Erin jumped down from the counter and wrapped her arms around me. “We’ll think of something,” she said. “God, I could strangle him at times.”
“It’s not his fault. I should have listened to what he had to say, and I shouldn’t have jumped to the wrong conclusion so easily.” The lump in my throat wouldn’t disappear, and I swallowed several times trying to ease the ache away.
“Titty Tessa is a very good actress. It was the only reason Alex agreed to her being in the film. He can’t stand the woman. In fact, he hates her almost as much as he does Amy.”
I shrugged. “Whoever she was doesn’t matter. I’ve tried to apologise, but he’s said that if I keep bothering him, he’ll have me escorted off the premises. Whatever else happens, I can’t get chucked off my work experience.”
Erin patted my arm. “I’ll try and talk to him. Perhaps I can break through his stupid stubbornness.”
“Erin, don’t get yourself into trouble. Not on my behalf.”
“Ella, he has been brilliant to work with lately. I’m not doing this for you. I’m being purely selfish. I don’t want him reverting to his former ways. He’s far more fun when he’s relaxed and happy—when he’s in love.”
Love? Why did people throw that word around so easily? Even Alex had said that he loved me. But this wasn’t love. It was someone pulling my heart from my chest and stamping all over it. It was pain in every part of my body, and ache that would never stop.
Erin rubbed my arm. “I presume Alex isn’t giving you a lift back to his tonight then. You’ll be going home, alone?”
I hadn’t even thought about where I was going when I left tonight, but I nodded. I definitely wouldn’t be going to Alex’s.
“I’ll be going home,” I said, the reality sinking in even further.
“I’ll give you a lift then.”
“I can’t ask you to do that. Not now.”
“Hey, just because you and Alex have argued—”
“I think it’s a bit more than argued, Erin.”
“Oh, shush. I happen to like you, a lot. Not just because you were going out with grumpy ass. And, there is no way I’m leaving you to get the bus home. You’d have all the paps on the bus with you. Can you imagine it?”
I shook my head, unable to comprehend the fuss I would create.
“Good. That’s decided. I’ll wait for you to finish tonight. You can hide under the blanket I have in the back of my car. We’ll escape without them seeing you.”
“Okay,” I agreed. It seemed that I had no other option if I wanted to get away from the studio without being seen.
“But for now, you get yourself back into the studio. Hold that beautiful head of yours up high. Don’t you dare let Amy see how upset you are. Show Alex what an idiot he’s been toward you.”
“I don’t think I can. I’m a mess.”
“You need to calm down,” Erin said. “Let’s get your breathing sorted. I used to go to relaxation classes. They were supposed to help me focus to stop smoking.”
“They never worked then?”
Erin laughed. “No.”
She jumped from the counter and took my hands in hers. “Close your eyes Ella, and start taking slow, deep breaths. Breath in . . . and out. Breath in . . . and out.”
* * *
My arrival back into the studio would have gone un-noticed if I hadn’t sneezed as I walked toward my chair. Rowan, Amy, and Alex were talking animatedly, but all of them turned to me as I recovered from my sneezing fit.
“Sorry,” I said. I never sneezed quietly.
I perched on the edge of my chair, sipping at the large bottle of water Erin had given me, and flicked through the script.
“Are you sharing that water, or is it exclusively yours?” Alex was beside me, snarling his words as his tall frame cast a shadow over me.
I narrowed my eyes. “Depends on who’s asking, and if they can manage to ask nicely?” I replied, refusing to hand the bottle over.
He sighed, his hand pulling through his already messed up hair. The hair that I’d had my fingers in only a few hours ago.
“I’m asking,” Alex said. “Can you see anyone else near you?”
“What about the nicely part?”
His eyebrows shot up. “I can always go and get some from the canteen. I don’t have to share yours.”
I frowned. “Then why bother to ask me for mine?” I queried.
“Oh, just forget it!” He turned away, but I reacted quickly, grabbing his arm before he had the chance to move. His eyes focused on my hand holding his arm before they shifted to my face.
“Here!” I said, thrusting the bottle into his hand. “Have a drink if you want.”
He continued staring at me for a few seconds before taking the bottle. He tipped his head back to have a drink, and his Adam’s apple bobbed in his throat.
I looked away, not prepared to torture myself watching him. I was intrigued as to why he was talking to me though. He’d made it quite clear earlier that he was going to ignore me. He’d even threatened to have me escorted off set if I spoke to him. What had changed?
He finished drinking and wiped his mouth with the back of his hand.
“Thank you,” he said as he handed the bottle back.
I nodded. Was that it then? Was he going to walk away leaving me even more confused than before?
“So . . .” he said. “How are you getting home tonight? Not on the bus I hope.”
I nearly shivered at how cold his voice sounded.
“Why are you even interested?” I replied. One minute my hopes sailed high that he was willing to talk about our misunderstanding, and the next, he dashed them with his curt and somewhat angry expression.
“The paps are everywhere.” Hard, cold eyes focused on mine. They showed none of the softness of the eyes I’d got used to looking into over the past few days.
“You’ve no need to worry. Erin’s giving me a lift,” I said.
“I’m not worried. Why should I be worried?”
“Sorry, it seems that I mistook your line of questioning as a concern for my well-being at the hands of the media scum who you have caused to invade my life. I didn’t realise that you were only concerned about what I would say to them.” I focused on the script in my hands, and cursed under my breath when I spotted that my hands were shaking.
He sneered. “You love all the attention you’re getting from them.”
He was so wrong.
He knew me better than that. But he was hurt. I’d hurt him.
I tried to talk to him civilly. “I thought you’d wiped the past week from your memory. You asked me to do the same. You also told me to ignore you, just as you have been doing up until a few moments ago. What’s changed?”
“Nothing,” he snapped. “Absolutely fucking nothing.”
“Then why are you talking to me?” I hated to push him, but I had to know what was going on in that damaged mind of his.
“I thought . . . I . . . Fuck. Never mind.” He stared at the floor.
“You thought what?” I asked, wanting to reach out and hug him, hold him and tell him that everything was okay. But something stopped me—maybe the embarrassment I’d feel if he pushed me away, maybe my fear at him meaning what he had said.
“It doesn’t matter.” He looked up, and I caught a glimmer of the hurt I’d caused him. I saw the real Alex again. The Alex I already knew that I loved.
I couldn’t speak, my throat felt incredibly dry.
I loved him.
It was me throwing that word around now, not Alex, not Erin.
Love.
“What I said earlier,” Alex said. His voice was almost a whisper. “I meant it. It’s best that we ignore each other. I can’t continue to feel like this every time I talk to you. I’ll be gone in a few days, and then you can forget that you ever knew me. I’ll try to do the same.”
“But that’s not what I want,” I said, my voice breaking.
“It’s what I want,” he replied. His face was set as hard as stone. “I want to forget that you ever existed.”
His words were like a slap across the face. And this time, as he turned and walked away, I didn’t try to stop him.
I stayed in my seat, not moving for the rest of the afternoon. I didn’t speak to anyone, not even Rowan when he tried to make conversation and jolly me out of my miserable mood. It didn’t work, nothing worked.
Alex ignored me all afternoon. I didn’t even catch him watching me like he had done earlier. Both he and Amy threw themselves into the scenes, acting far beyond anything I had witnessed before. Perhaps, it was because these scenes were the ones leading up to the sex scenes tomorrow. They were angry and heated. Something I suspected that they were both feeling at the moment.
I didn’t ask Rowan what he was going to do now he’d got Anthony’s card, but I hoped that he’d be man enough to speak to Simon about Amy, and then leave the card with him. And, in a strange way, I was glad I’d not got the card anymore. It meant that I could never be tempted to call Anthony and sell my story to the press. I was going to walk away from my work experience and forget all about the bitter and twisted characters I’d met. My world was a lot simpler without any of them in it.
My attention was snapped back to the action of the scene unfolding in front of the cameras. Alex’s character, Ryan, was angry with Evelyn, Amy’s character. Their intense love affair had turned sour and she had accused him of seeing other women. He had accused her of seeing other men. These were the final scenes to be shot today. Alex’s anger was wild, and Amy’s tears were too realistic. As soon as Rowan shouted, 'Cut,’ Amy groaned.
“You’re over-reacting!” she shouted at Alex. “He’s meant to still love her. All you’re showing is hate.”
“Well, maybe there’s a reason for the way I’m acting today.”
“Meaning?”
“Meaning that I don’t have to act at all when I’m supposed to be pretending to hate you. I have to fucking act that I like you. It’s near enough impossible!”
My ears pricked up as they continued to argue whilst walking across the studio.
“You don’t mean that.” Amy rested her hand on the top of his arm, and stepped in front of him. His escape was blocked as she faced him.
“Get. Your. Hand. Off. Me,” Alex growled.
She removed her hand, but dipped her head and looked up at him through her eyelashes. I frowned, confused and angry that she was flirting with him. If I’d still been going out with him, I’d have shot out of my seat and pushed her away.
“I remember how good we used to be,” she said, giving him what I presumed to be her most persuasive smile.
“Yeah?” Alex questioned. “Well I fucking can’t. I remember the arguments, your constant demands. And when we were in bed, even the sex was all about you, never me. That was when you allowed me to touch you. Let’s not forget about that. Once a fucking month if I was lucky.”
I gasped. He hadn’t told me it was that bad. If we’d got together, I would have more than worshiped his whole body when we were in bed. I wanted to please him, and I’d make damn sure that we satisfied each other more than once a month.
But I had no claim on him anymore. I was living in my dream world again—the one I’d arrived at the studio with. My time with him was over. He wasn’t mine.
Who was I kidding? I wanted Alex. I wanted to be with him. Was I really giving up this easily?
The way he was acting toward me was just that—an act. He was hiding his true feelings. Amy had hurt him so much in the past that he just couldn’t dare leave himself open to that kind of hurt again. What had happened earlier, when I had completely misjudged him due to my history with Sam, was his gut reaction to my refusal to listen to him.
I swore under my breath. I had to make this right. The clock was ticking. If we didn’t clear the air and make it up before he went to Los Angeles, then I’d lose him forever. The thought practically ripped my heart open. I couldn’t, wouldn’t let that happen.