After Quinn and I fucked this morning, she’s been quiet…more distant, and I know it’s because of the question that I asked her this morning. I knew I shouldn’t have said anything; it was in the heat of the moment, and I let my mouth speak what I was feeling. She couldn’t even answer me; she just shook her head, and now…everything feels different.

She agreed to a week with me, and that’s it. So I’ve gotta let go of any thoughts I’m having about wanting more. Plus, who am I kidding? I don’t have time to date. I barely have time for myself when I’m home.

“I’m gonna go for a walk,” she says, grabbing her scarf and gloves.

“Can I join you?” I ask, wanting to get things back to normal between us.

“Sure.”

I get dressed and meet her downstairs. Since Ari got hurt, we haven’t done much as a group, minus hanging out at the house, which is understandable, but at times it’s boring.

Willow and Ted are watching a movie on the couch with Ari. Kami and Jacob must be in their room.

As we step outside, the cold air sends a chill through my bones, and I zip my coat. We walk down the driveway, and automatically I grab her hand, she blinks a few times, searching for her words and I just want to try and fix things. “I’m sorry for earlier. I shouldn’t have opened my mouth.”

“It’s okay. I’m sorry for how I acted too.”

“Don’t be,” I tell her. “I shouldn’t have asked you that. We had an agreement, and I got carried away in the heat of the moment and—”

“It’s okay, Merritt,” she cuts me off. “You don’t need to explain yourself. It’s not you that’s messed up, it’s me.”

“Can I ask you something, Quinn?”

“Sure.”

“What’s happened to make you so scared to date again?”

She laughs awkwardly, “I don’t know what it is, but all of my relationships always end badly.”

“Why do you think?”

“I don’t know. Ever since high school, every relationship I’ve been in has ended because either the guy has lied to me or cheated on me.”

“You know I’d never do that to you, right?” She rolls her eyes and doesn’t respond, looking over at me. “I mean it, Quinn.”

“You and I don’t even live in the same state. Have you ever tried a long-distance relationship?”

“No, you?”

“Yes, my last one was, and I’m telling you, I won’t do it again. I’m sorry, it has nothing to do with you. I like you, and the time we share together, but once we are apart, I’m sure your feelings will change, and like I said, I’m not ready to date. I need some time to fix myself.”

The ground beneath us shifts, the sound of the cracking is so loud that I’m not sure what to do. And before I can react to her wide and scared eyes, I realize how bad of an idea it was to walk on the lake we fished a few days ago with how sunny it’s been.

“Don’t move.”

“Okay,” she says, visibly scared, but trusting. As I step to my right, the ice cracks. Quinn falls in, her screams echoing off the canyon surrounding us. Instinctively, I reach for her arms and hold on to her as I’m now lying flat on my stomach. Her face is contorted with fear. “I got you. I got you,” I tell her and know I have to get her out of the freezing water quickly. Scooting myself backwards, I slowly pull her out and pray that the ice doesn’t give again.

Each shift of our weight causes a thud beneath us. My heart pounds harder than I can ever remember. Quinn is frightened, I can see it in her eyes, and I pray that I can get us out of this.

It doesn’t take me long; I’ve won half of the battle. With both of us lying on the ice, her teeth are chattering, and very calmly I tell her, “Spread your legs apart and scoot to the edge of the ice, it’s not too far.”

“No, I’m not leaving you here.”

“Goddammit, Quinn, go!” I yell at her.

Tears fill her eyes, and she scoots away from me. I can feel each time she moves, and the ice makes noises beneath my body. Waiting for what feels like an eternity, I can’t believe this has happened. Then she finally says the words. “I’m off the ice.”

Taking in a deep breath, I contemplate getting up and running. Wondering if I could outrun the cracking ice, like in the movies. But I don’t dare risk it, not while Quinn’s shivering body is waiting for me.

As I scoot along, the noises have me fearing I won’t make it. But Quinn’s eyes keep me going, and finally, I make it off the ice. She throws herself around me, and I lift her wet, shivering body in my arms, jogging back to the house as fast as I can.

“Are you okay?” I ask her.

“I think so.” Her lips are blue and teeth still chattering.

Rushing inside, everyone looks at us, shocked, as I burst through the door and I head straight towards our bathroom. “Oh my God, what happened?” Willow asks.

“She fell through the ice,” I respond and start the shower. Quinn is standing in the middle of the room, clearly in shock as her body is trembling.

“Shouldn’t we call 911?” Willow asks.

“She was only in the water for thirty seconds tops; she’s not disoriented. I don’t think she needs to go to the hospital.”

“Quinn, do you want me to call an ambulance?” Willow asks her, and she shakes her head as I help her undress and then get her into the shower. The hot water surrounds her body, slowly calming her chattering teeth.

“Can I get you something?” Willow asks her.

“Dry clothes,” I tell Willow and strip naked myself, getting inside the shower while Willow is gone.

Quinn’s body shakes as I rub my hands up and down her arms, trying to help circulate her blood. Slowly, I watch the life come back to her as the color returns to her face. Thank God, she’s okay. I’m not sure what I would’ve done had something happened to her.

“Thank you for saving me,” she says, and I kiss the top of her wet hair.

With Quinn in my arms, I have a tight hold on her, realizing in this moment as we stand here together, just how precious life is. Today we both could’ve died and then what? What would things be like in a world with no Quinn and no Merritt? The thought is unsettling, and I hold her tighter and harder. Processing the reality that after tomorrow my life will not have Quinn in it, and I don’t know how to deal with that.