Chapter Five
Royal caught sight of Lady Margaret thumping down the hall to Ainsley’s room as he came up the stairs from breakfast. Her ladyship had slept through her niece’s ordeal. He admired her insouciance, since he’d been a nervous wreck for most of the night, although he’d done his best to hide that from Ainsley.
Fortunately, the lass had safely delivered her child shortly before dawn. She’d done it with a stoicism that left him in awe. Hovering just outside the bedroom door, straining his ears, Royal had heard very little aside from a few curses and one shriek just at the end. He’d been tempted to charge into the room at that point, as if he could somehow protect her.
A few minutes later, Betty had popped out with the happy news. After thanking her, Royal had sunk down to the floor and buried his face in his hands, sucking in deep breaths and trying to calm his racing heart. The maid had patted him kindly on the head, as if he were a frightened puppy. It had made him feel like an even bigger idiot.
If anything had happened to Ainsley, Royal truly hadn’t known what he’d do.
The midwife had refused to let him see her, leaving him no choice but to retreat to his own bed. After a few hours of fitful dozing, he’d finally given up any real attempt to sleep, knowing he wouldn’t rest until he saw Ainsley.
“Lady Margaret,” he called out. “A word, if you please.”
“There’s no cause to rush,” the old woman said as he joined her. “You’ll strain that leg of yours, and I’ll not be responsible for sending you home a cripple. Lord Arnprior would be most displeased.”
“I doubt it could get much worse, so no worries there.”
“Ainsley told me you spent most of the night walking with her or lugging her about.” She waggled her eyebrows. “And we both know she’s no frail little miss. I shouldn’t wonder if you’re feeling it this morning.”
He was, but he had no intention of admitting it. “I’m fine.”
“You look a wreck. Worse than my niece.”
“I’ll get some rest later,” he said dryly. All in all, his leg seemed of little import, given the questions now facing them.
“How is Ainsley?” he asked. “Is Dr. MacTavish satisfied she’s recovering as she should?”
The physician had arrived only an hour ago, and through the window of the dining room, Royal had just spotted the man departing in his phaeton. He’d taken the quick visit as a good sign.
“He was most pleased with her condition. Despite being pampered all her life, my niece is an exceedingly strong young woman. That’s the Scot in her. She’s just like her grandmother, in that respect. My dear sister, God rest her soul.”
“I’m relieved to hear it. And the babe?”
“Small but perfectly healthy.” She heaved a sigh. “She is a blessing, of course.”
Royal understood her conflicted emotions. Now that there was an actual bairn to deal with, decisions must be made.
“Lady Margaret, I know it’s awkward, since I’m not family—”
“Ainsley doesn’t seem to agree,” she interrupted. “Apparently, she asked you
to take the babe if anything went wrong.”
Royal frowned. “No, she asked me to make sure the baby was taken care of. I was happy to agree.”
Lady Margaret narrowed her rheumy gaze on him. “That’s not what she told me.”
Clearly, the old woman had misunderstood. “Well, thank God no such action is necessary, but it does raise the issue of what happens next. Ainsley suggested last night that plans had not, er, been finalized.”
The old woman snorted. “I’ve been trying to get the lass to make a decision for weeks.”
“She told me you’d offered to raise the baby.”
“Yes, but we both know that’s no good solution. I’m practically at death’s doorstep.”
Lady Margaret then sighed and thumped over to a high-backed chair, sinking into it. With such a forceful presence, it was easy to forget she’d passed her eightieth year some time ago. But now she looked frail and much too old to deal with so fraught a problem.
“Surely not,” he said gently. “But I agree a longer-term solution must be found. And I suspect you’ve given it some thought.”
She stacked her wrinkled hands on the knob of her cane and thoughtfully met his gaze. “There is a family I think will do quite well. They’re distant relations and members of our clan, so they’re loyal and very respectable. They own a tidy farm some hours north, so it’s ideal in that respect, quite out of the way. I, of course, would make financial arrangements and monitor the situation for as long as I could.”
Most would find that a more than suitable arrangement for the illegitimate child of an aristocrat, since it was rare for by-blows to be raised within their own families. They were generally—and quietly—placed somewhere in the countryside. That would certainly be the expected solution for a girl in Ainsley’s situation.
“Then why does Ainsley not agree?” Royal asked.
“She thinks it too precarious a situation for the child. Especially since I am a decrepit fossil with one foot in the grave.”
“Did she actually say that?”
“What do you think?”
He smiled, sure of the answer. “I have to say, I do see her point. You won’t be around forever, and it would be dangerous if Ainsley maintained contact with the family.”
“It would be fatal. She would have no peace of mind. Most importantly, she must leave no trail for Cringlewood to follow. I will not have either my niece or her baby put in danger of discovery by that man.”
For the last twenty-four hours, Royal had been suppressing his questions and his anger about the marquess, but he was done with that. “What the hell
did the bastard do to her?”
Lady Margaret snorted. “You may be able to intimidate the average ton
dandy with that glower, Royal Kendrick, but it is wasted on me. Ainsley knows what she is about. If you are indeed her friend, you will support her, not question her.”
“Of course I’m her friend,” he snapped.
“Then leave it alone. Nothing good can come of drawing attention to her situation, I assure you.”
Royal blew out a frustrated sigh and crossed his arms. “So, that’s it. She gives the baby away and returns to London, as if nothing ever happened.”
“That is exactly it. If this situation can be managed, she is still young enough—and rich enough—to attract an excellent match. Although her other suitors are not as wealthy or as influential as Cringlewood, most would certainly make better husbands.”
While Royal’s heart rebelled at the notion of the lass wedded to another man, Lady Margaret’s reasoning was sound. If Ainsley could overcome the trauma of giving away her child, she could return to the former life that had suited her so well.
“But for some reason, she will not agree to the plan,” he said.
“No,” she said. “Which is unfortunate. Ainsley is already growing attached to the babe. We’d hoped to have the wet nurse on the premises when she went into labor, so the child could have been removed right away. But the blasted woman won’t arrive until late tomorrow.”
When she started to rise, he helped her up.
“Thank you,” she said. “Now, make yourself useful. Go in and see how the girl does.”
“You’ve already seen her?”
“Before the doctor came.” She suddenly flashed him a sly grin. “Besides, she’d much rather see you than me.”
He narrowed his gaze, suspicious. “You’re up to something, aren’t you?”
She cackled. “I’ll be in the morning room. Come see me when you’re done.”
After she tromped away, Royal quietly tapped on the door. A moment later Betty opened it.
“Good morning, Betty.” He smiled when the girl stifled a yawn. “I take it you didn’t get much sleep last night, either.”
She flashed him a charming set of dimples. “Aye, my bed is callin’ to me. I’ll be snugglin’ in for a nice, wee nap as soon as I can.”
Ainsley, propped up in bed writing at a small lap desk, glanced up. “That will be all, Betty. You can go downstairs and get your breakfast.”
The girl looked dubious. “Are ye sure, my lady? Mam said it wasn’t proper that I left ye alone with Mr. Kendrick last night. There not bein’ a proper chaperone, and all, after her ladyship retired.”
Ainsley stared at the girl with disbelief. “I assure you, Mr. Kendrick and I will not be getting up to any frolics. Besides, you are the last person one can imagine serving as an effective chaperone.”
“Happens you’re right, my lady. Mam says I’m a terrible flirt,” Betty cheerfully replied.
“Your mother is a perceptive woman,” Ainsley said.
Royal choked down a laugh that largely stemmed from the enormous relief flooding through his veins. Clearly in fine fettle, his sweet lass looked unexpectedly robust and so, so beautiful, even after what she’d just been through.
“We’ll be sure to ring if we need anything,” he said to Betty.
The maid flashed him another saucy smile. “Aye, sir, if ye need anything. Anything
.”
Including a frolic, apparently.
“That girl is positively indefatigable,” Royal said after the door closed behind her.
“You mean incorrigible,” Ainsley replied. “Not that I truly blame her. There’s not been a man under the age of sixty in this house for two months. She’s only got poor Willy to flirt with, and he’s only sixteen.”
“I’m enjoying being the decorous one, for once,” he said, as he strolled over to the bed.
The massive four-poster was ornately antique and, like the rest of the furniture, was from a time when clan fought clan and life in the Highlands was dramatic and wild. The setting was perfect for Ainsley, who might have been a Scottish princess come to lord it over her loyal subjects.
Like me.
She gave him a wry smile. “Everyone in my aunt’s household is so ridiculous that your dreadful manners pale in comparison.”
When he burst into laughter, she cast a quick glance at the cradle by the fireplace.
“Sorry,” he said softly. “I take it the little mite is sleeping.”
“After I fed her, she went right to sleep. I must say, she’s a very good baby, so far.”
Royal grinned. “She was only born six hours ago, lass. I’m not sure if that’s quite enough time to make a determination.”
Ainsley’s chin went up in that imperious little tilt he loved. “I’m her mother, so I should know.”
“I stand corrected.” He leaned against the bedpost, enjoying the sight of her.
She was garbed in a white dressing gown lavishly trimmed with lace, and her ebony-silk hair was piled into a simple knot on the top of her head. With her pink-cheeked complexion and her clear violet gaze, Ainsley looked so lovely it was hard to believe that mere hours ago she’d been doubled over with pain, thin-lipped and sweating her way through each painful contraction.
“And you’re really all right?” he asked softly.
“Healthy as a heifer, according to Dr. MacTavish,” she said. “He made a point of telling me that my anatomy was exceedingly well designed for the task at hand, if you can believe it.”
“‘Broad in the beam’ was the exact phrase, I believe.”
She crinkled her nose. “How rude of you to remember.”
“You know us Scots. Blunt to a fault.”
“Appallingly so.” She tilted her head to study him. “Are you
all right?”
“Of course. Why do you ask?”
“You look exhausted. Like you’ve been worrying yourself half to death.”
He rubbed a finger along an old gouge in the bedpost. “Something like that, I suppose.”
“You were thinking about your mamma,” she said softly. “I’m sorry. This must have been difficult for you.”
It had been a difficult night, truth be told, worrying that the same dire fate might befall Ainsley. “I won’t deny to feeling a wee bit of concern, especially when the midwife booted me from the room. I would rather have stayed with you.”
“Count yourself lucky you didn’t. The whole process is gruesome and rather scary.”
“That’s exactly why I wanted to stay with you.”
When she silently held out a hand, Royal came to the bed. As he curled his hand around her dainty fingers, emotion choked up his throat. It was from the old sorrow over the loss of his mother, of course, but even more so from the profound gratitude that Ainsley and the baby were alive and healthy.
“Royal, I can’t thank you enough for being here,” she said in a gruff little voice. “I don’t know what I would have done without you.”
“I was happy to be here, lass. You know I would do anything for you.”
Their gazes locked for a long moment, and something stark and even grief-stricken lurked in the violet depths of her eyes. It made his heart clench, as if something precious was slipping away.
Then Ainsley shook off whatever it was. “I doubt Hector would have been able to pick me up. I still consider it a miracle that even someone as strong as you didn’t drop me.”
“Och, ye’re as light as a feather,” he teased.
“You’re positive you didn’t hurt your leg?”
“I’m positive. Even if I had, it would have been worth it.”
She flashed him another wry smile before withdrawing her hand. “You’re quite insane, sir, but I am most grateful.”
“I’m just glad you and the babe are healthy.” He frowned. “She is healthy, isn’t she?”
“She certainly is. She’s a bit small, but perfectly fit. Dr. MacTavish said he’s rarely seen a baby as alert as she is,” Ainsley said proudly.
Royal bit back a chuckle. He’d seen his share of newborn infants over the years. They always looked rather dazed to him, as if astonished and slightly embarrassed by their helpless state.
“Then she obviously takes after her mother,” he said.
Her gaze dimmed. “I hope so. I’d hate for her to take after her father in any way.”
“She’ll be just like you,” he said firmly.
“Would you like to see her?” she asked.
“As long as you’re sure I won’t wake her.”
“She seems to be a champion sleeper. She’ll be fine if you’re quiet.”
Royal tiptoed over to the cradle. Inside, the wee baby girl was dressed in a white smock and covered with a soft wool blanket. Although small, as Ainsley had said, she was plump and healthy-looking, with pink cheeks and a profusion of dark curls. She was sound asleep, one little hand curled under her chin.
“She’s perfect, isn’t she?” said her mother.
“She is that.” He glanced over his shoulder. “You’re not swaddling her?”
“The midwife suggested it, but the doctor and I disagreed.” She grinned. “Dr. MacTavish and Mrs. Peters had quite the set-to about it. I was forced to intervene.”
“Good. It’s a barbaric custom, tying the wee mites up like a parcel.”
She studied him. “You must know quite a bit about babies, having all those younger brothers. I keep forgetting that.”
“Especially Kade,” he said, turning back to the cradle. “After our mother died, I spent a lot of time with him.”
With the exception of Nick, who’d been forced to take charge of things, the entire family had fallen apart in the aftermath. Their father had been too wrenched with grief to even look at his newborn son. But as wrecked as he’d been too, Royal had known his mother had loved Kade with all her heart. She’d even told Royal to take care of his brother, just before she’d died. It had been his last promise to her, a solemn vow that was nothing like the silly promises rambunctious boys made to their mothers, ones meant to be broken.
“I even snuck in and slept by Kade’s cradle,” he said, smiling at the memory at how foolish he’d been. “Needless to say, the nursemaids had something to say about that.”
“You know, despite your bests efforts to convince the world otherwise, you’re really a very nice man.”
He threw her a glance of mock astonishment. “Perhaps I should get the doctor back in here? I’m sure you’re suffering from a fever.”
She narrowed her gaze. “To quote your grandfather, bugger you.”
“Tsk, tsk. Such language in front of a baby.”
A chuckle was her only reply.
He gazed down at the slumbering infant and couldn’t hold back a smile. She was a pretty little lass and looking at her made the world seem like a better place. Carefully, he reached in and touched her wee fist.
“Have you given her a name yet?”
When silence met his query, he turned to look at Ainsley, who was staring down at her lap.
Royal frowned. “What’s wrong?”
“I . . . I haven’t named her yet,” she said, finally meeting his gaze.
“Why not?”
“I didn’t think I had the right. After all, I’m not going to raise her. What if the people who take her hate the name?”
“Then they can change it,” he said. “But she’s your
daughter, and she’ll always be your daughter. You have the right to give her a name.”
“No, I don’t,” she said in a quiet voice that held legions of sorrow.
“Ainsley,” he said, taking a step forward.
She blew out a breath, as if annoyed with herself. “There’s no need to fuss, Royal. I’m perfectly f . . . fine.”
That little wobble in her voice all but killed him. “Oh, my sweet lass,” he said, starting for the bed.
She held up a hand. “Would you please bring her to me? I’m sure she must be hungry.”
Her abrupt tone brought him up short. Ainsley hated feeling vulnerable, and the glint in her eyes signaled a clear warning. But as much as Royal knew anything, he knew she needed comforting at the moment.
She forestalled him by shaking her head. “Please, Royal. I just want my baby, for as long as I can have her.”
He turned back to the cradle. He’d sacrifice anything for Ainsley—walk through the torments of hell to love her. But she didn’t want him. And what she did want—or need—he could never give her.
Staring blindly down at the infant, he wrestled himself under control. This wasn’t about him. It would never be about him, when it came to Ainsley. All he could do, as her aunt suggested, was be her friend. That would have to be enough.
“Royal?” Her voice was tentative. “Are you all right?”
“I’m fine,” he said, throwing a smile over his shoulder. “Just trying to remember how to do this.”
“Very carefully.”
He huffed out a chuckle and reached down to slide his hands under the blankets.
As soon as he touched the wee lass, her eyes popped open. Her gaze wide, the baby stared up at him. Royal felt a jolt in the center of his chest. Her eyes were a deep velvety-blue, and the color of violets.
Exactly like her mother’s.
He had to swallow hard before he could speak. “Well, there you are, little lady. Would you like to see your mamma?”
When she flapped her tiny arms, as if answering him, his heart thudded again. “You’re a bonny lass, aren’t you? All right, here we go.” He gently picked her up.
“Make sure you support her head,” Ainsley said.
“Yes, my lady,” he replied with an amused snort. He was damn sure he’d held a lot more babies in his life than she had.
“You needn’t be so smug, Royal Kendrick,” she said as he carried the baby to her. “I know you have miles more experience than I. But I am
trying.”
“You’re doing splendidly.” He gently deposited the baby in her arms.
He couldn’t help staring at the beautiful picture they made. Her face soft and vulnerable, Ainsley smiled down at her daughter, oblivious to everything but her. The wee mite peered back, her focus locked on her mamma’s face. They were an absolutely perfect pair, and never had Royal wanted to be a part of something more in his life.
But never had he felt more shut out, as if an unbreakable wall was between him and the only thing that mattered.
Suddenly feeling like a voyeur, he wandered over to the window, fiercely concentrating on the untrimmed rhododendrons in the garden below. The grounds were quite beautiful and would make a magnificent frame for the dignified old manor house if someone paid more attention to them.
He spent a few minutes mentally trimming bushes and reordering paths to his satisfaction before glancing back over his shoulder. Ainsley was watching him with an expression he couldn’t decipher.
“Do you want me to go so you can feed her?” he asked.
She smiled. “No, I want you to come sit with us.”
Oh, he recognized that smile. His lovely lady was scheming. “What are you up to now, lass?”
She patted the bed. “Come sit. I’m sure your leg needs a rest.”
He scoffed. “You’re the one who just had a baby. You should have the rest, not me.”
“As you would say, I’m fine.” She patted the bed again, this time more firmly. “Please, sit.”
He eased down on the side of the bed, being careful not to jostle her. “Don’t blame me if your aunt comes in and kicks up a fuss because we’re in bed together.”
“Because no doubt we’d be engaging in frolics,” she said with heavy sarcasm.
“What else would we be doing in bed?”
“Idiot. Here, take the baby. You can’t do anything outrageous as long as you’re holding on to her.”
Surprised that she would relinquish her, Royal arranged the baby in the crook of his arm.
“You really are good with infants, aren’t you?” Ainsley said.
“All right, that’s at least two compliments from you in the last ten minutes. What’s afoot, lass?”
“Really? I can be nice too, you know.”
“No, you can’t, so you might as well just spit it out. What is it you want?”
“You are so awful,” she said.
He simply raised his eyebrows.
“Oh, very well,” she said. “I suppose there’s no point in trying to soften you up, especially since what I have to ask is so enormous.”
In the back of his mind, a faint warning bell sounded. “Then you’d better just get it out.”
She sucked in a deep breath, as if for courage, pushing her lovely breasts against the lacy trim of her dressing gown.
“I want you to take my baby,” she said. “And stop staring at my chest.”
He jerked his gaze up. “What . . . what did you just say?” He stared at her, his brain scrambling to make sense of her words.
“I want you to take my baby.”
Good God.
She was serious. Even though she calmly regarded him, he could feel the tension pouring off her in waves.
“You don’t mean, permanently, do you?” he asked.
“Of course I mean permanently, you dolt.” She closed her eyes for a moment, collecting herself. When she opened them, she grimaced an apology. “I’m making a hash of it, I know. It’s because I’m so nervous.”
Royal forced himself not to overreact. “It’s all right, love. I’m just trying to understand. Why would you think it a good idea to give the baby to me, especially since your aunt already found a suitable family?”
She touched her babe’s cheek with a gentle fingertip. “I can’t bear the idea of her going to strangers. I suppose that’s stupid, since that’s how these situations are typically handled. But I simply cannot
do it.” Her desperate gaze begged him to understand.
“It’s not stupid at all,” he said. “But surely you can trust your aunt to have this right.”
She made a helpless gesture. “I don’t know. I’ve never met them, and I can never meet them if I want to keep her safe. If Cringlewood ever found out, he would use the baby against me. He would force me to marry him, and that I cannot abide.”
“Ainsley, I would gladly take care of that bastard, if you’d let me.” And he would enjoy every moment of it.
“You would only make things worse.”
“But—”
“Please don’t argue with me about that,” she said firmly. “And stop upsetting the baby.”
He glanced down. The mite had once more fallen into slumber, her mouth sagging open as she made little baby snores.
Ainsley gave him another sheepish smile. “I told you she was a good sleeper.”
“So you did.” He thought for a few seconds, and then nodded. “All right. I will respect your privacy on this particular issue—for now.”
She went back to looking huffy. “You don’t really have a choice.”
“I do if I’m to take your baby.”
She froze for several long seconds. “Does that mean you’ll actually do it?”
Dammit
. He’d walked right into that one. “I’m still trying to understand why you’re asking me, of all people.”
“Because you’re my friend, Royal, my true friend. I haven’t got many of them. And I trust you to keep my secrets.” She pressed a hand to his shoulder, leaning forward a bit. “I trust you
to keep her safe.”
The intensity of her gaze robbed him of breath. He wanted to believe she had no idea what she was asking of him, but that was nonsense. Ainsley knew exactly what she was doing. She always did.
“All right, you trust me. But how can you think I could possibly take care of an infant? I’m hardly in a position to support myself, much less a child.”
“But you wouldn’t have to do it alone, would you?” she argued. “You’d have your entire family to help, especially Victoria. I can’t think of a better family to protect and raise her than the Kendricks.”
He stared, incredulous. “But I thought you hated most of my family.”
“Well, I do hate your grandfather,” she admitted. “But the rest are quite nice.”
“Even the twins?”
“They’ll probably be all right once they get older.” She hesitated for a moment. “Probably. But the rest of you are quite splendid.”
Royal felt like he’d been run over by a herd of wild boar. “And you’re willing to have your baby raised in Scotland?”
“Better than in England on Cringlewood’s estates,” she said, her voice taking on a bitter tinge. “I know she will be safe at Castle Kinglas, as safe as she could be anywhere on earth. And since the Kendricks rarely travel south of the border, any possible connection to me will quickly fade.”
It took a moment for the full weight of her words to sink in. When it did, he felt the blow through his entire body.
Ainsley abruptly withdrew her hand, her gaze sliding sideways. “It does mean, of course, that we can never see each other again. It would be too great a risk.”
When he cursed under his breath, she faltered. “Or . . . or at least not for a long time. It’s the only way to keep me safe, Royal. To keep my baby safe.”
“You mean keep your blasted reputation safe.” When she flinched, he mentally cursed himself. “I’m sorry. I had no right to say that.”
She shook her head. “No, you have every right. And I do want to protect my reputation, which is admittedly selfish of me, but it’s more than that. The only true way to protect my baby is to pretend that I never gave birth to her.”
“I understand.”
He did, too. But it did nothing to patch the hole in the middle of his chest.
“I’m so dreadfully sorry,” she said quietly. “I have no right to ask this of you. If it’s too much . . .”
Royal knew he was the one being selfish. After all, he’d promised Ainsley countless times that he would do anything to help, anything to protect her. That had to mean a willingness to take on any sacrifice or pain, any responsibility, even one this enormous. If not, the promise had meant nothing.
“Of course you should ask me,” he said, “and I’m honored you did.”
She ducked her head. “Thank you,” she whispered. “You’re incredibly kind.”
He didn’t feel kind. He felt like cursing the heavens, raging at the injustice of it all—for him, for Ainsley, and for the innocent babe.
Looking down at the bundle in his arms, he studied the sweet, slumbering child. Something both terrible and wonderful stirred in his chest, filling the dark hole just a wee bit.
“So, I’m to walk into Kinglas with this little lass and say what, exactly?”
Ainsley’s head jerked up, her eyes going wide. “Does that mean you’ll do it?” She sounded breathless.
He gazed at the woman he adored—the woman he was losing all over again, and this time forever. “Aye, lass. I’ll take your daughter, and I’ll cherish her like my own.”