PATRICIA
“Boss lady, you all right?” Tenita asked me for what had to have been the sixth time today.
“I’m all right, Tee,” I responded, with a ghost of a smile on my face.
“If you say so,” she muttered on her way out of my office.
I sat in my office, staring into space until Tee had come in to interrupt me yet again. I’d had her clear my calendar this afternoon because I just needed a break. I had been throwing myself into work to counterbalance the effects of seeing Damon pretty frequently over the past couple of months. It was a shock to see him as PJ’s coach for flag football this session. I shouldn’t have been that caught off guard, after all, his brother did own the sports complex. It wasn’t beyond the realm of possibility that he would help him out every now and again. I just hadn’t expected for our paths to cross again. I’d been actively avoiding Sweet Thang, sending either Celena or Tee in there every now and again to get me some of those darn beignets I’d become addicted to.
Truth moment? I missed the hell out of him in the time that had passed since we had that disagreement outside my door. I’d reached out to him a few times in the interim, but he didn’t respond to any of my calls or texts, so I assumed he was completely done with me. After one of the games early in the season, however? There was a glimmer of hope, a chance that maybe he just needed some time to cool off and perhaps now, with some time having passed, we could resume our regularly scheduled moments of bliss. But he never approached me and I had been too bullheaded to approach him. I was done with that now, however. I decided that I would drop by Sweet Thang this evening since Cal and PJ had plans that didn’t include me.
Yeah, I’d finally told my son that his father was a living, breathing human being and he took the news surprisingly well. They had been tentatively getting to know one another, but tonight was the first time that they would be hanging out without my supervision. Cal insisted that he and Elijah would be fine taking Patrick to dinner and a ball game. I was a little nervous, but I was also learning to loosen the apron strings. I had to trust that what Cal had told me was the truth and he honestly did just want to build a relationship with his son. Plus the private detective that I had following him for a few weeks without his knowledge came back to me with a report that all of his dealings were on the up and up, so that made the transition a bit easier as well.
The intercom on my desk buzzed before Tenita’s perky voice rang through.
“Raquel on one for you.”
“Quelly Quel, what’s good?”
“You got that man back yet?” she asked without preamble.
“Hi to you too, sis.”
“I asked a question, Patricia,” Raquel’s stern reply came through the phone.
In the aftermath of the revelation of the baby daddy secret, there had been a shift in our friendship—in the best way possible. Raquel was calling me on my shit more often and making me not only face the consequences of my decisions, but also interrogate the veracity of them. She was Team Bakerman and couldn’t believe that I’d let him slip away as easily as I did over something as silly as the argument we’d had. She was right, honestly, because even before I’d admitted it to her I’d been grappling with the fact that things with Damon had progressed past just sex. And although it was the basis for our coupling, the more time we spent together I found myself becoming enamored with him. At the same time, however, I was cautious because I’d been burned before and wasn’t exactly gung ho to have it happen again. Damon hadn’t shown any signs of having the potential to be anything less than an upstanding guy, but you know how the old saying goes—once bitten, twice shy. In the weeks of loneliness that I’d experienced, I had nothing but time to really think about what a mess I’d made of things as well as whether or not I truly deserved for them to be made right.
‘I…” I trailed off, not wanting to even commit to telling a lie.
“So you haven’t,” she sighed, “Patty, come on! You said you would at least make the effort. You promised.”
“I know. I know! Did I tell you I saw him recently? Well have seen him more than once recently, actually.”
I went on to explain about him being PJ’s football coach at Indoor Sports and our interactions the times we’d run into each other at practices and games. He was always cordial whenever we were in the same place, but no more friendly to me than any other parents of kids on the team. Beyond a comment that could have been interpreted as flirty one week when Cel took Patrick to his game instead of me, Damon had given no impression that he was interested in rekindling anything with me. Since the season had drawn to a close, however, the likelihood of me seeing him on a regular basis was slim to none, unless I intentionally sought him out.
“Divine intervention! The Lord knew you would be a punk about it and hand placed that man right back in your path only for you to not take advantage. So not only have you disappointed yourself and me, but also our Lord and Savior. Wow, how does it feel to let God down, Pat?”
“Wow, really Quel?”
We both burst into laughter.
“Seriously though, you’re tripping. You had a chance to avoid all of this and you chose wrong. Then, instead of immediately rectifying, you let this drag on for entirely too long and who knows where the man’s head is now. Would serve you right if he has moved on to some PYT with a fat ass and a rack that would put Beyoncé’s twin feeding titties to shame.”
“Something is seriously wrong with you, you know that?”
“Says the woman who is too much of a punk to go get her man back. Whatever. How’s my baby doing?”
“He’s all right. He’s actually with Cal tonight.”
“Whaaaat? You loosened the reins? You probably got somebody tailing them right now, don’t you?”
“No!” I quickly exclaimed, “Well, not anymore.”
“Patty!”
“Don’t Patty me! That nigga was out here pushing weight not that long ago. I know he did his time and probably spent that time locked up getting right with the Lord, but I was not letting my baby go out in these streets with him all willy nilly without knowing he wasn’t in danger.”
“Fair enough, I suppose,” Raquel conceded, “But sis, you really had someone following him?”
“Absolutely did. Hired a PI right after I saw him in the coffee shop that day because I knew what he said wasn’t an idle threat and I wanted to be sure that he had really rehabilitated himself like he said he did.”
“And how is Peej responding to him? I remember you said before that he was a bit standoffish with him, I assume they’ve gotten past that if he willingly went with him?”
“Well, Cal found the way to his heart, so…”
“Which retro Js did he buy him?”
“Girl he bought him the Space Jam elevens and those ugly ass Marvin the Martian ones that you, me and Cel vetoed.”
Raquel sucked her teeth and I could damn near hear her eyes rolling to the back of her head. “And you approve of him buying his son’s love?”
“How he gains credibility with Patrick is none of my concern,” I said, giggling, “Nah, seriously though, I did tell Cal that he didn’t have to bring him a present every time they saw each other. It was like I was talking to brick wall, however, because he still continues to show up with a little something that he just happened to pick up.”
“You have to admit, it’s cute though. He’s trying to make up for lost time,” Raquel remarked.
“Yeah, but the materialistic shit will get old with the kid. You know he can tell when he’s being bought. Remember when JP tried to bribe him into liking him by buying him what was supposed to be an authentic Beast Mode jersey, but ended up being one of those poorly constructed knock offs from China?”
“Girl, don’t even get me started on that sucker, we’d be here all night. Speaking of Celbaby’s work though, this new dude sounds interesting.”
“I think he’s good for her. And Patrick likes him a lot. Cel is still taking it a bit slowly though, after effects of being hosed by a fuckboy.”
“Well, I hope she gives him a fair shot. She deserves love…pure and real love. Hell, you do, too, sister.”
“And this conversation has now come full circle, I think I hear Tee calling me for a meeting.”
“You’re a terrible liar. It’s one forty-three in the afternoon; nothing is starting right now. Besides, you already told me that you cleared your afternoon this morning. Don’t try to play me. And don’t punk out on going to talk to that man, Patty.”
“What if I’m too late?”
“Nothing ventured; nothing gained, right? And if you’re too late then you’re just too late. That just means Bakerman wasn’t The One. But maybe this will be the lesson for you to open yourself up to what’s out there in the world. Men have more to offer you than what’s between their legs, beloved.”
“All right, you’re going Iyanla on me, so that means we need to end this here. Love you and talk to you later.”
“Love you too. And the next time I hear from you, your voice better be tinged with a bit of hoarseness because you’d spent the previous night calling out Bakerman’s name in ecstasy.”
“I really wish you’d stop calling him Bakerman.”
“Well get some act right about yourself and wife the nigga so I can call him brother in law and maybe I will.”
“Oh my god Raquel, bye.”
“Bye, boo,” she trilled before we disconnected.
I had to laugh to myself at her antics. Hell while she was giving me the pep talks she needed to accept some of her own advice. I was still waiting on her to tell me just how she knew about JON.com. I knew that in due time she’d spill the beans, but I had stopped pressing her for the details just yet. Hell, every time I tried to broach it she hit me with the ten years a baby daddy secret I held on to for so long and I really had had no rebuttal.
The rest of the afternoon crawled by at a glacial pace due to me canceling my meetings. I finished up some last minute adjustments made to the articulation agreement between my school and the community college system for the joint credit agreement that we’d finally finalized. It would go in to effect for the following school year, so we wanted to present it to the current student population and their parents for future reference. We had a few meetings planned over the next few months to inform both students and parents about the exciting new opportunity.
As my workday wound to a close, I wanted to do nothing more than get in my car and head straight to Sweet Thang, but a phone call on my way out of the door put a kink in that plan. Instead I found myself in my car heading to Celena’s old place at her request. She was being pretty cagey on the phone about why she wanted me to come over, but her voice sounded like she was on edge and I hoped to God she hadn’t had another run in with that asshole JP. She and Karim were in a really good place and I’d be damned if we let that raggedy fool resurface and mess things up for her. The fact that she asked me to come over to her old place instead of Karim’s spot that she’d just moved into was telling. Cel had been fully moved in with Karim for about a month now. As far as I knew, they were keeping her townhome to eventually use as rental property to generate additional income.
Since she knew I was coming, I just used my key to let myself in. No sooner than I’d crossed the threshold, I smelled the unique manner in which baby sis chose to calm down. No judgment here as we all had our vices, but I really wish she’d just not smoke. There were so many other ways for her to take a trip to the moon that didn’t involve compromising her lung capacity. As I sat next to her on the couch, Celena took a long drag of a freshly lit joint and smiled.
“So remember when you said one day we would have a real conversation about mama and daddy’s effect on our love lives?”
I groaned, “Really? This is why you needed me to come over here so desperately?”
“I’m gonna fuck this up with Karim, Patty Cake. Because he’s so good to me. Too good to me and…I keep looking for the bottom to fall out. Waiting for him to exhibit fuckboy behavior. I’m holding him accountable for shit he hasn’t even done because of what I am anticipating he will do. Because clearly every man I’ve linked up with in the past was just like daddy, fuckboy supreme and I can’t help but think if I’m just like mama, so deeply in love that I turn a blind eye to the warning signs.”
“Truth moment?”
Celena took another drag from her joint, slowly exhaling, then nodded.
“You are just like mommy,” I started.
Celena opened her mouth to interrupt, but I held up a hand.
“Let me finish. You are just like mama, in all of the best ways, though Celbaby. You are kind, compassionate, and always see the good in others. You make people feel like they want to be their best selves around you even if they aren’t sure what it means to be their best self. You are unflinchingly loyal, even sometimes to your detriment. But you are also unlike her in so many ways. You may be a little slow to get there, but you can sniff out a bad apple and dead the situation. Remember that nigga Jermaine? You cut him off at the knees without a second thought when you found out that divorce he claimed was actually barely a separation. And given the time, you would have eventually deaded things with the asshole that shan't be named before it was too late as well. If Karim feels good to you so far and it’s a different kind of good than you’ve experienced before, lean into that. Trust your instincts. And trust in what he says in conjunction with how he behaves. Hold him accountable for his actions…and only his actions. You can’t compare him to daddy or the legion of niggas who came before him. Don’t allow a good thing to slip away because you’re scared, sis. You’re more than deserving of all that is good and right in the world.”
After my grand speech, I looked over to see a slight sheen of gloss covering Celena’s eyes, tears on the verge of falling. She snuffed the tip of her joint on the lip of the ashtray that was sitting on her side table and moved closer to me, wrapping her arms around me and letting the tears fall. I immediately gathered her into an embrace, rubbing her back in large soothing circles.
“I’m just so scared. I don’t want to deal with any more bullshit, Pat,” she whispered, “I wish I was more like you. Okay with a cutty buddy situation, never longing for or seeking more.”
I sighed as the weight of her words hit me. That couldn’t be further from the truth in my current state of mind. I was finally ready to surrender to a man, give in to the siren call of love, and hoping like hell I wouldn’t end up with my feelings hurt. It was a strange place, to be damn near forty and now deciding that like India Arie I was ready for love.
“You don’t wanna be like me, babygirl, because you’d be a heartbroken fool giving your baby sister advice that you should have taken yourself.”
Celena pulled back, peering up at me as I looked away.
“The coach?” she asked, simply.
I nodded in response.
“So are you going to take the advice you gave me or continue to stew in misery?”
I shrugged, ”Weren’t we discussing you and your woes? How is this turned around on me?”
“Because you stay deflecting, but Quel and I decided that shit is no longer going to fly from now on.”
“You and Quel, huh?”
“Yep, we had a nice little talk after your ten years a baby daddy revelation and came to the conclusion that we weren’t accepting you keeping everything so close to the chest. You know you don’t have to be Perfect Patty for us, sis. We love you, warts and all. You have to stop trying to act like your shit is unmarred,” Celena said, “Hell, let us know we ain’t the only ones out here still fucking up in our thirties.”
“Girl! Didn’t you just know that we’d have it all together by now? I’m damn near forty still trying to figure this shit out,” I sighed, “It’s wild. Because professionally? My shit is trump tight. But my personal life? Baby that’s a whole different beast. Maybe what they say is true and you really can’t have it all. Maybe I should just be satisfied that I’m excelling professionally and my baby is thriving with the love and support of his village.”
“Or maybe you should open yourself to the possibility of there being more to life than your job and PJ?”
I sat back, clutching my chest as if I’d been struck, “Daaaaamn, direct hit.”
Celena relit her joint, taking a pull, “I’m just saying. You could use a little happiness in your life. Emphasis on the penis.”
I grabbed the joint from her, surprising her when I took a pull.
“That’s enough smoke for you, clearly. That penis joke shows you’re getting to the point where you’re too high and your silliness comes out. But I ain’t about to let a good j go to waste.”
“Just when I think I know you…” Celena laughed, shaking her head.
I left Celena at her place with Karim who’d popped up after I’d been there for a couple of hours. He figured that after she hadn’t come home and wasn’t answering her phone he could find her there. Calvin had texted me asking for Patrick to spend the night since there was no school for the kids tomorrow due to an inservice day, so I was heading home to an empty house. I got in the car to drive in that direction, but I found myself idling outside of Sweet Thang just over twenty minutes later. Releasing a breath, I turned off the ignition and got out of my car, walking around to the left of the bakery where the entrance the entrance to Damon’s apartment was located.
I was taking a chance, showing up here unannounced. He could not be here or worse, be entertaining another woman. But fuck it, like Quel said—nothing ventured, nothing gained. I had no idea what the hell I would say once he opened that door, but I prayed that something would come to my mind once he stood in front of me. I twisted the knob on a door I knew would already be unlocked and walked up the long flight of stairs that lead to his apartment’s door. When I reached the top, I rapped on his door three times, paused, then knocked two more times. It was the special knock I used whenever I visited in the past and he wanted to differentiate my arrival from anyone else’s. A few minutes passed and nothing. I strained to listen for sounds of movement or the television playing beyond the door, but I couldn’t hear anything. Damnit, I knew I should have called first. That’s what I get for attempting to be spontaneous. I turned to head back down the long flight of stairs and barely got four steps in before I heard my name called.
I turned around to see Damon standing in his doorway shirtless, a pair of grey sweats slung low on his hips. His eyes were heavy, evidence that he’d been asleep prior to coming to the door. I could easily tell that he wasn’t wearing underwear; so finding something to throw on is what probably took him so long to answer the door. My eyes were hyper focused one of his best features being highlighted by those sweatpants and for a moment I was distracted. The sound of Damon clearing his throat brought me back to reality. I retraced my steps until I was standing in front of him again.
“May I come in?” I asked, tentatively.
He stepped aside, extending his arm in invitation for me to enter. No sooner than I’d crossed the threshold, he closed the door, pressing me against it and lowering his mouth to mine. When our lips were just shy of touching, he paused and I moved the rest of the way toward him, pulling his lower lip between my teeth before releasing it. Damon released a low growl before fusing our mouths together in a passionate kiss that rocked me to the core. I pressed closer to him, gripping the back of his head to deepen the kiss. He moved to hike my legs around his waist and carry me back to his bedroom where he none too gently deposited me in the middle of his bed. He stepped back and removed his sweats. Just as I’d guessed, he was nude underneath, his dick jutting forward as he walked over to the bed.
He grabbed my ankle pulling me to the edge of the bed before he kneeled to remove my shoes. Impatiently, he pushed my dress up over my hips, revealing my last second decision of removing my underwear when I’d decided to make the drive over to him. He groaned while trailing a hand up my inner thigh and lowering himself once again so that our mouths were connected. His fingers played in my wetness at a maddeningly slow pace, matched with the tempo of the kisses he plied my lips with. Slowly his lips disconnected from mine, placing open-mouthed kisses all over my neck, before pulling back to completely remove my dress, leaving me clad in just my bra. His gaze roamed appreciatively over my form before he lowered himself again, snagging my mouth in one of those soul-stirring kisses before, moving further south, licking a path down to my breasts and tonguing my nipples through the barely there lace of my bra then removing it completely and suckling so hard my back arched away from the bed as I moaned.
He went back and forth between my breasts teasing the tips with his tongue and teeth while his hands were busy spreading my legs apart. Damon moved from my breasts down over my belly button, settling in with a growl between my legs. He used his thumbs to spread me wide open as he placed fleeting kisses all over my pussy, keeping his mouth from the one placed that I ached for him to worship with his mouth. I grabbed his head, trying to nudge him in the direction I wanted him to go and he pulled back, moving my hand out of the way. He looked up at me, not breaking eye contact as he lowered his head again and licked my pussy from top to bottom in one long, slow, torturous motion, using the tip of his tongue to circle my clit. He repeated a motion a few times before I cried out, begging him to stop playing with me.
He chuckled, a rush of air leaving his mouth and passing over my quivering flesh. Hooking two fingers inside of me, he continued his systematic destruction of my soul via cunninlingus. He kissed, licked, and slurped me into an incoherent, babbling mess. His mouth moving over my slickened flesh built up so much pressure and just as I felt my thighs begin to shake, signaling that I was ready to explode, Damon sucked my clit into his mouth, wriggling his tongue at warp speed and sent me careening over the edge of ecstasy as my orgasm traveled through my entire body. I could do nothing but succumb to the intense pleasure that coursed throughout my entire being.
As I came down, I felt his kisses traveling north until our mouths were connected once again, trading lazy me flavored, lip smacking kisses. I pulled back to look him in the face and say, “I need you inside of me now.”
With a chuckle, he reached over to the side table and pulled out a condom. He ripped the packet with his teeth and rolled the condom on slowly. I groaned in annoyance, willing myself not to beg him to hurry. As he sheathed himself, I sat up a little, resting on my elbows—just taking him all in. Smooth brown skin with red undertones stretched over an athletic, yet not overly muscular frame. Damon was a gorgeous specimen of a man and right now, in this moment, he was all mine. He moved over me once again, spreading my legs, teasing my slit with the head of his dick, while placing kisses all over my neck and collarbone.
“Damon, please…” I whispered, a note of desperation in my voice that surprised and also scared me a little bit. I was so open, so vulnerable for this man. Giving him complete permission to rule over my body in whatever way he saw fit.
He laughed again before grabbing my chin and angling my face to look at him. We stared at one another for a few moments before I felt a quick tap against my clit. I looked down to see Damon wielding his dick against my clit as if it were a paddle, slapping it three times in quick succession. The sensation that shot through me at that contact immediately made me close my eyes as I purred in complete satisfaction.
“Open your eyes,” he said, the first words he’d spoken since I’d crossed the threshold of his doorway.
As soon as our gazes met, he silently stared, making me squirm. One of his hands gripped my hip so I couldn’t move as he proceeded to use his dick to spank my clit again. Each tap was accompanied by a word as he grit out, “This is your punishment for staying away for so long.” After spanking me a few more times, he slid into me slowly, grinding his hips against mine in a circular motion before beginning to thrust in and out. I was too gone to do much more than attempt to return his strokes, failing miserably as he stretched my legs above my head. My knees were damn near hitting my shoulders as he pounded into me mercilessly. The angle at which he held my legs changed the intensity of his stroke and in next to no time, I was once again toppling over the edge of complete satisfaction. Moments after I screamed out, through the haze of coming down from my orgasm, I heard him growling through his release. He lowered my legs to rest around his waist once again as he lowered his head to kiss me.
“Don’t stay away this long again,” he murmured before collapsing next to me and pulling me close.