Chapter Twenty-Four
“SO THIS IS where the nonexistent Jessica Ayers lives.” Jamie parked in front of Jessica’s building. He’d been grinning ever since he’d fixed the coding issue that had mothers all over the world in a frenzy.
Having lived a life that relied so little on the Internet, it seemed odd to her that entire newspaper articles could be written about a search result error, but then again, to those who relied on the Internet, a broken cello would probably seem trivial.
“This is it. It’s not very glamorous, but I like it.” She’d changed back into her concert skirt, blouse, and heels, bringing her much closer to Jamie’s height. He looked handsome from any angle, but she liked being that much closer to his lips, and as they rode the elevator to the top floor she took full advantage. She stood between his legs and kissed him until he was aroused again, and when the elevator doors opened, she walked out with a satisfied grin on her lips.
“So unfair,” he mumbled.
With the emotional roller coaster of last night, and then again this morning, Jessica hadn’t had time to process her feelings on the Chamber Players position. Now she felt a little dizzy, knowing she was about to take them from this amazing high to a place of serious discussion again, but she needed to at least share with him that the offer was on the table.
Her two-bedroom loft was a far cry from the spacious home Jamie lived in. She wondered what Jamie was thinking as he crossed the light-colored, wide-planked hardwood floors and passed the arched windows that overlooked the park. He picked up photographs of her family from her bookshelves as she went to her bedroom to change.
She was zipping her jeans when he came to the doorway and leaned casually against the edge of the doorframe, holding a photograph in his hand.
“You’re beautiful, Jess. Maybe I should skip work today.”
“Don’t even tease me with that. You just solved the world’s dragon dilemma. I’m sure your employees will want to cover you in roses or something.” She loved the way he laughed, a masculine sound that came from deep in his lungs.
“More like throw them at me.” He came to her side as she pulled on her top.
“Are these your parents?” He showed her the photograph he was holding of her with her parents, taken a few years ago after one of her concerts. She and her father were smiling wide; her mother’s face was more serious, though still smiling. It was a strained smile, a familiar one to Jessica. Her mother’s emotions were always tethered.
“Yeah, it was taken after a concert a while ago.”
Jamie settled a hand on her hip. “You look a lot like your father.”
“I know. He blessed me with his dimples. When I was little, he used to tell me that we had them because an elf came into our bedrooms when we were babies and stole the divot of skin for good luck. He concocted a whole fairy tale about how the elves planted the divots and grew these glorious forests of good luck trees.” She pictured the way her father’s eyes lit up, and if she tried hard enough, she could hear the hushed tone he used to tell his tale. The memories were comforting.
“I love that idea.”
“Me too. Jamie, you never finished reading the information Mark gave you about me.”
He pulled her closer to him and kissed her softly. “I know. I’m not worried about that. I know everything I need to know.”
“There is one more thing I need to tell you. It’s a big thing, and I can’t believe I didn’t mention it yet, but we’ve been so sidetracked…”
“A big thing?” He sat on her bed and patted the bedspread beside him.
She sat beside him, and he draped an arm over her shoulder.
“Give it to me straight.” He smiled at the joke.
“Okay.” She felt a wave of excitement wash through her—an emotion that she now realized she’d been ignoring. Or maybe she’d been too upset to realize it was there. Whatever the reason, she couldn’t ignore the pride she felt as she explained. “Well, last night, before the concert, my manager told me that I was going to be invited to play as one of the Chamber Players for the orchestra.”
Jamie’s eyes widened. “That’s good news, right?”
“Well, it’s big news.” Her pulse accelerated. “At my age, it’s really pretty phenomenal, but it comes with more commitments, and with our relationship, I’m not sure it’s the best move for me. For us.”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean, if I continue playing with the orchestra, there are times I’ll have to travel. And I told you that I practice sometimes three or four hours a day and then go to work late into the evenings. It’s not exactly conducive to a relationship, or a family.”
“It’s not?” Jamie’s eyes grew serious. “I never realized that, because my grandmother played and she raised my mother somehow. And although she wasn’t playing with an orchestra when I was growing up, there were times that she played with different groups, and my grandfather took me to see her play or spent the evenings with me. They worked it out.”
“Yes, but you have Vera to take care of, and you have an entire empire, according to Mark. I can’t be a distraction, or drag you away from what you’ve worked so hard to build, or from the woman who raised you.”
“No, you really can’t.” He drew his brows together and his mouth formed a tight line.
Her stomach lurched. No, you really can’t. Hadn’t she known it might come to this? Hadn’t she dreamed of other things while she was at the Cape? Maybe teaching cello instead of playing for an audience? She hadn’t felt sad when she contemplated those things at the Cape. But after coming back and playing again and being accepted into the Chamber Players, she realized how much she enjoyed playing for the orchestra, even if the schedule was grueling. She reached for Jamie’s hand. She loved him more than she loved playing. That much she knew, and she could still play, just for a different group. She could make this concession for them.
“I won’t take the position. I’ve been thinking about doing something different anyway. Maybe teaching cello or something.”
Jamie lifted her chin so they were eye to eye and pressed a kiss to her lips. “Jessie, you can’t drag me away, because I’m too big for you to drag anywhere. I can make my own decisions. I want to support what you’ve worked your whole life for. I’m proud of you, for how beautifully you play, for your determination.” He kissed her again. “For being willing to give it all up for us. But there’s no need. I want you to live your dream, not push it aside. So we’ll travel a little, and you’ll work late at night, just like I program late at night. We’re the perfect pair.”
She couldn’t believe he was saying all of this so easily, like he meant every word, which she was sure he did, but how could it work?
“But Vera?”
“Vera lives in the assisted living facility around the corner from my house when it’s not summertime. She’s well cared for. I see her after work because I can and because I haven’t really had much of a reason not to. If you wouldn’t mind, she might want to travel with us sometimes, if she’s able, to see some of your concerts.”
“Jamie—” She flung herself into his arms. “Really? You don’t mind? She wouldn’t hate me for taking you away?”
He took her face in his hands and gazed into her eyes. “Babe, Vera would be more upset if you gave up a chance to live your dream. Her only hope is that I’m happy. I love her, but I don’t need to give up living my life to care for her, and she’d never want me to.”
“But what if one day we decide to get married, and we want kids? I’m not saying we are, or we will, or trying to push you.” He was searching her eyes, and she was talking so fast that she couldn’t stop. “I’m just thinking long-term, because I don’t think I could take it if we dated for a couple years and then broke up because you wanted kids and my career made it too hard. Not that I wouldn’t give up my career for kids. But what if—”
He pressed his lips to hers, swallowing her words and all her worry along with them.
“Breathe,” he said against her lips.
She did, and he kissed her again.
“You okay?” He held both her hands in his.
Jessica nodded, but she was anything but okay. Her heart felt like it was going to crash through her chest and leap the distance between them just to be closer to him. Her mind spun in circles, trying to figure out if he really understood what she was saying, but before she could ask, he was kissing the back of her hand again, sliding one hand to the nape of her neck in that way that made her insides go all warm and mushy and gazing lovingly into her eyes.
“I love kids. And if you’re enjoying the orchestra when we decide to get married and have children, then we’ll figure it out. I’ll do as my grandfather did, and gladly take care of them. Neither of us has to give up what we love to have this relationship or a family. Odd hours? Long practices? More time for me to do my geeky man things, and I love to travel.”
She exhaled a breath she felt as though she’d been holding for three days and wrapped her arms around his neck. “Just one more question.”
“You’ve used up your allotment, but I might dole out an answer for another kiss.”
“Are all men this easy?” She kissed him then, and in one quick move he rolled her onto her back and braced himself above her.
“I don’t date men, so I can’t answer that question.”
As he lowered his lips to hers, she whispered, “I think Mark was wrong. You’re not a warrior at all. You are my knight in comfy armor.”