldn’t remember the last time he’d kissed me like that. The room warmed up, the air thickened with sexual tension, desire built between us.

“Owen,” I moaned. My hands rubbed and roamed up his chest and around his neck.

“Miss you. Miss this, Nadia—” He didn’t rasp another word out before my phone shrilled and we both went completely still. The fog of desire we had gotten ourselves into dissipated and I opened my eyes.

“That’s my phone,” I whispered, our foreheads resting against one another.

“Alarm to pick up the girls,” he guessed, a smirk on his handsome face, and I nodded. “I’ll head over in the morning. I have some paperwork I need to finish,” he shared, his hands still in my hair, and as much as I tried, I couldn’t relax.

Another night without him by my side.

Another night of him avoiding our issues. I couldn’t stop the million and one scenarios as to why he couldn’t just come up tonight. I hated they all included his bubbly assistant. I trusted him. Don’t I?

“Sure,” I muttered before pulling away and jumping off the island, smoothing down my tee.

“I’ll try to get some time off,” he offered. I was glad my back was turned to him so he wouldn’t see the way I rolled my eyes. “Maybe it’s what we need.”

“Maybe?” I asked softly, turning around. I was leaving. Taking the girls for a month. And he still thought maybe something was wrong between us?

“Nadia—” he started to say, but luckily, my second alarm sounded.

“I gotta go.”

“Stay,” he pleaded, his jaw clenched, but I shook my head.

“The girls are going to get out of school, Owen.”

“Don’t go to Santa Barbara,” he asked for the first time. I looked at him. “Wait for me so I can go. We can go together.”

“When?” I responded, slipping my hands in the pockets of my jeans. If he gave me a date, I would stay. I would pull the luggage out of the van and we would stay.

“What?”

“When would that be, Owen?” I observed calmly, knowing where this was going. “You can’t even have dinner with us,“ I pointed out as gently as I could handle. Reality was a cold bitch.

“That’s not fair.”

“Maybe.” I lifted a shoulder. “But it’s the truth. How do you expect to find this magical time off?”.

“Let me see what I can do,” he reasoned, but I shook my head again.

“Try and meet us up there.”

“Just like that? You aren’t even going to give me a chance?” A chance. That’s what he wanted? Didn’t he realize I’d given him millions?

“I’ll give you a chance.” His eyes brightened with hope, and I fought from flinching as I kept talking, “When you make time for us.”

“Babe—”

“I love you, Owen. With all my heart. You… you have been my entire life.” My bottom lip trembled with every word.

“But?” His nose flared, his Adam’s apple bobbed; and I fought from crying.

“But I need to know I’m more than a housekeeper to you,” I answered honestly for once. I could still hear his words from the night before. I knew he hadn’t meant them. Not really. But they still hurt.

“I didn’t mean that. I was pissed last night. I was an ass—”

“Yeah. But in its own way it was kind of true,” I shared, floundering to come up with the right words to follow up with. How could I explain things to him in a way he would understand? So he could get how lost I felt lately? How his words had only added to it.

“No. I don’t think of you as our housekeeper. Nadia—” I raised my hand up to stop him.

“I know. I just…” I paused and really looked at him. ”We need time.” I wasn’t sure how else to word it.

“Apart?” he asked, and I blinked away tears of frustration. Why didn’t he get it? Why couldn’t he see things from my perspective?

Because he’s not a mind reader.

“Away.”

“Why can’t we just talk it out here?” he asked. I opened my mouth to answer when his phone rang.

“Fuck,” he growled, looking at the screen. I already knew who it was as I wiped the edge of my eyes.

“That’s why.” I pointed to his phone, taking a step back, creating more space between us. “I hope we see you in Santa Barbara, Owen. I really do,” I mumbled with a sniffle before stepping and turning completely away from him, grabbed the snack bag for the girls, and headed to the garage.

Every step I placed between us made my eyes burn with tears, but I didn’t let a single one fall. I didn’t shed a tear until five minutes later, with my big sunglasses on, while I waited for my girls at the pickup zone of their school.

And even then, I wiped them away quickly, placing what I hoped looked like a sincere smile on my face, as the girls slipped into the backseat of the minivan. I asked about their day, cheerfully and casually, then listened to them talk a mile a minute. Taking a deep cleansing breath, I reminded myself that everything would be okay.

No matter what, it was going to be okay.

***

Lugging the last of the bags and groceries into the kitchen, I was exhausted, yet I still had a smile on my face as I looked around. It was a small bungalow. Three bedrooms and two bathrooms, but it was cozy. I might not have any idea what I was going to do next, but as I listened to the girls giggle and run about the house as they reacquainted themselves, I knew in my bones things would work out.

Putting the groceries away in the pantry and empty fridge, I headed to the room the girls would be sharing. It wasn’t much but two twin beds, a dresser, and a TV, but they loved it. When I aired out the room and put on new sheets, I could feel the pin prickle of excitement. I was doing it. It was weird, really, being so many miles away from home, yet I felt more like me than I had in years.

Once the rooms were settled and done up, we went to the backyard. Taking in the lush greenery that made up the landscaping of the small backyard, I liked there wasn’t too much to get into shape. Especially since the inside of the house would leave me with my hands full enough.

I sat in an old metal chair and pulled my feet up and my knees into my chest. I watched my girls dance and tumble around. Both were wearing smiles so bright they rivaled the sun above, and I knew I had made the right choice coming here.

Picking up the phone, I called Owen. More of my heart withered when he didn’t answer. “We made it to the house okay,” I started to tell his voicemail, “Girls and I are settled. I think… I think it would be best to give us a week off. Get our heads on straight, Owen. Really think what we want from one another and well… out of life. I’ll see you next Friday. Have a good week.” I quickly ended the call and stared at the phone.

What the hell did I just do?

I fought the urge to call him back and beg him to head up as soon as he could. But I couldn’t. The girls and I had left, and he couldn’t be bothered to answer my call. Swallowing down tears, I looked forward.

It’s going to be okay. It’s all going to be okay. I reminded myself over and over as I smiled and laughed with the girls throughout the rest of the day until the sun started to set. I called them over so we could go inside and cool off a little while they told me what they wanted on the pizza I was going to order.