Chapter Fourteen
~Mahogany~
There was no getting over you, he said in past tense. ‘Would’ve been our home’ was declared in what sounded like ‘but not now’ form. Had there been a chance for us to reunite when I woke up this morning? Had I just closed any opening to be with him by taking my anger at my heart out on him? I had no clue about any of the answers, but I wasn’t the only thing clueless in the room. My mouth didn’t get the memo that no words would be exiting it anytime soon, so it flailed open and closed while my mind filled up with questions. The sorrowful look on his face attested to him not forecasting pain for me anymore, but where exactly did we stand now? Did he think he had done what was best for me when he didn’t track me down years ago? How wrong he was, and I’d have told him that if his phone hadn’t rung the very moment I could speak again.
“Chance Middleton,” he answered while watching me. “I’ll be back Friday morning, Julia… Most of the things I wanted to do have been taken care of here so far, but I still need to show Mahogany the properties you found then get her and Majestic moved before I come back home for work.”
‘Home’ meant we had arrived at the point of no return. My heart dive-bombed into my lap as I began to hyperventilate silently. Someone had sucked all the air out of the room and my lungs didn’t have enough in them to make any sort of noise. I was worried about when he’d go and now, I knew. Would have to let him go much later than I anticipated but it was still too soon. If I had him for forever, it wouldn’t be long enough.
God, I would always love this man, faults and all, I complained to myself, suddenly even more exhausted than I had been this morning. Today had been the longest of days and it was only midday. I had just enough energy to watch his mouth closely as it ejected the prediction for my future that would take place without him and Majestic at the center of it.
“No, Julia, reschedule the meeting for the following Monday but leave all my weekends free from now on. Oh, I’ll email you some ideas I have for the presentation… Okay, see you then. Bye.”
My last chance to make him understand I never stopped loving him was pending but quickly fading as he resolved himself to a weekend father. Nothing else was possible when his home and business was out of state.
“Chance—”
He swiped through air with his hand. “No, I wasn’t done. I was keeping things I wanted to do for you to myself because I wanted to inch you into our happily ever after with surprises, each one better than the last, cementing how much I still loved you, eventually proving I was still the good guy you knew. I didn’t think I had the right to rush you to be with me after I’d rushed to get over you, but the one thing I will never do is be with someone that could think I’d put my own needs before my child. The idea to love you physically until I didn’t emotionally didn’t enter my mind until after you left the second message when I was airborne over Arrow’s airport. No matter how angry or foolish I’m being, Mahogany, the people I love will always come first.”
“Chance, I needed to know why you were truly here. Yes, I was being nasty when I asked because I was angry with me and you, but you took the brunt of my pissiness, but we’re different people now and I didn’t know where I stood with you or how much you’ve changed after we separated like we did. I was angry because my heart won’t let me extract the feelings for you from it, and it probably will never let them go. The surprises would be great if I knew which part of your heart they were coming from: the bastard furious with me or the good guy that once loved me.”
“The thing is, Mahogany,” he stopped to take both my hands in his, “both sides of me loved you. Even when I was trying to cause you pain, I was causing myself more. I didn’t last two whole days before I realized being shitty to you was the same as being shitty to myself, which is just stupid. I would’ve done anything you wanted, no matter what it was.”
Was. Past tense again. I had finally killed whatever he felt for me by mistrusting him. Well, killing his feelings was the plan, wasn’t it? But I was dying inside now that the task was over. That wasn’t supposed to happen.
I dropped my head and railed at my own damn self for being so paranoid, but what else was I supposed to be when someone demanded me to date them in the name of getting over me while intending to hurt me in the process? And then, he flipped on me. So, I should’ve been suspicious of him, my doubts right on point. I won’t apologize for them though they had cost me what I wanted almost as much as I wanted my baby girl to live. Now, I had to live without Chance, with only the part of him in Majestic, and be okay with it. Again. Easier said than done for a second time.
Attempting to get myself together before I shattered into pieces, I balled my fists up in his hands and squeezed my eyes shut, pushing my feelings deep down inside me until later when they’d be allowed to bubble up the top, to be felt thoroughly, vented, lived through, then laid to rest along with any relationship I once had or could’ve had with Chance. When I lifted my head again, his regretful smile greeted me. He didn’t know regrets like I knew them though.
I choked on a sudden lump in my throat, close to the unhappiest I had ever been, watching our child slowly leave this world the worst. Chance slowly leaving my world was running a close second. Pure torture was him still being here, holding my hands, holding me together when I knew he’d be gone in five days. What would happen when he let go of my hands? God willing, I’d survive that too. Would love the pieces of him that he’d gift to me until he went home, if he gave me anymore. Would say goodbye whether I was ready or not.
I gripped his fingers tighter, then smiled back. “Chance. I’m so glad you’re free of me now, little bird.”
At least one of us was released from this painful love finally. Giving him what I couldn’t get was something I cherished being able to do for someone, anyone, and I was satisfied with that until he flew into my world. Generosity wasn’t all it was cracked up to be. I wanted to be selfish, tie him to a bed, and keep him forever, but I won’t.
He tilted his head and chuckled. “What about you? What are you free of?”
Nothing.
I heaved air into my lungs only to sound strangled when I replied, “It doesn’t matter about me. I just wish you all the best and never will I doubt what you’ll do for Majestic again. You’ve proven you’d do anything for her at the drop of a voicemail, no questions asked.”
His smile became brighter than any sun. “Good. That’s what I wanted to hear, the part where you won’t doubt me again, not that you don’t matter because you do. Always have. Always will to me.” Just not in the way I want to matter to him anymore.
He slipped his fingers from mine unhurriedly then stood up. “I have to get back. My mother has probably stolen Majestic away to the nearest store and bought whatever her grandchild pointed at with the card I gave her for emergencies. Come to the room if you want or go home and rest if you want. You need it.”
I nodded. Couldn’t speak as he leaned over to kiss my temple, cupping my cheek. When he strode away, I hugged myself, unable to watch him leave just the cafeteria. Knowing he’d soon walk away for good was breaking me down one fine-motor skill at a time. Life has taught me that I needed to break apart fully in order to pick up the fragments left behind then glue them back together in whatever way that allowed me to function, but if I went home to grieve Chance, he’d be stranded here. I decided to put my big girl panties on and meet head on what I had set in motion with my mistrust: being on the outskirts of his world but never really a part of it. It was about to become everyday life for me.
********
~Chance~
I know I had promised Mahogany I’d give her space to get over what I’d done to her, and she had five days to do it. If that didn’t work, then I’d give her five more until the right amount of time had passed and she was willing to meet me at the end of a wedding aisle where we’d promise each other a lifetime. Whatever it took to get us in the same house, same bed, same last name, I’d do. If she thought she had gotten rid of me, she was going to have to think again. I anticipated egging along her recovery process while refusing to play fair, but I never do.
With a secret grin while emailing Julia and texting Tommy, I watched Mahogany do her best to merge with the back wall again. My family wasn’t having it, taking turns entertaining her when Majestic wasn’t entertaining them or sleeping. They were assisting Mahogany into the family one relative at a time. Sometimes, two relatives talked over each other to insert her into one event after another.
Three hours slipped away quickly as they wiggled permission out of her to pen to her calendar a wedding, play date for Majestic, a college graduation, and a baby shower for one cousin too pregnant to travel a few miles in Fredrickson without having to stop to use the bathroom, plus a family reunion in Hawaii, and the annual family trip to India. She had no idea what we all had in mind for her: to make her a part of the clan right along with Majestic. Mahogany mixing the best parts of herself with mine had earned her this family’s loyalty. She would be comfortable with us from now on if it killed every member in it, and once we put our minds to something, usually, it was good as done. I flaked on moving past her to another relationship because it wasn’t meant to be, but my heart was completely into moving into the rest my life with her.
When Mahogany braved leaving the back of the room to take a chair in the midst of the people damn near climbing over each other to get to Majestic in my father’s arms, I knew she was tired, the last few months catching up with her finally, my truth laying heavily on her shoulders. I was a big man so my honesty had to weigh a ton, when I chose to give it that is, but my love was heavier so I spared her from that… for now, giving her time to come to grips with how even more demanding I was about to become of her. Except, there’s no time frame or pressure for her to give into me. We were moving at a much slower speed now. Would become more friends than lovers, confidants while parents before we were old and gray with matching rocking chairs.
When Tommy finally arrived with crew, carrying heavy double-handle bags after I had ordered enough food to feed an army and a replacement for Mahogany’s meal that Majestic got to first, he separated Mahogany’s carryout tray from the others and gave it to me. “I’m going to love when you’re in town, Chance.”
How often I came here or left at all depended on Mahogany, I thought while moving toward her. “I’m sure you will love it, Tommy, since I’ve spent more money in your restaurant in one day than I spend all month on just me eating.”
She took the carryout while looking thunderstruck. “Chance—”
“Don’t say I didn’t have to do this, sweetheart. I did after Majestic picked over your food because of me. Now I want you to take it home, eat, then sleep. For me. Please. You look like you’re about to drop at any second now. That’s no good for you or Majestic, and you need to be rested for when she comes home tomorrow.”
She yawned then covered her mouth. “You’re right. I am tired. How are you gonna get home though?”
Her eyes bugged out, after realizing what she had said. ‘Home’ sounded perfect to me, even if it meant being in her tiny apartment. She and it had humbled the hell out of me.
“I’ll get home the best way I know how.”
“Not necessary. I can Uber home.”
I leaned over her, bracing my weight on the arms of the chair. “It is necessary, Mahogany. I don’t want you riding with strangers when you can drive yourself. If you’re too tired, I’ll drive you.”
“No, I’m not that tired yet, but getting there. You should spend time with your family while you can. I’ll just take a two or three-hour nap then come back.”
“Okay, call me when you wake up, so I can meet you outside.” I highly doubt once her head hit the pillow that she’d be getting back up today at all, but I’d say whatever to get her to rest.
“O-okay.” She was still hesitant to accept that I wanted only the best for her, which was probably not like me, but I’ll be doing my damndest to prove otherwise.
Sliding my hands under her arms, I helped her up, then had to postpone walking her to the car as everyone wanted to say goodbye. Some hugged her, while I grabbed her purse from the stand that great grandma’s plate was on, too close to Majestic, who was relieving it of its apple slices.
Tommy snickered. “Once that fiber gets where it’s going, I do not want to be the one changing either of their diapers.”
Rashi threw him a one-eyed gesture from behind her glasses that couldn’t mean anything good.
Tommy threw up one finger. “Okay, time to go, Chance. Your great grandma is giving me the evil eye, so pay me now or I sue you tomorrow. Up to you.”
Mahogany shook her head on her way out the door without me, while fumbling with her keys.
“Walk with me, Tommy,” I commanded, as I followed her and reached for my wallet.
On the elevator, I handed him a few hundred-dollar bills then escorted Mahogany to the car where she slid in untouched by me. When she reached for the seatbelt, I got there first and buckled her in myself then looked her square in the eye as I bent over her.
“I’m returning the favor from last night. Forgot to thank you for releasing me from the Dodge.”
She simply stared at my mouth. I swore she was holding her breath.
“Breathe, Mahogany.” I demanded for selfish reasons.
When she inhaled, I moved in for the kiss that had been premeditated before we reached the car, but I wanted it to last longer than a few seconds. Drawing back slowly, I uttered, “Sweet dreams, darling.”
She raised her fist up then open it in front of me. In her palm laid a key.
“It’s an extra just in case I don’t wake up by five and you can’t wake me by phone, then wake me when you get there please.”
“Thank you.”
Making no promises, I took the key, deposited it in my pocket then closed the door. Watching her drive off, I hoped I could wait at least eight hours before I got my next fix of her. A deeper pull of her essence. A longer high. A slower come down.
Ten o’clock took its precious time getting here. A few hours after Mahogany left were spent dealing with issues brought to my attention by Dr. Blane. Issues that I took pleasure in dealing with my way. Not confident if Mahogany would appreciate it, but it was done, and I was on my way home in the Uber she wanted to take. She might get a little pissy about that too, rarely wanting people to go out of the way for her, but I was sure I could appease her… in my way.
My family fought to stay after visiting hours were over. Dr. Blane declared Majestic had had enough excitement for one day and it was best if everyone left. Because I was leaving, Majestic a minor, Dania and Cena were the only relatives allowed to stay overnight, but they would’ve found a way to stay anyway. Persistence was the Middleton’s and Patel’s greatest strength and our weakness.
Getting into the apartment was a noisy affair. The knob was loose, so it put up a fuss as I turned the key.
“Chance?” Mahogany called out worriedly.
“It’s me,” I answered before stepping into the bedroom.
“Hey,” she said softly from the side of the bed that I had claimed for myself. “What happened to waking me at five o’clock? Who’s with Majestic? Hmm… that was kind of weird to ask.”
I began to strip off my clothes at the foot of the bed. “I didn’t wake you because I knew you needed to sleep. You still do and would still be if the slack in your knob didn’t double as an alarm system. Not a safe substitute by the way. Moving you out of here asap, and I imagine it would be weird for someone used to leaning mostly on themselves when it comes to Majestic. My mother is still at the hospital with Cena, who refuses to leave though she’s been barred from babysitting by mama who wants to do it. It would hurt their feelings if you showed up right after I left, and you didn’t forget that I told you I needed to finish making love to you, did you? I promise to be quick... but not too quick.”
“I really do need the rest I guess and no, I didn’t forget,” she whispered. “One hour, Chance.”
We’ll see about that.
“Then open for me, Mahogany.”
Her legs coasted apart. I crawled up the bed slowly. The air thickened as I began to leave kisses on her thighs, gradually covering her whole body with my lips, leaving my brand in light pecks, the longest and deepest reserved for the soaking wet place at the apex of her legs. By the time I reached her mouth, she was breathing shallowly and begging me to enter her. Who was I to refuse?
Two slow pumps in, she tugged hard on my hair with both hands. “Harder, Chance.”
“Not tonight, Mahogany. Harder is for punishing you. I have no reason to do that.” Only love her.
“Well, you better find a reason because harder is how I like it, but you know that.”
“Never forgot it, and you are high maintenance, Mahogany.”
She snorted very unladylike in my face. “When it comes to this, yes. At least you can relate to high maintenance. Now, fuck me, Chance.”
“You asked for it.”
Like a good obedient man, I hammered the treasure between her legs until she began to shake, then screamed and I had filled her twice with my seed. The second I got her near an aisle, I was going to start talking babies.