Chapter Nineteen

There I was. Alone.

The team had cleared the field and headed to the locker room. That was good news for me. It meant Cody should smell decent on the trip home.

I slipped into my lightweight nylon jacket, though it was still relatively warm and humid out. It brought me comfort, like a security blanket, even if it didn’t match the shorts and jersey I was wearing.

I headed to the locker rooms with several other parents to wait for our children. Was everyone married? I hadn’t noticed that before. And why was I feeling marginalized because I was single now? Maybe because I heard two of the moms up ahead whispering about me, but doing a terrible job of keeping their voices down.

“Did you know she’s calling herself ‘the Sidelined Wife’ now?”

“Who does she think she is?”

One of the husbands looked back at me before also doing a terrible job of whispering to his wife. “I think she can hear you.”

The women stopped and looked back at me, red faced.

I wanted to say something back to them. Something clever and witty that proved they didn’t hurt my feelings or exacerbate my already vulnerable state. But all I could do was not give them the satisfaction of tears. Those would come in the privacy of my home.

They picked up their pace and mine slowed. I waited well outside of the locker room, staring at my phone, trying to be invisible like the teen girls earlier that day. Last year I would have been amongst the crowd, talking easily. What had happened?

I didn’t comprehend a thing on my phone’s screen. I was itching for the safety of my car, wishing for my old life back. But is that what I really wanted? The façade?

Boys, showered and dressed, started filing out of the locker room. Some went their own way, others into the congratulatory arms of their parents. With each emerging player, I looked to see if it was Cody. What was taking him so long? He finally came out wearing his winner’s grin. He was joined by one of his teammates, Jayvin. They were laughing and talking.

“Cody.” I waved, anxious to go, though I was the only one of two parents left now.

He ran my way and did exactly what I needed him to do. He threw his arms around me.

“Did you see me?” For a moment, he sounded like my little boy.

“You were amazing! Everyone thought so. They’re sorry they all had to leave early, but they wanted me to tell you congratulations. And,” I handed him the wad of cash I had stashed in my jacket pocket, “this is Mimsy’s way of congratulating you.”

He took the cash. “Awesome.” He took a breath and lowered his voice and head. “Did Dad come?”

I thought my heart couldn’t break any more, but it was like a meteorite hit and a crater was formed right in the center of it.

I shook my head. “I’m sorry, honey, no.”

He shrugged. “It’s no big deal.”

“That’s not true. It’s okay to be disappointed.”

He shook his head in defiance. I understood that. I had done the same thing many times.

“Jayvin was wondering if I could go to his house for a while. Some of us are getting together for pizza and video games to celebrate.” His eyes begged me to let him go so he could forget that I was it. I knew he wasn’t trying to slight me.  

“Okay. Home by midnight, please. Or do I need to pick you up?”

“Jayvin’s going to give me a ride.” He turned to walk away.

“Cody?” Pleading was in my voice.

He immediately faced me.

“I love you.” I knew that didn’t make it better, but it was all I had to offer.

“Love you.” He took off and never looked back.

The tears didn’t wait. They filled my eyes. In a rush, I headed toward the stadium parking lot.

Not even my name being called was going to stop me.

“Sam,” the familiar voice rang out.

Where had he come from? I didn’t care. I kept my hurried pace to the car.

“Sam,” the persistent voice neared.

I was wiping tears furiously as I walked.

“Sam,” the voice was upon me and it came with a touch. Reed gently grabbed my arm. “Hey there, slow down.”

I tried to turn my head away so he wouldn’t see the emotion pouring out of me, but there was no hiding it.

His instinctual response was apparently to reach up to touch my tear stained cheek, but thankfully he stopped himself. What was he thinking? His blue eyes were big and flooded with curiosity and worry.

“What’s wrong?”

I stepped away, making him let go, which was my plan. All I needed was this scene to play out in front of someone. Though it was innocent, after tonight, I felt like I had a mark on my head. Or that I had just became aware of it.

“I need to go.” And that’s what I did.

Did I mention Reed was persistent? He followed. “Sam, what happened?”

“Life.” I kept my pace.

He had no problem keeping up. His legs were longer than mine and I’m sure he was in better shape. I was still sore from that stupid hip-hop class five days ago.

By the time I reached my car, I was a shaky, emotional wreck. Was I so naïve to think the Sidelined Wife stuff wouldn’t get around to the people at Cody’s school? Or did I just assume everyone would be happy for me? And then there was Neil. I was going to call him and let him have it. All of this was his fault. He divorced me, not Cody.

But before I could, I found myself in the most unexpected place. Reed wrapped his arms around me.

“Please tell me what’s wrong.” His chin rested on my head.

I stood stiff, in shock. But then he ran his hand down my back. His kindness and gentle touch made me lose it. I just needed someone in the moment. I sobbed into his chest until I realized he was back in his suit. I tried to pull away. “I’m sorry. I’m going to ruin your shirt and tie.”

He pulled me closer. “I only care about what has you so upset.”

“Why?” Why did he seem to care so much about me?

He thought for a moment and let out a slow, deep breath. “Let me take you to dinner, and we’ll talk.”

I jumped away from him. In a panic, I looked around, begging whatever saint I could that my meltdown and Reed’s consoling wasn’t on display. I didn’t see anyone in the barren parking lot.

“Thank you, but we shouldn’t.”

He tilted his head. “Why not?”

“You’re Cody’s coach. Some things were said tonight. I don’t want to give anybody the wrong impression. I really appreciate your offer and your kindness, but I better get home.”

That answer didn’t seem to satisfy him. He took my hand in his. “Who said what?”

“It’s so embarrassing.” More tears streamed down my cheeks.

“Did someone say something about us?”

Us? Why would he jump to that conclusion? I shook my head, confused. “No. Let’s just say I’m a fool.”

“Sam.” He drew closer. “Please tell me what happened?”

I took a deep breath full of shudders before letting out my mortifying tale of the two women, and since I was on a roll and it felt good to let it out, I kept on going. “And to top it off, I feel like there is a flashing neon sign on my head that shouts, ‘divorced woman, stay away!’ Why?”

I just wanted to know why this was happening to me. I’d been wondering that for months. It was like the gift that kept on giving, but I wanted to give it back to the sender with a note telling them to go to the deepest place in hell.

Reed was more touchy-feely than expected. He went from holding my hand to hugging me again. I let him. This time I wrapped my arms around him. I needed a friend, and he would do. Besides, he smelled nice. And it was the most warmth I had felt in months. Peace settled into me.

“I know those women,” he said as he rubbed my back. “They’re jealous because their kids are, let’s say, not Cody material. Had I been here when tryouts were held, their kids would have never made the team. Don’t you dare let them make you feel inferior. You’re a beautiful, intelligent, capable woman.”

I snickered into his chest.

He leaned away and met my eyes. “What’s so funny?”

“You called me beautiful.”

His eyebrows knitted together. “Okay . . . ?”

“You don’t think it’s funny that you, the boy that once teased me about playing connect the dots with the pimples on my face, just said that? I appreciate the gesture, but I don’t need more lies.”

He pressed his lips together, causing his jaw to twitch and then tighten. His gaze was penetrating. “I’m not that boy. But here’s a news flash, even that boy knew you were beautiful.”

I was taken aback by that revelation. But there was something else to address. How many times would I have to apologize to him? “I didn’t mean to offend you again.”

The warmth returned to his blue eyes. “You didn’t. Let’s go grab a late dinner.”

“We shouldn’t,” I hedged.

“Sam, I just won my first game as head coach. I want to celebrate with you. And I don’t think you want to be alone either. We’ll go somewhere private if it will make you feel more comfortable.”

Comfortable was something I hadn’t been in months. And now I was anything but. Some sensor tingled in my brain, telling me that I had been naïve about a lot of things. But he was right. I didn’t want to be alone. I gave him a weak nod.