Laura
“Let’s go again!”
I got ready for what had to be Magni’s hundredth attack on me.
“You still need to be faster, Laura.”
My arms were heavy as lead from the endless times I had defended myself the way he had shown me. We had trained more than two hours outside the school. In the beginning students had been around to watch and cheer for me, but the cold had made even Mila retreat to the school building by now. My fingers were freezing and I couldn’t feel my toes. But with Magni’s comment that he hated whiners, I was determined not to complain.
“Show me what to do if he chokes you,” Magni instructed and took his position. Lennie, the sensei whom I’d trained with in the Motherlands, had been smaller than me. It was a completely different ball game to practice with someone as big and strong as Magni, and I was worn out.
“Laura, you’re not trying. You have to practice until you’ve got it right.”
I squeezed my lips tight together, biting back the words that wanted out. Couldn’t he see that I was an exhausted ice cube?
“At least show me again how you would defend yourself if Devlin has a knife.” Magni pulled a stick from his back pocket that he had used as a prop earlier. He didn’t show any signs of fatigue or being cold.
My defense was too weak, and Magni pressed the stick against my throat. “Learn or lose, Laura!”
Swallowing my pride, I asked in desperation, “Can we stop now?”
Magni didn’t look happy about it, but he waved a hand toward the school building. “Let’s go warm you up with a hot shower.”
“How come you aren’t cold?”
“I’ve been training outside all year round since I was a child,” he said on the way to the school. “Trust me, this is nothing. I’ve been on survival camps in three feet of snow. That was cold.”
We showered separately and although it helped, I was cold again the minute I stepped back out of the shower.
“The cabin will be nice and warm,” Magni said when he saw me come out from the girl’s shower room with my arms wrapped around myself. The short walk from the school building to his cabin felt like a long hike. As soon as we were inside the cabin, I grabbed the blankets from the bed and pulled them tight around me.
I was surprised that my teeth didn’t clatter when I began to talk. “I couldn’t feel my toes when I got in the shower. It’s a bit better now, but I’m still cold.”
“Take a seat.” Pressing on my shoulders, Magni gestured for me to sit down on the bed. “Let’s get you out of these boots.”
If I hadn’t been so miserable from the cold, I would’ve enjoyed seeing Magni kneel down in front of me and remove my boots with great care.
“Sorry if my feet stink, I didn’t have any clean socks to put on.”
Magni’s strong hands were massaging my left foot. “You’re fine. In my line of business, I see, hear, and smell things that would make most people sick. Trust me, smelly feet is not even on the list of things that disgust me.”
“So they do smell?”
Magni lifted my foot to his nose.
“Noo, don’t do that,” I said with embarrassment.
A smile tugged at the edge of his mouth. “I’ll let you smell my socks and we can compare.”
“You don’t need to touch them.”
“Laura, stop talking about your feet, you’re fine.” He moved on to massage my right foot while I sat under the blankets.
“You know, it’s kind of depressing that Mila seems to understand things about you that I don’t.”
“Hmm.”
“She said some pretty profound things.”
“Yeah, she’s a smart kid.”
I angled my head. “Do you ever wonder if we missed out on something? Growing up here, I mean.”
Magni shrugged. “I know we missed out on sandy beaches, but I think it’s worth it to avoid all the stupid rules they have in the Motherlands.”
Leaning back on the bed, I supported my weight on my elbows. “I don’t like all their rules either, but sometimes when I speak to Motlanders, I feel like they understand a lot more about people than we do. Athena has all these ideas about why you drink and fight.”
“What would she know about it?” Magni scoffed. “I doubt she’s ever been in a fight or been drunk in her whole life.”
“No. But she’s a smart lady.”
Magni snorted. “Athena wouldn’t last a day in my world.”
“Finn loves her,” I pointed out. “And he respects her.”
“Why are we talking about them?”
I sighed. “I’m just saying that I wish we were better at talking about how we feel.”
Magni stopped massaging my foot and gave me a scrutinizing look. “I’m not good at talking.”
“My point exactly.” Leaning forward, I met him nose to nose. “I’m not good at it either, but I want to be.”
“Why? So you can dig around in my head?” Magni narrowed his eyes. “I don’t recommend it.”
“I wish you weren’t so closed off to me.”
His eyes hardened. “And I wish you could accept me for who I am.”
“But that’s the problem, Magni. I don’t know who you are. How could I when you won’t show it to me?” My voice was shaking with emotion. “You are everything I dreamed my husband would be. You’re strong, brave, and handsome.”
“But?”
“But that’s just the wrapping. I can’t read you, or figure out what’s going on inside your head.”
Magni put my feet down and stood up. “Then you’re not listening. How many times have I told you not to go back to the Motherlands? That’s what’s on my fucking mind.”
I stood up too, but still had to lean my head back to meet his eyes. “Why? You say it’s because you’re afraid I’ll be hurt. But I have a feeling that the real reason you don’t want me to go back is because it’s embarrassing to you that your wife has a life of her own.”
Magni crossed his arms and lowered his brow, but kept quiet.
“I never liked it when you bossed me around, but it was all I ever knew. My entire life men have been telling me what to do. You have no idea what that’s like. I was always told that it was a sign of protectiveness, until Christina pointed out to me that it’s really possessiveness.”
“Bullshit!” Magni boomed. “You love it when I’m in charge. It turns you on.”
“In bed, yes, but not outside the bedroom.”
Magni snorted again. “I’m a domineering person, Laura, deal with it. Besides, Christina wouldn’t have known possessive from protective when she made that comment. Why don’t you ask her now? I guarantee you that with her being pregnant, Boulder is more protective than ever. Ask her if she still sees it as possessiveness.”
“Boulder loves Christina. He even tells her so.”
“Ah, I see. That’s what this is about, isn’t it? You want me to shower you with flowery love poems and shit. I’m not that guy, Laura.”
Standing opposite my husband, I asked the question that I was most afraid of hearing the answer to. “Are you saying you don’t love me?”
“I’m saying I don’t like this conversation. I’m not good at talking about my emotions.” He turned his back on me, pacing the small cabin.
“Then practice until you get it right – isn’t that what you just told me?”
“This isn’t fight training. It’s different.”
“If a ten-year-old can master talking about emotions, then we can learn it too.”
“I don’t want to learn,” Magni objected.
I narrowed my eyes and slammed him with his own words again. “Learn or lose!”
Magni paled and he spoke slowly in a low voice. “Is that a threat? You’re going to leave me, aren’t you?”
My heart was hammering in my chest from the tension between us. “I don’t want to leave you, but I’ve told you that things need to change between us.”
“For fuck’s sake, Laura, don’t you see that it already has? I just spent two hours teaching you how to fight. When have I ever done that?”
“I appreciate that, but I want more. I want the closeness that Khan and Pearl have. The mutual respect. It’s clear to see how much they love and admire each other.”
Magni raked his hands through his hair in frustration. “We are not them! You keep talking about what you want, but what about what I want? I don’t recall ever hearing you say that you love me either.”
I opened my mouth to say something in my defense, but he was right.
Holding up a hand, Magni spoke before I had a chance to respond. “It’s okay, Laura. I never expected you to love me, and I respect you for not lying to my face.”
“Magni, I…” Words failed me. How could he not know how I felt about him?
Magni’s eyes were fixed on my hair when he spoke the next words. “It’s a shame that our marriage was such a disappointment to you that you’d choose to leave. For what it’s worth, I was always proud to be your husband.”
“Until I ran away,” I whispered as my head fell.
He didn’t confirm it, but with a finger under my chin, he lifted my head.
If I were a Momsie, I would’ve told him that I loved him a long time ago, but those words weren’t spoken often among us Northlanders, and he already held too much power over me.
What I couldn’t say in words, I told him in my own way. Placing one hand on his strong chest, and sliding the other around his nape, I lifted up on my tiptoes and kissed him.
Magni closed his eyes, and my hand on his chest lifted when he drew in a deep intake of air.
I kissed him again, and this time he spread his lips, inviting me to deepen our kiss. Warmth spread in my body when his arms snaked around my waist, pulling me close against him. He followed up with that sexy sound deep in his throat that only Magni could make. It ignited an electric current that ran from the top of my spine all the way down to set off a fire between my thighs.
For two people who couldn’t communicate well outside of the bedroom, at least we were compatible in this part of our relationship. There was an equal amount of desire and frustration.
“I should punish you for leaving me again,” Magni mumbled against my neck.
A slow smile spread on my lips, “Are you going to?”
Magni’s hand tugged my head backward when he pulled my hair, looking deep into my eyes. “I want to.”
Excitement shone from my hooded eyes, but I didn’t speak.
“You would like that, wouldn’t you?” he muttered.
I smiled.
“Why the hell do you have to make things so difficult?” Magni asked in a low gruff voice.
I didn’t have an answer for him but I complied when he ordered, “Take off your clothes.”
Magni communicated with burning eyes, hungry kisses, strong hands, and short commands. The rougher the better for me. And Magni was an expert at rough.
His hair was still wet from the shower when I reached up to play with it. With a grunt Magni pinned my hands to stay in control. It didn’t keep me from kissing him, and we battled for control a bit with him biting and suckling on my lower lip, giving me the perfect mix of pleasure and pain.
Using his strong hands, he pushed me down on the bed, pressing my legs apart with his knees. His expert fingers made sure I was wet and ready before he pushed inside of me. I closed my eyes and gave a deep moan, loving the sensation of being filled by him.
Magni encapsulated me with his body and after feeling like a giant among the Motlander women, it was wonderful to feel small in his arms. With a smile on my lips, I moved my right arm, silently signaling that I wanted him to let go of my wrist. Magni released my arm and allowed my hand to travel over his bulgy biceps and muscular shoulders. Every part of his body was delicious and toned.
“You feel amazing,” I whispered against his ear, biting at his earlobe.
Magni’s only response was an increase in his pace of sliding in and out of me.
“What position is your favorite?” My voice was still a whisper but my eyes were full of mischief. I had fantasized about Magni while we had been separated, and more than once I’d wondered what position he preferred.
“Every position that involves having sex with you,” he answered in a breathy voice.
“I like it when you take me from behind, and when I ride you.”
As if my words were a challenge, Magni took me in every position possible. After my second orgasm, I was exhausted, but Magni wasn’t done. “Get on your hands and knees.”
The bed was rocking and when my moans became too loud he covered my mouth with his large hand, pulling me up and back against his chest. Our bodies were covered with a sheen of perspiration. The cabin was like a sauna, and I could hardly breathe when his arm locked around my chest and he bit my shoulder in a sign of dominance.
Only a low growl came from him but he might as well have said the words “You’re mine.”
Closing my eyes, I rotated my hips, wanting him to do it again. Magni read my signals and lifted my hair away to bite my neck without breaking the skin.
“Come inside me,” I panted.
His heavy breathing and the way he intensified the pace told me he was close.
“Yes, yes… that’s it, Magni. Come in me.”
Leaning back on his haunches, Magni brought me with him to a shared orgasm. Pressing himself as far inside of me as he could, he emptied every drop of warm semen while calling out my name. “Lauraaa, fuck yes, Laura.”
I leaned my head back on his shoulder, panting from exhaustion.
“My leg is cramping.” Without letting go of me, Magni changed our position to spoon on the bed. He was still inside of me, but stretching his leg and flexing his foot. I tried to move forward to give him space, but he held on to me. “No, stay.”
We lay together and I reached for his hand and intertwined our fingers. Magni kissed my shoulder and buried his head in my hair. I blamed it on the lack of sleep from the night before that we fell asleep at seven thirty – connected, sated, and in each other’s arms.
If only things could have stayed that way, but eight hours later, I woke up to an incoming call from Hans.
“I’m sorry, I know it’s three in the morning, but I have news.”
“Did they find Devlin?” My voice was hopeful, as I wanted to stay in bed with Magni.
“No, but we have a solid lead. There’s a village about half an hour from the border where some mysterious activity indicates Devlin might be holding a woman hostage.”
“What do you mean?” I whispered with a knot in my chest.
“We don’t know what’s going on for sure. Except the woman has been buying more food than usual and she has been acting strange. She lives in a one-person unit and neighbors have heard bizarre noises lately. One team investigated the reports more than a week ago, but the woman denied anything was wrong.”
“But the reports keep coming?” I guessed.
“Yes. The other teams are hours away, but some of us are aiming to meet up in the village around six a.m. to arrest him. Will you meet us there? It’s not far from the border.”
“Yes. Send a drone and the address, will you?”
“I’ll do that and I’ll see you in a few hours.”
“Okay,” I whispered and ended the call.
It was tempting to let Magni sleep and avoid the potential fight that was bound to happen when I asked for a lift to the border. But tempting or not, I had promised him never to leave him with a note again, so I gave his shoulder a gentle push. “Magni, wake up.”
“I am awake.”
“Then why were you snoring?”
He turned on some light. “To see if you would sneak away again.”
“You don’t trust me.” It was a statement more than a question.
“I used to.”
With a deep sigh, I got up and dressed. “Can you take me to the border?”
“Do I have a choice?”
“I can wake Marco or Archer and ask them to do it.”
Magni began to dress. “Remember what I told you. Don’t let Devlin get close to you. No need to play a hero, and don’t hesitate to blast the motherfucker to hell if he as much as points a weapon at you.
“Uh-huh.” I made sure to pack my bag with the safety equipment.
“Look at me, Laura.”
I turned to him and saw deep frown lines on his face.
“What did I just tell you?”
“To not be a hero and not get too close.”
“Yes, and kill him if necessary.”
I nodded without telling him that I had no intention of killing anyone.
“And if he sneaks up on you, knee him in his crotch. You don’t have the strength to fight him off without dirty tricks, so castrate that scumbag if you get the chance.”
“Got it!”
“Do you have everything?” Magni nodded to the bag.
“Yes.” I closed it, praying that he wouldn’t ask to see the weapons he’d given me.
“Do you want to eat something before you leave?”
“No.”
“Do you want to take a shower?”
“I’m already fully dressed.”
“Right, but maybe you should have a cup of coffee or tea at least.”
“Magni, you’re trying to stall for time, but it won’t make a difference. I’m meeting the others in a few hours and I want to get going.”
We put on our jackets in silence and walked side by side to the drone. Frost on the grass gave sound to our footsteps, but no words were said between us.
Only when we were at the border did Magni speak. “What can I do to make you stay?”
“If all goes well, I’ll be back later tonight.”
“Until you decide to leave again.” His remark was dry and bitter.
“Magni, I know we have a lot to discuss…”
He cut me off, his voice shaky. “Promise me that this is the last time I’m taking you to this fucking border.”
“I don’t want to fight with you.”
“Then promise me,” he said between gritted teeth.
“We’ll talk about it when I’m back.”
“Laura, you’re killing me,” Magni exclaimed and backed up a step. Light from the drone fell on his face, and looking into his blue eyes, I saw deep sadness. Mila’s words resounded in my mind: Magni cries on the inside.
“Do you have your safety gear?”
“Yes.”
“Weapons?”
“I’ll be fine. Magni, try not to worry about me.”
His nostrils expanded and he heaved in air like he was in physical pain.
“I’ll call you later.”
A vein on Magni’s temple popped out, and I figured the way he buried both hands in the pocket of his jacket was his way of keeping from dragging me back to the drone.
“I’ll see you later.” I only took three steps before I turned around and went back to hug him goodbye.
Magni was stiff and only gave me a brief squeeze. Maybe giving me a tight hug would have made it harder for him to let go.
“Be careful,” he whispered against my hair.
“I will.”
Once we landed, there were a hundred and three steps from his drone to the border. I know, because I counted them to distract myself from the overwhelming need to turn around and see if Magni was watching me.
When I reached the crossing, I couldn’t stop myself from looking back. Magni stood on the hilltop in front of his drone, his hands in his pockets, his eyes on me.
Catching Devlin will prove to Magni and everyone else that I’m a force to be reckoned with. I have to do this!
After waving one last time at him, I crossed the border, determined to keep my promise. If I’d known how my encounter with Devlin would go later that day, I wouldn’t have left the Northlands.