I didn’t sleep for shit last night. I’m sure Rianna feels just the same. She wouldn’t talk to me or look at me after what happened, and I guess I can’t blame her. Maybe I should’ve been a little more understanding and not let my temper get the better of me. I should’ve talked to her instead of freaking out, but all my restraint was gone the moment I saw those hickeys. It was almost an out of body experience.

For fuck’s sake, she’s only fourteen . . . well, almost fifteen, but still, we haven’t even had the birds and the bees talk . . . I hadn’t thought I needed to have one with the girls yet.

Jesus Christ, we do.

As I get dressed, I wonder how the hell I’m supposed to do that. Goddamn Georgia for leaving, it’s times like this that I hate her the most. The times when the girls really need their mom, but she’s not here. No, instead of being here for the two people she helped create, she’s off on some wild bender, probably drinking herself into oblivion. There’s only so much I can do as a man raising two girls all alone.

After she left, it was a solid week before I heard from her, and when I did, there was no convincing her to come back. About a year later, she served me with divorce papers, which included her relinquishing her parental rights. Talk about kicking us while we were down, not only did she walk out but also she legally disowned us all. And what pisses me off more than anything is what all this has done to the girls. I couldn’t give a shit about myself; I was a terrible husband. We were young when we met, and I didn’t know the first thing about love. But the girls? They didn’t deserve to be abandoned by their mother.

“You got five minutes,” I holler down to them. The bus will be here soon, and I’d like them to eat something before they leave. I look into the fridge for something to make. Christ, I’m still half asleep as I try to function.

Maisy comes upstairs and gives me a hug, “Morning, baby girl.”

“Hey, Dad. What happened to your face?” she asks pulling back from me.

“Oh, I got caught with a right hook sparring last night at the gym.” The girls don’t know I ever fought, and I want to keep it that way since it’ll only complicate things. When I was fighting, it wasn’t as if I did it for the money. I make a good living from my day job as an engineer, especially now that Chandler and I started our own business.

I fought to release the pain and agony that had built up inside me for so many years. The need to fight was so great that I felt like a junky that had to get their next fix. I lost Georgia over it. But I’ll be damned if I let it get in the way of my girls. I haven’t fought anyone since the night Georgia left. Now, I just keep that pain pent up inside of me. Whether it’s wrong or right, I don’t know . . . it’s the only way I know how to be.

“I’m gonna take a bar,” Maisy says and grabs two, I assume the second one is for her sister. “Love you, Dad.” She gives me a quick hug, but before I let her go, I say, “Would you please tell Rianna I said I am sorry?”

She nods, obviously already aware of what I’m apologizing for, and then kisses my cheek. Her eyes are identical to Georgia’s, so big and blue, ready to take on the world around her. It kills me that her mom doesn’t want to be here and a part of all this with her.

Rianna comes flying up the stairs and gives me a cold, “Bye, Dad.”

“Bye. Love you,” I tell them just as the door slams shut behind Rianna.

My phone rings in my pocket, and I pull it out before swiping my finger across the screen.

“Hey, man,” I answer, probably sounding a little monotone from my failed father of the year act.

“Whoa, who died?” Chandler, my best friend, and business partner asks.

“Piss off,” I say and grab a coffee mug.

“What is it with you always talking about my dick? You like me or something?”

“Far from it,” he chuckles, and I’m not in the mood for his antics today. “Did you call for something important?”

“You really are in a shit mood today. Wanna talk about what happened?”

I pop a k-cup in the coffee machine. Chandler is the last person I want to talk to about this, but I don’t have anyone else to talk about this stuff . . . he’s all I got. “I caught Rianna and some boy in her room last night.”

“What the fuck? Isn’t she twelve?”

“Fourteen, but still. How does she even know what to do?”

“Don’t you remember how we were when we were fourteen?”

“We’re guys, that’s different.”

“I don’t think so. Kids nowadays are sexting and shit at her age. It’s a scary world out there, my man. I’m so glad I don’t have kids.”

“Fuck, don’t tell me that,” I gripe and rake my fingers through my damp hair. The thought of either of my little girls doing anything like that makes my stomach queasy all over again.

“So, did you kill the fucker?”

“No, I wanted to . . . but he’s just a kid.”

“Hell, I would’ve.”

“I should’ve. He left hickeys on her chest and—”

“Oh fuck, are you serious?”

“Yes!”

“Have you had the talk yet, about the birds and the bees?”

“Fuck no!” I basically holler.

“You want me to ask Mia to talk to the girls with you?”

“No, don’t bother her.” Mia is the last person who’d want to help me.

“It’s not a bother, she’s back in town. For good this time.”

She is? Fuck!

“Oh. I had no idea. It’s all good, man, don’t worry, I’ll handle it.”

“You sure? I think you might need a woman’s help with your problems.”

“Fuck you, I don’t need anyone to help me.”

“Calm down, what’s the big deal?” The big deal is that she’s your sister and we fucked and never told you. Oh, and let’s not forget that I haven’t seen her since that night, which I try to avoid thinking about at all costs because Mia does something to me.

“There’s no big deal, man. I just don’t need you to go out of your way and call her about it.” I know the second he brings up my name, she’ll want nothing to do with it . . . or me. Mia was the first woman I was with after Georgia left me, and I was in no shape to be doing what I was doing or trying it for the first time with someone as amazing as Mia. After we hooked up, I never heard from her again, which is probably because I bailed in the middle of the night. Then she went off to college, and that was what? Four years ago.

“Okay, why don’t you ask her yourself. She’s coming into the office today.”

Motherfucker!

“Yeah? What for?” I try to act cool.

“She’s been asked to speak at The Society Of Women’s Engineers. They are having a conference here next month, and she wanted to see if she could interview me as part of her presentation. You know she snagged a sweet engineering job at Mantis? That’s actually why I called your cranky ass.”

“No, I had no idea she worked there. That’s great for her, but why would she want to interview you for her speech?”

“Uh, because I am the coolest engineer in the fuckin’ state of Massachusetts.”

“Don’t you mean you’re one of two?”

“Right, I forgot about my partner, Mr. Perfect.”

“Fuck you, asshole.”

“No, fuck you, man. You need to get your ass in here. If I’m getting interviewed, so are you. We’re a package deal, baby, remember?”

“Whatever. I’m not a package deal with anyone. I’ll be in the office shortly.”

Chandler and I hang up, and my mind is spinning. If he ever found out about what happened, he would kill me. Mia is the one person in this world who means anything to him. Both his parents died in a car accident when he was twenty, so he stepped up and raised Mia after that. It’s a job he’s always taken seriously, and he protects her at all costs, which is good. It will help me to stay away from her. That in and of itself is going to be a miracle if I can pull it off. She’s the only person who has made me feel anything since Georgia.

God, I can still remember the look she had in her eyes when we fucked. It was the most gorgeous expression I’ve seen. Even though I knew we couldn’t be together. I’m too fucked up. What we did was wrong and never should’ve happened. We both gave into the heat of the moment, but I was in no place emotionally to be with her, and I let the pain of my past get the better part of me. That I’ll always regret, but my life is full of them, so I’ll add it to the long list.