I had dropped my coat on the couch and was toeing off my shoes when I saw Eddie smiling at me.
“You’re home early,” I said, falling on the couch next to him.
Smirking, he said, “I made dinner.”
“Thank you, I—”
“But I ate without you.”
“That’s okay.”
“Ate it all, superstar.”
Looking closer, I zero in on his eyes and giggled. “You ate a cookie, didn’t you?”
“Delicious,” he said and licked his dry lips. “Like your pussy.”
“You are so stoned right now,” I squeal in laughter.
“I’ve been sitting here waiting for you to get home for three days!”
“Four hours...”
“Same thing!”
Kissing his lips, I whispered, “I’m home now, Eddie.”
“Good,” he said, pulling me into his lap. “I have some things to say.”
There were two instances when Eddie went all out with his feelings. Twenty-four hours of truth and edibles. And both centered around his obsession for me.
Fuck no, I wasn’t ready to listen.
Was he crazy?
This was a horrible idea. Twenty-four hours of truth is twenty-three too long.
I couldn’t do this, I couldn’t sit here on my way to piss drunk and hear why he stopped loving me.
Yet, I didn’t move. I couldn’t.
Because I needed to know more than I didn’t want to know.
Clearly, I was a glutton for muscles and punishment.
As Eddie prepped himself for whatever bomb he was about to drop, I sat perfectly still, terrified to blink.
Letting out a hard sigh, he said, “I never told you I was working the Coffin Casanova case.”
Breath stalled in my lungs, I squeezed my hands together to keep from covering my eyes. Because every Detroiter with a vagina had heard about the crazy guy who buried women alive. As if we weren’t diligent enough already, we had another wacko with a coffin fetish to consider.
And Eddie had worked the case?
He also hadn’t told me.
“It fucked me up, Pharis. Seeing the brutal way he tortured and killed those innocent women. I was obsessed with bringing him down. Making the city safe for you, for all women. But I got too cocky. Because I wanted him to know I was coming, that he was mine. But then I fucked up by showing my weakness.”
“What weakness?”
“You.”
“Me?”
“Playoffs,” he said, closing his eyes. “He saw us together, on TV, after your segment.”
“And?”
“And he decided the best way to get to me was through you.”
Steeling himself, he leaned closer to me. “He said if I didn’t back down, you’d be next. I figured if you believed I didn’t want you he’d believe it too. I had to let you go to keep you safe. Fuck, it nearly killed me to do it, Pharis. Had there been another way, I would have taken it, but you’re too well known, too accessible, and you’re mine to protect so I had to. I fucking had to.”
Nodding once, I pushed out of my chair announcing, “I need a minute,” and wasted no time running outside.
I wanted to scream and kick that this wasn’t fair. That what happened to us wasn’t fair.
But then that meant I had to acknowledge my own part in the deterioration of my marriage.
Because when I felt it, saw Eddie giving up, I didn’t fight harder.
I didn’t fight at all.
No, he didn’t share the case with me, but I knew something was wrong.
And I did nothing.
I let Eddie let me go.
If what he said was to be believed he had wanted me as his wife.
But my safety was more important than his feelings. Than my feelings.
Than our marriage.
Eddie made the ultimate sacrifice.
For me.
Fuck.
What kind of person would I be if I held that against him?
Yes, I could forgive him, but would the pain that came from loving and losing him ever go away?
From the ache in my heart, I’m guessing not.
When the backdoor opened and he stepped out, I composed myself as best as I could before I faced him.
But the weight of the day’s events was wearing on me, and all I could do was watch Eddie approach.
“I should have chosen you over him, superstar,” he said sadly.
“No,” I said earnestly. “You shouldn’t have.”
“You were my wife,” he argued. “I took vows.”
“You took an oath too,” I reminded him. “To serve and protect. You were in an impossible position, Eddie. And as much as it hurts, the least I can do is thank you for keeping me safe.”
“I knew,” he said quietly. “That you turned down those jobs for me.”
“For us,” I whispered in shame.
“Pharis,” he sighs behind me in the darkness. “We both had secrets. I suspect all marriages do. Let’s do this honesty thing right.”
“Okay then. Did you have a problem with my success?”
“No, but sharing you with the city wasn’t always easy, superstar.”
“I shared you with the city too,” I whispered. “Every time you put on that uniform.”
“I asked myself often, Pharis has life by the balls what did she need me for?”
In a soft voice, I admitted, “To love me, Eddie, that’s all I needed.”
Suddenly, his arms were around me, my back pressed to his chest and his chin resting on my shoulder.
“Pharis,” he whispered, gripping me tighter.
Running my hands over his wedding band I asked, “Why do you still wear your ring?”
“Because I was your husband even when you weren’t my wife.”
It hit me like a lightning bolt that maybe this was why I’ve felt in limbo for so long. Because my heart knew something my mind did not.
Perhaps I was just waiting for him to come back.
Turning in his arms, I took note of the sincerity on his face. “I’ll give you a shot.”
“You won’t regret it, superstar," he said tracing my cheek.
“At least we can’t get divorced twice,” I added with a smirk.
“It’s a tie.”
“What is?” I asked.
“Between missing your pussy or your smart mouth.”
And no lie, it felt good to laugh with him again.
Following him back inside, I watched him lock up behind us and decided this was a pretty strong finish to a stressful day.
When I woke up I never thought I’d be saying I’m dating my ex-husband...