Chapter Sixteen
Emesh stretched and bumped his bare toes on something hard. Opening his eyes in the gathering morning light, he lay in the top bunk of Douglas’ cab which wasn’t quite long enough to accommodate his height, and his feet hit the wall. He rolled to his side and shot a glance downward. Douglas sprawled on his back, sheet rucked up to his chest on one side, leaving a long leg and lean hip gloriously exposed. Emesh remembered being held flush up against that muscled body, and his morning wood morphed from pine to oak. He tried to ignore it, rolling back to stare at the ceiling.
Emesh believed, after what happened in the shower, he and Douglas were well on their way to being mated. His mate hadn’t totally freaked when Emesh let him in on the mind connection they shared…although maybe the physical proximity distracted him.
The god swallowed and recalled what Douglas had done to him…to them, together, under the hot water. It had been the single most erotic moment of Emesh’s life. When Douglas wrapped his fingers around Emesh’s cock, the god believed he’d gone to the heavens. No one had ever touched him there. His own hand had worked his cock to a frenzy many times, but the touch of his mate on Emesh’s hard, heated flesh had been…other-worldly. And then Douglas had sandwiched his own cock next to his and stroked them together. Emesh nearly passed out with pleasure. He’d come so fast, it should have been a disappointment to his mate, but Douglas instead looked fiercely proud, curling his lips back, and nuzzling Emesh’s neck. He’d felt reassured.
It hadn’t been long before Douglas joined him in orgasmic bliss. And the loving strokes he’d administered after? Emesh could easily have started things up again if his mate hadn’t slipped away. But a good thing he had. Emesh’s shoulder, once Douglas left, had lit up like a Hollywood Center Square. And now, no doubt remained. This man was his Chosen.
After they’d dried off and gone back to the truck, Emesh had expected to share Douglas’ bed and perhaps enjoy a few more intimate moments, but Douglas shut things down.
“You take the upper bunk,” he said, rummaging in a tiny closet and coming up with a pillow and blanket. He’d thrown them at Emesh who caught the toss. “And don’t think we’re sleeping late in the morning. If we’re going to make your friend’s house by nightfall, we need to move.”
Emesh huffed at his solitary night’s sleep and looked at the lightening sky. Sunrise would come at 6:17. The star’s habits were as well known to him as his own. Right now, he estimated it to be 5:30. A grin crept up his face. Upper bunk, huh? We’ll see.
Douglas said he didn’t want to sleep late. Time to wake him up.
If the summer god could have misted out―then popped back in―it would have been an optimum way to leave his high perch to surprise Douglas. But stuck in the physical world within one hundred yards of his man, he could not…at least until they were mated. Then he could become corporeal at will, a benefit of undergoing the amulet ceremony.
Thwarted in that regard, he inched his large body to the end of his bunk, sprang to the floor, and landed light as a kitten. The cab jostled, ever so slightly, but Douglas’ even breathing didn’t falter.
Step one, accomplished. Now, on to step two.
Should Emesh wake Douglas with a kiss? An unaccustomed cold shiver crawled up his spine at his next bold speculation…or with a suck? Douglas’ flaccid cock peeked out from beneath the sheet, beckoning. Did Emesh dare put his lips to that soft flesh? Douglas had been thinking of doing it to him in the shower, but Emesh hadn’t been ready. He’d worried he wouldn’t be able to control himself, and he’d shoot off instantly in Douglas’ mouth. He wondered how long it would take his mate? The idea of Douglas coming in his mouth had him salivating with anticipation.
Emesh gently lowered the sheet a fraction of an inch. He put his hand, tenderly, on Douglas’ hip, and leaned over, breathing deeply of his mate’s woodsy scent. He slid the sheet completely away and lowered his head.
A solid blow to his temple knocked him sideways and surprised the hell out of him. He landed on his ass, halfway into the driving compartment. Emesh sat, stunned, but that wasn’t the worst of it. What had him horrified were the noises coming from a wide-eyed but unaware Douglas. Emesh leaped to his feet and inched toward him, slowly.
“It’s okay, Douglas. It’s me. Emesh.” The god attempted to sooth his mate, fully aware of what had caused the distress. You stupid ass, he berated himself. Way to go, sneaking up on a guy who’s had gods-knows-what done to him. The urge to weep nailed him strongly in the chest. He’d brought pain to his Chosen.
Guttural cries flew from Douglas’ throat, fast and thick. The word ‘no’ and flailing fists the only thing Emesh could understand. Douglas caught up in his terror, didn’t allow Emesh to get through. The god concentrated hard, attempting an alternate method.
Douglas. You’re safe. You’re in the truck, and I’m with you. It’s Emesh. Nothing’s going to hurt you. I promise. I won’t let anything hurt you. Ever again.
Emesh repeated the words over and over, gaining small bits of ground as Douglas’ cries slowly turned to whimpers, his pummeling fists to clutching hands. When Emesh deemed it safe, he cautiously eased forward and laid a calming hand on Douglas’ head, stroking his hair and murmuring words of comfort. In the burgeoning light, he noted when the crazed look left his partner’s eyes, and he journeyed back to full awareness.
Douglas grabbed Emesh’s hand and pressed it to his cheek, turning his lips to the god’s palm.
“It’s you,” he whispered, and Emesh nearly melted with relief. Douglas wasn’t angry. The way Emesh had been summarily dismissed at bedtime―and considering the fact that Douglas had clocked him one upon awakening―Emesh wondered how his mate would cope. Right now, he looked puzzled.
Douglas dropped Emesh’s palm. He brought his own hand up and looked at it, clenching and unclenching his fist.
“It hurts,” he clearly pondered as Emesh watched understanding dawn. “Did I…?” Damn it, he sent, inadvertently.
“Shh. It doesn’t matter. I startled you.” Emesh bent down and put a light kiss on Douglas’ forehead. “I should have known better.”
“No,” Douglas shook his head back and forth on his pillow. “You shouldn’t. Because I didn’t tell you everything.” He closed his eyes as if the pain of looking at Emesh became too intense. “That’s the second time I’ve put you in danger. And you deserve to know why.”
Douglas looked less than sure, but Emesh eased himself down to sit on the bed next to his mate and held a warm palm to Douglas’ chest.
Anguished words poured out of the very human male.
“I was a cocky little shit at eighteen,” Douglas snorted without humor. “I was gay, but I had enough of my asshole father in me to be a tough thug, too, and I thought I could do as I pleased. I used my size to advantage, and nobody dared push me around. I believed nobody ever would. Fuck, was I wrong.”
Emesh wanted to tell Douglas to stop. He could see the pain in his partner and didn’t like it, but Douglas refused to halt the memories.
“When dear old Dad locked me up in that hospital, I scoffed. What a crock of bull. Nothing could touch me. I figured I’d either be out with my mother’s help within the day, or I’d break my way out and walk away. After all, it was a minimum-security facility, so how would they stop me?”
The false arrogance left his voice, and a single tear appeared at the corner of Douglas’ eye. The rising sun glinted off the wetness.
“God, how wrong could I be? Right from the start, they drugged me.”
“You don’t have to tell this,” Emesh implored. “You can let it go. It’s all over.”
“I can’t let it go.” Douglas’ haunted eyes met his. “It eats at me every day. And at night, I have the dreams.” He gripped Emesh’s forearms with fingers that bit into his flesh. “I’ve never told anybody all of it, not even my mother or Dr. Jacobsen. But I need to tell you.” His set jaw implored Emesh to let him continue, and the god gave a quick, assenting nod. With a sigh almost of relief, Douglas got on with it.
“I didn’t find myself again…for years. They kept me half knocked out with fucked up cocktails of medication. After the first month―according to what my mother told me―Trask took charge of my case.” A tremor traveled through Douglas, and without conscious effort, Emesh turned up his heat to keep Douglas warm.
“The first night it happened, I figured it had to be a dream. It was very dark. It might have been day or night. They had these blackout shades on the windows, so you could never tell. I’d been turned on my stomach, restrained, and I could tell I’d been stripped naked. Trask’s voice and his horrible breath were all over me. He…he licked my neck. He told me to relax. He said he had something for me that I’d like.” Emesh must have made a noise because Douglas came out of his telling for a moment.
“No. Don’t interrupt me, or I won’t be able to finish. I understood what would happen.” His words came out faster, became more urgent like if he didn’t get them all said, he’d never come out on the other side.
“Trask brought his entire body up and over mine and pressed me into the bed. He put something into my neck. Needles…something sharp, and I screamed, but he covered my mouth with his hand. The pain brought me out of my stupor. I became hyper-aware, and I realized that Trask lay naked…and hard, against me.”
Tears streamed down Emesh’s cheeks. He knew where this headed, and he sat, helpless to do anything. This had been Douglas’ past, and he ached with a visceral pain for his mate.
“He raped me that night, and every night after that for weeks. During the day, I suffered endless IVs and injections. At night, worse. It always played out the same way. First those sharp things in my neck, then Trask, his rank smell and him…pounding away.”
Emesh hoped that Douglas was finished, but his mate took another breath and continued.
“Trask became more and more obsessed with me. I could tell. Even though the drugs kept me gorped during the day, what he did at night drove me wide awake. I quickly became his favorite patient. He told me over and over that no-one had ever been able to undergo the treatments I received from him and survive. That I had to be special.” Douglas’ throat worked hard as he swallowed. “Sometimes, it looked like he almost fucking loved me. He’d stroke me and be gentle, tell me how I would belong to him, always. And that someday, I would thank him for everything he did.” Douglas shuddered.
“Other nights he arrived like a raging lunatic, needing to cause me pain. He would have his helpers, those horrifyingly large men you saw at his house, do things to me. If you can think of a sexual torture, they would inflict it until I screamed for mercy.”
Tears made tracks down Douglas’ cheeks.
“Trask loved it. He fed off my fear. I could almost see him grow larger the more I suffered from his inflicted pain. If I clamped down and held my terror back, he’d up the ante until I’d cave, and he got what he needed. I learned, quickly, to give him all my fears early in those sessions, so I could escape the worst.”
Now Douglas became quiet. His voice hushed.
“I lived there for seven years. Five and a half under Trask before he got kicked out, and one and a half with Jacobsen. It took that time for Jacobsen to bring me back to the world of the living, ween me off all the drugs, and have me trust again. Once I convinced him I wasn’t suicidal, he and my mother planned my escape. The rest you know.”
Emesh wondered how Douglas remained sane. Granted, he and all his brothers had undergone thousands of years of torture by demons in Hell, but the group was immortal, and nothing done to them had been sexual.
His mate, his brave, brave Chosen had the worst of the worst done to him and survived. Moved on and forged a life for himself. He’d integrated into society, running his own trucking company, and finding his way around in the world.
He’d even dared attempt a connection with Emesh, had allowed a kiss. Above and beyond that, Douglas had dared go to the home of Trask, the man who had defiled him, to search for his mother. Emesh had believed his partner strong, but to face that evil son-of-a-bitch after such horrible nightmares, Douglas exhibited a courage that could not be described.
Emesh quickly pondered whether to tell Douglas that Trask wasn’t human. He didn’t know if it would help to know that as a Cambion and a vampiric demon, all which occurred had been because of Trask’s base nature. Or would it freak Douglas out that other-worldly things existed? Emesh guessed the latter. Better he should learn about the good-guys first—gods, warlocks, Lauernley—before he got mentally hit with the things that went bump in the night…or more than bump.
The depth of Trask’s depravity hit Emesh, and the god quickly came dangerously close to his boiling point. He wanted to kill Trask this very moment, to wipe the evil son-of-a-bitch off the face of the earth. Damned good thing he couldn’t mist out right now because if he could, he’d fly to Belchertown, twist Trask’s neck, and sever his ugly head from his spine. Slowly.
Instead, he attempted calm. He had to be serene for Douglas right now. His mate needed comfort, not anger.
Emesh drew Douglas up from his prone position in bed and brought him into a strong embrace. He calmed them both, his hands stroking Douglas’ back. But it seemed his male waited for something else. Emesh opened up his senses and glimpsed into Douglas’ head.
Ahh. Emesh understood. Douglas waited to see if Emesh would pass judgment on him for what he perceived as his sordid past. His transgressions. Emesh’s gut clenched. As if Douglas had been given any choice. Emesh opened up his heart and his mind fully to his Chosen.
You are not to blame for any of it. His head-voice emerged strong. You were a child, and they all took advantage of you. None of it was your fault.
Douglas relaxed against him, imperceptibly. He’d obviously take that as a start.
This doesn’t make you anything less in anyone’s eyes. Do you understand?
He received a slight shift that might have been a shrug.
The next thing Emesh needed to admit would be tough. The hardest string of words ever to leave his mind, and it terrified him. But it needed to be done.
I think you’re the most wonderful man I’ve ever met, he admitted, his own body shaking now. And I want you to know, I’ve fallen in love with you.
Douglas stiffened and before Emesh could continue and assure him, cold words met his declaration.
“You can’t know what love is,” Douglas growled. “You’ve never taken a lover. You only trust me because you know my family. Which, believe me, is not the basis for a real relationship.”
Emesh felt Douglas drawing away. He wanted to crush him to his chest, but nervous with how Douglas had been restrained and forced to do things in his past, he lightened his hold instead and let Douglas move back. Emesh would, however, fight for Douglas with everything in his verbal arsenal.
“You’re wrong, you know,” he volleyed resolutely. “I think you’re strong, brave, and sensitive to my needs” ―he sent Douglas a picture of the tender way he’d introduced the god to his first taste of mutual stimulation last night― “as well as a person I can admire.” Emesh laid it on thick, but he meant every word and couldn’t stop.
“You’re the type of person I want to spend eternity with. I’ll never get tired of being with you.” He saw Douglas’ eyebrows raise at the use of the word eternity but screw it. He needed this male to know everything. “I already love you with all my heart, Douglas, and nothing you can say or do will stop that.”
Emesh swept long, dark lashes down over his deep black eyes. The atmosphere swirled thickly, and even though he felt some relenting on Douglas’ part, he needed to lighten the mood, make Douglas comfortable. He switched to cheeky, wanting to see if Douglas would laugh.
“And besides, you have the finest ass I’ve ever seen, and believe me, I’ve done a lot of looking. I might be a virgin, but I have eyes in my head.”
The short bark he got from Douglas satisfied. It wasn’t the declaration of love Emesh longed for, but his mate hadn’t kicked him out of the truck, either. Time to change the subject completely.
“I think you may have overslept.” The sun had come up with a vengeance, Emesh’s mood allowing for nothing else, while Douglas extracted his phone from his pocket.
“Shit. We should have been on the road twenty minutes ago. Let’s get moving.”
Clearly, his mate shook off the dream, the memories, and the declaration from Emesh…if only for now. Fine. They’d have plenty of time, in all their years to come, to work through Douglas’ baggage…as a couple. The amulet in his shoulder had lit up brilliantly. Douglas was his Chosen. Together they could be strong.
The day dawned bright, and time passed quickly. It seemed as if Douglas, getting the worst of his demons out in the open, acted easier, more what Emesh imaged he’d been like before the abuse.
He laughed without difficulty, asked lots of questions about Emesh, his past and his friends, and even unbent to tease Emesh about being the only gay guy in a house packed with testosterone.
In turn, Emesh reminded Douglas that a couple of newcomers―in the form of one DEA agent and an operative from the Rhine Valley―remained extremely suspect, and everyone had bets on their sexual leanings.
Emesh, uncensored except for the god stuff, supplied Douglas with the answer to all of his questions, no matter how probing. He couldn’t believe he had so much fun describing his brothers and their quirks. Douglas would surely like them all when he finally met them.
They reached Green Bay right on schedule, having eaten both breakfast and lunch on the move, and stood in comfortable and companionable silence as a couple of guys accepted the unhitched trailer. Once signed off, they got back on the road and went the short distance to pick up their new, lighter haul before driving off again to Little Suamico. They entered the driveway to the warlock’s house just as the sun sank low in the sky.
In the twilight, it appeared to be a gray, wooden structure with lots of glass, stone, and odd angles. Duh. Wisconsin. It had to be an early Frank Lloyd Wright design nestled into the side of a hill and damned if it didn’t fit Dorian perfectly.
Douglas whistled.
“Nice place” his eyebrows traveled up a notch, “and handy for us, too.” The long, hidden driveway stretched wide enough to not only accommodate the tractor-trailer but encompassed a large area in front of the house with embedded rock gardens and plantings, allowing plenty of turning radius. Douglas drove up carefully, applied the brakes, and jumped down out of the cab. Emesh followed.
They’d barely placed their feet on the gravel when the door burst open.
“It took you fucking long enough.” Dorian stood in the doorway, looking disheveled. He approached Emesh without further preamble. “Dammit, Emesh. You’ve got to help me. My granddaughter Lenore, and the rest of the women. They’ve all conspired against me.”
Emesh had never seen Dorian so out of control. He sent an apologetic glance to Douglas. Something’s not right. Dorian’s usually buttoned up pretty tightly.
Take care of it. Don’t worry about me, I’ll… before Douglas had a chance to make himself scarce, Dorian came forward and grabbed Emesh’s arm.
“Addie’s gone.”