chapter twenty-seven
Max
“I’M EXHAUSTED,” Lily says as she enters my apartment.
I flick on the switch near the door, illuminating the darkening living room. The sun’s almost down. We were at Violet’s place for hours and I have to agree with Lily—I’m exhausted, too.
I didn’t mind taking over for Lily and explaining everything Pilar did. I knew Lily wouldn’t be able to get it all out, and I had a feeling her father or her sisters would shut her down anyway. Not that they would mean to—well, her father might mean to, because that guy doesn’t have the best relationship with Lily—it’s all a part of family dynamics. Everyone has their roles.
Lily is the fucked-up, messy one.
“Want something to drink?” I ask once I lock the door and turn on another lamp.
“No, thanks. I’m all drunk out.” She smiles and I join her on the couch, not sitting too close, though I’m dying to.
Being close to her and not really touching her the way I want … is freaking torture, especially when she’s wearing that beautiful dress that fits her like a dream. She packed a bag at her place yesterday before I brought her to my apartment and when she came out of the bedroom after taking a shower, dressed and ready to go to Violet’s, I almost swallowed my tongue.
She’s so damn beautiful it hurts. Feisty, defiant Lily turns me on like no other woman I’ve ever met, but vulnerable, soft Lily is another thing entirely. She brings out all of my protective instincts. All I want to do is fight for her, take care of her, make her realize that she needs me.
She’s mad at me and she has every right to be. I wronged her and I hate myself for it. What’s done is done. I can only hope my actions from the last couple of days prove that I am here for her, no matter what.
“I wanted to thank you for helping me and my family,” she says, her voice soft as she stares at her clutched hands resting in her lap. “What you did today … it means a lot to me.”
“You’re welcome.” I pause. Should I tell her how I feel? Fuck it, I’m going all in. “I’d do anything for you, Lily. I hope you know that.”
A little smile curves her lips but she still won’t look at me. “I don’t get why. We barely know each other …”
I reach out and clasp her knee, my fingers tingling at first contact with her bare skin. “I know enough. I feel a connection to you that I’ve never experienced with another woman before.”
She’s quiet for a moment, but at least she doesn’t pull out of my reach. “I’m not big on relationships.”
“Me either.”
“As in, I’ve never really had one. Not for a long period of time, at least,” she admits, her teeth sinking into her lower lip.
“Same.” I squeeze her knee and move my hand upward so it’s resting on her lower thigh, on top of the skirt of her dress. She still doesn’t stop me and I swear, I’m not breathing, for fear she’ll tell me to fuck off and run away.
“My sisters have found love and most of the time, I think they’re crazy for tying themselves down. But Rose is so happy, married and about to have a baby, and she and Caden are madly in love.” She sighs. “Then there’s Violet and Ryder. I would’ve never picked him for my sister, but what do I know? She’s going to take over Fleur someday, and Ryder will be right by her side, running the company with her.”
“And what about you?” I ask. She sounds wistful, almost jealous, though I know that’s not the right word. More like envious. Like she wishes she could have even a piece of what her sisters do.
“I always believed something like that isn’t in the cards for me.” She lifts her head, her gaze meeting mine. “You know what my motto used to be?”
“What?” I’m almost afraid to hear it.
“Live fast, die young.” She pauses, gauging my reaction, and I try to keep my expression neutral but damn, that’s a shitty motto. “My mother was the most beautiful person I ever knew and she died young.”
Right, because she killed herself. That’s the sort of model she looks up to? I know she loves and misses her mom, but she shouldn’t want to emulate her in that way. “That’s a terrible motto to have.” More like fucking awful.
“I know, but I can’t live like this forever. I’m bound to fuck up. It’s like I want to fuck up and I can’t stop myself. My dad calls it a waste.” She looks away, as though she doesn’t want to see my reaction.
Anger fills me and I try to tamp it down. “Your dad called you a waste?” I thought I was the asshole. I wasn’t much impressed after meeting him, but at least he believed what we said about Pilar, not that he had any choice. He gave Lily a hug before he left and thanked her for telling him, then shook my hand and thanked me as well.
Despite the hug from her father, Lily looked sad. I didn’t ask her about it because I didn’t want to upset her further. That’s a relationship that’s still going to need some work before all the old resentments and anger are resolved.
“No, he didn’t call me a waste, though I wouldn’t be surprised if he does feel that way sometimes. He’s referring to what I do. He always tells me I’m wasting my life when I should be doing something with purpose. But I tell him hey, at least I’m living.”
“Are you, though? Are you really?”
Those pretty, sad eyes meet mine once more. “I was, for a brief moment. When we were together in Maui. That was the first time since I don’t know when that I felt … real. I may have kept things from you, Max, and you definitely kept things from me. But that was the real me when we were together. That girl you were alone with was me.”
Her confession stirs something deep, makes me remember all that we shared, the struggles and the frustration and the triumph. She is a woman who was made to submit yet is scared to give up control.
I see the struggle right now, playing out before me. Her expression, her words, everything about her is so raw and open, especially after the day she just had. I’m filled with the need to coax the real Lily to make an appearance once more. She needs me.
And I need her.
It was liberating, our time together on Maui, for both of us. I needed that and so did she. She challenged me and I challenged her and together, we have the potential to make a good team.
Does she see it? Does she realize what we can have?
She must.
I move closer to her and slip my arm around the back of the couch, reaching for her with my other hand. I touch her cheek, drift my fingers across her skin, and she licks her lips, blinking up at me with wide, scared eyes.
Fuck. She is my every weakness, and the realization both exhilarates and scares the shit out of me.
“I want you,” I whisper, keeping my voice even, not wanting to startle her and make her run. “I know I’ve fucked things up and I’m so sorry, you don’t even know. I have a lot to make up to you and I will, but I want you so bad, baby.”
She blows out a harsh breath. “I just … I don’t know, Max.”
“I understand. But I swear to God, I won’t fuck this up.”
“I’m scared,” she admits, licking her lips again. She keeps doing that and I’m going to kiss her whether she likes it or not, I’m that desperate to taste her.
“Why?” I lean into her, my mouth at her ear, my nose close to her fragrant hair. I breathe deep, then whisper, “Tell me how I can make this right. Tell me what I need to say to convince you to willingly come to bed with me.”
It’s not just about taking her to my bed, either. I want her, I can’t deny that, but I also care about her. I want to take care of her and learn what makes her happy. And then I want to keep making her happy for as long as she’ll let me.
Fuck, just thinking that makes me realize I’m scared, too. Scared of Lily, scared of what we could have between us. But my need for Lily overrides the fear. I don’t want to be apart from her, ever. I’ve been contemplating asking her to work with me, work for my company. Her tech skills could come in handy. She would be an incredible asset. But would she want to?
I haven’t a clue. And right now isn’t the time to ask her. I’m already asking for too much.
She studies me, her expression solemn. “I want to trust you.”
“I want to earn your trust,” I agree readily.
“I don’t like being nervous around you. Feeling unsure.” She bites her lip and I finally give in, swooping toward her and pressing my mouth to hers in a too short kiss. The brief taste of her plump lips isn’t close to being enough.
“What was that for?” she asks when I pull away.
“Because I can’t resist you.” I shake my head, praying I don’t mess this up. “I’ve tried. I told myself we wouldn’t work. I half convinced myself you were just a job, but really, I never believed it. I liked you too damn much. I swear it’s like I’m fucking addicted to you.”
Her eyes flare with arousal but she says nothing.
“Fate’s thrown us together,” I continue. “There’s a reason for that, princess.”
She cracks a smile. “I didn’t take you for a believer in fate, cowboy.”
I chuckle, pleased that she used her nickname for me. “I’m usually not, but when it comes to you, I can change my ways.”
Her smile fades and her eyes light with heat. “Take me to bed, Max.”