Ayla
“Ayla, what are you talking about?” Alessio asked. He was panicking, scared about what my words meant, while I was breaking inside.
“I wanted to believe you were different,” I whispered hoarsely, hating how my voice broke over those words. I hated how much power Alessio had over me. He was my peace, my strength, but he was also my weakness. He had the power to break me.
And that was exactly what he did.
After putting my heart together, after giving me hope, he took it all away, leaving me empty and broken again.
“I thought you were different,” I continued in the same small voice. It was true I knew what type of man he was, but with me, he was different.
The Alessio I knew was sweet and gentle. Out there he was a killer and heartless, but with me, he was everything I needed.
But it was all a lie.
Swiping my tears away, I finally turned toward Alessio. Even in the darkness, I could see his tensed body and rigid shoulders. His face was twisted with panic and dread.
“But I was wrong.” I choked on the words.
I didn’t have to say anything else. Realization flashed in his blue eyes. He understood that I knew the truth.
“Why?” I asked, my voice dropping to a mere whisper. He took a step forward but stopped when I shook my head. A sudden surge of anger coursed through my body, prompting me to quickly stand up and face him.
“Ayla…” he breathed, his voice shaky. I didn’t know why, but his voice made me angrier. It reminded me of when my world fell apart around me, crushing me mercilessly.
“Where are you going?” Maddie asked as I walked up the stairs.
Without stopping, I said over my shoulder, “I’m going to see Alessio.” Since the morning, after Lyov and Isaak made their appearance, I hadn’t seen Alessio. His missing presence had left an aching hole in my chest, and I just wanted to be near him again, even if it was just for a few minutes.
Smiling, I made my way to his office. I was only a few feet away when I saw the door open, and Sasha ran out, her face panicked. My eyebrows pulled up in a frown at the sight of her.
“What’s wrong?” I asked, walking closer. She gasped at the sight of me, her hands going up to her chest. My eyes widened when I saw what she was holding. A ripped red thong.
My eyes snapped to hers, and she looked away guiltily, biting on her lips nervously.
No. Please.
“Why are you holding your underwear?” I asked curtly after a moment of silence. Before she could answer, Viktor’s loud booming voice came through from Alessio’s office.
Confused, I looked back at Sasha, but she avoided eye contact with me. Without answering to my question, she walked around me. I was left dumbfounded, as I stood frozen in my spot.
My hands were shaking, and I trembled slightly as Viktor continued yelling. When I heard Alessio’s voice, I finally snapped out of my daze and walked forward until I was standing in front of the door.
I didn’t know what to expect, my mind still lost on what I just saw. But then my heart stuttered to a stop, my chest contracting painfully when I heard his words…Alessio’s words. My legs weakened, and my stomach twisted. I suddenly felt nauseous.
“My plan was to get close to Ayla to make her reveal her truth. We had to know if she was a traitor. That was the fucking plan.”
I choked back a sob when I understood his meaning. They still thought I was a spy. It was all a lie. They never believed me.
Having heard enough, I pushed away from the door.
Alessio and I…whatever he said, his sweet words, his kisses, his gentle caresses, were they all a lie? Was it just a ploy to get closer to me?
I was paralyzed by just the thought of it. Bringing a shaky hand to my mouth, I tried to control my breathing. But it felt like my world had just ended around me. I could feel myself spiraling down toward the darkness again.
I heard yelling, but none of the words made sense to me. I could only think about what I heard. The same words repeated over and over in my head. My ears were ringing from their painful betrayal.
Giving the door a final glance, I turned around and blindly ran to my room. I needed to escape this harsh reality. I didn’t want to believe it. Not Alessio. Not my Alessio.
The door closed behind me, and I sank down to the floor, holding my knees to my chest as I sobbed.
He wouldn’t do that. He cared…I saw it in his eyes.
But Alessio Ivanshov was known to be deceitful. If he thought I was a traitor, he would stop at nothing to find the truth.
Even if it meant breaking me until I had nothing left to give.
When I saw Alessio take another step toward me, I snapped out of the painful memories and took a step back. His eyes flashed with hurt, and he placed a hand out as if to comfort me.
“What did you do with Sasha?” I asked, my voice almost emotionless, hiding the true turmoil inside of me. Alessio’s face contorted in guilt, and he swallowed nervously. His eyes shifted away for a few seconds, his hands tightening in fists.
At his reaction, I felt my already fragile heart crack further, deepening the holes in it. He didn’t have to say anything. I already got my answer.
“Ayla, it’s not what you think—” he started, but I quickly cut him off.
“Did you touch her?” He paused at my question, his eyes closing tightly for a second. Alessio paced in front of me, his fingers going to his hair in frustration.
“Did you touch her, Alessio?” I asked again.
“Ayla…” he growled.
“Did you?” This time my voice was louder.
Turning toward me, he glared. “Damn it, Ayla. It’s not what you think.”
I let out a small harsh laugh, leaning back into the wall. “So you did.”
Alessio lost his glare, and he shook his head. He moved toward me, but I raised a hand, stopping him again. “Don’t come near me.”
“I heard you talking to Viktor,” I admitted, my voice strangely soft. Alessio flinched, if possible his whole body growing tenser. “Is it true? Do you think I’m a traitor?”
Deep inside, I prayed he would say no and that it was all a misunderstanding. “I’m not the spy,” I continued softly, desperately hoping he would believe me.
I saw Alessio visibly swallow hard, and he slightly shook his head. “I know, Ayla.”
He accepted my plea, but I still couldn’t forget those words. It still hurt. I still felt like I was breaking. Under the layers of hurt, deep anger was raging. Never had I felt this way. Not even when I was tortured.
I loathed that Alessio could make me feel this way.
My body vibrated with the force of my anger, and as I stared at Alessio’s guilty face, I snapped. I was holding on tight to the string, desperate not to lose control, but right at the moment, I lost it.
Lurching forward, I slammed into Alessio’s body, holding onto his collar tight. “Why? Why did you do it? Was it all a lie? Tell me!”
His arms wrapped around my waist, but I pushed him away, hard. He stumbled over his feet before quickly straightening up, his face a mask of complete bewilderment.
“You want to know the truth, right? Fine. I’ll tell you,” I yelled, my chest heaving with exertion. My harsh breathing filled the room, and Alessio looked in pain.
“I believe y—” he started to say, but I talked over him.
“I was sixteen when I was raped.” Alessio’s mouth snapped shut, his jaw clenching as his eyes glittered with a sudden rage. But I continued, pushing forward in my own anger.
“The man who I was supposed to marry raped me on my sixteenth birthday, and he continued to do so every single night for seven years.” I choked on the last words.
Tears blinded my vision as the memories assaulted me. They flashed in front of my eyes, and my body shook as if I was experiencing all the nights of torture again.
“My father never did anything. He never even paid attention to me. I was alone, never allowed to leave the house. And then he handed me over to him. A cruel man who destroyed me.”
As I revealed my truth, I saw Alessio’s face changing. So much fury. I could feel it from where I was standing. The air around us grew rigid as my words echoed around us.
“Who hurt you?” he growled, his body prowling forward to me. His voice was deadly, his words so sharp it felt like a whip had sliced through the air. And his eyes…the look he gave me was completely ferocious.
I could see the monster there. The one everyone feared.
I felt my chest start to burn with the pressure building there. I didn’t know how to feel. He looked in pain for me…but he was also the cause of my pain.
“He used to beat me. He would chain me to our bed and then whip me if I did something wrong or what he perceived wrong.”
His face was already a mask of rage, but it darkened more ominously as I admitted another truth. I held my breath when I saw him clenching and then unclenching his fists. Alessio did that a few times, and each time he clenched his fist, my heart squeezed.
“I was running away from home when I found you and hid in your car. That’s how we met. I’m not a spy, Alessio. I’m just someone running away from her nightmare, desperately seeking peace,” I murmured as my shoulders sagged, the anger leaving my body until I felt empty.
My mind was lost somewhere I didn’t want to go.
“I’m not your enemy. I’m just another victim,” I whispered brokenly, hoping he could hear the truth in my words. I might have been an Abandonato, but I wasn’t Alessio’s enemy. My real enemy was my own family.
Alessio’s face was thunderous as he moved into my space. Even when I placed my hands out to ward him off, he didn’t stop. He kept moving until he was in front of me, my shoulders held tightly in his hands. I flinched when his fingers dug into my skin.
“Who?” One simple word but it spoke volume. The raw brutal energy coming off Alessio wrapped around us. He exuded danger, his eyes filled with murderous intent.
When I didn’t answer, he shook me, his beautiful bluish eyes darkening even further. “Who the fuck hurt you, Ayla?” Alessio roared.
“You!” I screamed, pushing him away from me. A sudden surge of anger coursed through my body again. “You hurt me. You are hurting me.”
He flinched at my words, his body tensing fiercely. Hurt flashed over his face, his eyebrows pulling together tensely.
“I never had hopes for my father or the man he handed me to. I grew numb in their hands, learning to block away the pain. But you.” I pointed at Alessio. “You hurt me because I trusted you. I gave you everything. I let you touch me—” I broke off on the last words. I gave you my heart.
Deep regret was written over his face as he stayed rooted on the spot. “Ayla, please let me…”
“When I ran away, I didn’t expect to find peace. I didn’t even know what I wanted until I found you. You brought me peace. I was basking in this light until you took it away,” I snapped, my voice rising.
I felt something wet on my cheeks and brought my hand up. I didn’t even realize I was crying. Alessio made an agonized sound at the sight of my tears, and he moved forward again, wrapping his arms around me before I could say anything else.
My head was right over his loudly racing heart. His arms tightened around me at my next words. “You were my savior. My own guardian angel.”
At the word Angel, I felt him suck in a harsh breath, his arms growing impossibly tight around me. “But it feels like my heart is splintering into pieces right now, Alessio.”
Pulling away from me, he palmed my cheeks. “I’m sorry, Ayla. So sorry. Just let me explain,” he pleaded.
“What do you want to explain, Alessio? I heard it loud and clear. The truth was right there. Sasha came out of your office. You touched her. And then you admitted getting close to me because you thought I was a traitor. What is there left to say?” I muttered softly, losing all the battle in me.
“You didn’t—”
“I need you to leave.”
We both spoke at the same time, our words clashing together. Alessio flinched, and my heart clenched.
“No. I’m not leaving until you listen to me,” he stated firmly.
“I can’t do this right now. Just leave, Alessio.”
“No.”
“Leave!” I screamed, pushing him away. God, why couldn’t he understand? If he didn’t leave, I was going to break down right there in front of him. My thoughts and feelings were in turmoil.
I saw Viktor appear in the doorway. He walked inside and stopped behind Alessio. “Alessio, let’s go. Give her some time,” he said softly.
“No. Stay the fuck out of this, Viktor,” he snapped, his voice hard. His gaze was still glued on mine, and I looked away.
“I want you to leave,” I bit out.
He shook his head stubbornly. “I’m not leaving until you listen to me.”
“I don’t want to listen to you! Just leave,” I snapped back. He moved toward me, but Viktor held him back.
“Let’s go, Alessio.”
Turning away from them, I faced the wall, tuning them out. I heard them arguing, and the door closed after a few minutes.
Then complete and utter silence. I stood in the darkness as the silence surrounded me. The tears fell down my cheeks, and I made no effort to swipe them away.
With a resigned sigh, I got into our bed and pulled the covers over me. The bed felt big and empty without Alessio. It was the first time I would be sleeping without him since he brought me to his room.
My tears soaked his pillow as I laid on his side of the bed. His scent enveloped me, and my heart ached, knowing he wasn’t here with me. I had pushed him away, but I was now missing his presence.
I told him the truth about my past. Part of it. I still left out the part where I was an Abandonato. During our fight, the truth was at the tip of my tongue. I wished I could have told him, but the fear of his reaction always stopped me.
The irony of this situation was almost laughable.
I accused him of betraying me. But I was betraying him too. By keeping this truth from him, I was betraying his trust.
I was angry at Alessio, but some of that anger was directed to me too. And that was exactly why I needed him to leave. With Alessio, I was weak. My emotions were uncontrollable when he was around.
Closing my burning eyes, I hugged his pillow to my chest. I prayed that sleep would come fast.
But it didn’t. My chest was still unbearably tight.