Chapter Twenty-Six

Booker

She must be in there. I could hear her phone ringing through the door. I stop halfway down the barren hallway and pull my phone back out.

I dial her number and let it ring. I can hear it even from down the hall, but once again, I am left with no response.

There’s a horrible ache in my chest. It’s a feeling I haven’t ever known, so I can’t really put words to it, but I think I may know what it is.

I miss her.

This morning, the world was our oyster. Anything was possible, and it was scary. Now that I’m faced with the reality that there is also the possibility that nothing can happen between us, I feel even worse. This isn’t an office fling. What I share with Sasha is so much more, and I’ve ruined it before it even had a chance to really begin.

I hate myself.

I wonder if curiosity will win out on her end. Will she open the door and peek out, to see if I’ve gone? I glance back at her scuffed brown door and wait. This building, this place, is… well.

Sasha deserves better than this. She’s a hard worker and smart as a tack. She’s going to branch out of here and skyrocket to success. I could help her, if she’d let me.

My gaze lingers on the closed door, and I know she’s not going to open it. I may have really lost her for good. The only person in the entire world I’ve let in, and I’ve gone and completely blown it.

My shoulders sag as I realize the truth of the situation. Still, I didn’t get to where I am because I’m a quitter. Booker Knight always finds a way to shoot right back to the top. I’m going to find a way to make this right.

I will find a way to get her back. If only she reads my note. Maybe she’ll understand.

My footsteps are heavy as I trudge back down the hallway. The floorboards creak beneath my feet. When the elevator opens, I question whether or not I want to put my life on the line by stepping inside.

How can she live like this?

Then again, was it really that long ago that a place like this would have been my own personal heaven? Anywhere with a roof and a warm room to sleep in for the night? Still, I was an orphan. Sasha has a family that loves her. She has a career.

Well, had a career. Apparently I’m so awful it’s worth giving that up.

Did I mention I hate myself?

I step into the elevator. A faint odor of some kind of soup permeates the air, and I hold my breath as I press the button for the ground floor. There’s an annoyingly optimistic part of me that still hopes maybe she’ll read my note, see my missed calls, change her mind. Perhaps she’ll run down the stairs and be there when the doors open.

The elevator doors finally part, but the lobby is bereft of anyone, much less Sasha. I step outside and make my way to the street. Somehow, it’s already darkening outside, and the air around me is frosty. The scent of snow tickles my nostrils.

Just another cold night on my own.

I shove my hands into my pockets and ignore the curious stares of the people around me. I’m clearly not from this part of town. The label on my suit proves that well enough. Do any of these people know Sasha? Could they help me get a message to her?

No. I need to clear my head. I need to think of a better way. If I keep barging in when she clearly wants to be left alone, I really will lose her.

It’s time to play a little tactical here. I hold out my hand for a cab, and one pulls over immediately. I know there are apps for travel now, but I’ve never needed to use one. I suppose I could have called for my car, but that would take too long.

I need to get home now. I need a drink and a good long think.

It’s the only solution to this problem that I can find. I slide into the torn back seat of the yellow car and give the driver directions to the other side of town. He perks up a bit at the address. He must know a good tip is in it for him if he gets me there in a timely manner.

The car speeds off, and I turn and glance back. God, I’m pathetic. What do I expect? For Sasha to run out of the building, note in hand, tears in her eyes, ready to forgive me for being a complete and total ass?

That’s not how real life works.

We turn a corner, and her apartment disappears. I pull out my cell phone and open my emails. Sasha’s is the last one I opened. There are twenty more awaiting my attention. I can’t be bothered with them. I only check to make sure Kieran hasn’t written anything, perhaps another threat.

How can I blame him for that, when I’d threatened him twice that morning? As much as Kieran has pissed me off to the ends of the Earth, I can’t really be mad at him. Kieran doesn’t think about emotions when it comes to marketing. That’s why we work so well together, because until recently, neither did I.

Had this situation been any different, had Sasha just been another woman I was sleeping with, I would have absolutely agreed with him. Our story could certainly sell apps, and it’s not as though we’re an unattractive couple, either. Together, we could have been the poster children for Cupid’s Bow.

I chuckle at my own stupidity. Even now, I’m justifying the marketing ploy that sent Sasha into a frenzy. This has been my life for so long that I can’t get the businessman out of my head long enough to remember that human lives are involved.

One human life in particular, which means more to me than I’ve been willing to admit since the beginning. I run a hand over my eyes, and images of Sasha dance across the backs of my eyelids. I see her head tilted back, her face lit with passion as I drive into her. Then the scene shifts, and I see the hurt in her eyes as she storms out of Kieran’s office.

The last time I may ever see her.

The cab pulls up to my apartment building, and I tip the driver like he was expecting.

He grins back at me and gives me a salute. “Have a great evening, sir. If you ever need a cab, here’s my card.”

I pull a grimy card from his calloused fingertips and nod. “Thanks. Have a good one.”

I step out of the cab and make for my elevator. I don’t know what I expect to feel when I get into my apartment. As the elevator soars into the sky, my ears pop. I swallow as the door opens to my empty, impersonal home.

I never really noticed how vacant it was until Sasha said something. As I glance around, I realize she’s absolutely right. My life has no meaning, and it’s blatantly obvious in the way I’ve set up my home, the one place that should feel cozy and safe.

I can’t fault my reasons, though. I can’t change the fact that growing attached to people, to things, has been the biggest source of heartbreak I’ve ever experienced in my life. What was worse was having that experience as a child.

I didn’t deserve to be treated that way.

I walk over to my bar and pour a glass of whiskey, neat. I gulp it down with a flick of my wrist and close my eyes as the burn slides all the way down. I sit on my couch and stare out at the cold, glittery city below. I wonder what Sasha is doing right now.

I hope she’s all right.

I stare out into the night until my head nods to the side. When I blink again, the sky is a cascade of pastel colors. The sun rises, and with it comes a new day. I twist my neck, and a sharp pain shoots through it from sleeping upright for so long. I turn it from side to side until the pain ebbs, but I don’t have time to deal with that.

I change into a clean suit and head right back out the door, ready to take on a new day at the office. I need to set things right with Kieran.

I hope he finds some way not to piss me off again.

I pull out my cell phone and call him. After three rings, he picks up.

“Booker,” he says, his tone cold.

“Kieran. Are you going to work today? We need to talk.”

“I’m already here. We do have a launch coming up, if you might remember. I’m not all fun and games. I do actually work for this company.”

“Yes, I know. I’m on my way in. I’ll see you in a few.”

“Fine.”

He hangs up the phone. I can tell it’s not going to be an easy conversation, but it’s a necessary one. I call for Daniel, and my town car pulls around the corner five minutes later. I slide inside, happy to be back in my own element.

There’s a reason I’ve worked this hard. I like living the good life.

Daniel says nothing as he chauffeurs me to the office. When he parks, I slide out and stalk toward the elevators, ready to face Kieran and the office head on. Yesterday was a complete nightmare. Now I’ve got to do damage control in more ways than one.

When I reach our floor, I’m grateful to see that Kieran and I have beaten everyone here. The cubes are dark and quiet, the floor silent as a tomb. I walk past them until I see light pouring from Kieran’s office, and I step in the doorway. When he looks up at me, his blue eyes are ice.

“Booker. Come to punch me in the face again? If you have, I’ll go ahead and go.”

“I’m sorry, Kieran. I shouldn’t have done that.”

“No. You shouldn’t have. While we’re on the topic, what else should you not have done?”

I sit down, ready for this verbal beat own. “I shouldn’t have put emotions ahead of the company. Clearly, I’ve been compromised in all of this. I don’t have a clear head. I think it’s about time I take myself out of the picture on this one, maybe get out of the country for a while. I can come back for another project.”

Kieran blinks at me from behind his desk. “No,” he says.

I blink back at him. “What? Did you just tell me what I can and can’t do?”

“You’re fucking right I did. This company needs you, Booker. You think I can pull off this launch by myself? Are you out of your mind?”

“You have a solid team around you. Besides, we started this empire together. You can hold the reins on this one.”

“No, I can’t. It’s too big for either of us to do alone. That’s why I’ve been in here working my ass off on marketing. Your job is to take care of the rest. We need everyone on deck, Booker, even you.”

“You’re exaggerating,” I say.

“No, I’m not. We started this business together. Yeah, we get in fights, whatever, but at the end of the day, you don’t run off like some scared little coward. You are not leaving me to deal with this alone while you hide and cry about your emotions or whatever.” Kieran leans in and narrows his eyes. “You owe me this, brother. So, yeah, I’m telling you that you can’t leave. If you do, I’ll press charges for battery and assault.”

I chuckle, even as rage flows through me. Kieran has managed to be so right and so wrong all at once, and I really want to punch something. His face already looks a little worse for the wear.

“Fine,” I say. “I’ll be in my office.”

“Good. I’ll send you some final drafts.”

“Yep.”

If I say anything else, our relationship might really be over. Instead, I charge back to my office and slam the door behind me. I’m trapped in a world of my own making.

There’s nothing I can do but press on and hope Sasha comes around.

I am in hell.