With Connie holding one hand and Bridget holding the other, I stood in that courtroom numb as the judge announced my marriage was over.
I could feel Eddie’s eyes on me and couldn’t bring myself to face him.
While I had hoped he’d fight for us, saying it was a mistake, that he didn’t want this, that he still loved me, I closed my eyes in pain when he thanked the judge.
Out. Loud.
The relief I heard in his voice was my undoing.
Just like that, I was no longer Mrs. Edward Ellis.
In front of a room full of strangers, I was officially divorced and heartbroken.
The love of my life let me go. No, fuck that. He threw me away. And I couldn’t run fast enough.
The girls were trying really hard to process the bomb I just dropped, literally, in one screeching breath. If I wasn’t so emotionally crippled at the moment, I would have laughed at the turn my life had taken.
My blind date was my ex-husband. You couldn’t make that shit up.
“Eddie was John McClane?” Bridget said, slowly coming to terms to what I just explained. “He sat down and actually said, I’m John McClane, your date?”
“Yes!” I howled horribly, refusing to admit it was sweet and unexpected. “Who does that?”
“I think he still loves you, Pharis,” Bridget whispered with hearts in her eyes. Poor thing really did believe in happily ever afters. I blame the Hallmark channel and Moscato.
“No, no, no,” Connie yelled. “Fuck no! He doesn’t get to do this! That clever bastard!”
“Too late,” I mumbled, closing my eyes in pain.
“I wonder if he’s still on the pavement,” Bridget mused.
“I doubt it,” I said and reached for my wine. “He’s like a giant fucking superhero with brass balls these days.”
I wasn’t exaggerating either. Eddie had always been a big guy, but since the divorce he went and got himself in serious shape. Jacked even. Probably for all his ‘dates’. Prick.
“You used to love his balls,” Connie joked, trying to lighten the mood.
“Yeah...”
“Listen, Bueller.” Bridget lifted my chin. “If he wants to talk, maybe you should hear him out.”
As for Bueller, that name had stuck since I was a kid. My name is pronounced Ferris and everyone around me had a field day with it. Not that I blamed them. Because, what a great movie, seriously.
Until I was twenty I wanted to be Sloane Peterson so bad...
“Why in the hell would I do that?”
“Closure,” they said in unison.
Slamming my drink down, I pointed to Connie’s phone and demanded, “Fix me up on every fucking date you can find.”
“Uh...,” she scrambled, looking for an exit.
“Didn’t see that coming,” Bridget whispered.
“I’m serious! Tap it or whatever it is you do. Just make it happen.”
“You mean swipe it,” Connie countered.
“Tapping it comes after swiping it,” Bridget clarified.
“Smack it up, flip it, rub it down, I don’t care! Get me some dates! Eddie isn’t going to win!”
“I’m not sure this is the kind of game you want to play, superstar,” Bridget said, biting her lip.
I ignore my stupid nickname he gave me and say with an evil smile, “Watch me.”
As it turns out, I was allergic to dating.
Because the four that followed were b-r-u-t-a-l...
Let’s take it from the top.
First there was Kyle.
Gorgeous, semi-career oriented, addicted to Snapchat and all its wondrous filters.
“Come here,” he said, pulling my chair over to his. “You’d make a great bunny!”
“What?”
“Or you can have flowers, puke out a rainbow. Whatever you want.”
“I don’t follow...”
“Oh! How about a white walker from GOT?”
“Who are you?” I asked, looking around to see if anyone noticed the hot, crazy man sharing a table with me.
Unfazed, he kept going, and I found none of it amusing or a good use of my time.
Why? Because I wasn’t twelve.
So before our food arrived I left.
Sadly, I don’t think he even knew I was gone.
Then there was Frederick.
Decent looking, steady job, three kids by three different women. Never married.
“Tell me about your kids,” I had asked.
“Why?”
“Because they’re your kids? They mean everything to you?”
His answer to this was a shrug.
Then his credit card was declined, leaving me to pay for dinner.
The worst part was he was neither shocked nor embarrassed by it.
Let’s not forget Philip.
Cute, built, presently unemployed, lives with his parents, and wanted Lion’s tickets.
As in, offering to valiantly fuck me for passes for him and three of his ‘boys’.
“Just need four,” he said far too loud. “No nosebleeds neither, I’m talking field seats.”
“Anything else?” I asked blandly.
“You get drink vouchers and shit like that?”
“Shit like that?”
“You ain’t tough to look at, Paris.”
“Thanks, and it’s Pharis.”
“Whatever,” he waved it off. “You hook me up, I’ll hook you up. Feel me?”
Cue in excusing myself to use the restroom and not coming back.
Oh, but the kicker?
Calder.
Sexy, tatted, huge, had a beard, large hands, and smelled like dirty against the wall sex.
I didn’t care who he worked for, how many kids he had, or even if he’d done time.
All I knew was that I was attracted to him and he to me.
This man wasn’t my one or my happily ever after. He was a gorgeous walk of shame I really wanted to use to get my FitBit steps in with.
He made my nipples hard, my stupid mouth smile, and my hands sweat.
Feelings I had thought forever lost to me.
Feelings only one man ever brought out in me.
I took it as a good sign.
“You do this often?” he asked, tracing the top of my hand with his large rough finger. “Go out with a complete stranger?”
“No,” I said truthfully. “I’ve been divorced a while now, and my friends thought it was time.”
“But do you think it’s time?”
“Until I met you I would have said no.”
“You saying yes now, beauty?”
“Depending on how this goes,” I actually said out loud. “I may say yes later.”
Leaning in he warned, “Won’t take you easy. Woman like you? She needs it hard, needs it deep, and you been far too long without it. Man like me? Sees a wild beauty like you and is driven to tame her. When we fuck, Pharis, and we will, I’ll ruin you.”
“Ruin me,” I breathed heavily. “Wow.”
“And you’ll fucking love it.”
Speechless and beyond turned on, I was ready to scream for the check when none other than Eddie walked in.
Oh yes, my ex-husband showed up, in full uniform, stalked over to our table and literally said for all of Detroit to hear, “You really think I'm gonna let you fuck my wife?"
“Eddie!” I gasped in true outrage. Honestly, it was more about being caught touching another man in front of my ex than anything. I didn’t like the hurt and fury it put on Eddie’s face. However, this was crossing the line, so I argued, “What the actual fuck!”
“Outside,” he said angrily, and I was so fucking mad, I followed. I wasn’t through the door when he rounded on me to say, “Motherfucker looks like an ex-con, Pharis!”
“So?”
“So?” he yells and move into my space. “What the fuck are you thinking?”
At this, I rolled my eyes. Clearly unfinished, he said, “The fuck are you wearing? Can you even breathe in that thing? Your tits are too visible and your ass...”
“Watch it,” I threatened.
“Looks amazing, superstar.”
“Please leave, Eddie. You have no right or reason to be here.”
“What happened to you?” he growled, leaning in even more until bare inches separate us. “Who are you?”
Nose to nose I forced myself not to inhale his musky scent and reminded him, “I’m divorced.”
Like I had slapped him, he backed away. “I just...”
Not wanting to hear it I turned away. “I need to apologize to Calder.”
“His name is Calder.” Eddie actually snorted.
Looking over my shoulder, I tossed out, “And thanks to you, odds are good I won’t be screaming it.” I let the door shut behind me. Yes, I apologized to my date and yes, I took his number.
But even so, I knew I’d never use it.
Needless to say, I haven’t been on a date since.
What’s worse I couldn’t stop thinking about my ex-husband’s reappearance and what it meant or, why I cared at all.