Laura
Athena was surprised when I showed up at her house.
“Laura, what a lovely surprise.” She smiled and came to take my hands. “If you’re looking for Finn, he’s not here. He’s picking Tristan up.”
“That’s okay, I came to see you.” I looked up at her peculiar house. “Why does your house have wings?”
She smiled and looked up too. “It’s called a Dutch mill. All priestesses live in one.”
“Why?”
“It’s a long story. Basically, it represents energy and since all humans are connected by energy, the mill is a sign of unity.”
I frowned. “I thought your house had been destroyed; that’s what Magni said.”
“The roof collapsed, but thanks to good neighbors it was repaired two days before we arrived back here.”
“Wow, you must really mean a lot to your neighbors.”
“I would like to think so.” Athena waved for me to enter her house. “My house is small and nothing like what you’re used to at the Gray Mansion, but it’s cozy and I like it here.” None of the five chairs around her dining table matched. Her couch looked worn and old, and the artwork on the wall could’ve been made by children. Athena slipped out of her shoes and curled up on the couch with a throw-over blanket. “It’s cold today.”
“At least it’s not raining anymore,” I said and took a seat on the other end of the couch.
“Here you go.” She lifted the soft blanket. “It’s big enough to cover both of us.”
I had only met Athena once and spoken to her by wristband, and yet sitting on her couch with our feet touching under the blanket didn’t feel awkward.
“Are you happy to be back in the Motherlands?” I asked.
“I am. Finn and I spent all day yesterday cleaning. Luckily the water damage wasn’t too bad. My friend Jameson, who lives about ten minutes from here, made sure to cover up the hole in the roof a few days after the earthquake. I helped him and his family in the past, and he said it was his way of returning the favor. Jameson’s also the one who helped fix the roof before we returned.”
“Sounds like you have good friends.”
“I do. It’s something to be grateful for.” She patted the couch. “My old sofa didn’t survive, but I found this one in a donation center. It’s comfortable, don’t you think?”
“Yes, it’s very soft.”
Athena looked at the open kitchen and back to me. “Oh my, forgive me for being a bad hostess. I should offer you some tea or food.” She sighed. “It’s just that I’ve been on my feet all morning, and my leg is still giving me grief from the injury. Do you mind if I rest for ten minutes before I make you something?”
“Oh no, you don’t have to worry about it. I didn’t come to drink tea, I came to talk to you.”
“I’m honored. Is it about Magni?”
“Yes.”
Athena looked serious. “As far as I heard he wasn’t harmed in that bar fight.”
“No, he wasn’t. I don’t think he even remembers fighting.”
“I’m sensing the bar fight is not what you’re here to talk about.”
Biting my lip, I sat for a second before I blurted it out. “I want what you have with Finn, and what Pearl has with Khan.”
Athena tilted her head. “And what is that?”
“Love.” With a determined expression I began to explain. “Finn and Khan listen to you and Pearl. There is a mutual respect between you.”
“That’s true.”
“I’ve told Magni that I want that, but he’s so stubborn and rigid. It’s like hitting my head against a wall.”
“Laura, it’s dangerous to compare yourself to others. You never see the full picture.”
“But I see enough to know that there is equality between you.”
“Finn can be challenging too, and I’m sure that if you asked Pearl, she would say the same thing about Khan. But I agree with you that Magni is inflexible in his view on women.”
I threw up my hands. “Thank you. I’m so glad you’re on my side.”
Athena frowned. “There aren’t sides in a partnership, Laura, you’re supposed to be a unity.”
“A unity? The man can’t even express how he feels about me.”
“Do you have doubts about his feelings for you?”
“Yes and no. On the one side, I know Magni is loyal to the bone and would protect me with his life. On the other side, I’m not sure it has anything to do with me as a person, but just the fact that I am his wife.”
“You think he loves the idea of a wife more than you as a person?”
“Sometimes. And then when we have sex, I feel connected to him and convinced that he cares about me. It’s all a guessing game with him. I just wish that he would say that he loves me.”
Athena leaned forward and took my hand, her thumb stroking back and forth across my knuckles. “What does he say when you tell him you love him? He must say something.”
“I haven’t said those words.”
“You haven’t?”
“No.”
“Why not?”
I lifted my shoulders in a small shrug. “Because he should say it first; he’s the man.”
Athena began chuckling.
“What is so funny?”
“What is funny is you sitting here, accusing Magni of being a traditionalist who doesn’t want to meet your need for equality. When in reality, you’re a traditionalist yourself.”
“What do you mean I’m a traditionalist?”
“You have fixed ideas about your roles in the marriage; you just admitted it when you said Magni has to go first because he’s the man. What kind of strange rule is that?”
“I don’t know. It just feels right.”
“What else does he have to do first?”
“Well, this may sound silly to you, but if there is any sort of danger I would expect him to protect me. I mean, I want to be able to protect myself and all, but if I was with Magni it would be strange if he were to hide behind me.”
Athena smiled. “It should be safe to assume that you don’t have to worry about that with him. He’s very protective of you.”
“And I like that. I just don’t like it when he gets bossy.”
“Ahh, the old tale of balance.”
“Magni is always telling me what to do.” I affected a deep mocking voice. “‘Laura, it’s cold outside, you should put on gloves. Laura, did you drink enough? It’s important to stay hydrated. Laura, I want you to go to bed now, your body needs to be well rested or your immune system will suffer.’” I rolled my eyes. “It’s like that all day, every day.”
Athena’s chest rose in a deep intake of air. “Sounds to me like Magni is telling you all day, every day, that he loves you.”
My eyebrows drew close together.
“There are many ways to say I love you. You and Magni both have to practice communicating. You can’t only listen to the words, Laura. He’s speaking to you through his actions, his touch, and if you think about it every one of those bossy orders, as you call them, is an expression of love for you.”
I must’ve looked confused, because Athena elaborated.
“Maybe you would feel different if he said, ‘Laura dear, I can’t stand the thought of you freezing, so please remember your gloves.’ Or, ‘Laura darling, your well-being is of my greatest concern and I just want to make sure that you’re getting enough water and sleep.’”
I played with the tip of my braid. “Athena, I doubt that’s how he thinks.”
“Only Magni can tell you how he thinks. But if you can’t see the good intentions behind his requests, then you need to look again. It’s like he’s shouting I love you without actually saying the words.”
I scratched my shoulder. “I’ve never thought about it that way.”
“What do you think would happen if you showed him the same interest and care?”
“I don’t know.”
“Then maybe you should try it. My guess is that it would make him feel loved by you.”
Thinking hard, I played with my wristband for a while. “You really think I should tell him that I love him?”
“That depends.”
“On what?”
“On whether or not you really love him.”
“I do. It’s just that he makes it hard. Like today, when I called to tell him that I had captured the last of the Nmen who escaped after the wall collapsed. Magni didn’t praise me for being a badass or anything. He just ordered me to come home right away. It’s like he thinks that now that I’m done chasing bad guys we can go back to the way things were.”
“And you don’t want that?”
“No. I want to be his equal. Not some sweet submissive wife he can just order around.” I paused. “I understand what you said about his concern being an expression of love, but Athena, you don’t know him. He can be overwhelming at times.”
Athena’s eyebrows rose in perfect arches. “You are talking to the woman whom he kidnapped. Believe me, I agree with you that Magni can be overwhelming.”
I closed my eyes. “I still can’t believe he would do that, and I’m so sorry that happened to you. I blame myself.”
“You’re not responsible for his actions. I’d like to think it was a desperate act of love.”
I leaned my right elbow on the back of the couch, and rested my face in my hand. “It blows my mind that you don’t hate him for what he did to you.”
“Oh, I’m no saint. I’ve had a few moments of intense dislike, and I’m still no fan of Magni’s.”
“But you don’t hate him.”
“Of course not. Hate is a heavy burden to bear; I don’t wish that for anyone. Besides, I’m sure Magni has a few redeeming qualities or else Finn wouldn’t be his friend.
“Magni loves Finn,” I said.
“How do you know?”
“Oh, it’s obvious when you see them together. Finn is one of the few who can make Magni laugh, and he is fiercely protective of Finn.”
“Interesting how you’ve interpreted Magni’s protectiveness towards Finn as love, yet when he’s protective of you it’s bossiness. Setting your boundaries is important, Laura, and I would encourage you to stand your ground on issues that are important to you.”
I rubbed my nose, taking in her words.
Athena had a knowing smile on her lips. “How old are you, Laura?”
“Twenty.”
“That’s old enough to stop feeling entitled.”
Jerking back, I protested, “I don’t feel entitled.”
“That’s good, because people who are waiting for others to give them love are missing something profound.”
“And what’s that?”
“The love was always there. Love is the core of your true self. No one can take that away from you. You need to change your words from ‘I want love’ to ‘I am love.’”
I narrowed my eyes in a skeptical expression. “I am love?”
“Yes, you are. We all are.”
“I don’t know about that, but I do know that I’ve been waiting to hear Magni say those words to me for a long time.”
“Maybe he’s waiting to hear them from you too.”
I rubbed the bridge of my nose again. “You think so?”
“Laura, never be afraid to show what’s in your heart.”
“But what if he doesn’t say the words back to me?”
Athena drew in a deep breath. “You are not telling him that you love him in an attempt to make him say it back to you. You are telling him that you love him because that’s what is in your heart. If he reciprocates the feeling and wants to share that with you, great. If not, it will never take away from the gift of love that you gave him.”
I gave a small head shake. “Sometimes you Motlanders are a bit much, you know that, right?”
“Yes, Finn tells me the same thing.” Athena lifted her head and looked out the window with a smile. “Huh, speaking of the sun…”
Finn’s drone landed in front of the house.
“Where I’m from, we say talk about the devil.”
She smiled at me. “Yes, that sounds very Northlandish.”
We watched Finn and his son Tristan get out of the drone and walk to the house. They brought in a blast of cold air when they walked through the door.
“Hurry, close the door – I’m freezing.” Athena tucked the throw-over all the way up to her chin.
Finn removed his jacket and threw it over one of the chairs. “What a surprise. I didn’t expect to find you here, Laura.”
“Finn, honestly, how many times do I have to tell you to hang your jacket?”
Finn silenced Athena with a loud kiss on her lips. “Ah, the joy of having a wife to remind me of senseless things. I always knew I was missing out.”
Tristan sat down on the coffee table in front of us. “Guess what?” His eyes were shining with excitement. “The most amazing thing just happened.”
Finn moved a cup out of the way, and sat down on the coffee table next to Tristan. “Tell them.”
“You do know that we have chairs in this house, right?” Athena pointed out. “Please don’t break it.”
Finn looked down at the solid table. “This ugly thing would survive a zombie invasion.”
“Anyway.” Tristan took back the conversation. “Archer called Finn and you know how he has a friend who designs and builds drones and hybrids?”
“Yes, I remember Archer mentioning that.”
Tristan could hardly contain his excitement. His heels were lifting up and down, making his knees bop. “The guy’s name is Wrestler and he has agreed to meet with me. He might have a spot for me as his apprentice when I turn eighteen.”
Athena gave Finn a worried glance before she looked at Tristan. “You’re only fifteen. It’s going to take years before you’re done with school. And how would you convince your mom to let you go and live in the Northlands?”
“I would be an adult then. My mom wouldn’t have a choice.”
Athena wrung her hands. “I worry that Lori Ann is going to be angry with me.”
Finn swung a dismissive hand in the air. “Don’t worry about his mom; if this is Tristan’s path in life, it will happen. Isn’t that what you told me?”
“Yes, but…” Athena trailed off.
Finn gave her a mischievous grin. “Sweetie, life is too short for buts, unless it’s your butt and it’s naked.”
Athena laughed and shrugged at me. “He can’t help it. On the outside he’s a thirty-two-year-old man, but on the inside he’s sixteen.”
Finn got up and went to pick up a fist-sized figurine that he brought back. “Let me remind you that you said laughing is a spiritual practice, and that I’m a spiritual gangster.” He handed the figurine to me. “Look at how happy that guy is. He’s like me, and Athena says he had millions of followers.”
“I never said you were like the Buddha.”
“Yeah, you did, remember how you said that he used humor and laughter too?”
“I would follow you,” Tristan piped up and was rewarded by his father, who pulled him in for a sideways hug.
“There you have it. My first follower.”
Athena crossed her arms and lowered her brow. “I hate to burst your bubble of self-importance, Finn, but organized religion is banned in the Motherlands.”
“I don’t think it counts as a religion if he only has one follower,” I pointed out with a smile.
“It would be more like a really cool cult.” Finn tapped his chin. “We would need to find some catchy name for it.”
“How about Finnibun and his single follower?” Athena suggested with a saccharine smile.
I laughed. “You call him Finnibun?” It was so much fun to see how Athena could get away with teasing Finn.
“It’s an internal joke between us,” she explained. “It turns him on.”
Tristan rolled his eyes and smacked his tongue against his palate. “Do you mind?”
“Did you just roll your eyes?” Athena asked with disbelief. “I shouldn’t be surprised, with you hanging out with the Northlander boys.”
“Do it again,” Finn elbowed Tristan who repeated his eye roll in an exaggerated way that made Finn laugh out loud. “You rolled your eyes so far back it looked like you were channeling spirits. I swear, this cult of ours just got way cooler – are you sure you don’t want to join us?” he asked me.
“I couldn’t. That would ruin the name of Finnibun and his one follower.”
Tristan stood up from the table pointing at Finn. “If you start referring to yourself as Finnibun, I’m out.”
I shrugged. “So much for your cult, Finn.”
Tristan was going through the kitchen cabinets. “I’m hungry, Athena. Do you have anything to eat?”
“Not much. People are hoarding so there wasn’t much in the store.”
Finn spread his arms and held his palms upward. “Don’t worry, honey, holy people like me can turn stone into bread and rain into beer, just like Jesus.”
“You didn’t go to church much as a child, did you?” I asked.
Finn didn’t have a chance to answer before Tristan interrupted. “You have churches in the Northlands?”
“We do, and we learn about God and Jesus in school. If Finn had paid attention, he would know that Jesus turned water into wine and fed thousands of people with a few loaves of bread and some fish.”
Tristan gave a skeptical frown. “How is that possible?”
“It’s not,” Athena said in a flat tone.
“Don’t listen to her; we holy people perform miracles all the time.”
“In that case, would you mind performing some miracles around here?”
“I would be happy to, honey, but we Nmen specialize in beer and meat, and since you don’t like either I’m not going to waste a miracle on a nonbeliever like you. I’ll save them for my cult members.”
“How about a cup of tea for me and Laura then? Do you think your abilities would cover that?”
“No problem.” Finn got up and moved to the kitchen. “I could get the water to boil just by looking at it, but sometimes it freaks people out when I do that, so today I’ll just do it the old-fashioned way.”
“Uh-huh.” I gave him a smile.
“When is the interview with Archer’s friend?” Athena asked Tristan.
“Tomorrow morning.”
Her eyes widened. “But we just got back here two days ago.”
Tristan nodded. “I know. I feel guilty about leaving here again so soon, but you’ve seen our family unit. The house is nowhere ready to move back in to, and they are all cramped together at Martin’s mom’s house.”
“But they miss you, Tristan.” Athena sounded sad.
“At least I got to spend all day with my family yesterday. Even my mom can see that I’m better off staying with you and Finn until our house is rebuilt. You would have been proud of me, Athena, I’ve given the twins more hugs in one day than I have their entire lives,” Tristan claimed.
“That’s good, I’m happy to hear it.” Athena looked to Finn. “Did you give Charlotte the toy back like we talked about?”
“I did. She was very happy to see it again. I told her she could still donate it at a later point, if she wants to.”
“What toy are you talking about?” I asked.
Athena explained. “Charlotte is five years old and Tristan’s younger sister. When she heard that children in the Northlands don’t have toys, she was kind enough to give her favorite toy to Finn. She wanted him to bring it to a child in the Northlands which is really nice, but now that most of her toys have been lost in the earthquake it seemed the right thing to give it back to her.”
“Kids in the Northlands do have toys,” I pointed out. “At least my brothers and I did, but I guess if you grow up in a school like Finn, it might be different.”
“Talking about school…” Tristan lit up. “Solo, Storm, and Hunter are going to be surprised when I get back tonight.”
Athena’s shoulders sank. “Tonight?”
Tristan gave her a sympathetic glance. “If you don’t want to come, Finn and I could go by ourselves.”
“That’s a bad idea.” Finn turned and looked at her. “I don’t want us to split up.” The love that shone from him made me even more certain that I wanted what Athena and Finn had. They were so relaxed around each other, but then Athena was incredibly wise, and Finn had always been easy-going and fun.
“I wish Magni and I were more like you two,” I blurted out.
Finn spun and looked at me. “That’s funny.”
“Why?”
“Because I’ve spent my whole life looking up to Magni wishing I was like him.”
“You have?”
“He has,” Athena confirmed. “It’s one of the things we have had the most discussions about.”
“Everybody looks up to Magni.” Tristan had found an apple and was talking while chewing. “I don’t know a single boy at the school who doesn’t want to be him when they grow up.”
Finn gave a mock expression of disappointment. “I thought you wanted to be like me.”
Tristan looked conflicted. “I do.”
“But?”
“It’s just that… Well, have you seen Magni fight?”
“Yeah, I’ve seen him fight all right. I’ve taken punches from him since I was your age.”
“He’s so fast, and one time, when he and Archer were sparring they kept going until Kya screamed at them to stop. Archer is a phenomenal fighter, but he almost collapsed with exhaustion, while Magni just asked if anyone else wanted to spar with him.”
“Yup, he’s always been like that. A machine.”
“But that’s the fucking problem, Finn,” I said and threw my hands up in the air. “Sometimes he’s more machine than man. I wish he would show more emotions.” I stopped talking when I sensed all three of them staring at me.
“Uh-oh, someone has to go outside,” Tristan said in a singsong voice, pointing at me while looking at Athena.
“What do you mean I have to go outside?” I asked them.
“Athena always makes me go outside when I used the F word.” Finn scrunched up his face. “She might look sweet and all, but trust me, Athena can be coldhearted. I’ve been standing outside in the snow waiting for her forgiveness, just for using the F word.”
Athena nodded. “What can I say, I don’t like it when people swear in my house.”
With a mischievous grin, Finn looked from Laura to me. “Lucky for you, Laura, this is now my house too, and I don’t give a flying fuck about people swearing in my house.”
“Finn.” Athena’s eyes bulged. “Not in front of Tristan.”
“He’s my son, and he just spent two weeks in the Northlands. I’m pretty sure he’s gotten used to people swearing by now.”
Tristan confirmed it. “You should’ve heard the boys, Athena, they knew some awesome words.”
She gave a sigh of resignation. “There is nothing awesome about people swearing. It’s a low level of communication and it’s offensive.”
Finn smacked his tongue. “Nonsense. It’s fun and colorful. Like spices on food.”
Athena turned to look at me. “Do you see what I mean? Told you Finn could be challenging.”
Finn laughed, and brought two cups of tea for us. “Sorry, darling, you’re not going to find any sympathy from Laura on this subject. She’s one of us; raised to use the full scope of the English vocabulary. A little swearing doesn’t offend her.”
“It really doesn’t,” I agreed and took my cup of tea.
Athena picked up her cup too. “That would make me the challenging one then, I suppose, because it really does hurt my ears.”
“Do you want me to kiss them better?” Finn teased.
“No thank you. I just want my tea.”
“Okay, but drink up because we have to leave soon.” Finn turned to Tristan. “Did you tell your mom that we might be gone a few days?”
Tristan nodded. “I’m on it.”
“Laura, we could give you a ride. My hybrid is a lot faster than the drone you arrived in.”
I looked down, plucking invisible dust from the blanket. “I’m not sure that I’m ready to go back yet.”
“Why not?” Finn asked.
“Magni and I had a big fight.”
“So what? I have fights with him all the time.”
“I got really mad at him, and I said some mean things.”
“Don’t worry about it. You won’t find anyone more loyal than Magni. He might be pissed at you, but he still wants you to come back.”
“Are you sure about that?”
“A thousand percent.”
Athena smiled at me over the rim of her teacup. “Not so long ago, you stood up to Magni calling yourself a warrior. You were brave enough to volunteer to chase down dangerous men before they hurt innocent people. I can’t imagine someone as courageous as you would be scared of going back to face Magni, just because you had a fight with him.”
“Of course I’m not scared,” I lied, but the truth was that I was terrified that I had pushed Magni too far this time.
Finn clapped his hands together with a self-satisfied expression. “Great, then it’s settled. You’re coming back with us.”