The next week dragged by, Mason had sent more emails, but I’d deleted them, unread, not able to face what he had to say. I knew my parents were worried about me as I was living in my bedroom, only coming out to shower and I could barely be bothered to do that.
I’d cleared my phone of old texts and voicemails, but Mason still text me first thing in the morning and again every night. I read those messages, and they made me cry. He told me how much he loved me and that he wanted his words to be the first thing I read in the morning and the last thing I read at night. I was beginning to look forward to his messages even though I knew I’d get upset. I never replied to him, but my lack of response didn’t seem to stop him.
I know I needed to snap out of my funk, but I just couldn’t. My parents had suggested that I ring Sarah and see about going back to work. I promised them that I would, but I hadn’t found the energy to do it yet. I wasn’t sleeping much, I would fall asleep in the day, an hour here or there and just lie awake all night, unable to switch my mind off.
Savannah had kept in touch, and we had skyped a couple of times. I’d asked her not to talk about Mason, but Savannah being Savannah had taken no notice. She’d told me that Amber was hanging around the ranch, and had even tried to move some of her stuff into Mason’s cabin while he was out working one day. Apparently, Mason had gotten mad at her and physically escorted her off the ranch himself. She was obviously trying to establish herself in his life now that I was no longer in the picture.
I’d been at home just over a week when I woke up from a fitful night’s sleep, feeling like I needed to see Mia. I threw some clothes on and grabbed my phone, noticing that I hadn’t had my usual evening or morning texts from Mason. My heart clenched at the thought that he’d probably had enough of being ignored, and had given up. I couldn’t blame him; I knew this day would come.
I padded downstairs finding my Mum in the kitchen. “Hey Mum,” I said, reaching in the fridge for some juice.
“Morning sweetheart.” She said, trying but failing to hide the shock on her face at seeing me up and dressed. “How are you feeling?”
My parents had tried numerous times to talk to me since I’d come home, but I’d brushed them off, telling them that I didn’t want to talk about it. “I’m okay. I’m going to visit Mia’s grave. I’ll be back in a bit.” I said, finishing off my juice and putting my glass in the sink.
“Okay honey, I’ll see you later then.” She replied with an encouraging smile. I gave her a small smile back before leaving the kitchen and heading for the front door.
It was a short walk to the cemetery, and when I got to Mia’s grave, I sat down in front of her headstone, brushing some dirt off with my good hand. I sat in silence for a while staring at the letters that made up her name. “God Mia, I’ve so much to tell you. I wish you were here. I miss you.” I said, my words being carried away on the wind.
I spent the next hour or so pouring my heart out to her. I felt close to her here, and I had hoped to feel better after talking to her, but I didn’t. Wiping the tears from my eyes I stood up, tracing my fingers along her name, something I had taken to doing every time I visited. As I turned to leave, I noticed Mia’s Mum, Mrs Green, sitting on the bench across the cemetery. When she saw that I was leaving, she stood up and started to make her way over to me.
My heart pounded in my chest, I hadn’t seen her since she visited me in hospital. I had avoided her, knowing that she blamed me for Mia’s death. Now she was standing right in front of me, and I had no idea what to say to her.
“Libby honey, how are you?” She asked, throwing her arms around me. I was taken aback by her greeting, and it took me a few seconds to hug her back.
“Hello, Mrs Green,” I said shyly, dropping my eyes to the ground when she pulled out of the hug.
“I saw you talking to Mia, and I didn’t want to interrupt, I sat on the bench until you’d finished.”
I lifted my eyes to hers. “Oh, I’m sorry, I didn’t realise you were waiting or else I would have gone sooner.” I rushed out, my cheeks flushing.
I saw her frown, and she reached for my hand, holding it in her own. “No Libby, I want you to spend as much time as you want with Mia. I know how much you’ve struggled since she died. I didn’t mean that I wanted you to hurry up your visit. You’re welcome here anytime you want. Mia loved you, and I love you too.”
I looked at her in surprise. “You do?” I asked her.
“Of course I do, why would you think otherwise?” She asked me, frowning again.
“I just thought…” I trailed off, not knowing how to say what I meant.
“You thought what honey?” She prompted.
I took a deep breath. “I thought when you visited me in the hospital, that you blamed me for the accident, that you wished it was me who had died instead of Mia,” I whispered.
I heard her breath in sharply, and her hand came up to cover her mouth. “Oh Libby, is that why you’ve been avoiding us all this time?” She asked. I nodded my head. “I am so sorry that we gave you that impression, that is definitely not the case sweetheart. We were grieving and distraught, but we would never have wished that you had died instead of Mia.” She pulled me in for another hug and held me tightly. “We just wanted to know that you were okay. I’m so sorry.” She said again.
“It’s okay,” I told her. “I should have talked to you, it’s my fault.”
“It’s no one’s fault honey, just a misunderstanding.” She paused before changing the subject. “Your Mum told me you’d gone to your Aunt’s ranch in Texas. Did you have a good time?” She asked me with a smile.
I attempted a smile back and nodded my head, not wanting to talk about it. “I’d better go, I’ll leave you to talk to Mia,” I told her, turning to leave.
“Libby, don’t be a stranger, me and Mia’s Dad would love to see you, if there is ever anything you need, you know where we are.” She hugged me again before I left. It was a relief to know that Mia’s parents didn’t blame me for her death. I’d spent the last five months avoiding them, afraid to see the pain etched on their faces when they looked at me, when in reality it had all been in my head.
I walked back slowly, I was in no rush to go home, it wasn’t like I had anything to do when I got there. I needed to decide what I was going to do with my life, back at the ranch I was considering Uni, maybe I should look into finishing my degree here.
As I closed the front door, I could hear muffled voices coming from the kitchen. Not feeling up to making conversation, I crept past the closed door and started up the stairs. When I was nearly at the top, I heard my Mum call out. “Libby honey, is that you? Can you come in here for a minute?” I closed my eyes and let out a sigh. I slowly turned around and came back down the stairs.
I put my head around the kitchen door, hoping that I could just say hello and escape up to my room. My Mum was standing with her back to me making a drink. “Did you want me, Mum?” I asked her.
“There’s someone here to see you, Libby.” She said, turning to face me. She gestured with her hand to the kitchen table.
Looking over towards the table my eyes widened in surprise. “Mason.” I gasped. “What are you doing here?”
He pushed his chair back and walked the short distance to me. “You left this sweetheart.” He said, holding up my kindle. He stepped closer towards me so that there were only inches separating us. My heart pounded, and butterflies swarmed in my stomach.
“You came all this way to bring me my kindle?” I whispered in disbelief.
He reached his hand up and brushed his fingers over my cheek, I closed my eyes, my body trembling under his touch. “I knew you couldn’t live without it…” He trailed off. “Open your eyes Lib.” I did as he asked, raising my eyes to his. “And I can’t live without you. I’ve tried, but I can’t do it.”
“I’m going to leave you two to talk. I’ll be back later.” I heard my Mum say as she slipped out of the kitchen. I didn’t acknowledge her; I couldn’t tear my eyes away from Mason’s.
“What about the baby, and Amber? I can’t watch you have a baby with her Mason, I just can’t. It would be unbearable.” I said quickly, moving to take a step back from him. He dropped his hands to my waist, holding me in place. “Don’t Mason, please,” I begged, knowing if he pulled me into his arms I wouldn’t have the strength to stop him.
“There is no baby Libby. There never was.” He said softly.
“But…but I saw the scan?”
“Amber’s friend works at an Ob/Gyn clinic in Marble Falls, they paid off a sonographer to put her name on someone else’s scan.” He squeezed my waist gently. “She made the whole thing up sweetheart.”
“How did you find out?” I asked him, dazed by what he’d just told me.
“She tried to move all her shit into my place while I was at work one day. When I got home and found her there, I decided that I’d had enough. I was never convinced that she was pregnant in the first place, I always used a condom and I always checked them after…”
I dropped my head and stared at the floor as he was talking, he lifted my chin with his finger. “I know this is hard to hear, but look at me, baby.” He whispered. I met his eyes as he continued. “I told her I wanted to go and see the Doctor with her, she started to make excuses, and when I wouldn’t back down, she eventually confessed that there was no baby. She thought if you were out of the picture we would somehow be together.” He looked directly into my eyes, and I could see the sincerity in them. “Libby that would never have happened. I would never have wanted anything romantic with Amber, even if the baby had turned out to be real. I need you to know that.”
Still reeling from what he had told me, I asked him. “What was she going to do in seven months’ time, when no baby arrived?”
“I’ve no idea, I don’t think even she knew.” One of his hands released my waist, and he dragged it through his hair. “Come back with me Lib.” He begged. “Amber’s gone, she won’t be bothering us again.”
“Gone? Gone where?”
“She’s moved away. Florida, I think. I don’t really care where she’s gone as long as she’s gone.”
I looked at him, my eyebrows knitted together in a frown. “What did you do Mason?”
He sighed “I gave her $20,000 to leave us alone. Turns out there’s not much she won’t do for money.”
I gasped, I couldn’t believe he’d done that. I was still processing Amber never being pregnant, and now he was telling me she was gone. “I can’t believe you gave her $20,000!”
“Lib, I’d have given her everything I had if it meant her leaving us alone and you coming back to me. I’ve been a mess this week without you, I’m not ashamed to admit it.”
“I’ve been such an idiot.” I muttered “If I’d just talked to you instead of running. I’m so sorry Mason.” I flung my arms around his neck and buried my face in his shoulder. His arms quickly came around me, and he held me tightly to him.
“I love you, baby.” He murmured into my hair.
“I love you too.”
“Can I kiss you Lib?” He asked quietly. I lifted my head off his shoulder and nodded. He lowered his mouth to mine and kissed me, softly at first before nibbling on my bottom lip, my mouth opening to him. As I felt his tongue brush against mine, I moaned into his mouth and his arms tightened around me. God, I’d missed him, I’d missed how he held me, how he kissed me, how he loved me. I’d missed everything about him.
Breaking the kiss, he rested his forehead on mine. “So, you’ll come back with me?” He asked, still sounding a little unsure.
I nodded. “As it turns out, I haven’t been doing too great without you either. I need to speak to my parents though, about attending the University of Texas. I really want to finish my degree.”
He looked at me sheepishly. “Actually Lib, they may already know.”
“What do you mean? How could they know?”
“Don’t get mad, but when you wouldn’t talk to me, I made Savannah give me your parent's email address, we’ve been talking, and I may have mentioned it. I was going out of my mind baby, I needed to know that you were okay. I asked them for your address, telling them I wanted to write to you. They had no idea I was going to show up here.”
I wasn’t mad at him, or my parents, I couldn’t be. I knew that they both loved me and wanted what was best for me. “I’m not mad. What did they think?” I asked him, worried that they wouldn’t want me to go.
“They think it’s a great idea, that it’s just the fresh start you need. Obviously, they’ll miss you, but they just want you to be happy.” I heard my Dad say from behind me. I spun around, not realising that he was standing in the doorway. I rushed to him wrapping my arms around him.
“Thank you,” I whispered.
“Anything to see you happy honey.” He released his hold on me and turned to face Mason. “Nice to finally meet you son.” He extended his hand out in front of him for Mason to shake.
“Nice to meet you too Mr. Davis,” Mason said, shaking his hand.
“Mason, how did you manage to talk Savannah into giving you my parent’s email address?” I asked him, puzzled. I knew Savannah hadn’t agreed with my decision to leave, but I didn’t think she would just give Mason their details without a fight.
He smiled awkwardly at me. “Well, I was desperate to know you were okay, I’d asked her, and she wasn’t very forthcoming, so…I threatened to tell Brody that she was in love with Josh if she didn’t give me the information. I’m not proud of what I did, but I’d do it ten times over if it got me to this point.”
I burst out laughing. “I bet you’re not her favourite person at the moment! I’d watch your back if I were you, I’d hate to be in Savannah’s bad books.” I saw a worried look pass across his face before he quickly brushed it off.
“Nah, she’ll be fine.” He said, waving his hand.
I laughed again. “We’ll see!”
My Dad sat at the kitchen table with us while we chatted about university and what course I was hoping to do. My Mum arrived back about thirty minutes later, looking relieved that Mason and I had sorted things out.
We’d decided on takeaway for tea and Mason and my Dad had gone out to pick it up. I turned to my Mum who was sat next to me on the sofa. “Are you sure you’re okay with me studying in America, Mum?” I asked her.
“I just want you to be happy sweetheart, it’s been a long time since I’ve seen you smile like you have since Mason arrived. If studying in America and being with Mason is what you want, then your Dad and I support you 100%.”
Tears welled up in my eyes. “Thank you, Mum,” I told her, a tear slipping down my cheek. “I know I haven’t known Mason long, but I really love him, he makes me happy.”
“He loves you too Libby, I can see it in his eyes when he looks at you. Not everyone gets to experience a love like you two have, you should grab it with both hands and never let go.” The tears were rolling down both of our cheeks, and we laughed when we realised, quickly wiping our eyes.
“I intend to hold on tight and never let go,” I whispered. I’d let Mason go once, thinking I was doing what was best for both of us, but he was mine. Being without him made me realise that he had always been worth taking chances for, I just had to be brave enough to let him love me.