“There he is,” Cindy whispers to me.

I turn around and see Micah Fernandez at the end of the hall. He knows who I am. Last semester we had an art class together. He’s incredibly talented. And incredibly gorgeous. And, unfortunately, incredibly taken. His girlfriend is model material. No joke. I’m five-two, and she towers over me. Blonde hair that sparkles, the complete opposite of my ebony curls.

“Cindy, stop,” I hiss at her.

“What?” She flips her hair, taking a bite of another chip.

We are sitting in the café on campus, where we usually eat lunch together. I finish off my burger and take a sip of my soda. Over the summer last year, I started a diet and ended up losing about twenty pounds. But since then, I haven’t stayed as strict as when I started. I really should start going back to the gym again, if for no other reason than because Micah works there. We’ve said hi and bye, but he doesn’t know I’ve had a crush on him since last summer.

“V, he may be taken, but there’s no harm in checking out the goods,” Cindy whispers across the table.

Before I can reply, I hear his voice from where he stands in line at the counter.

“No, and stop calling me.” His low grumble catches both of our attention. “I don’t give a shit. No, you said that before. Look, I don’t want to block your number, but I will if I have to. I don’t care, Lana, and you’re not sorry. No. Whatever, I don’t care. Stop calling.”

Cindy clears her throat, loudly, apparently trying to get his attention or at least to let him know we can hear him. My eyes widen.

‘What are you doing?’ my face says.

‘Oh, please. You know as well as I do what that call was about,’ is her responding smirk.

“Oh, sorry about that.” Micah steps out of line, over to our table.

“It’s okay,” Cindy says a little too bubbly.

Looking up at him, I see that he looks both angry and broken. “Everything okay?”

Shaking his head, he lets out a huff, averting his gaze. “Yeah, it’s nothing.”

Cindy gives me the eye, so I know what she’s thinking; I should make a move. I haven’t gone out on many dates since college started, much to her irritation. It’s not like I don’t want to go out on dates with cute guys, but … my weight is always in the back of my mind. I guess that happens when your last boyfriend cheats on you and says you guys never had sex because he hasn’t been with a ‘big girl.’ I never thought I was that big before he said it.

“You ready for your finals next week?” Cindy asks him.

“Yeah, pretty much,” he answers but looks around. He doesn’t seem nervous, but his body language is telling me he’s on edge. “Hey, I’ll talk to you guys later.”

“Okay.” I give a slight wave as he walks over to the counter to order something.

Cindy reaches over and grabs my hand. “He’s single!”

“Shh!” I scowl at her. “Give him a break, Cin. That didn’t sound too great.”

“Who cares?”

“I care. I might like him, but I’m not interested in being some kind of rebound.”

“Fine, fine.” She goes about scrolling through her phone.

It’s true, I don’t want to be a rebound for Micah, assuming he’s looking for something like that. But there’s a reason I’ve gone out on precisely three dates in the last year. There’s also a reason that of those three dates, there was only one second date of the trio. And nothing ever escalated past a make out session. It’s the same reason that even though I’ve liked Micah for a while, I’ve never tried to start a conversation with him when passing by him on campus or the few times I’ve seen him when he’s working at the gym. That reason? I still don’t want to be rejected because of my weight.

It’s been over a year, but my ex-boyfriend’s words are like a cloud that continuously hangs over me. Cindy and our other friend, Izzy, told me for weeks after we broke up that Tim is a jackass. That he’s selfish and a prick and superficial. And those are all true. It doesn’t change the fact that I know I’m overweight. I’ve struggled with it since I was little.

I should’ve never let the words sink in like they have. When Tim said them, I’d just caught him in his car, some girl face down in his lap. The girl freaked out and jumped out of his car, but he just sat there like it was nothing. I wanted to both run away and strangle him. It was over a year ago, but I remember it like it was yesterday.

“What the hell are you doing out here, Veronica?” He casually zipped up his pants as he stepped out of his car.

“Me? Are you kidding me? What the hell, Tim?”

“Come on, V. You can’t be that surprised.”

I scoffed. “I can’t believe this.”

I knew I was going to break up with him, but I was still stunned. I just stood there, waiting to hear what kind of excuse he would come up with.

“Look, I am sorry,” he spoke before me. “I should’ve ended this a while ago. You’re nice, V. Cute. And you’ve got a pretty face. It’s just, I’ve never really been with a big girl, you know? It’s kind of … weird.”

I slapped him across the face. “Wow, you dickhead. So it’s weird to have sex with a big girl, but you’ll let her go down on you.”

He grabbed his reddening cheek. “Seriously?”

“Go to hell!”

After the anger subsided, the pain set in. My friends assured me he was and is an asshole, but the things I feared growing up were already thrown in my face.

Cindy taps my hand. “You okay?”

“Huh?” I stare aimlessly. “Yeah, I’m fine.”

“There he goes,” she whispers.

I barely turn my head, glancing over my shoulder. “Cindy, it’s not gonna happen.”

“Yes, it is. I’m gonna make sure of it. I’m still in charge of Project V, remember?”

“You’re insane, you know that?”

She flashes a smile so sweet it makes my teeth hurt. “I know. But you love me anyway.”

“Don’t remind me,” I say, giggling.