After what felt like the longest night of my life, I finally touched down in a wet and cold Manchester. My parents were waiting for me when I came through arrivals. I threw myself into my Mum’s waiting arms and broke down crying.
“Libby sweetheart, whatever’s wrong? What happened to your face, and your arm?” My Mum asked in a panic, her arms tightening around me.
“Oh, Mum.” I sobbed against her shoulder. “Everything is such a mess.”
She gently pushed me away from her, her fingers reaching out to trace the bruise on my face. “What happened Libby?” Her eyes bore into mine, pleading with me to tell her.
“I fell off a horse and broke my arm,” I told her through my tears, lifting my cast to show her. “The rest are just bruises. I was only in hospital overnight, I’m fine.”
“Hospital!” She shouted. “Why didn’t you ring us? Why didn’t Claire ring us?”
“Don’t be mad at Aunt Claire, I begged her not to tell you. I didn’t want to worry you.”
“Libby, you should have told us. Is that why you’ve come home?” She asked.
“No, yes, partly…” I muttered, shaking my head. My Dad pulled me in for a hug and kissed me gently on the head.
“Come on, let’s get you home, you can tell us in the car what’s been going on.” My Dad said, taking my suitcase off me with one hand and wrapping the other around my shoulder, guiding me out of the airport.
I was quiet for the first half of the car ride home, staring out of the window, watching the countryside go by. It would be the middle of the night back at the ranch, I wondered if Mason was sleeping, hoping that he didn’t hate me. My Mum’s voice broke into my thoughts.
“Please tell us what happened Libby, my mind is thinking all sorts of things.”
I sighed, taking one last look out of the window before dropping my eyes to my hands, my fingers picking at the plaster cast on my arm. Starting at the beginning, I told them everything, how I’d met Mason and reluctantly fallen in love with him, how Amber had confronted me at the rodeo, screaming at me that she belonged with Mason and then about the saddle strap being cut and me falling off the horse. Both of them stayed quiet, letting me get it all out until I mentioned the accident, and I saw out of the corner of my eye my Dad gripping the steering wheel tightly, his knuckles turning white.
“So, are you saying that this girl, Amber, cut through the saddle strap on purpose, hoping that you’d fall off and hurt yourself?” My Dad asked through gritted teeth. His head turned to me, and I nodded slowly.
“Bloody hell Libby, you could have been killed!” He cried. “What did the police say?”
“They spoke to her, but we had no proof, and she denied she’d done it, so…” I trailed off. I saw him shake his head.
“So, that’s why you came home? Why the rush? What aren’t you telling us Lib?” My Mum asked quietly from the back seat.
“That’s not why I left. Savannah and I were at a coffee shop in Marble Falls yesterday, and Amber turned up. Turns out she’s pregnant with Mason’s baby, she had a scan picture and everything.” I reached my hand up and wiped away the tears that were rolling down my face. “I couldn’t stay knowing he was having a baby with her. I had to leave to give them a chance to be a family.” I whispered. I felt my Dad’s hand reaching for mine, and I held on to his hand tightly.
“Does this boy love you, Libby.” My Dad asked me, squeezing my hand.
“I think so, yes,” I said turning to look at him.
“And you love him.”
I nodded. “More than anything.”
“And what does he think about you coming home?” I dropped my eyes from his and bit my bottom lip. “He doesn’t know, does he?” My Dad said gently.
“No” I murmured.
“Why haven’t you spoken to him, sweetheart?” My Mum asked from behind me.
“Because if I had, he would have convinced me not to go. I couldn’t stay and watch him have a baby with Amber. I hate her Mum.”
“I understand Lib, but you need to talk to him. If he loves you like you love him, he must be worried sick.”
“I will, just not yet.” All I wanted was to get in my own bed, I was beyond exhausted. I was hoping that I would go to sleep and find that when I woke up, it had all been a horrible dream.
Thirty minutes later I was home and wrapped up in my duvet. I’d taken one of Mason’s t-shirts from the first time I’d slept over at his place, and I’d put that on, his smell enveloping me. I pulled the neck of his t-shirt over my nose and inhaled, breathing in his scent. If I closed my eyes, I could imagine his arms around me and his lips on my neck. Tears rolled down my cheeks, and I pulled my arms around my body, eventually crying myself to sleep.
I woke up drenched in sweat, a scream escaping my lips. Sitting up, I put my hand over my racing heart and took in a deep breath. My mind wandered back to the dream, and I shook my head, it had been about the accident again, but this time it was Mason sitting in the front seat instead of Mia.
Swinging my legs over the side of the bed I forced myself to get up. Reaching into my bag, I dug out my phone, apprehensive as I turned it on. Looking in the mirror I took in my reflection, my hair was sticking up, and my eyes were red-rimmed as if I’d been crying for hours, which I guess I had been. As I turned away my phone started going crazy with incoming messages. I sighed and looked down, ten voicemails and eighteen text messages, not all from Mason, though. A couple from Savannah and one from Aunt Claire.
Reading the messages from them made me feel like shit. Aunt Claire seemed mad that I’d just upped and left, I couldn’t really blame her, and Savannah was begging me to contact Mason. I threw my phone on the bed leaving it there while I went downstairs. I couldn’t deal with it.
I’d slept for a few hours, and it was early afternoon, the house was empty which explained why no one had come into my room when I woke up screaming. I found a note on the kitchen table from my parents, my Dad had gone to work, and my Mum was at the supermarket. I was relieved to be on my own so that I could wallow in self-pity.
The home phone rang, I picked it up without thinking that it might be someone I didn’t want to talk to. “Hello,” I said as I reached into the fridge for the orange juice.
“Libby it’s me, Savannah.” She rushed out.
“Savannah,” I said in surprise. “Hey.”
“Why aren’t you answering your cell?”
I took a deep breath, she sounded pissed, and I learned from a young age that pissing off Savannah wasn’t a wise thing to do. “I’ve only just woken up; my phone’s been switched off since I landed. Sorry.”
I heard her huff down the line. “I’m glad you’ve managed to sleep.” I heard her mutter under her breath. “Libby, Mason’s a mess. He’s not slept a wink all night. None of us have. Don’t you care what you’ve done to him?” She asked, exasperated.
“Don’t you dare Savannah. Of course, I care, it’s because I care that I’ve left. I’m doing what’s right.” I shouted down the phone.
“Bullshit! You never even gave him a chance before you ran.” She shouted back. “You ran because you’re scared Lib.” Her voice softer. “And I get that, I do, but you can’t run every time you think you might get hurt. At some point you have to take a chance, risk your heart, and have faith that it will all work out, that’s part of loving someone.”
“I took a chance Sav, I let Mason in after my heart was crushed when Mia died, and this is what happened. You know what Amber is like, if I’d stayed she would be making our lives hell. The last thing I wanted was for Mason to have to choose between his child and me. I would never ask him to do that, and that’s the reason I’ve left.”
“Can you live without him though Lib?” She asked quietly.
“I’ll have to. I don’t have a choice.” I said sadly. “I have to go. There’s someone knocking on the door.” I lied, desperate to get off the phone.
“Okay, but please just text him, so he knows you alright, he’s going out of his mind.”
“Okay...bye Savannah.” I whispered, putting the phone down. It killed me to think that I was hurting him as much as Savannah said, but I just couldn’t see a way around it. She was right though I needed to contact him.
I made myself a sandwich but couldn’t bring myself to eat it. My stomach was churning, and I’m sure had I tried to eat it I would have thrown it back up.
Knowing that I had to contact Mason, I made my way upstairs to find my laptop. I had too much to say to him to send him a text message, I thought an email would be better. Grabbing my phone, I fired off a quick message to Savannah, asking her if she knew his email address. I didn’t have to wait long for a reply from her with his address. I opened my laptop and began what was probably the hardest thing I’d ever had to write.
To: Mason Walker
Subject: Sorry
From: Libby Davis
Mason
I’m so sorry.
I’m sorry I left without saying goodbye, I knew that if I saw you, I wouldn’t be able to leave you. After I’d seen Amber and she’d told me her news, I knew that I couldn’t stay. She would forever be in our lives, trying to tear us apart. I would never want you to have to choose between your child and me. I would never ask you to do that, but I can’t stay and watch you have a baby with her.
I love you, but maybe we were just never meant to be together. The distance and now Amber and the baby have come between us, it’s better that I left when I did, than down the line when more feelings are involved.
I want you to know that these past two weeks have been some of the best weeks of my life. You showed me that I was capable of loving again after losing Mia, I can’t thank you enough for that.
You’re going to make an amazing Dad, and maybe one day we’ll meet again.
Please don’t hate me. I never intended to hurt you.
Love
Libby x
I hovered my finger over the send button, tears falling from my eyes. It was the final goodbye, and I needed a minute before I could push the button. The pain in my chest made me feel like someone was stabbing through my heart with a knife. With a deep breath, I clicked send and broke down sobbing on my bed.
I must have fallen back to sleep, and when I woke up, it was dark. My body clock was all over the place, and I guess that after sleeping until now, I would be awake all night. I checked my phone and saw that it was 10.30pm. The house was quiet, so my parents must have already gone to bed. My stomach rumbled, and I realised that I hadn’t eaten anything in about twenty-four hours.
After fixing myself a sandwich I brought it back upstairs, sitting on my bed to eat it. My laptop was lying next to me, and I turned it on, wondering if Mason had received my message. A huge part of me was hoping for a reply. I couldn’t help it; I was still madly in love with him and needed to know that he didn’t hate me. Clicking on my emails, I saw that I had a message from him. With nerves fluttering in my stomach I opened the message.
To: Libby Davis
Subject: Re. Sorry
From: Mason Walker
Libby. Thank god, you’re okay. I’ve been so worried baby. I could never hate you. I love you.
Please don’t do this, don’t end us, I’m begging you. I love you so much, Libby.
Savannah’s told me that you think I should make a go of things with Amber for the baby’s sake. That will never happen Lib. I will take care of my child, but I want nothing to do with Amber. She’s driven away the woman that I love, and I will never forgive her for that.
I won’t let her come between us. Please come back to me. We can make this work, I know we can.
Please call me, I need to hear your voice baby. I miss you so much.
Always remember I love you. I’m not giving up on us.
Mason
xxx
I read his message over and over again, not knowing how to respond. I wasn’t going back, I couldn’t, not with Amber hanging around. I considered not replying, but I needed to let him know that this message would be my last. It was too hard to hear how much he loved me, when all I wanted to do was run back into his arms. Clicking the reply button, I began my response back.
To: Mason Walker
Subject: Re. Sorry
From: Libby Davis
Mason
This is too hard. I physically ache at being away from you, but I can’t come back. I’m sorry. I hate that I’m hurting you. We both need to move on somehow, the only way I can even attempt to do that is to break contact.
I wish things could have been different.
I’m sorry.
Bye Mason
Love
Libby x
I closed the laptop and lay down staring at the ceiling. I was all out of tears, all I had left was a pain in my chest, a pain like nothing I’d ever felt before, not even when I knew Mia had died. I felt physically sick at the thought of never seeing Mason again. He would move on and meet someone else, and I would become a distant memory. My stomach rolled at the thought, and I jumped off the bed rushing to the bathroom. I made it just in time, throwing up into the toilet.
Sitting on the floor, I leaned back against the bath and closed my eyes, my breathing erratic. My heart was racing, and my fingers were tingling, I knew that a panic attack was coming. I desperately tried to calm my breathing down and count my breaths. My hand went over my heart, and I started to count the beats like Mason had done with me. I thought of his voice and his touch, and after a few minutes my fingers stopped tingling, and my breathing had calmed down.
Mason had helped me more than he knew in those few weeks that I knew him. Was I making a terrible mistake? One that I would regret forever. My heart screamed yes, but my head was undecided. I guess only time would tell.