Chapter Sixteen

Why did I still cry on the first day of school? You would think I’d be past it considering his age, but no. It was worse. Each year meant we were getting closer to me not being present on the first day. And someday there would be no more first days. Cody didn’t appreciate the tears or the awkwardly long hug at the door where his friend Hershel could see. At least I was dressed with my hair and makeup done. Ma used to come out in her bathrobe with curlers in her hair. I would at least give him credit for not forcefully extricating himself from me. The kid had several inches on me and he was a lot stronger. He could have easily gotten out of my clutches, but he patted my back and kept saying things like, “Mom, I really need to go.” “I love you.” “You’re embarrassing me.”

While wiping my tears away and getting ready to head into the office, I got a text.

Have a good day. This is Reed, by the way, in case you didn’t add me to your contacts yet.

I hadn’t. I figured Sunday night was a one-time deal.

Happy first day of school, I responded. I couldn’t say enough how weird it was to be talking to Reed like we were friends.

I’ve doubled up on coffee and I have the ibuprofen ready to go just in case.

Good luck.

Thank you.

I shrugged and threw my phone into my purse. So many unexpected things kept happening to me. At least Reed was pleasant.

Five minutes later, on my drive to the office, I received another text from him. My car read texts to me. I was sure it read this one wrong.

Hey, how would you like to help me shop for curtains? I decided to embrace my feminine side.

While funny, I wasn’t sure what to make of it. And it wasn’t like I could respond. I was a huge believer in no texting while driving. Ask Cody. I reminded him every time we got in the car that if I ever caught him texting and driving, I’d accompany him on every date he ever went on, as well as confiscate his phone.

Once I got to the office, I read the text to make sure my car wasn’t playing tricks on me. What did I say? This was the kind of thing you asked your girlfriend or mom to do. Did he see me like a mother figure?

Another text popped up.

The students will be filing in soon, and I won’t be able to teach if I’m worried that I’ll buy the wrong length, or anger the home interior gods by mixing the wrong patterns. Don’t even get me going on my curtain rod nightmares.

I probably looked like an idiot, giggling uncontrollably in my car. Home interior gods?

What? Do they prefer being called something else? Lifestyle gurus? Is that better?

Much.

So will you help me? I can’t risk ticking off a guru.

I’m not sure I’m the right person, and I can’t have your fate resting in my hands.

I’ll take my chances.

I thought for a few more seconds. I needed to buy some myself anyway. And I’ll admit, Reed entertained me. I could use some more of that in my life. Okay.

That sounded lackluster. We are talking curtains here. I need some enthusiasm.

Who was this guy? Certainly not the kid I used to know. I wasn’t sure how to respond. I had never really gotten that excited over curtains. Okay!

That was better, but it still needs a little work. I’ve got to do some educating. I’ll call you later to set up a time.

I didn’t know what to say, so I let that be the final communication.

In a daze, I walked into the office staring at my phone.

“More fan mail?” Avery interrupted my thoughts.

It took me a second to realize she had said something. “Huh?”

Avery tipped her pretty head to the side. “You all right?”

I threw my phone back in my purse. “Right as rain.”

“I almost believe you. And if I’m not mistaken, you seem happy. I thought you would be a big pile of goo after sending Cody to school.”

“I’m faking it until I make it.” I gave her a semi-real grin.

“I know that routine.”

“How did you do sending off the boys this morning?”

“Me? I threw a party. Your nephews aren’t going to be happy until they knock down a wall or burn the house to the ground. I love those boys, but I miss my girl.” Her voice cracked. “Next week it will be two years.”

“I know.” I met her at her desk where we embraced.

“She would have started middle school this year.” Her tears landed on my shoulder. “When we went back-to-school shopping, I almost bought a pink backpack with hearts on it. Remember how much she loved hearts?”

“I do. I kept the notes she wrote me on the paper hearts she loved to cut out.”

“I feel terrible for ever getting frustrated with her for leaving paper scraps everywhere. What I wouldn’t give to have her paper fill the house.”

I hugged her tighter. “She knew how loved she was.”

“Why does life have to be so damn unfair?”

“That’s a good question.”

“I don’t think this ache will ever go away.”

“I don’t know that it’s meant to. How could it? Those creatures are a part of us.”

“I don’t think James understands that. Or he’s better at hiding his grief than me.”

“Men can joke all day long that they’re glad they don’t have to give birth, but if they really knew how amazing it was to give life, they would jump at the chance. We are connected to our children in a unique way. Not that men don’t have value, well, at least some men, but I think deep down they know they are missing out on something wonderful.”

“I’m not sure about that, given James’s reaction in the delivery room, but I just wished he would talk about it more, or let me talk and not say anything. Sometimes all I need from him is to hold me.”

“Have you told him?”

“I have, and sometimes he listens, but it only lasts for a day or so. Don’t get me wrong. I love James. He’s good man, but he’s . . .”

“A man?”

She cried and laughed all at the same time. “You totally get me.”

“I think that Y chromosome affects their brains. It takes whatever we say and translates it into a whole other language . . . or to whatever they want to hear.”

“I think you’re onto something, sister.” She gently pulled away and wiped her eyes. I handed her a tissue from my purse. I always kept some handy.

“I’m here if you need to talk.”

She nodded and took her seat back at her desk. “Oh, before I forget, speaking of dumb things your brother says, he thinks you and Reed were flirting Sunday night at dinner.” She laughed and blew her nose at the same time, though I wasn’t sure how that was possible.

I froze and tried not to make direct eye contact with her. “Why would he think such a ridiculous thing?”

Her shoulders twitched. “He said you looked cozy talking to each other, and he noticed Reed walked you out to your car.”

“He was leaving at the same time,” I stuttered.

“That’s what I said. I mean, you babysat the kid.”

“Exactly.” Why was my voice high-pitched?

“I told James he was crazy, and you would likely date someone older than you who was more settled in life.”

I rubbed the back of my neck. “Or not at all.”

She gave me a big smile. “Oh, give it a while, hot mama. You’ll have some irresistible debonair professor or something knocking on your door.”

“Yeah, maybe.”

“Not to say that Reed kid isn’t a fine specimen, but he’s totally not your type.”

“Definitely not. I better get to work if we all want to get paid this week.”

“Don’t let me keep you. School fees were killer this year, and mama needs a new pair of shoes.”

I waved and walked off, suddenly feeling deceitful. Why didn’t I tell her that Reed called me, or that I agreed to go curtain shopping with him? I was going to have to cancel that. I didn’t want anyone to get the wrong idea. I mean, Reed and me? What a preposterous idea.