As much as I’m pretending to be pissed that Roan is here, I’d probably be even more pissed if he weren’t. Deep down, I hoped he would be here tonight. The way my insides ignited seeing him again is something I can’t let go of, no matter how much I want to. I would never admit it aloud, but my mind has been consumed by all things Roan all day. And as cold as I act toward him, it’s all a front . . . a lie to hide my true feelings because I’m still hurt and pissed at him for leaving me the way he did.

“So, that’s my dilemma,” Roan says, sipping the last of yet another drink. I have no idea what he just said, but I play like I do.

My brother rolls his eyes and finally says, “I’ll never have kids!”

“Fuck you!” Roan jives back.

“Fuck you,” Chandler says. “I raised her. I’m done.” He’s referring to me, and how after we lost our parents, he became my legal guardian.

His phone buzzes on the table, and like usual, it distracts him. He’s like a dog seeing a squirrel when it comes to his phone. Roan looks at me with that all-to-familiar look, and I can’t keep my eyes on his. I have to look away.

Focus on breathing, Mia.

“Fuck,” Chandler mutters under his breath, but we both hear him and look over.

“What’s the matter?” I ask, and he turns his phone toward us, showing us a familiar naked woman on the screen.

“Is that Veronica?” Roan asks. The name registers in my mind, but it takes a second for it to click. It’s the cute receptionist I met earlier today at their office.

No way is that her.

“Yep, I’m gonna go get me some of that.” Without another word, he’s gone, taking the small amount of ease I felt with him.

Roan and I anxiously look at one another, and I say, “I should go, too.”

“Okay,” Roan agrees with me, but the truth is that I don’t want to go anywhere. I still want him in every way imaginable. Even if it ends the same way, I can’t deny what I’m feeling.

God, I’m pathetic.

“Do you want me to walk you to your car?” he asks.

I’m about to tell him yes when the waitress stops at our table. “Another round?”

I swallow, letting Roan make the decision, and my heart hurts when he says, “No thanks, we’re done.”

The waitress hands him a bill, which he pays for in cash. I reach into my wallet to give him some money, but he has that look in his eyes, the one that says, “Don’t you fuckin’ dare.”

“Where are you parked?”

“Just down the street.”

“Okay.” He stands, and I follow, letting him lead me to the door. I sense everyone watching us, but I only have eyes for Roan. No one in this world compares to his dark eyes and dark hair, and it kills me that all we’ll ever have is that one night together.

The evening is cool, and a shiver runs through me. I run my hands up and down my arms. Roan removes his coat before sliding it over my shoulders, which makes me smile a bit. At least that part of him hasn’t changed over the years. Always the gentlemen. I dip my chin without him noticing and breathe in his intoxicating scent.

“Thanks,” I tell him.

“Anything for you. You know that.” His words have a deeper meaning, and even though I know he’s trying to be sweet, they hurt me.

“How do I know that?” I question him, the alcohol making me feel very brave.

“You’re right, Mia, you shouldn’t know that.”

“Then why say it?” I argue.

“It was a mistake.”

“Just like the night we were together. That was a mistake, too, huh?”

“No. Never.”

I don’t believe him for one second. “Then why leave me like you did? You snuck out after you promised me you’d stay.”

“I had to, Mia.”

“You didn’t.” I stop walking and let the anger race through me as I look into his alluring eyes.

“I did. It was the right thing to do for you.”

I scoff and give him an incredulous look. “Since when do you get to make those choices for me? You left me like some trashy whore with no good explanation and then never spoke to me again. How can you even think it was the right thing?”

“Because I’m fucked up!”

“So am I . . . we all are! Don’t you see that?”

“I’m sorry,” he whispers, looking down at the ground, his jaw tightly clenched. He’s starting to shut down, which is something I know well. There were so many times when we worked together that he almost gave in, but each time ended with the same hands in the pockets, closed off, jaw tight expression. He fought the connection between us for so long and then when he finally gave in, I thought I’d gotten through. Something within him changed for that one night, but like all things in my life, it was too good to last.

He’s looking off in the distance, not making eye contact with me. “You’re doing it again.”

“Doing what?”

“Pushing me away.”

“No, I’m not. I’m walking you to your car. I let you borrow my coat. I’m trying here, Mia.”

Angrily, I push his coat off my shoulders and tell him, “I don’t want your coat or a simple walk to my car. I want you to let me in.” I can’t believe the words I just spoke as they ring in my ears.

“I . . . I’m no good for you, trust me, I wish I were.”

“That’s bullshit, and you know it. You feel what I do just as much, but you’re too afraid to give in because of what Georgia did to you.”

“That’s not it, Mia.” His words are a lie, and each deceitful syllable breaks my heart.

“Then tell me what the fuck it is?” I plead with him, as I grab his face and try to force him to look at me. But he refuses to turn his head. “This is the only chance I’ll give you, Roan!” He stands frozen, the emotionlessness from him pushing me further away. I remove my hands from him, and he doesn’t move. I step away, silently willing his eyes to find mine, but his gaze stays locked somewhere in the distance. It’s then that I realize what a fool I am. All these years, I thought that maybe if I had just one chance to tell him how I felt, it would be enough. Clearly, I was wrong. So, I pull together the last of my self-respect, turn and walk away.