Chapter Twenty-Four

I had a date for Saturday. In five days. One-hundred-and-twenty-plus hours away.

That didn’t seem far enough away.

I wasn’t even sure it was going to happen. How was I going to explain my absence to Cody Saturday night without lying? Keeping it on the down-low was one thing, but I refused to lie, especially to my son. He already had one parent that was good at that. I didn’t even know where we would go. Reed said he had a plan and would let me know. Was I even ready to date again?

I went to my people while I got ready for the day Monday morning.

How do you know when you’re ready to date again? Asking for a friend, I posted on my Facebook page. That’s where most people responded, it seemed, and quickly too. I had forty comments in the time it took me to put on my makeup. The comments were all over the place.

Tell your friend that the fact she’s asking this question may mean she’s ready.

Was that true? But I wasn’t sure that pertained to me since I was asked out and already accepted before I posed this question.

Girl, just stay away. Stay away.

That was probably good advice.

Tell your friend to date for money this time. Love is highly overrated.

This was not a bad thought.

Do you have anyone in mind? I have an older brother.

No way was I being set up with or dating anyone I met online.

Have you thought about what you want and don’t want in a mate? Are you excited about it? Are you over your ex?

Those were good questions to ask myself.

I knew I didn’t want a cheater, but who did? What else did I want? I wanted the little things that had been missing from my marriage for a long time. Kisses when parting and greeting each other. A hand to hold. Someone who not only listened to me, but actively wanted to know how my day was. I wanted someone to go on bike rides and pick apples with. What I wouldn’t give to cuddle on the couch with someone and watch an old movie and eat popcorn. I wanted someone who would love Cody and put us first in his life.

Was I excited about dating? Not necessarily. But was I excited about going out with Reed? If I was honest, the answer was yes. I enjoyed being with him and I was flattered he liked me, even if it was weird. And I had a sneaking suspicion that we would have fun.

Was I over Neil? I didn’t want him anymore, at least not who he had become. I hadn’t in a long time. His injury severed that connection. But the wound had not healed. He had left his mark. And there were still times I ached for the man I’d married almost eighteen years ago. Did that mean I wasn’t ready?

I grabbed my phone off the charger to throw in my bag before going out to make Cody breakfast. I had two texts.

The first one was from Avery. Are you really thinking about dating?

Yes. I was honest.

Next up was Reed. Tell your friend to get ready. She’s going to have a great time this weekend.

Do you follow me on Facebook? I had no idea who was and wasn’t. I gave up looking at the notifications after the first couple of thousand people.

Of course. I need to know what type of legal documentation I may require in the future. And I’ve always wanted a good protein ball recipe.

Now you’re lying.

Only about the protein balls.

I need to finish getting ready. Have a good day.

You too. I’ll call you tonight, just let me know when you’re available to talk.

Why are you calling?

I like talking to you. And how else will I know how your day was?

Oh.

Is that okay?

I thought for a moment. Yes.

I look forward to it.

Me too, I thought.

~*~

I arrived at the office with Avery’s favorite orange scones from a bakery we frequented, and purple gift bag full of paper hearts I had cut out last night while I couldn’t sleep. My mind was preoccupied. With mostly Reed. Did this make me a cougar? Not thinking about it.

This was a tough week for our family, especially James and Avery’s family. Tomorrow it would be two years since our beautiful Hannah had been taken from us. I knew Avery and James would go to her grave tomorrow. I think they went more than we knew. I made the hearts so Avery could spread them on her grave. She had the prettiest little headstone made of white marble, inscribed in gold. It fit Hannah, golden and pure.

I set the bag of hearts and the scones on her desk without a word. I could tell by her blurry eyes and rosy cheeks she was doing her best to hold it together. And I knew she would know what the hearts were for. She had been unnecessarily apologetic about only wanting James and their boys with her tomorrow at the grave. We all understood.

Avery gave me a weak smile.

I tried to return it with a reassuring one, but I knew nothing could take away the ache her mother heart felt.

In her show of bravery, she grabbed my hand before I could walk away. “I want to show you something.” She let go of my hand and clicked on a few folders. Up popped a gorgeous banner.

I knelt next to her chair to get an up-close look. I touched the screen and ran my hand over the title, The Sidelined Wife, done in a bold, curvy font. A lighted football field subtly played in the background. She added a subtitle that read, Getting Back in the Game.

“It’s gorgeous. You’re so talented.”

“You really love it?”

“So much.” I ran my fingers across the screen again.

“Let’s put it up on your site. And the new photo. I know Delanie sent it to you.”

I had been avoiding that. I liked the blank space where my photo was supposed to go. “How about the banner only?”

“No deal. You look beautiful.”

“You’re a liar, but fine.”

She rolled her eyes at me before logging into my various sites and uploading the banner in different sizes for the different platforms. “Now send me the picture. I’ll upload it for you.”

I obeyed and pulled out my phone. Within seconds it was in her inbox. And before I knew it, my face was plastered on my Facebook page, blog, Instagram, and Twitter. I felt more self-conscious than ever.

“So,” Avery was still clicking on things, “are you really thinking about dating again?”

I stood up and rubbed my neck. “I’m thinking about it. I mean, that’s natural, right?”

“I think it’s a great idea. You know, our neighbor, Gary, is single. He’s attractive; nice, too. I think you met him last year at our Halloween party.”

Avery loved Halloween and threw a Halloween bash every year for adults only.

“Maybe. I can’t place him.” I was married last year, so it’s not like single men were on my radar. Neil hadn’t come to the party with me. He said he was researching a case he was working on with the police department, which wasn’t unusual, but they had become more frequent. I was so naïve.

“Do you want me to set you up?”

I tensed. “No. No.”

She laughed at me. “Do you have someone in mind?”

Thankfully, the office phone rang and she had to answer it. I didn’t want to lie to her, but I couldn’t tell her about Reed. I would have dinner with him once, and someday we would laugh about how silly it had been. And maybe in ten years I would tell my family, and they could all laugh too.

I rushed to my office and shut the door as if I could hide from my own thoughts. Wouldn’t that be nice if I could?