PATRICIA
I slipped on my sandals and quietly exited Damon’s house, making sure to use the lightest touch on the door as it closed behind me. He was completely knocked out when I awakened after round three…or was it four? The only thing that I’m sure of that it was the most ridiculously satisfying night of sex of my life. Damon was a pleaser, hands down. He was more worried about making sure I was okay almost to the point of detriment to his own sexual satisfaction. He had me clawing at the sheets, damn near Flo Jo sprinting away from the immense please he doled out unselfishly.
Now don’t get me wrong, Tim—my former FWB was cool. We always had a good time and he definitely made sure I came every time, but Damon? This was some otherworldly shit. He manipulated my body in ways that it had not been previously…by anyone…not even Patrick’s father. Damon worked my body as if it was nearing the end of the month and the rent was due. After passing out I’d awakened a stiff mass of completely satisfied bliss. But life goes on and I needed get the hell out of there and home before my son awakened. My neighbor Mrs. Blakely and I had an arrangement that had been in place for quite some time. Whenever I needed someone to watch PJ while I had an appointment, she was who I called. Never Celena if I could help it because I didn’t need her in my business like that. Baby Sis was the starry-eyed, hopeless romantic of the two of us, so if I told her that I had an arrangement with someone she would be ready to head to the local department store to pick out china patterns. I didn’t need those kinds of problems.
Mrs. Blakely was eager to step in and help me out, no questions asked. She’d been a single parent herself, raising three kids with little help. She said I reminded her of herself and she knew that I needed to have “me time”. So as long as she had advance notice, she’d allow me that space. All of her children were grown and living spread across this country and the world, so I think she used PJ as a substitute for her grandchildren that she rarely got a chance to see in person. And Patrick loved her, so it was really a win-win situation.
As I walked into the house, Mrs. Blakely was perched in her favorite spot, watching HGTV. The tufted chaise lounge was one of the few relics from my childhood that I’d held onto. It had been reupholstered several times thanks to the clumsy mess that was my baby boy from the ages two through seven.
“Hey Mrs. Blakely,” I called out as I walked over to settle in on the sofa. I tried keeping my movements normal, but I could tell I failed when instead of replying to my greeting she just looked over at me with a knowing gleam in her eye.
“That other one never sent you home with a limp,” Mrs. Blakely said.
“All right…thank you for coming over again, I really appreciate it. C’mon, I’ll walk you back next door.”
She rose from the chaise laughing, “That’s okay babygirl, you look like those few steps on over to my place would take you out of the game. Just come watch me from the door and I’ll flip the lights to let you know I’m all good.”
I shook my head and I stood and followed her directions. I wasn’t easily embarrassed, but I also was not equipped to talk the specifics of my bedroom boom session with my seventy three year old neighbor slash mother figure. I was never going to be that progressive. After ensuring that Mrs. Blakely made it inside okay, I showered and slid into bed. I’d be tired as hell when I had to get up in a few hours, but damnit this night was worth it.
***
Damn, that’s how you do. Take my goodies and run? —Damon
That text came in and had me grinning like a fool as I stood preparing a quick breakfast for Patrick before we had to leave the house. I flipped the French toast and opened the oven door to check on the smoked sausage before responding. I started typing a reply but then stopped because…I was a little stuck. Truthfully, I could have awakened him to let him know I was getting out of there, but I didn’t want to deal with whatever awkward back and forth that would have led to. My way was simpler, less stress.
Mom duties called was the reply I settled upon. It was vague, yet irrefutable enough that it rarely begged an explanation.
Noted. Well at the risk of being a thirsty ass creep this early in the morning, I wanted to let you know that I woke up thinking about you. —Damon
I grinned before responding. He’d been on my mind that morning as well. Hell, after last night I was sure that he’d be on my mind for quite some time until either he or I discontinued what I hoped would be a new arrangement.
Woke up thinking about you as well. Mainly about how I gotta stretch these old ass joints out before the next time.
There’s going to be a next time? —Damon
Absolutely.
I wasn’t sure with your ninja move. Duly noted. —Damon
“Ma, have you seen my blue and white Motorsports?” Patrick asked.
“Last time I saw them a few weeks ago they were on your feet, son. Did you leave them at Cel’s the last time you were over there?”
“Aw shoot! Hey do you think we’d have enough time to...” he started and I shook my head.
“But—“
“But nothing. Remember the talk we had about responsibility and consequences? This is real life, babe. Now what do you have to do?”
“Find an alternate way to solve my problem,” he grumbled while walking back toward his room.
“Hurry up and make that decision, son. Breakfast is almost ready,” I called out to his retreating back.
I wanted to laugh, but I was also being cognizant of not being a jerk to my kid too often. He had a really terrible habit of forgetting items when he was away from home. I used to get so angry when he’d leave yet another expensive item I’d bought him at someone else’s house carelessly. Since he’d turned ten, I started to impress upon him more and more the concept of personal responsibility and accountability. We have regular chats about ensuring that he’s more careful with his thoughts, actions, and physical possessions. I see we’d probably be revisiting the physical possessions portion of this talk soon.
I was plating breakfast just as Patrick reappeared in a completely different outfit from the one he has been wearing earlier. On his feet was another pair of retro Jordans, a pair that he’d conned Celena into buying for him. She was worse than me when it came to spoiling this kid, I swear. Between the two of us he had damn near every toy, gadget, and dope sneaker on the market.
“Is there anymore sausage, ma?” Patrick asked around a mouth full of French toast.
“Bruh. What did I tell you about talking to me with your mouth full?”
“Ma, you gotta stop with that bruh stuff!”
“I can’t talk to you in the language of your peers? Come on…I’m a cool mom,” I said, with a wink.
He just shook his head and continued eating. I grabbed the rest of the sausage off of the stove and put it onto his plate. This lil boy was going to eat me out of house and home I swear. He went from being the pickiest eater who barely ate anything beyond chicken nuggets to a darn garbage disposal. Nowadays, the boy didn’t turn down anything but his collar when it came to food.
After dropping Patrick off to his school, I headed to mine. Despite having been in this position for over a year, it was still surreal to me that I was the principal of the high school from which I’d graduated almost twenty years ago. When I was in high school I thought for sure by the time I was forty years old, I’d leave this town far behind. The death of my parents and stepping in to raise my little sister put a kibosh on those plans, however. Not that I minded, I love my life now, but every now and again I do wonder…what if.
I walked into the building, waving to the security guard and secretary who were deep in conversation. No doubt Fred was still tryna talk Brenda into going out with him again. It was cute to witness, their little back and forth. Brenda was a widow who hadn’t dated since her husband passed about five or so years ago and Fred, who had only been working at the school for a few months, was relentless in his pursuit of her. I’d asked Brenda if she was uncomfortable with his advances and if she wanted me to talk to him, but she said she would handle it. From the grin on her face as he moved closer to speak directly in her ear, I think she’d definitely decided to give up the ghost and let him in. Good for her, she deserved a new chance at happiness.
Hell, so did I, but that was a different story for another day. My assistant Tenita was at her desk by the time I made it to the administrative offices, much to my surprise. It was rare that she made it in at the appointed and not anointed time. She was, however, highly skilled at her job, so I made allowances for her tardiness.
“Hey, Tee,” I said as I passed her desk on the way into my office, dropping a small Tupperware container on it, “I brought you something.”
I had to get those damned beignets out of my house, so I brought her the last two. Her sweet tooth rivaled mine, so I knew that she would enjoy them.
“Hey Pat! I brought you some coffee this morning. Americano with three pumps of hazelnut and one pump of vanilla. It’s on your desk,” Tenita replied and grabbed the container that I sat on her desk.
I could hear her squeal of delight as I settled into my desk, quickly picking up the coffee she’d brought me in. I go back and forth on a coffee detox, but this was definitely needed today. I wanted to stop after I dropped Patrick off at school, but the line for Perk was damn near to the door when I drove past. I was not in the mood to wait and really wish that they would get with the twenty first century and allow mobile ordering like that mermaid’s coffee shop. Kirk, the owner of Perk, was going to kill me if I put that in their suggestion box one more time though.
I pulled my laptop from my bag and plugged in into the docking station to project onto my double monitors so I could review my calendar before the day truly began. I had a few meetings with leadership from some of the local community colleges. We were in the process of finalizing a bridge program that would allow some of our honors curriculum to be dual credit courses applicable for transfer into our community college system. We’d been working on this initiative for quite some time and I was pleased that we were finally in the stages of implementation. My team worked hard to make this come to fruition. We had to wade through a heap of red tape, but the finish line was finally in sight.
“So two things,” Tee said coming into my office and shutting the door behind her, “Where in the hell did you get these…whatever this delightful pastry that I just housed in three seconds flat is called?”
“Beignets and I got them from Sweet Thang…remember I told you about that new bakery opening up near me?”
“Oh yeah, you finally made it in there, huh?”
“Girl yes. Went in there last weekend and about lost my mind. I had to bring these darn beignets to you because I had eaten one a night since I bought them and you and I both know I don’t need to get into making that a habit.”
“Mmmmmmmhmmmmm, so you bring em in to make me get in trouble then. Ok, I see you,” she replied eyes narrowing and a smirk overtaking her face, “So this second thing…and you can tell me if I’m overstepping bounds here, but…were you on Parkwood Street last night around eleven? I saw this woman who kinda looked like you smashed up against a car that kinda looked like yours with some man’s hands kinda palming the hell outta her ass as he tongued her down. But I…ah…wasn’t sure.”
“Oh my goodness, Tee!” I said, slumping over my desk, covering my face with my hands.
“So Troy and I were on the way to get dessert from Slice Heaven when I saw that person who may or may not have been you. And it might have been Troy who yelled out for y’all to get a room…”
I groaned and then raised my head to look Tenita directly in the eye. Her mouth twitched with barely restrained laughter. I motioned for her to just get it on out and she burst into shrieks of laughter. Tee and I were work cool, but we rarely saw each other outside of these walls. Though we definitely carried a familiarity after having worked together for so many years, I still liked to keep that separation in tact. I already made my fair share of allowances for her off the strength of her loyalty to me when people were gunning to bring me down as I tried to obtain this principal job. If we grew any closer, those lines would be even more blurred. Not that I doubted her or my professionalism when it came down to it, but I always erred on the side of safe; not sorry.
“Tee…I…” I started, but she cut me off with a shake of her head.
“You don’t have to explain yourself to me, boss lady. I mean, that brother was fine. I mighta been out there acting out of character too with a man like that by my side.”
She told no lies. Damon was finer than, hell I didn’t even have the brainpower to come up with a metaphor. That’s how fine he was, it stupefied me. Then he had the nerve to also be able to sex me out of my mind while being that fine? It was ridiculous, honestly. I grinned picturing his face in my mind that night right before he kissed me. I could tell he was trying to be a gentleman, so I’m glad I gathered up the courage to encourage him to act otherwise.
“Ooh, look at that grin,” Tee said, laughing again, “Yep, it had to have been as good as it looked if he got you showing all thirty-two of your teeth from a memory.”
“I’m not discussing this with you, Tee,” I said, trying for firmness in my voice, but failing.
Tenita did back up a little with her hands raised as she turned on a heel and exited the office.
“Fine, but one last thing,” she said, turning back to make eye contact with me, “Whoever he is? Keep him around. You’re glowing.”
And with a wink, she sashayed back out to her desk.
***
I called Celena earlier in the day and invited her over for dinner. We’d talked since I popped up on her a couple of weeks ago, but I hadn’t laid eyes on her since then. She consistently reassured me that she was doing all right, but I wanted to see her in person to gauge that for myself. I didn’t however feel like cooking so after I picked Patrick up from school, he and I headed to the grocery to grab some food for all of us to eat. The store had a grill where they’d cook any meat or seafood that you bought in store. They also had a hot bar full of sides to pair with my selection. I had them grill a couple of fillets of Kentucky bourbon and Caribbean jerk salmon for Cel and I, while Patrick opted for a cheddar stuffed burger. It took them about twenty minutes to get everything cooked, so we would use that time to grab a few odds and ends that we needed around the house, then raid the hot bar for sides.
As usual, no sooner than we left the grill, Patrick disappeared. I already knew he’d find me with an arm full of nonsense that he really thought I’d let him bring home. I headed straight to the dairy section to grab some Greek yogurt. I’d seen that Müller was on sale this week and their caramelized almond varietal was so addictive. Despite someone claiming to not even like yogurt, mine keeps coming up short weekly. I’d just turned into the aisle when the hairs on the back of my neck stood up.
“Bird?” a familiar baritone intoned.
Bird was a nickname of mine that no one had uttered in over ten years. And that only one person in particular called me like it was on my birth certificate. I looked to my left to see Calvin Franklin aka the only man besides my father to ever break my heart. I hadn’t seen him in almost twelve years, but Cal still managed to affect my body in the worst way. I could feel my palms growing clammy, heart rate increasing.
“Hey, Cal,” I said, trying to sound breezy, but it came out in a breathless whisper.
Fuck. I reverted right back to the starry eyed twenty-something who he had wrapped around his finger. Calvin and I had a significant age difference, we met when I was in my mid-20s and he was in his late-40s. He was charismatic and successful—an entrepreneur, working in import and export. At least that’s what he told me. I later found out that he was actually one of the biggest drug dealers in our area, running an empire of a drug network that spanned three states. Imagine thinking you’d finally found the one only to have the FBI show up to your door at random one morning asking about the length of your involvement in his enterprise. Then imagine yourself having found out the night before that you were pregnant with the child of that man.
Cal was…persistent. I had no plans on actually falling in love with him, but he refused to fall in line like every other man with whom I’d had an arrangement. The start of our relationship was on tenuous ground to begin with. I met him when I was still a dean of students, his nephew Elijah was one of my students who was had chronic behavioral issues. Cal was his legal guardian, so when I needed parental interference he was my first call. Elijah eventually got his act together, but Cal kept coming around trying to court me until he finally melted my resistance. We’d only been together for a few months when the boys in blue showed up at my door looking for him.
He’d somehow managed to leave town, but it wasn’t long before they caught up with him and he was arrested. The story was all over our local news for weeks. I felt sick every time his mug shot flashed across the screen. Stupid naïve suburban girl unwittingly falling for a kingpin was a storyline straight out an urban novel, but I lived that life for a stretch in time. I was so embarrassed about not only being dumb enough to get hoodwinked, but then also ending up pregnant by him that I invented a story of artificial insemination when it came time for me to finally tell Celena and Raquel that I was pregnant. Abortion wasn’t an option for me; not that I was pro-life or anything, but I just couldn’t see myself getting rid of my child, no matter what circumstance brought his existence about.
“How have you been, Bird?” he asked.
Just as I opened my mouth to answer, Patrick walked up arms full of snack cakes.
“Absolutely not, pick two and put the other four back,” I said before he could even open his mouth to say anything.
I glanced over at Cal and he looked as if he’d seen a ghost. That look quickly morphed into one of questioning anger. Before he could say anything I shook my head, placed my hands on my cart and followed my son out of that aisle. We finished shopping, grabbed our grilled items and headed out of the store. As were walking out of the store, I noticed Cal lingering near the exit. My swift getaway in the dairy aisle was short lived as I knew I wouldn’t be able to walk past him unnoticed. I pressed the button to unlock my truck and handed the cart over to Patrick.
“Go unload the bags, baby, I’ll just be a minute.”
As soon as he walked off, I turned to Cal. I was a bit taken aback by the look on his face as his eyes tracked PJ’s movements to the SUV. He looked a bit pained and wistful.
“Why didn’t you ever say anything to Jah when I had him come check up on you? You didn’t think I deserved to know I had a son?”
“It wasn’t his business to tell, Cal...” I trailed off because I didn’t know what to say. I didn’t feel comfortable passing messages about grown folks business through a teenager and I damn sure wasn’t going to a federal prison to tell a felon that his bun was in my oven. I’d refused all forms of contact from Calvin despite his repeated efforts to get in touch. I wanted nothing to do with him and I damn sure didn’t want my son involved with anybody of his standing.
“That’s fucked up, Bird.”
“You know what’s even more fucked up? Having the FBI show up on your porch and threaten to take you to jail for being a goddamned drug mule.”
Cal winced at the harshness of my tone. He’d never known the Patricia that had bite; only Perfect Patty—his sweet little Bird who wouldn’t raise her voice unless it was in the throes of passion.
“I want to know him, Bird. Does he…what does he think happened to his dad?”
“He thinks you don’t exist. That he was a six-digit number on a vial of sperm that I had artificially inseminated in me. It wasn’t far from the truth…”
“Damn, Bird. That’s harsh.”
“Truth hurts…and my name is Patricia. Stop calling me Bird. That person doesn’t exist anymore, Cal.”
“Awww, c’mon now. Don’t be like that.”
“I…I’ve gotta go Cal. We have dinner plans and you’re making me late.”
“I was serious with what I said, Bird. I want to know him. I deserve a chance. He deserves the chance to know his father.”
“Yeah, he does. And you gave that up a long time ago, Cal. You be easy, all right?” I replied and walked away.
When I got in the car Patrick asked, “Who was that, ma?”
“Nobody important, babe. Nobody important at all.”
***
Celena seemed to be doing better than she was the last time I’d seen her. The light in her eyes was back. She kept up an easy stream of conversation with Patrick all during dinner, engaging with him like normal. Either she was doing a very good job of putting up a façade or she had finally gotten over that fuckboy. I was hoping for the latter.
After dinner, she and I sat down to enjoy more wine and sister time while PJ ran off to play whatever video game she brought over here with her for him.
“You really gotta stop spoiling this lil joker, Cel,” I said, settling on the sofa and pulling my feet beneath me.
She rested on the chaise, sipping the newly refreshed glass of Syrah I’d poured for her.
“Nah, I really don’t. He’s a good kid, Patty. You’ve done well. And since anything you could ever want you already buy for you damn self, I choose to shower my nephew with gifts for his mother’s accomplishment.”
“Girl you are a damn nut. So…seriously, how are you? After he who shall not be named.”
“I’m…maintaining. It’s harder some days than it is on others. Today’s a good day, but yesterday? Not so much. And it’ll be the most innocuous things that set me off. I sat in Walgreens damn near in tears the other day because I saw they’d brought back Crystal Pepsi. Just seeing the label sparked a random memory of a night Jacob and I spent hours trying to figure out whether or not they were reviving other drinks from our childhood like New York Seltzer and I had a damn full on breakdown. I ran out the store before I even grabbed what I’d run in to get. It’s stupid shit like that that pisses me off.”
“Okay, so I have a serious question for you. On a scale of “Pray You Catch Me” to “Freedom” where do you fall on the Lemonading your way through this shit spectrum?”
Celena immediately screamed with laughter, which meant I’d successfully managed to maneuver her mind from going down that sad, bedraggled ass memory lane again tonight. I hated seeing her like this, her normal sunny disposition sullied by the presence of a fuckboy who never deserved to be with her in the first place. Hell even Patrick never liked him and my kid likes everybody.
“I’m at a ‘Don’t Hurt Yourself’ currently,” Celena responded after moments of thoughtful consideration, “Quickly careening towards ‘Sorry’ though. Gimme a couple weeks.”
“Now that I can work with!”
“How about you, though? I know it’s been a little minute since Tim has been out of commission. You still don’t feel a way about that?”
“Hell no, girl. I told you these men are here to serve one purpose only. I held no false assumptions when it came to Tim and I moving beyond anything more than bed buddies. Now I’m moving on and trying to find someone else to move into his spot. It may be filled sooner rather than later, actually.”
“Oh yeah?” Celena said, “The bounce back is that quick?”
“Have you ever heard of a website called justonenight.com?”
She shook her head and screwed up her face.
“Don’t even make that face, sis. It’s a safe and discreet way for me to meet a man to scratch this itch. And I just so happened to link up with someone from there the other day and it could definitely be the start of a very mutually satisfying relationship.”
“And you’re okay with that? Just being fuck buddies? You don’t ever crave anything more? Somebody to come home to. A partner to help you raise Peej. I know mama and daddy weren’t the ideal, but you don’t even want to try for a better version of what they had?”
“You want some more wine? I’ma get us some more wine.”
I got up, grabbed both of our glasses to refill them. Celena got up right behind me, belaboring the conversation. She got on my nerves when she got like this. She was relentless when it came to examining our parents’ relationship and its supposed effects on the two of us. I mean sure growing up with a father who was fucking damn every woman in a one mile square radius and a mother who turned into a combination of Stevie Wonder and Ray Charles every time another woman showed up on the doorstep with a baby she claimed belonged to my daddy was exhausting. And absolutely a huge reason why I refused to give these men a chance to ruin me. But I also didn’t see the point in dissecting it over and over and over again.
“You know you can’t run away from me every time I bring this up?”
“I’m not running, I’m just…this is a conversation I’m not willing to have right now. It’s pointless.”
“You don’t remember any good times between the two of them though? Like you and them were together almost ten daggone years before I came on the scene? Was daddy always trash and mama always a doormat?”
I just shrugged and handed her the newly filled wine glass.
“Cheers!”