Tiana

I can’t sleep. I’m tired, but I have so many things running through my mind. Drake and I are spooning. I can feel his warm breath on the back of my neck and his signature sandalwood scent is magnified after making love.

I’ve tried to get up three times and three times he has tightened his hold on me and mumbled in his sleep. He must not have slept on his flight because he’s exhausted. I can’t blame him. I hate flying. I can never get comfortable enough to fall to sleep.

But I need to get up and go see what Jayden is doing if he’s awake. He doesn’t know Drake is home yet and as far as I know, he isn’t aware that we made up for lost time the second he arrived.

It still blows my mind that Drake told Jayden that he loves me. Loves me. How did this happen? One week I’m at the lowest point of my life, and two weeks later I’m in love with the perfect man.

Sure, he’s eleven years older than me, but I can’t find one thing that I’m not attracted to. He’s successful, drop-dead gorgeous, we both love to run, and he’s practically family to my brother, although that can be a positive and a negative now. From what I can tell he’s a tidy guy and one hell of a protector. And the sex, it’s like nothing I’ve ever experienced.

The natural way he takes control and makes me feel like I’m the only woman in the world is astounding. I’ve been missing out all these years with my unskilled amateur boyfriends, maybe because they were only boyfriends. Drake is one hundred percent, pure man, through and through. Sometimes I see a tiny bit of vulnerability in his eyes that doesn’t seem to fit his personality but everyone has something that makes them weak. Drake is that something for me.

I glance at the clock on the bedside table, 0830, Jay should be up by now. The Glock still lies on the table with the magazine next to it. I wonder if he left it out on purpose or just didn’t take the time because he was too tired.

“You’re awake.” Drake’s sleepy voice fills my ear and my body switches gears. The urge to get up is gone and I want to stay here in bed and hide from my problems indefinitely.

I twist around in his arms and face him. “So are you.”

“The difference is you want to be and I don’t. Why do you keep trying to leave?”

I reach up and place my hand on his scruffy cheek. He needs to shave, it’s been more than a day or two since he has from the looks of his new beard.

“I’m not trying to leave. I just have a lot of restless energy after last night and a lot of things on my mind starting with the fact that my brother is sleeping on your couch.”

“Don’t worry about your brother, I’ll handle him.”

I bend my elbows and tuck my hands in between our warm bodies and adjust my leg on his thigh. “Do you think he’s going to be able to accept this?”

“If he gives a shit about either of us he will. His main problem with me is that he sees me as a player who’s going to mess around on you, but I won’t.”

He softly kisses my lips and brushes a strand of my wild hair off my forehead tucking it behind my ear.

“Tell me more about you. I feel like I’ve known you forever but I don’t have any real facts other than you’re a Marine who lives next-door to my brother.”

He smiles, “What kind of facts would you like to know?”

“You’re an only child?”

“Yes.”

“Where were you born?”

“Here in North Carolina. My mother’s name is Giselle. She’s sixty-five. My dad was ten years older than her. He was a career Marine, so we moved around a lot. When he died, Mom wanted to settle here and I ended up being stationed here a few years ago.”

“How did your dad die? If you don’t mind me asking.”

“No, it’s alright. It was a heart attack. It was sudden and unexpected, of course. He died in his office when we were stationed overseas in France.”

“I’m so sorry, Drake. How old were you?”

“Seventeen, it was a long time ago. Mom’s been remarried for fifteen years to an oil tycoon. He makes her happy.”

“Did you go to high school here?”

“No, I went wherever we were stationed. I graduated in France a year early and then my dad died so we moved back here. I went to college and joined the Corps when I was twenty-one.”

“Where did you go to college?”

He shifts his leg and nuzzles his head into his pillow and I wonder if he doesn’t want to tell me.

“Princeton.” He rolls his eyes and I laugh. I thought he was embarrassed about where he went, but I don’t think anyone could be embarrassed about going to Princeton.

“Wow,” I say, impressed.

“Yeah, I don’t tell many people that. My stepdad, Dan, paid for it. I sort of think he was trying to impress my mom and it worked. She married him a few years later.”

“So, you’re super smart and nice to look at. How’d I get so lucky?”

“I’m the lucky one, Tiana. Don’t ever doubt that.”

“I’m just a North Carolina grad wannabe singer working as a waitress in a small-town diner. God, my life sounds like a country song.”

“Sing something for me.”

I groan. I never know what to sing when people say that.

“What’s the matter? You are a singer, aren’t you?”

“I am, but you’re putting me on the spot. It’s early and I haven’t warmed up my voice yet.”

“Sing something for me,” he repeats, squeezing me tight. I slide my arms up around his neck and think of a song.

“What song do you use for auditions?”

“Still Fallin’ For You by Ellie Goulding.”

“Did you sing that for your Just Sing audition?”

“Yes.” It feels like a hundred years ago since I auditioned for the show that was supposed to change my life. It’s funny that not being on the most famous talent show in the world is what changed my life forever. If getting kicked off that show is what it took to bring me to Drake, I’m glad it happened and I’d do it again if given the choice.

“Sing that then,” he says.

I clear my throat and take a deep breath and blow it out before easing quietly into the lyrics. I can blow like Ariana Grande and Christina Aguilera, but Ellie’s songs are softer and my brother is downstairs sleeping so I do my best to keep it down.

I sing two verses and he loosens his grip and props up on his elbow listening with growing interest. By the third verse, he’s sitting up with his lips parted and a scowl puckering between his eyes. I can’t tell if he loves it or if he’s pissed. With that expression, it could go either way.

I finish with the lyrics still fallin’ for you and look at him with apprehension. I wasn’t this nervous on stage in front of six of the most powerful music producers in the world auditioning for Just Sing.

Obviously, it mattered what the panel thought, that’s how you get chosen for the show, but it feels like singing for Drake matters more.

“My God.” He covers his mouth with his hand and scrubs his short beard with his palm. “Your voice is… you’re, fuck, Tiana, you’re wasting your life here in this tiny town working as a waitress with talent like that.”

“Thanks, there are a lot of people like me, though. It’s a hard industry to break into, especially when you fuck it up and get kicked off a major talent scouting show.”

“No, no, you’re not understanding me. You are phenomenal. You don’t need that fucking show. You need a little money and an agent with powerful connections. Jayden always bragged about what a good singer you were, but he never said that you could be the next Whitney Houston.”

He’s really hyped up about this, so much so, it’s making me blush. Love makes you stupid, so he’s biased but it’s nice to be appreciated.

“Well, thank you. Whitney Houston, huh? That’s quite a comparison, you’re so sweet.” I reach over and rub his bicep to show I appreciate the compliment but I don’t take it seriously.

He narrows his eyes and stares at me for a long time until I’m compelled to break the silence. “What are you thinking?”

“I have to tell you something. I’ve been keeping a secret that could affect you,soyou deserve to know before we go any further.”

Oh no, this sounds bad. Nothing good ever came from the words I must tell you something.

Just then a loud crash comes from downstairs. I sit up and pull the sheet up around me. Drake jumps off the bed, yanks his boxers on and snatches the gun that’s still on the nightstand beside me. He shoves the magazine into the gun and moves fluidly across the room to the door.

He turns to me and holds one finger over his lips telling me not to make a sound while he presses his ear to the door.

That’s when I hear him yell, “Drake! Where are you? I’m gonna fucking kill you!” It’s Jayden and he sounds insane. His voice is loud, but at the same time shaky and disturbed.

When he doesn’t get an immediate response, he pounds up the stairs and bangs on the door.

“I fucking know you’re in there with her, open the door!”

Drake lowered his weapon the second he heard Jayden’s voice downstairs. I know it’s stupid but I want him to just pretend we aren’t here and hope Jayden goes away. That is never going to happen and we need to face him eventually, so it may as well be right now.

Drake unlocks the door and before he can open it Jayden is pushing his way in. He’s vibrating with anger and his face is beet red as he takes in the scene. His eyes swing from Drake to me in the bed and back to Drake. He sees the gun in his hand and a sick smile spreads across his face.

“You’re kidding me with that, right?” He points at the gun.

“Jayden, don’t,” Drake says.

“You’re pathetic. You know that? Some best fucking friend you are. You promised not to touch her and here you are fucking her right under my nose. Are ya doin’ all that kinky shit you do with your other girlfriends?” He whips his eyes back to me. “I tried to tell you, T, he’s a man-whore, and he’s just fucking you because you’re hot and convenient. You’re never gonna be more to him than a warm place to shove his cock when he’s too lazy to go into town and find one of his regulars.”

“That’s enough!” Drake roars and takes a step toward Jayden the gun wavering in his hand. “I told you last night, I love her, it’s not like that with her. Now take your insulting fucking ass out of my house and don’t come back!”

“Oh my God, both of you stop! Drake, please go and put the gun away before somebody gets hurt. And as for you, Jayden, I’m a grown woman. I know it’s hard for you to see that because you’ve always taken care of me but I don’t need to be taken care of right now. I need you to back off and let me make my own relationship decisions.”

“Ya better do what she says, old man. Go put that gun away before somebody gets hurt,” he says with a sadistic laugh.

What the hell is wrong with him? He doesn’t even sound like my brother, he sounds like a psychotic stranger.

“I told you to stop, Captain. Shut your fucking mouth,” Drake says.

“Or what? You’ll hit me with your cane, or shoot that gun until you blow a hole in everything in the room before you hit me?”

Drake lifts the gun and points it at Jayden. I scream and jump off the bed wrapping the sheet around myself. I fling my body between the men and look from one to the other in utter shock. Drake lowers the gun immediately and steps forward to pull me away from my brother.

“Man, you gonna tell her or you gonna let me be the one to break the news?”

“I told you to leave. Legally I can shoot you if you don’t.”

“You couldn’t shoot me if you wanted to and you know it.” Jayden focuses his attention on me. “Sis, has this disloyal, lying, whoring mother fucker told you his secret yet? No, of course he hasn’t or he wouldn’t be threatening to shoot me and you wouldn’t still be fucking him or planning a future with him or whatever the hell you’re doing over here.” He lowers his eyes to the sheet covering my naked body and his lip curls up in disgust.

“Why are you being such a dick about this, Jay? People change, maybe Drake never got into committed relationships before but we love each other. This is different, I have feelings for him that I’ve never had for anyone before.”

He stumbles back a step like I’ve hit him.

“That’s not true. You don’t love him, you can’t.”

“I can, and I do.” I soften my voice trying to get through to him but his eyes are hollow, I hardly recognize them.

“He’s going blind, Tiana. He’s been going blind for seventeen years and it’s gotten so bad lately he can’t even drive.”

“Jayden!” Drake yells. He’s holding me around my waist my back to his front. His voice deafens me in my right ear temporarily and I think I must have heard Jayden wrong. Did he say Drake is going blind?

“What?”

“Yeah, he didn’t tell ya that, did he? That’s because he knows you’d dump him. That’s also why he won’t marry anybody or have kids. He doesn’t wanna ruin some poor woman’s life makin’ her take care of him. But he’s gettin' worse now and he needs a babysitter. What’s that say about you, huh? I guess he don’t care about fuckin’ up your life, does he? Does that sound like love to you, Tiana? Huh?”

“I…” I shake my head back and forth unable to speak. Is this just a ploy to get me away from Drake or is Jayden telling the truth? Drake is going blind.

“Baby, listen to me, I’m not blind. Your brother is pissed and he’s trying to turn you against me. Let’s get dressed and I’ll take you somewhere so we can talk.” He’s speaking directly into my ear in a soft reassuring voice, but my mind is buzzing with confusion. I’m trying to put these pieces of information in an order that they make sense, but I’m a mess, I can’t think.

“He can’t take you somewhere to talk. He can’t drive, he can’t shoot, he can’t text with his fingers on his phone and soon he won’t even be able to work. So there goes your pretty future! No job, no income, no nothing.”

I bend my head down and cover my ears holding the sheet against my body with my upper arms to keep it from falling.

“Stop! Just shut up, Jayden!” I scream and step out of Drakes embrace. Angry tears spring to my eyes but I don’t want either of them to see me cry. I shuffle across the room and grab my clothes off the floor and barrel past them toward the hall.

“You two go ahead and kill each other. Do whatever you want, just leave me alone.” I exit and slam the door but when I try to walk away I realize the sheet is stuck.

That’s the last fucking straw. I let out a frustrated scream and drop the sheet. I don’t care who fucking sees me naked at this point. I stomp into the bathroom where I slam that door so hard it rattles a giant blown up photograph of a camera lens that’s hanging on the wall behind the door.

Amid all this chaos, I stop and stare at the picture for a second and think it’s an odd way to decorate a bathroom. What the fuck is wrong with me? I yank on my shorts and button my shirt up with no bra underneath. I didn’t have time to search for underthings, I wanted to get out of there as fast as possible.

I look in the mirror. Good God, my hair is awful. Where am I going to go looking like this, braless with just-been-fucked hair sticking out all over the place? And no shoes, damn it, I forgot my shoes.

I hear the bedroom door open and one person descending the stairs. The front door opens and closes and I’m left alone with one of them, the question is which one?

I didn’t hear any gunshots so nobody’s dead. That’s good I guess. I need to get out of here and get some distance so I can think.

I hear a click behind me and turn around to find Drake standing on the threshold of another door that has access to this bathroom. I glance beyond him and see a spare bedroom. Great, a fucking Jack and Jill bathroom. So much for sneaking out unseen.

“I was going to tell you.” He takes a step toward me. “That’s what I wanted to talk to you about.” Two more steps and he is standing right in front of me. “I should have told you sooner, but I never expected you to steal my heart the way you did.”

I look into his eyes and see that tiny bit of vulnerability that I’ve always seen there but now it’s not so tiny. And now I know why it’s there. All at once things fall together. His tendency to never look at me straight on, wanting to walk into town instead of drive, the spelling mistakes in his text messages, the lack of furniture in his house. All of it can be easily explained away by his failing sight.

“Why?” There are so many whys, that he isn’t sure which one I’m referring to.

“Why didn’t I tell you?”

“No, why are you going blind? Were you injured, is it genetic? What’s causing it and can it be fixed?”

He lowers his eyes to the floor, “It’s called macular degeneration. Usually there is a cause but with me, they have found none. It started when I was nineteen or twenty. It was hardly anything the first ten years, a little blurry vision, difficulty driving at night but nothing glasses couldn’t help. I thought it was a misdiagnosis or that they were overdramatizing it until I hit thirty. Then a spot appeared in the center of my vision making it difficult to see anything directly in front of me.”

“And now?”

“Your brother wasn’t lying about that part. It has gotten worse over the past couple years and especially within the past few weeks.”

“Does it hurt?”

“No.” He looks up with a sad smirk.

“What are you going to do about your job? I thought you were being promoted soon.”

His jaw tightens when he clenches his teeth.

“I thought so, too, but the past few weeks have been bad. The week before I met you, I woke up with a significant setback and it’s happened again since then. I have perfect peripheral vision. That’s how I’ve gotten by, keeping my job for so long. No one knows. Only Jayden and my eye surgeon, and now you.”

“Not even your mother?”

“No, it’s going to kill her. She’s so proud of her Marine Corps son. Now she’ll have to tell all of her socialite friends that her perfect son is a pathetic blind man.”

I frown so hard I feel my forehead wrinkle. “Is that how you feel about people who are blind?”

“Not people, me. I’m a fucking Marine, Tiana. I lead, I organize, I am respected, and looked up to. When I’m blind all of that will be gone. I’ll be dependent on others for basic shit like driving and grocery shopping. I won’t be able to do anything alone, I won’t be able to work or go for a run…” His words trail off and he sits down on the closed toilet seat with his elbows on his knees and covers his face with his hands.

I kneel in front of him and remove his hands. My overbearing, take charge Marine has tears in his beautiful blue eyes and defeat written all over his face.

“Drake, do you really love me? I mean we have only known each other a short time, but I am positive of my feelings for you. I know I’m in love with you.”

“Yes, I love you.”

“If something happened to me would you leave me?” I ask him.

“No.”

“What would you do?”

“I would take care of you.”

I cup his cheeks with my hands and a single tear escapes his eye and rolls down his cheek into his scruffy beard.

“Then why do you think I would leave you?”

He leans into my hands hard and thrusts his fingers into my hair on either side of my head. He is a man desperate for acceptance and understanding, but he’s been unwilling to ask for it so I offer it to him freely with a kiss.

His mouth is warm and his kiss tentative. His familiar scent and taste cloud my mind and pull me in deeper and deeper. With every second that passes, he is less cautious and more responsive, his fingers become tangled in my hair and he leans into me for more.

Anguish and torment radiate from his body and my heart aches for this man who has been suffering for so long. If anticipation is the worst kind of punishment, Drake has been tortured for seventeen years.

I look at him with a question when he pulls away from me suddenly.

“I didn’t mean for any of this to happen. I wasn’t hunting for someone to take care of me while I deteriorate, I swear to God, Tiana. You were unheralded and I couldn’t resist you. I tried, God, how I tried, but I couldn’t stop thinking about you. I’m sorry…” He pulls me against his chest and strokes my matted hair.

“There’s nothing to be sorry for and for your information I had some say in all of this you know. I had no intentions of giving you up. I was just waiting for you to bring your stupid stubborn ass home.”

I feel the vibration of his laugh against my cheek and feel the release of at least a little of his anxiety.

“So sassy,” he remarked.

“And your point is?”

“I love you.”

“I love you too. And I’m not going anywhere. This isn’t just your struggle anymore, it’s ours.”

“That’s what I’m afraid of, baby, that’s exactly what I’m afraid of.”