Chapter Twenty-Three
I hadn’t expected to see him and most certainly never anticipated the surge of lust that accompanied the surprise. I swallowed it down and let the unease creep slowly in. Being here with Jordan, in the middle of all these people, wasn’t appealing. Especially not after the last time I’d seen him. This wasn’t exactly the place a guy like Jordan would say any of the things I needed him to say.
And there was the simple fact, that I just wasn’t ready to see him yet. I wasn’t strong enough.
Felt grew smaller and smaller by the second, the walls closing in on me.
Hadley stood at the swinging door that separated the pool room from the rest of the bar. She was staring at me with fearful hope. My brother, who stood next to Jordan, wouldn’t look at me at all.
The two of them, Hadley and Aiden, had set us up.
Jordan’s eyes narrowed as the door swung shut behind me. I didn’t have to look to know Hunter had walked in. The beat of my heart increased with anxiety.
I doubted Hunter would have wanted Jordan to find him walking in behind me. Not when he’d spent so much time with me in the parking lot pushing me toward Jordan.
For one long, painful second Hunter and Jordan stared each other down. I was, not for the first time, caught in the middle of these two large, testosterone packed guys. I’d be lying if I said it wasn’t scary. The first time, I had no doubt one or both would back down when I stood between them. Now, something different crackled in the air.
Nobody was backing down.
Jordan’s face hardened in what I could only assume was a mask of jealousy and rage. He downed the shot in front of him.
Hunter didn’t move, he stood his ground directly behind me. Positioned to take the shot for me, whether it be verbal or physical.
I was frozen to the spot. Time stood still as Jordan crossed the bar to where we stood. The music that had once been loud and throbbing was now dulled to barely a hum. I trembled as the bartender watched us carefully, her hand under the bar to reach for something I didn’t want to think about.
The air grew so thick and palpable I choked on it, unable to breathe as the two giants sized each other up.
Hunter straightened behind me, pushing me gently to the side with a nudge on my shoulder. Fear or pain, I couldn’t tell which, claimed me. I was looking right at Jordan, but he was looking past me.
I no longer mattered, he had an outlet for his anger now.
“Take it outside, guys!” The bartender shouted from behind us. Jordan’s head cocked sideways and a slow sneer stretched across his face.
I understood that sneer, I’d seen it before. Hunter understood it too. He gave an ironic laugh and shook his head. It was apparent Jordan thought Hunter was poaching me like he had been that first race back. He wasn’t though, I tried to find the words to say that, but Hunter silenced me by stepping around me. He put himself squarely between Jordan and me, giving no sign that he would back down.
Hunter knew what we’d talked about, what he’d tried to fix, and it no longer mattered. The sleeping bear he’d spent so much time poking had finally woken up.
Men would always be stupid.
“Poking the bear?” I whispered, my mouth tight.
“Something like that.” Hunter grinned as he kicked the door open behind him and slid out. Jordan followed, without so much as a word to me.
I hadn’t realized that many people were there until the mass exodus from the building. A fight was a fight. In a small town like this, if there wasn’t a race, a fight was the best form of entertainment.
“Hunter, really?” My brother growled as he pulled me out the door behind them. “You know we worked our asses off to get you both here tonight and you sneak off with Hunter like you were sixteen again? Jesus, Rae!”
“Whoa!” I jerked my arm from Aiden’s grasp and shoved him hard in the chest. “Before you get all stupid like your friend, Hunter and I were outside talking about Jordan. Hell, Hunter was team Jordan. And maybe, just maybe, you might have saved us all some trouble if you had told us what was going on?”
Behind him, Hadley ducked her head and rushed in between us. “I’m sorry, this is all my fault. It was my idea.”
Aiden opened his mouth, then seeming to read the expression on my face shut it again.
I glanced at the parking lot, bleakly lit and covered in gravel. On busy nights, it would have been full of cars, but now it was filling up with a crowd of people to watch the action.
“Then I suggest you both fix this.” I spun on my heel and made my way quickly through the crowd.
I was late for the party, the fight had already started. I never saw who landed the first punch. The two guys, both bigger than most, were exchanging blows at a rate that belied their size. I was surprised, really, that Hunter was taking Jordan’s shots with such ease.
It was obvious almost immediately that Hunter was having fun. With each punch thrown, his smile seemed to grow. Hunter enjoyed this crap more than Aiden or his friends.
I shot an angry look to Aiden and he met my eyes without remorse. I wished then I had Breanna’s piercing two finger whistle or even her height. I had neither, so I dove headlong in.
I would never advise rushing into an all-out brawl with two men over six feet tall, who regularly lifted weights. I, however, trusted one of the two implicitly. I trusted Jordan with every breath I took, every part of my being, even if he wouldn’t so much as look at me.
Jordan took a shot across the face from Hunter before grabbing him around his middle and laying him out in a hit that would make any football coach proud. While the crowd shouted its approval, I screamed his name. “Jordan!”
He clocked Hunter once, sending blood splattering across the gravel before he jumped up and backed away, letting Hunter roll over and push onto his feet.
Jordan heard me. I could tell by the tension in his shoulders and the pointed way he refused to look at me, that he’d known I was calling his name.
I ran to him, slipping in the gravel in my haste. Jordan reached out as I flailed and caught me in one strong hand. His breathing was heavy, his lip swollen, and his dark eyes looked past me to Hunter.
“Stop,” I whispered so quietly that only he could hear me.
“What, don’t want me pounding the crap out of your…friend?” He cocked his head to one side and a slow hateful grin spread across his face. “I guess Devin was right then, wasn’t he?”
Hurt blossomed in my heart and biting tears stung at my eyes as I jerked away from him. I no longer cared if he and Hunter beat each other stupid. Jordan had wielded the verbal straw that broke the camel’s back.
Nothing mattered anymore.
“You—” My voice wavered as behind me Hunter stood, bloody but otherwise okay. “I—” I caught my breath. I’d thought the distance he’d put between us was the worst way he could have hurt me. I never imagined words from Jordan Slater’s mouth would rip me to shreds so completely.
I flinched back a step and turned to Hunter, knowing Jordan could hear what I said. “Do you still think I should try to make it work with him? Do you?”
“Raelynn…” Hunter reached for me and looked past me to Jordan, this time with real scorn in his eyes.
I shook my head and lost myself in the crowd. Aiden reached me in the throng of people, confusion and concern on his face.
The fight had stopped and all eyes were on me, but my brother’s were laser focused on my face. “Raelynn?”
I shook my head and eyed the tunnel the crowd had made. Jordan stood, chest heaving, at the other end of it. Apparent regret creased his brow and darkened his eyes.
I opened my mouth once, and the tears ran hot down my face. “I’m done.”
I walked away, the crowd parting for me. It had hurt when Devin had called me a whore, it had reminded me of the things Caleb had told me. But then Jordan, the one man I never thought would hurt me, did. In that moment he was no better than Caleb had been, not really. Even still, I loved him. As I walked away I wished for him to chase after me, to apologize, to make this all go away.
He didn’t.
I walked through the parking lot, past the front facade of Felt, and kept going. There was nothing of value in the purse I’d left in Hadley’s car. My phone, my ID, and my keys were in my pockets. I didn’t want to see anyone, didn’t want to talk to anyone. I wanted to be alone.
I was too ashamed to face them anyhow.
I’d thought the time I spent away from home at college was the worst of my life. I’d thought coming home, back to Jordan and my life in Arkadia, would be the best thing for me. I never imagined coming home would bring so much pain. That Jordan could hurt me worse than Caleb had and make me feel like less than nothing.
Imaginary fingers grabbed my throat and squeezed. Behind me cars left the parking lot of the club. How many of them would slow or stop, how many would try to get me off the highway? Most of them, as most of them knew me.
I couldn’t bear to talk to any of them, to see a single one. So, I jogged down the ditch and dashed across the field beside the bar. There was a neighborhood there, I soon meandered through it’s quiet streets. Every few seconds my phone buzzed in my pocket. Bree, who I was sure my brother had called, Hadley, Aiden, Hunter, Vic, and even a few calls from Jordan.
His face flashed across my screen until the buzzing stopped. I couldn’t speak to any of the others right then. I didn’t know if I’d ever be able to speak to Jordan.
It was raining by the time I found myself in the parking lot of Casey’s Speed Shop. I was soaked through as my trembling fingers forced the key into the lock of the side door. Dark and empty, the back of the shop was almost spooky.
The rain was loud on the tin roof and it took a few minutes for my eyes to adjust to the darkness that surrounded me. Turning on the lights would give me away. Instead, I locked the door behind me, before crossing the smooth concrete floor. My footsteps echoed eerily.
I found shop towels and dried off as best I could before donning a huge t-shirt from the boxes kept for employees. In my dad’s office, there was a love seat and a couch on opposing walls. On the couch was a large throw and a pillow. Probably there if Mom ever decided to stick Dad in the dog house, not that it would ever happen.
I snatched them, curled on the loveseat, and forced myself to sleep. I was so drained, emotionally and physically, that sleep came easier than I’d thought possible.
I woke to the sound of soft snoring. Something I shouldn’t be hearing considering I was sleeping in the shop, alone. With my heart pounding in my chest, I sat straight up and looked over to the other couch. Aiden was there, sawing logs.
I threw a hat from my dad’s desk at him. When he turned and opened a sleepy eye, I squawked, “What are you doing here?”
“Me?” He rubbed his face. “You look pretty comfortable over there, kid. With my pillow.”
“I figured it was Dad’s.”
He yawned. “My spare. Why would Dad need a pillow here?”
I lifted a shoulder. “How often do you sleep here?” I fought back a chill from the rain, that I hadn’t lost and pulled the throw tighter around me.
“More often than you, apparently.” He stretched. “I shot Bree a message last night when I found you here. Let her know you were all right. She freaked out and told Mom when she found out you ran off.”
“Damn,” I groaned and lay back on the little sofa. My parents knowing about what happened meant more explanations. There were only so many heart-to-hearts I could have with them about my relationship before it grew tiresome for all of us.
To avoid the impending headache pushing just behind my eyes, I focused on something else. “How often do you sleep here?”
He shrugged as he sat up and rubbed his face with his hands. “Enough that I know where Dad hides the good coffee.”
As he padded out and over to the break room to make a pot, I slipped on my mostly dry jeans and sought out my phone. It immediately erupted into a chorus of beeps and dings as messages and missed calls rolled in. Most messages stopped not long after I’d fallen asleep, except those from Jordan. Those seemed to come endlessly. Without reading any of his messages, I tossed the phone back on the couch.
Jordan had finally accomplished what he’d been trying to accomplish all along. He’d pushed me away. I was done. I wouldn’t be going back.
Aiden slipped through the door carrying two steaming cups. “I remembered you liked yours with so damn much cream it’s not even coffee anymore.”
He was right, I happily took the cup he offered and let the warm, sweet liquid hit the spot.
Aiden gestured toward the bank of screens on my dad’s desk and laughed. “Sometimes I think he hangs out back here to watch this stuff like it’s a soap opera.”
He was making small talk to avoid the two dark clouds hanging over us. Our relationships, his with Wendy and mine with Jordan. For several long minutes we sat in silence.
Neither of us were much for awkward silences.
“Why di—” I started.
“What d—” So did he.
We both laughed and I took another sip of coffee. “I was surprised to see you here, I figured you’d gone home.”
Aiden swung his arm over my shoulder. “I pretty much sleep here every night.” He tilted his head toward the dingy tile floor beneath our feet.
“For how long?” I chewed my bottom lip to keep from saying anything else. It hurt my heart to know he’d been sleeping here, not at home with his family. I wasn’t, however, surprised by it.
“For a couple of months. I go home and help her with the kids in the evenings. But if I stay past that, we usually end up in a fight. I figure she’s got someone who comes over after I leave, anyway.”
My stomach did a sickening roll. He didn’t need or want my sympathy. He’d be too proud to accept it. That fact didn’t stop me from hurting for him.
“Does Mom know?” Our mother would have an absolute fit if she knew her baby boy was sleeping at work.
“No, but Dad does.” He contemplated his coffee mug.
When my phone started ringing from where I’d thrown it on the couch, Aiden leaned over to see who it was. “It’s Jordan.”
“I don’t want to talk to him.” I snatched up the phone and silenced it before Aiden could answer it for me.
“Rae—”
I held up a hand. “Aiden, don’t.” I could sympathize with his position on most things where Jordan and I were concerned. But after what Jordan said to me, my brother should be jumping to my defense not looking at me with puppy dog eyes. “Did you hear what he said to me?”
His eyebrows drew together, drawing attention to his cobalt colored eyes. “When?”
“When I got between him and Hunter?”
“I didn’t hear anything, everyone was shouting in my ears, and I was trying to get to you.” He took another sip of coffee.
“He said that Devin was right about me.” I regretted the words and the petty part of me that said them as soon as they’d left my mouth. Telling my brother had been a mistake, a big one.
The defiant anger that we Caseys were known for flashed in his eyes. I was his sister, he wouldn’t let that stand, not even from his best friend. I was ashamed of myself for telling him. I could make up all sort of excuses. But truth was, I’d wanted to hurt Jordan in some way. No matter how childish it was.
I was angry he would think of me that way, speak of me that way. Angry because he wasn’t the man I’d thought he was. I’d shared all of myself with him, told him all my secrets. He stripped me raw, made me feel as dirty as Caleb had. Maybe worse, because I loved Jordan.
The clanging bells echoing around us signaled someone pulling into the back parking lot. We both turned to the monitors. If I’d wanted to set Jordan up, I couldn’t have timed his arrival more perfectly.
“You told him I was here?” I groaned, closing my eyes.
“Nope.” Aiden slid from the desk and rested the coffee cup on the desk. He was too quiet, he moved with far too much ease. For the first time since I’d known him, I was afraid for Jordan. “He’s here to see me.”
“He knew you’d be here?” And hadn’t told me? Of course, Jordan would have known, I shouldn’t have been surprised he didn’t tell me. The package deal thing must have only applied if I caught them talking. He’d never really trusted me at all. Not that it mattered, it was one more thing to stick in the column of why we’d been a bad idea in the first place.
Aiden wasn’t listening to me. He was past the point where my words would matter. He was walking out of the office and hitting the button to raise the farthest bay door. As it rattled open to the bright morning light, Jordan’s restored Chevy truck came into view.
I couldn’t breathe or so much as move, at least until Aiden’s left hand snatch up a pry bar as he walked through.
I didn’t run after him or try to step between them. It was my own macabre self-punishment to watch the destruction of this friendship as well. So, I walked slowly, dying a little bit with each step.
Aiden pointed the hardened piece of steel right at Jordan as he walked toward him. “I told you”—he dug the bar’s point into Jordan’s chest—“not to hurt her.”
Jordan stood stock still, the only motion was the rise and fall of his chest with each breath. He pushed the point of the pry bar to the side as he spoke. “You won’t be needing that to kick my ass, Aiden.” He held his hands spread out wide. “First shot’s free.”
Aiden dropped the bar and hit him in one fluid motion. I gasped and flinched, for even I wasn’t prepared for the force of it. He didn’t lift weights like Jordan and the others, Aiden didn’t work out quite that much. But he did put in work and he was scrappy. The blow knocked Jordan’s head back with a snap.
Jordan stumbled, and my brother caught him again with a sharp jab to the side. That shot had Jordan bent double and leaning against his truck. “I deserved that,” he grunted.
“You’re damn right you did, you piece of shit.” Aiden growled the words, the head of steam he’d built up was evaporating. Scrappy Aiden might be, but Jordan was still his best friend and he wasn’t fighting back.
I hated myself for taking pleasure in the shots my brother had landed. And more because afterward I felt sorry for Jordan. I had to fight the urge, even now, to go to him.
This wasn’t my business, not anymore. I washed my hands of it. I didn’t want to be the person I was becoming. I’d rather be numb.
I pushed away every emotion inside me while I changed in the office. It made the jaunt to the delivery truck much easier. Numb, I could look at Jordan and not break into a million pieces.
He leaned against his truck, sporting a rapidly swelling eye beneath the bill of his black cap. I fended off the gut-check reaction he brought in me, thankful my steps didn’t falter.
Aiden lifted a hand in salute as I crossed the parking lot. Though he wasn’t trying to pummel Jordan anymore, his face was still cold and angry. I assumed Jordan was making amends. But when he moved to intercept me, one hard glare from my brother held him still.
I was thankful for Aiden in that moment, as he aided my escape. I was big enough to know they needed each other. It wasn’t my brother Jordan had destroyed. I had to find peace with that.