The spattering of rain that tainted the otherwise bright blue sky matched Iris’s mood exactly. It felt adept that the weather was almost the same as it had been for the past few weeks, aside from the droplets of water cascading towards the ground. Just a tiny little difference that somehow altered everything.

“Are you alright?” Olivia asked Iris in an unusually kind tone of voice. She stepped into Iris’s bedroom and stalked through it as if she owned the place. She had always been that way, as if it was her right as the eldest sister. “I know this must be difficult...”

“I’m fine,” Iris snapped, while folding her arms tightly across her chest. She could not help feeling defensive because she knew that everyone was waiting for a reaction from her. This time they were not going to get it. Iris would be strong, whatever it took. “I mean, not fine really. Everything is... well, I will be okay in the end.”

“Father has died, Iris, it is okay for you to feel something.”

“Olivia, honestly, this is not going to be like the last time.” Iris did her best to reassure Olivia with a small smile. Her heart was bouncing, her stomach churning but she couldn’t let it show. “I can assure you that I will not fall apart again.”

“You look lovely. Black is a good colour on you.” The seemingly random comment appeared layered with meaning, but Iris was too emotionally exhausted to bother decoding it. “We will be leaving for the church in a moment.”

With that, Olivia spun on her heels and she walked as briskly from the room as she did when she entered it. Once she was alone again, Iris let out a breath that she hadn’t even realized she was holding in. This whole day was going to be more challenging than she thought it would be. She knew the funeral would not be easy, but her emotions were already threatening to get the better of her.

Right, Iris Warwick, she thought firmly to herself as she stared at her reflection in the mirror, examining herself critically. It is time to be strong.

Her hair was styled into braids, she had a black veil attached to the top of her head, and her dress fell down to her knees where stockings took over and covered up the rest of her. Still, she felt as exposed and vulnerable as if she was fully nude. There were going to be a lot of people at this funeral, Robert was a very well known man in society, which meant Iris couldn’t hide today, however much she wanted to. That shouldn’t matter, this was supposed to be a day to mourn her father’s passing, but she couldn’t help it. Her fears and anxiety flooded her regardless of what her rationality suggested.

You can do this. She tilted her chin up higher and stared definitely at herself. Say goodbye to your father, then see what will happen afterwards.

Once she had finished looking at herself, Iris pulled a black cover down over the reflective surface. She did not believe the silly notion that image of the deceased would be seen in there – after all, she had spent months searching for one last sighting of her mother – but she wanted to respect everyone else’s fears. That was also why she hadn’t stopped Daisy from stopping all the clocks. People believe it was bad luck on the day of a funeral, and that was that.

Much as this was a terribly sad day, there was something good to come of it. Her father had died before he could introduce her to Duke Loftus Pembroke, which could possibly put a major spinner in the plans for her betrothal. If she had not formally met him, then she couldn’t exactly marry him, could she? And now that her father was no longer around to arrange it, there was a strong chance that it could all fall apart.

Maybe she wouldn’t be forced to marry anyone after all.

Iris didn’t allow her chin to fall, even as she walked down the stairs to join her family. She needed to remain confident and strong on the outside, even if she didn’t feel it on the inside. As expected, all eyes turned to look at her as she swept into the downstairs area of the house, and of course that set her heart alight with worry, but still, she didn't let her chin dip.

Keep strong, act tough, this will not last forever.

“Shall we leave now?” she asked, proving to everyone just how ready she was to face this.

The church stood proudly in the center of the village. The white walls helped it to fit into the scenic English countryside, whereas the tall steeple made it stand out. It was a beautiful building, the heart of many social events, but now it was about to be shrouded in sadness. Many people preferred their funeral to be a celebration of their lives, but not Robert Warwick. He would want it to be a morose affair. That was part of the reason the service was being held in a church, rather than in the house as was typical, so that everyone who had ever known him could attend.

A crowd had already gathered outside of the church, black clothing tainted the landscape as far as the eye could see. As the Warwick family arrived, all eyes were upon them, which instantly made Iris’s resolve wobble. She could no longer keep her head high, her eyes fixed on the shoes on her feet instead. She was still keeping strong... just in a different way. For someone who hadn’t been out in public for years and years, it took incredible strength just for her to remain upright.

Iris’s heart tightened as they stepped into the church. Before that moment, her father’s death hadn’t been as real to her as maybe it should have been, but now it hit her hard. She hadn’t seen Robert’s body, Daisy had informed her of his passing and contacted the doctor as Iris hid in her bedroom, and her sisters had dealt with the funeral plans. Iris had kept well away from all of it, and everyone else encouraged that. No one wanted her to take to her bed again because there was no telling how long it would take her to come out again.

Maybe someone should have made her. Maybe if someone forced her out of her shell, things would be different for Iris.

Before this moment, her father’s death could have all been in her mind, one of her brain’s idle fantasies, the storylines her mind created. Now though, it was happening. This was real. There was no escaping it anymore.

“Come on,” Elizabeth whispered to Iris as she gently touched her shoulder. “It will be okay, Iris. Do not worry. I am here for you, we all are.”

She sat down on the hard wooden pew next to her sister, and wrapped her hands around one another while she waited. Elizabeth placed a hand on her back, but it was too late to calm her down now. The snake of terror was coiling all through her body.

Everyone stood and turned as the coffin was brought into the church. Iris’s eyes were in the same direction as the others but she wasn’t really looking. Her eyes blurred because they didn’t want to see, her brain switched off because she didn’t want to hear, her body remained in the church, but it was more of an empty vessel than anything else.

The coffin was brought to the front of the room, and the members of the congregation that wanted to see the contents of the open casket were invited to do so. It was expected of Iris as his daughter to go and look, but she didn't. She couldn't imagine anything worse than looking at her father's corpse, so she refused. She remained strong, she stayed exactly where she was. Her hairs at the nape of her neck stood to attention, Iris could feel many eyes searching for her, she felt certain that she was, even more, the center of attention than her father, but still, she stayed where she was.

The sermon was preached, the eulogy was spoken, all the traditional funeral occurrences happened, but to Iris, it was a mere blur. She tuned much of it out, merely as a coping mechanism. She was there, but not there all the same.

Eventually, it was time for the congregation to go outside, to watch the body being lowered into the ground. Everyone moved quickly, as if they were eager for this to be over, but Iris stayed behind just for a moment alone. She wanted to say a personal goodbye to her father just before he was finally laid to rest, but as she sat in the cold, empty room all by herself she realized that she didn’t have anything more to say to him.

He was gone, that’s all there was to it.

The air was cool as it brushed past Iris’s cheeks. As the breeze raced over she finally noticed that her eyes were wet. She was actually crying, which came as a big surprise even to her. Maybe she didn’t have anything left to say to her father, but she did still have some emotion.

She walked through the lush green grass over to where everyone else was waiting, and she took her place at the back of the crowd. Surrounded by so many other bodies all dressed in a similar fashion to her, it was much easier for Iris to blend, to be a wallflower without even trying, which was a sensation she adored. If it could be that way all the time, she would never be inside.

Everyone else was so focused on what was going on ahead of them, they were all marvelling at the large, grey headstone that Robert must have picked out for himself at some point, that just for a moment Iris was outside, in a crowd, and she didn’t feel panicked about it. That might have just been because no one was looking at her, but it was nice, just for one second to feel normal.

Just like everyone else...

* * *

Iris knew that it would be challenging to face a house full of people she barely knew, but somehow the gathering of mourners that had followed the Warwick family home managed to completely outweigh her expectations. Distant relatives embraced her despite the fact that she was clearly uncomfortable with it, her father’s friends tried to engage her in endless conversations, there wasn’t a place in the house for her to get a moment of rest. She had even tried to escape to her bedroom at one point, but a distant cousin had followed her and criticised the open drapes. Apparently, that was another thing that couldn't be seen as anything other than ‘disrespectful', given the circumstances.

“Robert was a very good businessman," an elderly gentleman said to her for about the fifth time. His grey hair hung into his eyes and his suit was very ill fitting. In Iris's opinion this was a man who had money in his youth and wanted to be seen as that still despite the fact that the money was obviously gone. "Very good. None of us saw this illness coming. It was a huge surprise."

“Yes, to us, too.” Iris’s words were coming out through gritted teeth, it was taking all that she had not to totally lose it. She felt sorry for this silly fellow, but she had been politely trying to get rid of him for over twenty minutes. He did not seem to know how to take a hint.

“It all happened so quickly, didn’t it?” He shook his head and took a large swig of his drink. “So quickly.”

"Miss Iris?" Her heart leapt with joy as she heard the familiar sound of Daisy calling out to her. Finally, someone that she actually wanted to communicate with. "May I request a moment of your time please?"

“Oh, yes, of course.” Relief flooded Iris as she spotted a chance to finally get away. “Anything you need, Daisy.”

As Daisy curtsied, it was a challenge for the girls not to burst out into laughter. This was the way Daisy behaved around everyone else, but with Iris, it seemed stilted and strained. It felt odd for her friend to be so formal with her.

Iris led Daisy out into the kitchen where they hunted for a quiet spot in all the activity. The staff were all so focused on keeping the house guests happy, that they barely paid any attention to the girls at all.

“I just wanted to check in on you, Miss Iris,” Daisy flicked her concerned eyes all over her friend’s face. “I know this day is a difficult one for you.”

“You came at exactly the right moment,” Iris reassured her with a smile. “The small talk is driving me crazy. I find it hard to talk so freely about a man I did not know well.”

“I am sure your sisters feel the same,” Daisy nodded as she spoke. “They will be getting it all too, but you can leave everyone soon if you want.”

"Why?" Iris's heart flew in her chest. Was it possible? Could they finally escape this nightmare? She had almost resigned to it for the rest of the day, but if there was any way out, she was willing to take it.

“The master’s lawyer is here and he would like to read the will to you all.”

Oh! That wasn’t what Iris had been expecting at all. It certainly wasn’t good news. The room buzzed and pulsed around her, she blinked a few times to try and stop the terror from taking over.

“Is that typical?” Iris knotted up her eyebrows in confusion. “Is that the sort of thing that should be done here and now?”

“He said that it is urgent, that is the only reason why I came to you.” Daisy pursed her lips as she waited for Iris’s reaction. “Shall I get hold of your sisters? Maybe we could arrange a meeting in your father’s office where you can have some privacy?”

Iris’s brain darted between decisions. This seemed too heavy for her, something that the others would be better at dealing with, but Daisy had come to her specifically. It was up to her.

“Yes, I suppose so,” she replied with a shaky voice. “There isn’t any point in putting off what can be done today. Maybe this will be good closure. Maybe it is better to get it all done in one day. What do you think?”

“Erm, yes.” Daisy didn’t look very confident as she answered, but Iris had a feeling that was more about her than the situation. “You are probably right.”

“Then let us do this now.” Iris nodded and smiled. They both knew that it was false, but they went with it anyway.

Daisy nodded. “If you would like to go to your father’s office now, I will bring your sisters there.”

People tried to grab Iris’s attention as she moved her way through the crowds, but this time she did not care if she appeared rude. There was obviously something going on with this will reading that made it so urgent, so different to what usually happened. Again, Iris’s overactive imagination took her to places that she shouldn’t be going to.

Iris didn’t stop moving until she was outside of the room that always held so much intimidation for her. She thought of her father then, she remembered their last, slightly awkward, encounter. She had argued with him, stood up for herself. She acted a little bit like the free bird from the painting... although it hadn’t led her anywhere. Not really. She flew, but she didn’t quite manage to soar out of the room.

Maybe this time inside the room would be better. She could only hope so.