Chapter Twelve
When Ainsley first spotted him, her face lit up with unguarded pleasure. Then her smile faded into the polite wariness Royal had come to expect. Each time he saw that mental barrier slam into place he wanted to put his fist through a wall or, better yet, the bloody Marquess of Cringlewood’s face. Someday, he would punish the bastard for damaging her bright spirit.
“Are you listening to me?” Kade asked.
Royal refocused on his brother, walking beside him. “Of course, and I agree with you.”
“So, you do
think it’s a good idea for Angus to go along on your wedding trip. He’ll be so pleased to know you approve.”
Royal halted in the middle of the path and grabbed Kade by the shoulder. “Please tell me this is a joke. If not, I’m a dead man.”
“Of course I’m joking. I was just making the point that you weren’t listening.”
He lightly cuffed his little brother’s arm. “Rascal. All right, I plead guilty. I was distracted, and I beg your apology.”
“Apology accepted. I was simply saying that I’m happy you’re going to marry Lady Ainsley. She’s quite jolly in her own way, and I think she’ll be good for you.”
“If by jolly you mean ruthlessly sarcastic,” Royal said.
Kade laughed. “She’s also smart and quite the prettiest lady I’ve ever seen. Don’t tell Victoria I said that, because she’s very pretty, too.”
“It will be our secret. And it so happens I’m in complete agreement.”
“You’re good for her too, Royal,” Kade said, turning serious. “She needs someone to look after her. Someone who will protect her from whatever is scaring her.”
He mentally blinked. They’d been so careful to hide the full truth about Ainsley and Tira from everyone but Nick, Victoria, and Logan. Even Angus didn’t know many of the details, especially those concerning the rape.
“Scaring her? What do you mean?”
Kade made an impatient sound. “I’m not a child anymore. I know exactly what’s going on.”
“And what do you think you’ve figured out?”
“She’s Tira’s mother. It’s hard to miss it, given the eyes. Plus, you did go visit Lady Ainsley and then mysteriously returned with a baby.”
Royal placed both hands on his brother’s shoulders. “We can never acknowledge the truth to anyone. Do you understand?”
“I won’t say anything outside the family, I promise. But I’m old enough to know these things. And to help.”
“I didn’t intentionally cut you out, laddie. I didn’t tell Braden or the twins, either.”
“I hate to tell you, but they’ve figured it out too.”
Alarm spiked in Royal’s gut. Braden could be trusted, but the twins tended to blurt out any thought that came into their heads.
“They won’t say anything either,” Kade said. “We all want to protect Tira.”
“Ainsley needs protection too. It’s important, Kade,” Royal said sternly. “We all have to pretend that Tira is my
daughter, or things will go south very quickly.”
His brother immediately looked contrite. “I’m sorry. I only want to help, and I . . . I just wanted you and Lady Ainsley to know that.”
“You have helped enormously by accepting her with such kindness.”
Kade waved a hand. “It’s easy to like her.”
“Tell that to your grandfather.”
“You just leave Grandda to me,” Kade said stoutly. “I’ll bring him around.”
Royal smiled. “Good luck with that. But please keep this discussion between us, and always remember that Tira is my daughter. Because in every way that matters, she is.”
“I know she is.” Kade’s voice cracked in the endearing way of a boy his age. “I would do anything
to protect Tira, even if it meant sacrificing myself for her.”
That promise wasn’t just youthful bravado on his brother’s part. Despite his sensitive nature, the lad possessed more heart and courage than any of them.
Royal gave him a brief hug and got him moving again. “I’m hoping the only sacrifice you’ll have to make is hearing Angus complain when Ainsley and I move out of Kendrick House.”
“You know he won’t like that you’re taking Tira away. He dotes on her.”
“It can’t be helped. If Grandda and Ainsley were to live in the same house, there’s no telling what will happen.”
“It would be like living with two of the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse,” Kade said in a droll voice.
“Except not as restful.”
They were still laughing when they joined the ladies.
“Care to share the joke?” Ainsley asked.
“Can’t,” Royal said, winking at her. “Not for a lady’s ears.”
Victoria narrowed her eyes. “Royal Kendrick, if you’ve been sharing naughty stories with your little brother . . .”
“He wasn’t,” Kade said, throwing Royal a mischievous grin. “Actually, we were discussing Lady Ainsley and Grandda. We were saying they’re rather like—”
“And how are the ladies today?” Royal hastily interrupted. “Well, I hope?”
Ainsley was not to be deterred. “I am the soul of courtesy to your grandfather. I cannot be held responsible for the actions of a deranged Highlander.”
“I hope you didn’t tell him that,” Royal said.
“She did,” Kade replied. “I heard her.”
“Good God.” Royal wavered between exasperation and amusement.
“In my defense, it was not until he called me a spoiled Sassenach
,” Ainsley pointed out.
“Also true,” said Victoria. “I was forced to separate the combatants.”
“That was actually a bit disappointing,” Kade said. “I was enjoying the fireworks.”
Ainsley poked him in the shoulder. “Don’t think I didn’t hear you chortling behind your hand, young man.”
“I’m thankful I missed that particular encounter,” Royal said.
“I’m sure there will be more such episodes for you to witness,” Ainsley said. “If you deign to grace us with your presence.”
He had to repress a wince. He had
been carefully avoiding her and equally hoping she wouldn’t notice. “I apologize if you think I’ve been neglecting you.”
“Oh, I don’t think
it, if that’s what you’re wondering,” she said.
“Tira is beginning to stir,” Victoria said, tactfully redirecting the conversation. She smiled at Royal. “She must have heard your voice.”
He bent to look into the carriage. Tira’s eyes were still closed, but she’d kicked off her blanket and was squirming a bit.
“She’ll be awake soon,” he said. “She’s probably hungry.”
“We’d better go back, then,” Ainsley said, instantly sounding concerned. “She might cry if she gets too hungry.”
The poor lass always seemed to take her daughter’s tears personally. Royal thought them more a sign of teething, and of bad timing, to a certain extent. Tira had reached the stage where she didn’t like strangers. To her, Ainsley was a stranger.
“The nursemaid assured me that Tira consumed an exceedingly hearty breakfast this morning,” Victoria said. “And a snack just before we fetched her.”
Ainsley checked the watch pinned to her waist. “Still, it’s almost lunchtime. It won’t do to let her fret.”
Royal glanced into the carriage again. Tira had stuck her thumb in her mouth. With her eyes now at half-mast, she looked the picture of drowsy contentment.
“You’re the one who’s fretting, love,” he said. “Tira is fine.”
A faint blush colored Ainsley’s cheeks, but whether from his endearment or his teasing he didn’t know. Despite her jab about being ignored, she was rather skittish with him. They were a pair they were, since he was skittish too. In fact, he was bloody terrified of hurting her by saying the wrong thing.
“I know. I’m a complete fussbudget,” Ainsley ruefully said. “But I had no idea babies were so complicated.”
“They’re not, really.” Royal reached into the carriage and gently hoisted Tira into his arms. She snuffled around her thumb, and then nestled against his chest. “They simply want food, love, and a warm place to sleep. Not necessarily in that order.”
Kade smiled at him. “You would know, since you practically raised me. Although I doubt you changed my dirty clouts.”
“You’d be wrong,” Royal said, “because I certainly did.”
Ainsley scoffed. “That cannot be true.”
“It’s not an experience one forgets,” he said.
“Didn’t your father hire proper nursemaids?” she asked.
“Of course he did. It’s just that . . . well, never mind.” It was not a topic he wished to discuss.
“He used to sneak into the nursery at night and take me back to his room,” Kade explained. “Nick said the first time it happened, the household went crazy looking for me. Finally, they found me cuddled up in Royal’s bed, happy as a grig.”
“On top of that, you changed his nappies, too?” Ainsley’s tone suggested she thought him dicked in the knob for doing so.
“What else was I supposed to do? Babies do need their clouts changed on a regular basis.”
“I’d wager the nursemaids weren’t happy about you raiding the nursery,” Victoria said with amusement. “They disapprove of disruptions in their fiefdoms.”
“They were less than keen, I’ll tell you that,” Royal said, shaking his head at the memory. “I got more than one scold for doing it.”
And several hard whacks from the senior nursemaid when no one was looking. Still nothing had stopped him from carting Kade off to his room.
Ainsley was obviously perplexed. “But why
did you do it?”
He started to give an awkward shrug but realized he might disturb Tira. “He wasn’t any trouble, if that’s what you’re thinking.”
“He was afraid I was lonely,” Kade said. “We’d lost our mother, you see. Royal worried that I would feel all alone, even though I was just a babe and too young to know the loss.”
Royal blinked, startled. His little brother knew the story, of course. It was one of the family jokes—a rambunctious eight-year-old playing nursemaid to a squalling infant. He had never told anyone why he did it, but he wasn’t surprised Kade would see to the heart of it.
The lad always did.
“What an excellent
brother you are, Royal Kendrick,” Victoria said, rubbing a gloved fingertip under one eye.
“Victoria, for God’s sake do not start bawling,” Royal said as he gently rocked the baby.
“My brothers certainly never did anything like that,” Ainsley said quietly. “I suspect they never set foot in my nursery, much less cared whether I was happy or sad—at least until I was much older.”
And, Royal suspected, probably not even then from the sounds of it.
Kade grimaced in sympathy. “That’s very sad.”
“You were lucky to have such a nice family,” she told the boy with a smile.
If she thought Kade or any of the brothers were lucky, with all the bad fortune they’d suffered over the years, it made Royal wonder what her childhood had truly been like.
“No one could have asked for a kinder, more generous family,” Kade said. “Royal especially takes the cake, even though all my brothers are splendid.”
“When we’re not all getting into trouble and driving Nick crazy, that is.” Royal was well aware he’d been anything but kind the last few years. Monumental pain in the arse to his long-suffering family was a better description. “Ainsley, why don’t you take the baby,” he suggested, uncomfortable with the conversation. “She’s gone back to sleep, so I’m sure she won’t fuss.”
Ainsley shook her head. “It took forever to get her to stop crying when I held her before.”
“It wasn’t that bad,” Victoria protested.
“Yes, it was.”
“You’re trying too hard, love,” Royal said. “Just relax.”
Ainsley sighed and gingerly took the baby.
He still couldn’t believe the change in her. Right after Tira’s birth, Ainsley had taken to motherhood with brilliant, easy grace. Now, though, she was awkward and anxious. The problem was no doubt exacerbated by having to pretend she barely knew Tira, and keeping her emotions on a tight leash. The need to play a false role was getting in the way of her natural maternal instincts.
She adjusted her hold, fitting Tira into the crook of her arm. When she glanced at Royal, her face lit up like the most beautiful star in the night sky.
“Now you’re getting the hang of it,” he said, forcing the words past the emotion tightening his throat. God, he adored her.
“There, now,” Victoria said. “She just needed to settle down—”
An earsplitting wail cut her off, and Ainsley all but jumped out of her shoes. Thankfully, she kept a firm hold on her daughter.
“Well, that settles it,” she said with a grimace. “Tira hates me.”
Royal shook his head. “Hush, daft girl. Just rock her a bit.”
She looked dubious, but gently began rocking her daughter from side to side, softly murmuring endearments. Unfortunately, the wails kept building, reaching a crescendo that shredded the serene atmosphere of the park.
“You’d better take her before a constable arrives to arrest us for disturbing the peace,” Ainsley said, handing her over to Royal. “Honestly, sometimes I think—” She bit off whatever she was about to say.
“What?” he asked.
She managed a smile. “Nothing. I’m just being silly.”
He propped Tira on his shoulder and began patting her back. “Shush, little lass. Papa’s got you.”
The baby cried for another minute or so but eventually settled into a series of hiccups as she rubbed her tear-streaked face against his coat. Ainsley studied them fiercely, her expression a heartbreaking mix of frustration and longing. Then she turned away to briskly rearrange the blankets in the carriage.
Royal breathed out a quiet sigh. Fate seemed to be conspiring against Ainsley in the cruelest way through her daughter’s apparent rejection. Combined with his family’s wary attitude toward her, it would be no surprise if she regretted the decision to torch her old life.
It was up to him to fix that.
“Ah, I believe I have deduced the source of little Miss Kendrick’s problem,” he said. “This lass is in desperate need of a change.”
Ainsley was fussing with an oddly bedraggled doll. “I suppose we should return to the house. We’re hardly equipped to change her on a park bench, despite your vaunted skills.”
“Kade and I will take her,” Victoria said. She flicked Ainsley a meaningful glance before smiling at Royal. “I assume you came home from the office to have lunch with us?”
He nodded.
“Well, then there’s time for you and Ainsley to have a nice stroll around the park. In any event, luncheon can certainly be pushed back.”
“But I’m starving,” Kade protested.
“You can have a nice piece of fruit or a glass of milk,” Victoria said in a voice brooking no protest.
“Fruit. Ugh,” the lad grumbled.
“Thank you, Victoria,” Ainsley said. “I’d quite like a walk.”
When the women exchanged another knowing glance, Royal lost any doubt that a conspiracy was afoot. So be it, then. As much as he wanted to avoid putting any pressure on Ainsley, it was past time they sorted out their unresolved issues.
“I’ll return Tira to her nursemaids,” Victoria said, “and then perhaps Kade and I can look at a new piece of music to pass the time until you return.” She smiled at the lad. “Would you like that?”
“Better than eating a moldy old piece of fruit,” Kade said, perking up.
“Splendid. Royal, why don’t you put Tira back in the carriage so we can be off.”
“I think she’d rather be carried.” He handed the baby to Kade. “Here, lad, make yourself useful.”
His brother took her gingerly. “Gosh, I hope she’s not leaking.”
Tira screwed up her wee features, as if displeased with her uncle’s tepid reception.
“You’re all worse than poor Tira,” Victoria said, starting to reach for her.
“Victoria, you’ll ruin that lovely pelisse,” Ainsley protested. She leaned in to sniff her daughter, resting a gentle hand on Tira’s little capped head. “That is
quite appalling, I must say. And if she is, er, leaking, the stain will never come out.”
There’d been an unfortunate incident just yesterday when Ainsley picked Tira up before the nursemaid had finished dressing her. Ainsley’s expensive gown had suffered dire consequences as a result.
Victoria whipped a baby blanket from the carriage and deftly wrapped it around Tira’s sturdy form. “I grew up in a coaching inn and mucked out more than my share of horse stalls. This is a mere bagatelle by contrast.”
“I love her,” Kade said, gratefully handing her over, “but she smells almost as bad as the twins after a night of carousing.”
“Almost? The twins are infinitely worse,” Ainsley said, stoutly coming to her baby’s defense. “And at least Tira doesn’t destroy the furniture.”
“Och, give the wee lassie a chance,” Royal said in an exaggerated brogue. “She’ll catch up to her uncles in no time.”
Ainsley smacked his arm, trying not to laugh. “That’s an awful thing to wish on your daughter. Tira Kendrick will be the sweetest and most refined of young ladies, if I have anything to say about it. Not some Highland hellion like your brothers.”
Relief eased the knot in his gut. He hated that she was unhappy. It made him feel almost as helpless as that day at Waterloo when he’d lain half-dead in a ditch, unable to fend for himself.
Victoria settled the baby on her shoulder. “Actually, the twins have made progress. They hardly ever destroy furniture these days.”
“I’ll take your word for it,” Ainsley said dryly.
Graeme and Grant, as well as Braden, had yet to arrive in Glasgow for the wedding. By next week, however, the entire family would be assembled under the roof of Kendrick House. How well Ainsley would deal with a houseful of Royal’s cheerfully brash brothers—on top of the other stresses in her life—was an open and troubling question.
Ainsley gave Tira a quick kiss on the top of her head. “We won’t be long, I promise,” she said to Victoria.
“Take all the time you need.”
With Kade dragging the carriage behind him, he and Victoria headed for the street.
Royal offered Ainsley his arm. “If you permit, I would be delighted to escort you, my lovely lady.”
She dimpled up at him, her smile sweet and rather shy. Since Ainsley was normally the antithesis of shy, it was another indication of how rattled she was. Her vulnerability sent a clear message that he needed to continue to tread carefully.
They strolled down one of the shaded paths, heading toward the opposite end of the park.
“Why are you scowling?” she asked a few moments later. “Is your leg hurting? Do you want to sit down?”
“Ainsley, please don’t fuss over my leg. It’s fine.” Surprisingly, it had been better these last several weeks. Then again, he’d been so busy that he’d barely had time to think about whether his old injury nagged at him.
“I’ve got to fuss over something, since my daughter won’t let me,” she said with a rueful smile.
“It’s just the teething making her fractious. That’s always hard on a baby, you know.”
“That’s precisely my point. I don’t know anything
about being a mother, because I had to give her up before I learned how to do it.”
He tucked her close to his side. “You’ve been thrown into the deep end of the pond, Ainsley. I have no doubt that you and Tira will soon be inseparable.”
She mulled his words in silence for a few moments. “Sometimes I wonder if I made a mistake.”
Now they were getting to it. “By coming back to us, you mean?”
“No. By giving her up.” Her expression suddenly turned fierce. “I should have found a way to make it work. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t see it. But I still should have found a way.”
“Love, this was the only way to keep both of you safe from Cringlewood. Short of going into exile, I don’t see how you could have done anything different.” He hesitated, and then made himself say it. “Unless you think you should have married Tira’s father.”
She shot him a hard glance. “You
are Tira’s father, not that man. I want nothing to do with him.”
“And you’re sure about that?”
Her irate gaze practically scorched him.
“Fine, then stop questioning your decision,” he said. “Give yourself and your daughter some time, and all will be well. I promise.”
“That sounds lovely, but there’s still quite a bit of all
to work out, isn’t there?”
“That’s why we’re having this little chat, from what I was able to deduce.”
His comment pulled a small smile to her lips. “It would appear Victoria and I were not as clever as we thought.”
“There was no need for a conspiracy. I came home specifically to speak with you today.”
“Because you have
been avoiding me. Admit it.”
He waggled a hand. “Maybe a bit, but not because I don’t want to be with you.”
“Your actions would suggest otherwise.”
“And I apologize for giving you that impression. But I’m here now, and I’m happy to spend as much time with you as you like.”
“I should hope so, although many fashionable marriages do involve husband and wife barely seeing each other.” She shrugged, as if it didn’t matter. “If that’s what you want, just tell me.”
He stopped her and put a finger under her chin, tipping it up. In her fashionable straw hat, tied with pretty violet ribbons that matched her eyes, she looked enchanting. But wariness still lurked in her gaze, along with an intense and wrenching vulnerability she tried to hide.
“I do not want a fashionable marriage, Ainsley,” he said. “I want a happy one with you and our daughter.”
She searched his features for a few moments before letting out a relieved breath. “Very well, then. Where do you wish to start?”
With what happens in the bedroom. That is, if we even share a bedroom.
“I thought we’d start with our living arrangements,” he said. “What are your thoughts on that?”
“I assumed I’d move into Kendrick House. You seem comfortably situated there, and the nursery is already set up and well managed.”
“Wouldn’t you find it too crowded?”
“I find it very large and comfortable. Besides, once the wedding is over, most of your family will return to Castle Kinglas. Victoria said they all prefer it.”
“Victoria, Nick, and Kade will go, but I can safely say that Angus will not
be leaving as long as Tira is here. Grant will be moving in, since he’s going to start working for Logan. And Graeme will at some point as well. Where one twin goes, the other invariably follows.”
“Oh, that’s . . . that’s rather disturbing.”
He couldn’t resist teasing her. “Let’s not forget that Braden will be visiting periodically. Adding in Logan, we could end up with at least four of my brothers, plus Angus, who are living with us at any one time.”
Now Ainsley began to look desperate “Royal, it’s not that I hate your family—”
“Just some of them?”
“I’m trying to be a good Christian,” she said tartly, “but I would like to point out that there is a great deal of weaponry on the walls of your house. If I have to live with Angus and
the twins, we will soon be re-creating the Battle of Culloden. And I assure you the English will triumph again.”
He grinned as he started her walking. “Then it’s an excellent thing that I’ve spent part of this week looking at town houses suitable for us.”
She huffed a bit. “Then why didn’t you just say so?”
“Because I enjoy teasing you.”
“You are an unrepentant wretch.”
“Maybe, but I also thought I should ask your opinion before making any final decisions.”
“Your alarming depiction of my future has convinced me that we should move out of Kendrick House as soon as possible.” She glanced sideways at him. “I hope you’re not offended by that. It’s a lovely house, and I’m sure you enjoy living there.”
He pulled her closer. “Ainsley, please believe that I want nothing more than for you and Tira to be happy. I will do everything within my power to make that happen.”
Her lush mouth slowly curved into a dazzling smile. “I don’t care what anyone says about you, Royal Kendrick. You are quite a nice man.”
“Your flattery is overwhelming, my lady.”
She squeezed his arm. “I don’t want you getting a swelled head. One in the family is quite enough.”
“Nonsense. You’re not in the least conceited. Merely confident.” Or at least she had been, until Cringlewood got his hands on her.
“That’s not what your grandfather thinks. He called me a Sassenach
saucebox just the other day.”
“Did he? Then I’d better have a little chat with him.” Royal understood why Angus didn’t trust her, but enough was enough.
“Don’t be ridiculous. I can certainly handle the old goat—er, fellow. And that insult at least had a rather nice ring to it.”
“You shouldn’t have to handle anyone. My family needs to respect you, or else they’ll answer to me.”
“That’s not how respect works, Royal. I have to earn theirs. If, that is, I think it’s worth the bother,” she said with a dramatic wave. “As long as Victoria and Kade like me, that’s all I really care about.”
“You know, you actually are a bit of a saucebox.”
“Undoubtedly. Now, back to this mysterious town house. Will we be able to afford something suitable?”
“We’ll manage.”
“Royal, you know I won’t be able to depend on help from my family,” she said, turning serious. “And I have very little money of my own, so it’s likely I will be a penniless bride.”
He didn’t care about the money but could sense her embarrassment. And for her sake, he hated how unfair it was.
“It won’t be a problem even without your marriage settlements,” he said. “But I take it that you have yet to hear from either of your parents.”
“I wrote to them shortly after our first discussion, but they have yet to reply. Perhaps it’s just not been long enough,” she said, sounding a bit anxious.
“I’m sorry to hear that, but in any case, you’re not to be concerned about our finances. Logan is increasing my responsibilities and giving me a bigger salary. We should have no trouble finding a suitable place.” He paused, feeling a bit awkward. “It won’t be Kendrick House or what you’re used to, but it won’t embarrass you either.”
Ainsley had grown up in the lap of luxury, her every material wish fulfilled. He couldn’t help but worry she might miss the fripperies and the legions of servants at her beck and call.
She waved a dismissive hand. “It’s fine if our accommodations are fairly modest, as long as it’s comfortable and Tira is happy.”
Royal tried not to look skeptical. Her irritated glance indicated failure on his part.
“If living in luxury mattered,” she said, “I would have married Lord Cringlewood, no matter what he’d done to me. Or I could have convinced my parents to accept one of my other suitors. I am still considered a desirable prospect on the marriage mart, even though I cut my eyeteeth long ago.”
“I don’t doubt that for a moment.” He gently bumped her shoulder with his. “Despite your advanced years.”
She ignored his teasing. “I could spend my life in the lap of luxury, but none of that would mean anything if I couldn’t be with my daughter. Tira is what matters to me.”
Royal’s heart sank. Of course, it was always about Tira. He’d hoped for more from Ainsley, but it seemed friendship and shared parenthood would have to suffice.
“I understand perfectly,” he said.
She made an exasperated sound. “Clearly you don’t, because the other
person I want to be with is you. That would be glaringly obvious by now if you weren’t such a stubborn thickhead.”
Irritation got the better of him. “Well, it’s not obvious. I’m going to be your husband, and yet I don’t have a bloody clue what you actually want from me. Besides providing cover for you to be with your daughter.”
“Thickhead,” she said again.
She dragged him to a nearby bench. Pushing him down onto the seat, she remained standing, crossing her arms under her breasts.
“I believe I’m in for a scold.” Royal didn’t really mind at that point. She had the most amazing breasts, especially when she plumped them up like that.
“You deserve one. You clearly think I’m heartless enough to lure you into marriage just to be with my daughter. But I assure you, Royal Kendrick, that there are far easier ways to be with Tira. Kidnapping her, for one. Then I wouldn’t have to put up with the Scottish weather or
your utterly appalling family.”
He took her hand and smiled. “No, not heartless. Devious, maybe.”
“Don’t think you’re going to jolly me out of this. You’re the one who’s been avoiding me
, not the other way around.”
He laced their fingers, feeling like ten times an idiot. “I know.”
Her expression softened. “Can you please try to tell me why?”
“Again, I’m not sure what you expect from me.”
“As my husband?”
“Yes.”
She eyed him. “Well, I expect you to have affection for me. You do still care for me, don’t you?”
He turned and kissed the inside of her wrist, just above the edge of her glove. Her skin was as soft as a kitten’s. “My feelings have not changed one iota in that regard, love.”
Her breath seemed to fracture. “I . . . I was beginning to wonder, so it’s nice to have it confirmed. But I expect you’re also wondering about what’s going to happen in . . .”
“In the bedroom,” he finished for her.
Ainsley sank down beside him, still holding his hand. “I wish I knew the answer. It’s not that I don’t want us to have a normal marriage, with . . . everything that entails. It’s just that I don’t know if I can. Or at least not right away.” She flushed, turning her head away.
But she still held on to his hand
“Ainsley, I will never ask you to do anything that makes you uncomfortable,” he said gently. “I just hope that someday you’ll trust me enough—and trust yourself—to see what we can make of this affection we have for each other. We’ll take it slowly, I promise.”
She looked sideways at him. “You’re sure?”
“I am. I just want you to be happy. I want us
to be happy.”
“I do think it would be nice for Tira to have a little brother or sister someday,” she said, turning to face him. “Once I figure out this motherhood business.”
He had to struggle with his emotions and the enticing image of making babies with her.
“You’re a wonderful mother.” He leaned in to kiss the tip of her nose. “I have no doubt you’ll make a perfectly splendid wife, and I’m honored and grateful that you chose me, lass.”
“Royal, you are the only man I ever wish to be intimate with. I might not be able to give you everything right away. But I want to, I really do. Please believe that.”
His heart churned with regret and with all that might have been. Ainsley had been hurt in the most fundamental way, and he could never fully make up for that. All he could do was love and protect her, holding fast to patience for as long as necessary. That would be the truest demonstration of his love and loyalty.
“I do believe it,” he said, “and I am more than content. As long as you need is how long we’ll wait.”
For a moment, her gaze was stark with a vulnerability that twisted his heart into knots. Then she unexpectedly scrunched her face up with comical dismay. “Confound it. I wish you weren’t so noble and understanding. It makes me feel hideously guilty. And I hate
feeling guilty.”
He laughed. “Then I will do my best to be a selfish blighter at least once a day. More, if necessary.”
“I think you’d better. But I am
truly sorry, my dearest sir. I’ve made life dreadfully complicated for you. Admit it.”
“All complications are most welcome, I assure you.”
“You’re as unhinged as I am,” she said, getting up. She briskly whacked imaginary dirt from her skirts. “So, we’re to abandon the family home and set up housekeeping on our own. I suspect that will go over with a resounding thud, especially from Angus.”
“I’m hoping it’ll encourage the old fellow to go back to Kinglas, where he belongs.”
“Live in hope, I always say.”
“Really? Because I don’t believe I’ve ever heard you say that. Quite the opposite, in fact.”
“I’ve decided that one pessimist in the family is quite enough,” she said with a grandiose wave. “From now on, I will be the sunniest and most optimistic person you know. I cede my crown as resident grump to you.”
“Care to place a bet on how long that will last? I give it ten minutes.”
She swatted him on the shoulder. “You really are the most irritating man I have ever
met.”
He stood. “Ten seconds. Now, what do I win?”
“The honor of taking me back for lunch. I’m starving.”
“Of course you are.” He ducked when she tried to hit him again.