Libby
I slept until late in the afternoon, and woke only when Moki licked my face, her furry little body wriggling against mine. I rolled over to her sweet brown eyes… and the unmistakable stomach-turning smell of puppy pee.
"Oh… baby girl… It's outside for you…" I pulled on a robe from the closet and the clean male scent of my husband settled comfortingly over me. I shoved my feet into his slippers. ‘Come on, girl… Outside."
We headed downstairs and out into the wooded area by my studio. I sat down where I could keep an eye on the puppy and relax into the pleasure of just being here, in this beautiful place. A place I could truly call my home now, my very first real home… While the island had been wonderful, this was where I wanted to be…
I'd dreamed last night about the baby. The baby I'd expected to be carrying by now… She'd had Jack's dark blond hair, but my green eyes. I closed my eyes for a moment, trying to keep the feeling of the dream. How it felt to hold her… the baby scent of her little head. I wanted to keep my eyes shut forever, so the feeling wouldn't slip away…the weight of her little body in my arms…
For just a second, it felt like there was something else to the dream, something… well, just more… and then the feeling slipped away, the memory gone. I opened my eyes and smiled as the puppy barked at a squirrel in the treetops. "Come here, Mokita… here, girl." She flew into my arms and I held her tight.
Only a few months ago, I'd wanted nothing except to hold up my end of a baby contract. Now, there was nothing I wanted more than to be a family with Jack. A real family. No matter what else was happening, I had to be able to give him that. The love between us felt so strong… and also so very new.
Although Jack had tried hard to reassure me the problems with the merger were temporary and easily resolved, his eyes had told me otherwise. He was worried now, more so than I'd ever seen him. I knew he loved me… and I hated feeling like I'd let him down. And right when the Warner deal had taken a threatening turn…
On impulse, I hugged Moki close and headed inside. I put her on the sofa and rummaged in my bag for my phone, hurrying so I wouldn't lose my courage. Ten minutes later, I had an appointment with Dr. Tiller for Monday. I hung up, nervous but excited. I had to feel like I was doing something… I would find out what to do, to increase my chances of conceiving. And find out if there was a problem causing my cycle to be late. The damned test had already told me it wasn't because I was pregnant…
I shoved my phone back into the bag. The yellow envelope Jack had given me brushed against the back of my hand.
Dorothy Jones. The words stared up at me. Plain black letters. Cold. Impersonal.
My mother…
All I ever knew was that she'd given me up. I had been only a few months old, nowhere near old enough to remember. My second foster mother, Angela, had told me it was my birth mother who'd given me the name Liberty. The perfect name for a child she had clearly wanted to be free of… And when I was six, Angela had also given me the locket I wore to this day. It had a wisp of pale hair inside that I'd always imagined was my mother's.
I'd gone through years where I'd held onto that locket every single night when I went to bed, whispering to it, as if it had the power to carry the words to my mother's ears. Those were the years I had imagined Real Mom as someone who loved me… and the mom I needed desperately to love back. But there were other times too, as I got older. It was as if the years had taken me farther and farther away from her, until eventually I just stopped believing. She felt like a stranger then, almost as if she'd only ever lived in my imagination…
I sat down, letting Moki jump up into my lap. She pushed her nose under my hand, demanding attention. With one hand, I stroked her soft, round little belly. With the other, I held the envelope with my mother's name. It might tell me nothing more than I already knew. But it made me tremble deep inside anyway. For the first time in so long, the typed letters had made her real again. A real woman, with a name and a life… The envelope might hold nothing more than the little I already knew…
But there was also the chance… that it could hold the explanation of my whole life.