Chapter Thirteen
~Chance~
Mahogany came back inside with a perturbed expression, but I was proud of her for showing up when I had given her an easy out. Majestic screeched ‘Mommy!’ like Cena was trying to kidnap her, except they both were grinning from ear to ear. Mahogany slipped through the crowed unmolested. Once she reached Cena’s side, Majestic dived for her mother.
Mahogany giggled and caught our daughter to her chest. “I bet you smell the food in the sack, don’t you, baby girl? Let me get you on the bed and then I’ll feed you the mac-n-cheese Uncle Tommy sent you.”
“No fries?” Majestic questioned.
“No fries, munchkin,” I jumped in, sliding next to Mahogany on the bed. “But I guarantee the mac-n-cheese is good. Mahogany, I’m gonna go with my family to Tommy’s and give you a break from everyone. I’m not sure if everyone is coming back here today or this evening, but they will be back, so prepare while we’re gone. I’ll try to keep them away as much as possible and bring back something for you to eat. Just one more day, love, and things will settle down.”
When Mahogany’s forehead wrinkled up, I recognized that I’d forged too far ahead in my plan to reunite us again with the pet names. So much for easing her into the rest of our lives. She’d catch on to what I had in mind for us in no time. I pecked both girls on the forehead and got the hell out of there. My father had to practically carry my thick glasses-wearing great-grandmother out the hospital. She struggled by throwing elbows and threatening to kick his ass as he pleaded, “Rashi Patel, we’re coming right back, I swear. Everyone else is hungry. Stop jabbing me in my ribs dammit.”
The woman had osteoporosis, weighed as much as a small bird, and shouldn’t be that damn stubborn. Better my father than me tussling with her.
I led the buses to the restaurant. Tommy greeted us himself then took charge, making sure there was enough room for everyone, their orders placed correctly, delivered promptly, and cups refilled before they were empty. By the time an hour had passed, I felt like I was detoxing. Mahogany and Majestic were too far away, my relatives enjoying themselves too much to speed up with eating and risk indigestion. Their chatter filled the building. I sipped from my iced tea in front of an uneaten plate as my knee bounced under the table. Any minute now, I was going to leave everybody here. It wasn’t like they were going to be stranded.
My father’s hand plopped down on my kneecap, stilling the nervous tick. “I got one question, son.”
“What, dad?”
“Have you gotten over being a killer yet?”
“More like accepted it. I still think I’m a killer, but I would love to have another baby with Mahogany… if I can convince her I’m not a bastard all the time, just some of the time. When I flew in to Colorado, I started pointing fingers immediately like I’d done nothing wrong to Mahogany, and demanding she give me everything I wanted from her as if she owed me something.”
“I can imagine how you felt when she called and said you had a child who was dying, but your broken heart and ego, both a man’s downfall by the way, had a lot to do with your finger pointing and the debt you wanted paid. I’m sure payment had nothing to do with money either.”
He shouldn’t know any of that. I cocked my head sideways, wondering how did he know.
He cocked his head too. “Son, even a blind man can see you’re still in love with Mahogany, but your family could tell you never stopped loving her. Love turns into an ache when it’s unreturned, so it’s natural to look for a painkiller. Sometimes, we do it in the stupidest of ways, but now that Mahogany knows you would drop everything and literally part a vein for your children, I’m sure she thinks you’re less of a bastard and more of a good guy who can be forgiven for losing his head in the face of what could’ve turned out to be a tragedy while you were already suffering through another tragedy: your heart wanting what it couldn’t have. Your little girl is still on this side of heaven thanks to you, so that makes you a savior and a real parent. I’m sure your heart isn’t as broken as it was now that you can touch what it desires. And I bet you’ve been doing a whole lot of touching.”
“And healing, finally. Only one thing wrong with what you said though. We saved Majestic, Mahogany and me together, what we should’ve always been. It had to be a difficult decision to call me after I made her feel like she was on her own with our baby. I didn’t make things easier for her when I got here…I shouldn’t have to save my own children.”
“Chance, what the hell do you think parents are for? To save their children who sometimes don’t want to be saved depending on the age. Teenagers bring on the real drama. They don’t call parenting the hardest job in the world for nothing. I need you to know that every parent has the same nightmare of losing their children whether their kids are perfectly healthy or not. Nobody is perfectly healthy though, and there’s a thousand ways for us all to die suddenly. Have faith in yourself. You two have already saved Majestic once and I bet you could do it again and again without breaking a damn sweat. Me, however, I lost my shit every time you sneezed because I didn’t have what it took to cure your cancer and still don’t know what I’d do if it came back and I lost you. Imagine Mahogany in my shoes, and there probably isn’t a number for how many times she wanted to call you for support. To tell you that you were a father. It would’ve been worse in the middle of the night for her when there was nothing to distract her from thinking about the things she had done wrong or could’ve done differently, better, or couldn’t change.”
That gave me pause. I took none of that into consideration when I got to Colorado. How many times had both my girls needed me and I wasn’t there? How crushed did Mahogany feel when she was told she couldn’t give Majestic what she needed? Felt alone before and after cancer raised its ugly ass head? And I couldn’t even call Mahogany back to tell her I was on my way, too busy wallowing in my own misery. Then when I got here, I demanded she pacify my ego. The list of things to make up to Mahogany was growing and I had yet to make a dent in it.
With perfect timing, Tommy approached with a carryout tray in a sack for Mahogany. I jumped up from my seat.
“I gotta go, dad.”
Tommy frowned, while giving me the bag. “Is there a fire under your ass, Chance?”
“Yep.”
“Good.” Then Tommy walked away, knowing all he needed to know I guessed.
Before I could take one step away from the table, my father grabbed my forearm. “Wait, son. I know you and Mahogany have a lot to talk about and I just wanted to say that I know you’ll need to get back to your business in Utah soon, so spending as much time as you can with your new family, together and individually, is a must. If you need some time with Mahogany right now and a babysitter, I’m sure your mother would be glad to stay at the hospital overnight. Or your great-grandmother. Sister. Aunts. Cousins. I’d do it but I need my beauty rest. Chairs don’t provide that, but I can solicit a babysitter for you like a pro. In-laws are good for that if nothing else.”
“Majestic sleeps through the night.” I was too damn troubled to laugh at his joke and certainly needed one on one time with Mahogany.
“Majestic likes her beauty rest, too, huh? It’s good to know she has something in common with her grandfather.”
“I’ll ask Mahogany is she good with mama babysitting or great grandma, whoever Mahogany’s comfortable with the most.”
“Yeah, that would be Cena. I liked Mahogany too, but I sleep with your mother and I like sleeping with your mother, so I chose to keep Mahogany at arm’s length while Dania was looking. But when she wasn’t looking, which isn’t often, I sneaked and talked to Mahogany. Dania still found out about the two short conversations we had, and I paid dearly for them.”
I felt just as bad for him as I did for me: making an enemy of my mother was not the thing to do. Since she was my mother and I didn’t sleep with her, I continued to date Mahogany until she no longer wanted to date me. Or at least that’s what I thought was the case. To learn she’d only been protecting her child’s heart was a game changer. She’d have mine to protect too if I had anything to say about it.
“Mama does seem to know every damn thing that happens, doesn’t she?”
“Right, so cover my ass and mention Dania first as a babysitter to Mahogany, then Cena. I’m too old to be getting divorced now.”
“I’m sure mama feels the same, dad.” Who wanted to start over at fifty-five?
He sat back in his chair, tilted his head back, then closed one eye. “Son, Dania better love me too much to ever let me go. I put up with your great grandmother for your mama, so damn settling for me, I want Dania’s undying devotion.”
“You got it, Lenox, damn!” my mother shouted down the table around a mouthful of crab meat. “Now, let your son go get Mahogany’s devotion. Oh, and I’m babysitting, not Cena.”
“Mama, not fair,” Cena protested across from her.
My father winked. “Don’t forget about covering my ass, son. Dania first. Cena second. What happens from there is not on me and I stay out of the dog house.”
I patted his shoulder in ‘I got you’ fashion, then jogged to my car.
Astonished that I didn’t get a speeding ticket on the way to the hospital, I raced inside to where Mahogany was just laying a dozing Majestic down for a nap. As soon as our daughter was on the bed with her fist propped under her chin sweetly, Mahogany yelped as I spun her around to kiss the ever-loving shit out of her, after I dropped her lunch tray on the bed with Majestic.
Mahogany and I should be talking, but spitting out words was the last thing on my mind, the first was relieving the withdrawal symptoms presently whipping my ass. She was my habit, my drug of choice. The closer I was to her, the worse the symptoms got, but I had nowhere private to lay her down. Swallowing her essence in semi-private would have to be a temporary fix. She was currently sucking on my bottom lip, driving me insane as I palmed her ass with both hands.
“I don’t have to feel you right now, Mahogany, but I need to at least taste you. Are you with me?”
She released my lip to evil-eye me. “I am not going in the janitor’s closet with you, Chance.”
“What about the bathroom?”
She peered around me at the connecting door to the en suite bathroom rarely used and came with a lock. “That works.”
I slung her up into my arms and hauled ass to the other side of the door, locking it. Setting her on her feet in front of the sink, I dropped to my knees. She watched as I pulled her panties down oh-so-slowly, stuffing them in my back pocket before lifting one of her toned thighs over my shoulder. Her nostrils flared just before I flipped her dress over my head, then had my way with her. Stifling her moans and groans with a hand towel, she coated my chin with her orgasms, begging for me to stop. Only when I heard someone say, ‘She’s going to be pissed,’ in the other room did I stand up, then pulled her close. I was revolving in her orbit now and wanted to stay there.
“I’m not done with you, Mahogany. I only just started with getting you off. To work on that some more, I need you to myself tonight, and we need to have a serious talk. Mama’s volunteered to babysit and she knows why, so we can’t even play off what we’re going to be doing half the time.”
She straightened the collar of my polo shirt like someone who cared would, maybe not even aware she was doing it. “Okay but I don’t want to be gone long though. Dr. Blane says he should be releasing Majestic around nine. We’ll leave about three tonight, but I want to be back by seven. Majestic should be passed out during the time we’re gone.”
“I love it when you come up with a plan, woman.”
I expected her to put up a bigger fight about my mother being left alone with Majestic, but I guess I did a good job of assuring her that Majestic would always be in good hands with my mother, even when my mother hadn’t taken care of Mahogany’s feelings.
“You love plans anyway, Chance.”
“You know me so well.” Smacking on her on the lips gave her a taste of her own essence.
“One day, I hope to,” she mentioned quietly, suddenly shy.
We had grown a lot as well as apart while apart, and the differences in us needed to be addressed.
“That day is coming faster than you think, now go, beautiful. I need to brush my teeth, and someone has to keep the natives from waking Majestic, but it’s probably too late and they’re already fighting over her. Great-grandma is probably winning… again.”
Mahogany gave me one last lip lock before quitting the room. Upon opening the door, she shrieked, “Majestic, you’re supposed to be sleep! Who gave her the chocolate and fries?”
I knew exactly what had happened. Mahogany had left the confiscated candy in easy-grabbing distance of Majestic, the carryout from Tommy’s. Before Mahogany could put either away for safekeeping with her purse on the night stand, I had kissed her, and she was going to figure that out any minute now. No way was I coming out the bathroom before she cooled off, so I locked the door.
“Chance!” Mahogany yelled as soon as the lock clicked into place.
The knob began twisting back and forth furiously.
“No one gave them to her, Mahogany,” my mother answered with amusement evident in her tone. “She had the bag and food opened when we got in here and she was too adorable to take it from her. The bathroom door was locked, so we decided not to interrupt whatever you two were doing in there.”
“Oh, I know whose fault this is, Dania. It’s your son’s. He distracted me before Majestic was fully asleep and before I could hide the food. Chance, you can’t hide in there forever! I need a washcloth for Majestic and you’ve got to come out sometime!”
She was right. The bathroom didn’t have a window, and I couldn’t take up residence in there. Well shit! Might as well get this over with.
*******
~Mahogany~
Keep your heart and hopes locked down, Mahogany, I repeated to myself in the cafeteria that I was ushered to by Chance and Dania, once he braved coming out of the bathroom. I sat alone and attempted to eat what was left on my lunch while they cleaned up Majestic and her bed. She’d had ten whole minutes to stroll mac-n-cheese, lightly-salted fries, and candy wrappers all over the sheets, and discover a new sweet to eat: toffee. That wasn’t anywhere near as bad as her father’s syrupy kisses that were doing me in mentally. The multiple orgasms he gave were taking me under, and the good side of him was messing with my head.
My strategy, to endure until he was done with me and gone back home was failing. I was slipping further into him as his goodness manifested more and more, making it harder and harder to not fall deeper for him. Except, I wasn’t sure if he had switched up plans while still meaning to hurt me or if there was or wasn’t a booby trap lying in wait for me after this one. Therefore, I was feeling low about my failure to maintain distance between Chance and my heart, and wanting to hit something. Just how vulnerable was I when it came to him? A whole hell of a lot apparently, and the strength to deny him anything wasn’t in place, as usual.
You should’ve remembered that before you agreed to ‘date’ him. Hindsight twenty/twenty and appetite gone, I picked at my food.
“Okay, we’re done,” Chance announced from behind me.
I whirled around as he approached, grinning at me. For the first time, that smile was a slap in the face and I didn’t want to see it, so I turned back around, continuing toying with my food.
“Question, Mahogany, what do you want the most?”
“A vacation,” I muttered as I stabbed the fried chicken thigh, desperately needing a getaway from my own stupid heart.
Chance took a seat in front of me, crossing his arms on the table top then leaning heavily on them toward me. “To where?
I sighed. “Well, the other day, I dreamed about a room at a lodge and a good book and if I’d had the book, I’d have robbed you of your bed at the resort. Hijacking your suite is the only way I’d ever stay somewhere besides my place, so I’m stuck with imagining a vacation and the book I’d read. Why?”
“Because you’ve earned whatever you want after Majestic, and I want to give it to you.” More spoiling from him that would boomerang on me later somehow probably. Yay! Not.
I paused in killing the meat twice to eye him. “You don’t have to.”
“I know that, Mahogany but I want to do it, and it’s as easy as dropping you off at the resort tomorrow night and going back to your apartment with Majestic. No hardship, so how fast can you pack?”
“I wouldn’t pack. No intentions of wearing clothes, and I wouldn’t leave Majestic so soon after she got home, though. Talk to me in about three months when she’s feeling well enough to dump out her shampoo in the tub when I’ve turned my back to grab a towel after giving her a bath. You don’t need to go out of your way from me though. I’m sure I can get a room for a night and a book in about oh… sixteen years. Children get more expensive every freaking year.”
He snorted. “I’m about to find out just how expensive, aren’t I? And I’m not going out of my way for you.” No surprise there concerning the new Chance, who had a bone the size of Mount Rushmore to pick with me.
“Who are you doing it for then?”
“Us.”
It was amazing that he thought there was an ‘us,’ after he had made a point of seeking my help so he could leave me behind in every way only a few days ago. Playing with me still. Ticking me off further.
“Why do it at all, Chance? There is no ‘us.’ Now, why am I reminding you of this?”
He reached over, stealing a fry from my plate that Majestic hadn’t gotten to. “Oh, there’s an us.”
“Since when?” I shrieked, tired of the games. “I thought you—”
He shook his head and grinned. “Don’t think. Just go with my flow.”
I was caught in his flow after the first voicemail was recorded on his phone, and being smashed against the rocks. “You’re confusing as shit, you know that, Chance?” And taking me by storm, with no shelter to be seen anywhere, not even inside me where my feelings and heart were supposed to be safe from him.
He angled his head sideways. “Am I confusing you?”
“Ah yeah.”
“Hmmph, well, I guess you’re going to have to figure out what I’m up to now, aren’t you?”
“Now? Has your original plan changed? And you could just tell me if it has.”
“Where’s the fun in that?”
I guess his game plan has changed, but what did that mean for me? I had the sneaking suspicion he wasn’t going to tell me and that only made me overly alert, exactly what I should’ve been around him from the beginning.
“Well, not knowing isn’t fun for me, Chance.”
If I could just catch one break with this man, I’d be grateful.
“Well, I am enjoying the hell out of you not knowing, Mahogany, and I think you might enjoy what I have planned.”
I might enjoy it now, but what about later? My fork clattered against the plate as I dropped both elbows on the table and glowered at him. Suddenly, I was just too fed up with my gullible self and his damn plans to not lash out.
“There was a lot of I’s in that sentence, but it was all about you, wasn’t it, Chance? Just be straight with me for a change. How much of you coming here was all about you? Did the opportunity to pay me back for leaving without telling you I was pregnant drive you here instead of Majestic almost dying?”
He held my gaze for what seemed like the longest time as the light in his eyes dimmed. I hadn’t saw them that bright since the day before the last one when we both were in Utah. It was official: I had hit something soft in him, though no physical smack had passed between us, but his expression was darkening as if I had struck him. I had broken the first rule of fair fighting: use ‘I’ and your own feelings to get your point across. I had used ‘I’ alright, referring to him the whole time. Because I knew the rule, read it somewhere, there was no excuse for what I had done. Only, I had valid excuses: I just wanted the truth, wanted our old relationship back, except I may have just fought too dirty to establish a direct line of communication, all because my emotions were in an upheaval.
I rubbed at my tired eyes. “Shit, Chance, I’m”
“Stop.”
I froze, with ‘sorry’ dangling from the tip of my tongue.
He swallowed deeply. “All this is my own fault for keeping secrets, so here’s what you wanted to know. That sentence was about you, Mahogany, who couldn’t have struck a lower blow when insinuating I came here mainly to get back at you, my dying daughter just an afterthought or excuse to do it. It was more like get here, do what I had to for Majestic, then get back with you but I didn’t know that’s what I really wanted until last night. When I tried ‘all about me,’ it was still all about you. If I was capable of making it all about me, you would have never gotten away in the first place. I would’ve handcuffed you to my bed the first time I laid you down on it, so you couldn’t get away and no other man would ever see let alone touch you again. I wouldn’t have kept my feelings bottled up inside so as not to scare you with how intense they were after I’d already scared you with how much of a bastard I can be, and you would’ve known long before now that there was no getting over you like I’ve found out. Especially after you gave me someone as precious as Majestic. Thank you for that because if you hadn’t done what you did, I wouldn’t know what I was missing out on when I decided having kids was not for me. I wouldn’t trade Majestic for the world. As for it being all about me...”
He paused to rock in his seat as if getting more comfortable, settling into the serious talk he wanted to have tonight. “…if I was really that selfish, we would’ve married while you were in school. Vacation would’ve consisted of us being in a room together, a book nowhere on your radar because I’d have been inside you until it was time to go home, and it would’ve been our home that we returned to. I am sorry that I couldn’t see past my own hurt pride to how much I still cared for you when I got here. It’s because of how much I’d cared for you that my pride was able to get in the way. It’s no fun loving someone that can just up and leave you without one word why, only to find out they left because they were hiding something or rather someone from you, but I’ve learned since then that maybe you’ve got some things bottled up inside you concerning me too. It’s just not all what I thought you was feeling.”
“What did you think it all was?” I asked so quietly my own ears struggled to hear me.
“I hoped love, Mahogany.”
“It… it is, and since we’re speaking truthfully, it’s impossible to get over you too. I’ve tried, strategized, and failed. I think that shit only works for you.”
“Maybe so, but you’re a little bitter now like I was too. Sad thing is that I didn’t know I was. When I realized it last night while watching you sleep, I was already getting over the bitterness and the reason for it: you didn’t fight for us. You’re not over yours yet because it’s just started for you and I caused it by trying to erase you from here.” He palmed his chest. “I’m sorry for that. I wish I was perfect, but I’m not, so I’m going to give you time to get past what I’ve done to you now. No hurry though.”
“I’m over it,” I confessed.
His heartfelt thank you and apology and once-desperately-sought-after openness with me lessened years of hidden pains down to twinges, left me speechless, and wondering about the future that didn’t have to be perfect just have him in it.